Starting up the stove, she took out the bacon and eggs and began the breakfast preparations. The kitchen was soon filled with the delicious aroma of the baking biscuits that the men loved. She cut up some watermelon and cantaloupe, adding seedless red grapes, and mixing everything together to make a nice fruit salad.
“Good morning, Claire,” Jamie Montgomery, cousin to the McKade family, said as she entered the kitchen.
“Good morning, Jamie,” Claire said, putting her shields up in place as she felt the sadness that was wafting off of the young woman.
Jamie was such a good person. Claire knew that John Blackstone loved her already, and Claire could feel the feelings that Jamie was fighting in her attraction to the McKade family’s friend. She didn’t understand why, but she accepted that Jamie had her reasons.
“Sorry to be so late getting up,” Jamie apologized. “I had a tough night. I didn’t sleep very well.”
Claire nodded, turning and handing Jamie a stack of plates. Claire saw the dark circles beneath Jamie’s eyes, attesting to the fact that the young woman hadn’t slept much. Jamie was dressed in jeans and a light sweater the color of the sky. Her long dark hair was pulled up in a ponytail at the crown of her head and hung to the middle of her back. It was obvious that Jamie had dressed for comfort. Claire could sense the need in her to be comfortable in her attempt to ease her worries and pain.
She smiled at the woman reassuringly, sending good thoughts and support to her. She watched in silence as Jamie turned and started to set the kitchen table. It wasn’t long before they were both busy in their tasks.
Claire found herself humming softly as thoughts of Jake and the way he made love to her the night before played through her memories. He was such a gentle and giving lover. His strength was sexy and made her feel so protected. She loved the way he held her. She was looking forward to being held that way again.
The door to the kitchen swung open and the object of her thoughts walked in. He hesitated a moment then walked directly over to her. He looked her over with concern, reaching up and touching the neckline of her shirt and pulling it slightly so he could see the injury on her shoulder.
Claire was concerned with the anger on Jake’s face as he looked down at her shoulder. When he reached for her arms and examined them, she realized that he was looking at the light discoloration there, knowing it was from the way he held her arms behind her back as he surged up inside of her. It was the most exciting thing she had ever experienced.
He pulled at the neckline of her shirt and carefully rubbed the pad of his thumb over the marks he had left on her breasts. Claire didn’t even feel any pain from them. She reached up and gripped his wrist as he tried to soothe her.
“Don’t, Jake,” she warned him softly. “I loved every minute of it.”
“I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Jake shook his head, clenching his jaw and looking at her with fire in his eyes. “I will never hurt you again,” he told her, his voice strong as he made his vow. “I’m sorry.”
“Jake. Stop.”
He framed her face within his hands and kissed her forehead tenderly. “Angel, please forgive me,” he whispered against her temple.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Claire said quietly, reaching up and wrapping her arms around his waist to pull him tightly against her body.
“There is,” Jake stopped her. “I wanted to do more.”
“Yeah?” Claire asked, smiling up at him. “Bring it on, cowboy.”
“This isn’t funny, angel,” he said firmly. “You don’t know what I want to do to you.”
“You don’t know what I want you to do to me,” she countered, leaning forward and biting his chin firmly.
His deep growl filled the kitchen. “Claire. I can’t. You deserve better.”
“There isn’t anyone better than you, Jake,” she whispered, kissing his jaw lightly and nuzzling into the crook of his neck. “I loved everything that we did. I loved how you touched me. I loved the way you held my arms behind me while you pressed deep inside of me. I loved when you filled me.”
“What if I wanted to tie you down?” he asked, taking firm hold of her shoulders and pushing her away from him to look at her with eyes that were blazing with anger. “What if I decided I wanted to whip you?”
“You want to whip me?” Claire asked, confused. “Why would you want to whip me?”
“I don’t,” Jake said angrily, shaking her just once. “I’m just saying, what if I want to do that to you? Would you let me?”
Claire was quiet for a minute as she thought about it very seriously. Her childhood had been difficult at best. How many times had her mother whipped her with her father’s belt? More times than she could count. She didn’t think she could stand getting whipped again.
“No, Jake. I wouldn’t let you whip me,” Claire said firmly. “I want you to love me. I want you to hold me tightly. I want you to press against me and show me that you’ll protect me and care for me. I don’t mind you holding my arms. I don’t think I’ll even mind you tying me to your bed. I think that would be kind of hot, actually.”
Jake looked at her and did his best to contain his emotions. “There are other things, Claire,” he told her quietly. “I want to do other things.”
“What kind of things?”
“Things that a sweet angel like you should not be subjected to,” he said finally.
“Like what?”
“What if I insisted that you call me sir or master?” Jake asked, his blue eyes flashing with desire as he looked down at her. “What if I asked you to kneel before me with your head lowered until I tell you to look up?”
“Is that what you want me to do, sir?” Claire whispered, seeing the way Jake’s eyes flashed with desire when she said the word that she now knew he wanted to hear from her.
“I want you to do what you want to do.”
“What if I want to kneel before you and do other things?” Claire said softly, stepping toward him and reaching up to rest her hand on his chest.
“Claire,” Jake whispered, stunned by her answer.
“See, Jake,” Claire told him calmly. “You think that what you want is something I don’t want. You’re wrong.”
“You don’t know, Claire,” Jake said, stopping her. “You really don’t know.”
“You’re right. There’s a lot I don’t know,” Claire admitted. “I want you to teach me.”
“I can’t,” Jake said firmly. “You deserve tenderness. You won’t get that from me.”
He stepped away from her, his blue eyes flashing with determination. He turned and walked out of the kitchen.
Claire watched him leave, stunned. He had left? He had pushed her away? Again?
She turned slowly, seeing the compassion in Jamie’s eyes as she stepped toward her and hugged her gently. Claire was so overwhelmed with her own pain, she wasn’t overwhelmed with Jamie’s emotions.
“He’ll come around,” Jamie whispered, hugging Claire gently.
“No. He won’t,” Claire said, stepping out of Jamie’s arms. “How can he think he’s not tender? He is incredibly gentle with me.”
“I believe you, Claire,” Jamie said as she hugged her friend. “Every one of the men on this ranch is amazing. There isn’t one of them who would hurt any woman, and they certainly wouldn’t hurt the woman that they loved. It’s obvious that Jake loves you very much.”
“I think you’re wrong, Jamie,” Claire said softly. For the first time, Jamie’s feelings weren’t what were torturing her. Claire’s own feelings were. “If Jake loved me, he wouldn’t have walked out that door.”
“I think he walked out that door because he does love you,” Jamie said gently.
Claire shook her head, turning and walking out of the kitchen to go to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and reached for her headphones, turning on her small radio and closing her eyes as the classical music washed over her.
She sat in th
e comfortable chair beside her bed, drawing her pillow into her arms and hugging it tightly against her chest as she leaned back and tried to relax. Closing her eyes, she did her best to release her pain, but how was she going to ever get over Jake’s rejection of her? How do you get over a broken heart and a destroyed future?
Chapter 10
Jake stood outside the main entrance to Denver Memorial Hospital with his brother Rafe. He had never felt such loss of control in his life. The last time he had felt this bad was when his parents had been killed. He had hated the world.
He had damned himself and his life for being the cause of their deaths. He truly believed that his parents had left home that day with the intention of getting away from the pressures of raising their boys. Since he was the youngest, he just knew that it was because of him that his parents had very little time alone.
If he had been quieter, or less needy, Ma and Pa would have stayed on the ranch that day instead of going into town. Had he asked for a particular brand of cereal that was not in the house? Had he asked for a guitar book to help him learn the chords so he could practice his guitar? He truly didn’t remember. All he remembered was the blinding pain and guilt he felt when they had been told by Sheriff Sturgess that their parents had been killed in a car accident.
He felt grief so intense, he could barely breathe. Despite the assurances of his brothers and the sheriff, he knew that they were wrong. He was the reason they had left the ranch. His selfishness had caused their deaths. He was unworthy of being their son, after all. He wasn’t smart enough. He wasn’t good enough. He had not appreciated them enough. He felt the same way now.
The last three months had been the worst in his life. Claire had moved out of the ranch and into an apartment with Becca. She had begun working at Lainey and Becca’s diner and had refused to have anything more to do with him. Whenever he happened to be near her, accidentally of course, she had turned away from him and had quickly left wherever he was. He didn’t blame her one bit. He knew he had been the cause of her pain. He had been completely unfair to her—touching her and kissing her one moment and pushing her away the next. He had been a bastard.
He had laughed at the stories his parents and brothers had told him about the Great Spirit blessing their land and their family. He hadn’t believed that any woman was destined for him. He had voiced his disbelief openly, causing his mother to take him aside to try to explain to him that there was one special woman waiting for him.
Mary McKade had laughed softly as she had grabbed for Jake’s hair and had tugged on it lightly to get her son’s attention. Jake wanted to ignore her, but it was difficult to ignore the deep goodness of his mother.
“You’re a good person, Jake,” she had told him gently. “You’re going to find the woman who will be perfect for you. She’s going to be everything that you need. She’ll show you what a wonderful man you are. She’ll love you with all her heart. She’ll be your guardian angel.”
Jake had snorted with disgust at his mother’s words. “Mom, you’re wrong,” he had told her. “I won’t have a mate.”
“No, baby. You’re the one who’s wrong,” Mary had said firmly. “Your mate is waiting for you. She needs you just as much as you need her. I’ve seen it. She’s a gentle soul who is hurting. You need to be her shield from the world.”
Jake hadn’t understood his mother’s words then. He did now. Claire needed him, but not nearly as much as he needed Claire. The past three months had been a rollercoaster of emotions for both of them.
He knew that he had hurt Claire with his rejection of her. He hadn’t fared much better. Each time he got close to her and then pushed her away, he had hurt her. Again and again, his weakness hurt her. He couldn’t stay away from her, but he couldn’t get close. He was an ass. He knew it, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Every time he looked at Claire and saw the sorrow in her eyes and the way she had distanced herself from him, he thought about the secrets within him that made him stand strong to keep her away from him.
He knew that he had also destroyed what little confidence in herself that Claire had. She had gifted him with her love and her body, and he had thrown that gift away. He didn’t deserve another chance with her. He had planned to walk away to give her the opportunity to find a worthy mate who would treat her the way that she deserved.
The gas leak and explosion that had leveled Lainey and Becca’s business Diner for Two at the hand of Tim’s father had put everything in perspective. Lainey, Becca, DelAnne, and Claire were in the diner at the time. All of the women had been taken to the hospital. Jake knew in that moment that he would never be able to live without his Claire. Seeing the way his brother Rafe had reacted to hearing the news, Jake was sure that his brother had come to the same realization about Becca. As they raced to the hospital to check on their women, neither brother had much to say, but their silent support of each other was exactly what the other one needed.
Tim and Spence had been out of their minds with worry for their mate Lainey. Tim was feeling deep guilt over causing such pain and injury to not only Lainey and their unborn child, but also to the other women. Jake could understand Tim’s guilt but was determined that their friend would not accept responsibility for his father’s actions.
The McKade men and their friends were all supportive of Tim. They had done their best to shield him from the abuse of his father since Tim had been a young man. His father’s actions against them over the past few months, and Tim’s fierce protectiveness of all of them, proved that Tim was a caring member of the McKade family.
The devastation of the explosion had frightened all of them. The panic that they felt was deep. The realness of losing more people that they cared about was hitting them hard. Jake knew that they were all thinking about the loss of their parents in the car accident so many years before. That same sense of helplessness surrounded them once again as they had raced to the hospital to see the women that they cared so deeply about and were determined to protect.
Jake’s determination to keep away from Claire had evaporated with the phone call that had informed him and his family about the explosion. His Claire had been injured. All he could think about was the horror that his beautiful angel might be taken from him. As far as he knew, Claire was doing well, but life could turn in an instant. He had no idea what the extent of her injuries were. He was nearly panicked with the thought that she could have already passed from the severity of what had happened to her because of the explosion. He had to use every bit of strength within him to push aside that horrible thought. He couldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t lose her.
His brothers were in his face with their advice, but it wasn’t necessary. He already knew what he had to do. Although he was worried that he was not the man who would make Claire happy, he couldn’t fight the draw to her anymore. She was his angel. She was his mate.
He rubbed at his chest, pushing at the space above his heart where the pain of the loss of his woman ached the worst. If Claire hurt even a fraction of how much he hurt from being apart from her, he knew he would have to spend the rest of his life making it up to her and showing her that he would always be hers. He would never push her away again. He hoped she would be willing to accept his apology and agree to share her life with him. Maybe, by the end of the day, Claire would be fully accepting of him, his nature, and his desire to start their lives together.
Once inside the hospital, Jake and Rafe were frustrated with the lack of information that they could get about their women. They were told that no information could be given to them except their room numbers because they were not family members or spouses. Jake didn’t know how Rafe was going to deal with that, but Jake was damned sure going to fix it. No one was ever going to keep him from his angel ever again. She was his to protect and watch over. He was her guardian, her man, and her mate. He just hoped that Claire would be willing to accept that.
Spence and Tim were already heading toward the room where Lainey was resting. Rafe had disappeare
d down the hallway to go to Becca. Jake took a calming breath and headed toward Claire’s room, afraid of what he might find. His angel could be hurt or dying. He feared the worst.
He thought about the day that his mother had told him about the woman who was meant to be his mate and smiled sadly. Mom, if you can hear me, please help me with this one, he whispered in his mind as he stalked through the hospital hallway looking for the room where his Claire was alone and probably suffering. I know I’ve been a stubborn idiot. I know I’m not worthy of having this woman in my life, but I promise to treasure her, and love her, and make a good life with her. Please, Mom. Please, help my angel.
He stopped walking and raised his right hand to place it on the wall as he took deep, even breaths as he fought to center himself. He felt a light touch of warmth on his left cheek and looked up to see who was touching him. There was no one there. Jake smiled softly, knowing that his mother was there with him, encouraging him and letting him know that she would help them. Standing straight, he took a calming breath and headed toward Claire’s room.
He didn’t know if he had the courage to claim his mate. He just knew that he had to take care of her. He loved her. He just hoped she would be willing to forgive him for his stupidity and accept his love. He admitted to himself that if he were Claire, he would tell himself to go to hell.
Before he could enter the room where Claire was resting, the door opened and Brody Walters walked out. Jake was surprised but glad to see their cousin. He had to admit that he felt guilty about giving Brody a hard time during the time that Jake had been recuperating from his truck accident. It was a good thing Brody hadn’t taken it personally.
“Hi, Jake,” Brody said quietly.
“Hi, Brody. Have you just checked on Claire?”
He watched the big man sigh heavily and knew a moment of panic when his cousin hesitated. He reached out and grabbed for Brody’s forearm.
“Is Claire okay?” Jake asked, the worry in his voice obvious.
Jake's Angel [Cowboy Mates, Psychic Connections 4] (Siren Publishing Classic) Page 10