by Heather Boyd
“Dithers what the devil are you doing still here? Hasn’t Mrs. Osprey tucked you into bed yet?”
“I managed to escape,” Dithers assured him.
“What the devil did you do that for? You had an opportunity there, old boy. Can’t believe you passed up the chance. Get back to bed,” Giles ordered.
“But, sir.”
“You have been immersed in the country for too long, Dithers. I think you’ve lost your touch. Go back and kiss the woman goodnight before I sack you both for stupidity.”
Dithers drew himself up, spun on his heel, and left without a word.
“You’re matchmaking the servants now?” Carrington stifled a laugh.
“They did it to me. Why can’t I strike back at them?”
~ * ~
The fire damage was not as bad as Lilly had feared. The room where the fire had started did not have a chamber directly above it and she could see no lasting damage to the structure of the house, except for the glimpse of blue sky through the missing roof.
The men did not appear worried that the house might collapse, so she let her anxiety fade. A thick layer of ash coated everything else, however, and Cottingstone would need a very good cleaning to bring Giles’ home to order again. The men poked around the fire-damaged room, pulling down parts of the wall badly scorched by flames, and churned up more dust in the process. Lilly stepped into the hall and observed from a distance.
Mrs. Osprey approached, eyes fixed on her lord.
“What is it, Mrs. Osprey?”
“I was wondering what the master would like tackled first, miss. But I dare not interrupt him. Do you think you could ask for me? I don’t want to be a nuisance.”
Giles was inspecting the damage to the far wall and Lilly decided to be useful for a change. “Perhaps you could start by airing and cleaning the bedchambers. Lord Daventry looks set to collapse at any moment. I don’t know if he has slept since the fire. And they will want to bathe later.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“After the bed chambers, the dining room should be next. The gentlemen will be hungry.”
Mrs. Osprey hurried off to do her bidding.
Lilly’s back ached. She would need to lie down soon, but the couch she usually rested upon had burned to ashes. That meant she would have to tackle the stairs soon and find a bed on the first floor. The hay last night had not been too bad a bed, but she hoped not to repeat that adventure.
When she kept her eyes on Giles longer than was proper, his head lifted and his gaze met hers. Lilly blushed, wondering what Giles thought of her ordering his servants about. He should at least be angry about the damage her family had caused him. But no, here he was giving her a cheeky grin, as if he was not just gesturing to charred timbers a moment ago. She did not understand his reaction. His study was a mess, or what was left of it was. There was not much that could be salvaged. Even the painting of his mother had burned. She hoped he had another in his London residence.
Lilly headed for the stairs and a much needed rest. She got as far as the bottom step before Giles caught up with her. He lifted her swiftly, flowed up the long flight of stairs without any jarring, then set Lilly on her feet. She waited for his kiss and was surprised when he stepped away.
“Enjoy your rest, ghost.”
He left her standing with her mouth hanging open. Vexed, she waited for him to come back. She liked his kisses and had been waiting for them all day. That and his hands. But no, they were finally keeping to themselves. He gave her a courtly bow from the base of the stairs before disappearing from view.
Now was not the time to become proper. Such behavior was all wrong for him. At every turn, Giles broke the rules of society without thought. It amused him to misbehave, she thought. A proper Giles, obeying the rules, was out of her experience. There must be a reason for it.
The things they had done together went beyond any form of good behavior. She could not wait to get her hands on him again. The reason she had slept so poorly last night was that she missed having him beside her.
But when she did not marry him, he would be permanently removed from her side. Uneasy, she realized her decision would prevent such tender concern again. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, trying to dispel her gloom. A lifetime without his touch. Was Giles trying to show her what she would miss? She missed him already. How could she survive a lifetime?
Dithers and Mrs. Osprey were arguing further along the corridor. Dithers’ voice sounded dreadful, and Mrs. Osprey kept reminding him that he should be resting rather than telling everyone what to do.
Lilly had to agree with her, Dithers would only cause more damage by speaking. They were such an odd pair. Him so tall and handsome, her so plain. Yet there were times when she caught Dithers watching after Mrs. Osprey strangely, and she wondered if something more was brewing beneath the surface.
“Is there a problem, Mrs. Osprey?”
“Yes. Dithers refuses to close his mouth long enough to let his throat heal. I am quite capable of organizing the cleaning of this house. It is my job after all.” She glared at him, but his jaw clenched.
“Dithers, are you stopping Mrs. Osprey from doing her job here? Are you attempting to have her replaced?”
Dithers glanced at Lilly in horror.
She arched her brow, and stepped in closer to him. “That is what it sounds like to me. Perhaps you should do as you’re told today.”
Dithers’ jaw clenched before he bowed and stalked off. Clearly, he did not like the resurrection of the competent housekeeper, or Lilly’s support.
Mrs. Osprey bit her lip, watching until Dithers disappeared from view. “Can I help you, my lady?”
“Why do you keep calling me that? I’ve not married his lordship.”
Mrs. Osprey smiled ruefully. “Just getting you used to the idea.”
Lilly snorted, a very unladylike sound. “I need to rest, but the downstairs chaise was burned. Are any of the upper rooms prepared yet?”
“The only room ready so far is the master’s bedchamber. You can rest there until your room is aired.”
Lilly squeezed the housekeeper’s hand and turned to check the corridor. Since it was empty, she slipped inside Giles’ room and crawled onto his soft bed.
Giles did not wake her. Mrs. Osprey did.
The magistrate had come and wanted to talk to all the witnesses to the shooting. When Lilly glanced around, she could see no sign that Giles had returned to his room at all. Her stomach fluttered to think he might be avoiding her altogether now that the outside world had invaded this sanctuary.
Lilly returned to her own room, and Mrs. Osprey helped her bathe away the grime and change into a fresh gown. She could still smell the scent of smoke beneath her usual perfume and wondered how long the smell would linger.
“Mrs. Osprey?”
“Yes, miss?” The little woman seated herself on a chair.
Lilly frowned. “What are you going to do about Dithers?”
Mrs. Osprey blinked and did not say a word.
“If I were you, I would think he has waited long enough.” Lilly looked at her and winked.
The little housekeeper opened her mouth, but did not say a word of denial.
“Would you care to hear a suggestion?”
When the housekeeper nodded, Lilly leaned in close. “He will be a gentleman, Mrs. Osprey. In his own way, he has taken care of you for some time. After dinner tonight, why don’t you go find him? I’m sure if you give him the encouragement, he will find a way to take advantage of it.”
“He doesn’t think of me that way, Miss Winter. He doesn’t even realize I’m around unless I bungle something.”
“Oh, I think you will find that he does,” Lilly laughed. “He watches you all the time. Now you have to reel him in.”
“What if I can’t?” Mrs. Osprey whispered.
“Then he doesn’t deserve you,” Lilly told her firmly, but she did not think it was true. All Mrs. Osprey needed was a little push in
the right direction, and a little bit of confidence.
Lilly’s interview with the magistrate did not take long, since she was the last to be interviewed. Her father sat beside her and held her hand throughout, as she recounted her experiences of last night and spoke of events that had happened so long ago.
The magistrate frowned through it all, but concluded that Lord Carrington had acted correctly to save their lives from a madman. He closed his notebook, hailed Carrington as the hero, and hurried off to arrange the burial.
~ * ~
Lilly slipped into the library and pushed the door closed behind her. Giles had formally asked for an interview this evening and she was so nervous her hands were damp with stress. Given that she’d been anxious since Dithers had delivered the invitation on his little silver tray, eyes sparkling with glee, she should be used to the sensations.
After four hours of waiting, she was not.
Giles had not come near her all day, and she was sore and irritable from her injuries. Could she not go a day without needing him? She glanced up at the ceiling, following the molded vines creeping around flowers and cherubs holding bows and arrows. How funny that she never noticed the cherubs before. How pretty.
Not that it mattered. She would refuse to marry Giles, and then Papa would take her far away. Pain lanced down her back as she stepped farther into the room. Pain was good. It distracted her from thoughts of leaving Giles, but she was doing the right thing by him.
He would be better off without her slowing him down. He was full of energy and had great passion. He deserved more for his life, more than a broken woman for a wife. Giles had worn a smile throughout the meal, but made no attempt to converse with Lilly privately. His proper reserve made her anxious to hear his thoughts. Lilly sank onto the chaise, fiddling with the ribbon of her borrowed gown.
“I am going to have to make a decision soon.” Lilly glanced up to find Giles leaning against the door, arms crossed over his chest. “It is much too important a matter to put off any longer.”
Lilly inched forward, steeling herself for what she had to do. “About what?”
“What color do you think should my study be repainted?” He tilted his head, waiting on her reply.
“I beg your pardon?” She hoped her mouth was not open like a fish. It could never be considered an appropriate expression for a young woman to wear on the day she was proposed to.
“I thought perhaps you might have a favorite color. I should like to paint my study to suit your taste.” He unfolded his arms and crossed the room to sit opposite Lilly while she tried to find a reply. Any sensible reply.
“I don’t understand. I thought—” She let her words trail off.
“You thought I was going to ask you to marry me, didn’t you?”
Heat flooded her face.
He shook his head, and her mortification grew. “I already know what your answer will be. I overheard your discussion with your father in the garden. Judging by your reaction today when I introduced you as my bride, I gathered you had not changed your mind. Your scowl could have cracked the earth.”
Lilly stared at him. He appeared upset and she looked down at her gown to hide her dismay at having the power to hurt him.
“What is your favorite color, ghost?”
“Primrose,” she answered, bewildered by his insistence on knowing the color. He knew she would not marry him, and yet he still wanted to paint his study, the room he would be in most often, in her favorite color.
“Thank you. Now, about Atticus. I anticipate he will not be happy to be separated from you again. He seems to be more your dog than mine. He never listens to me half as well as he does you. He should be wherever you are.”
Lilly recoiled in shock. “I cannot take your dog.”
“Of course you will. You don’t want to leave him behind and have him suffering. The poor beast will never understand, will he?” Giles tilted his head and Lilly squirmed as his gaze pierced her calm. “He cannot go to parties and pretend he is happy. He cannot eat a meal alone and understand why it has to be that way. I know I have erred beyond forgiveness, Lilly, but I should not like to see him suffer, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can understand that you want nothing further to do with me.” When she went to protest, he shushed her with his outstretched hand and stood to look down at her, eyes dull with pain. “So this is farewell.”
Lilly blinked rapidly. He thought she needed to forgive him for something, but she had no idea what he meant. He drew closer and her pulse raced. Lilly’s ability to speak failed her utterly.
Giles leaned down. “A kiss to last me a lifetime, Lilly. I won’t ever kiss another soul. I can promise you that for all eternity.” He pressed a kiss to her lips then moved away. His blue eyes were swimming with unshed tears. “I love you.”
The words fell over her skin like rain, and then he was gone. She wiped furiously at her eyes to look for him, but she was all alone in the library.
Giles had asked her here to say goodbye in private. So he could kiss her one last time. She buried her face in her hands and wept, unable to bear the loss of such a good friend. He planned never to see her again. She was sure of it. She rolled to her side and her sobs heightened into physical pain.
He’d said he loved her.
Lilly had never known before what hearing those words would do to her resolve. It crumbled to dust.
This was what she’d planned. To refuse him, then part ways forever. Giles had known she wouldn’t marry him. But he hadn’t known her true reason. She was afraid she’d be the only one in love.
Lilly wanted to take back the hurt in his eyes as he said goodbye. And he’d given her the damned dog. She brushed her hands over her face to be rid of the tears, but more and more fell to replace them. The idiot loved her and would still let her go.
Lilly dug in her pocket and found a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. He was as much a fool as she. Even as she climbed to her feet, a laugh burst free. What a perfect pair they were.
She stifled a cry as her body refused to behave the way her heart insisted it must, tensing from the sudden movement and protesting her hurry. Lilly moved as fast as she could to the door and barreled straight into the butler.
Dithers caught her elbow to keep her upright. “Be careful, my lady, you could do yourself an injury. That would be most disagreeable to all the staff of Cottingstone.”
Lilly gripped the rail for the climb. “Well, if I do I will be in the right place to be fixed, won’t I?”
“Can I speed your ascent, Miss Winter?”
“No thank you, Dithers. Why don’t you go chase Mrs. Osprey around her office? I think she heads there at this time on most nights,” Lilly confided and started up, grimacing as pain speared down her legs. She ignored it.
“I was aware of that,” Dithers replied carefully.
“And you have never taken advantage of her seclusion before? Shame on you, Dithers. I’d heard you were a rogue.”
“Reformed, as all men in love should be. However, I will remain until you reach the top at least.”
“If you must, Dithers, but you are wasting valuable time. Mrs. Osprey will be anxious to see you.” When she reached the top, she heard his rapid footsteps fade away. Living with Giles would be fun.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“WHAT DID I have to forgive you for, Giles?”
Giles sat by the window looking out at the night, holding Lilly’s old diary loosely in his hands. He did not turn.
“Lots of things.” His voice was grim, resigned. “You should not be here, Lilly.”
Lilly moved toward him. “What if I want to be?”
“That, of course, would require a wedding ceremony you don’t want.”
Lilly gathered the skirts of her borrowed gown and asked the fatal question. “What if I changed my mind?”
Giles spun around to face her and Lilly saw the glitter of tears on his cheeks. Lilly crossed the room to him and cupped
his face between her hands. Such a dear, wicked, and sinful face. One she loved so very much. “You deserve more than a broken thing like me.”
“You deserve better than a degenerate for a husband.”
Lilly shook his head from side to side and smiled. “You are not a degenerate. You’re wonderful. I love you.”
He smiled as she denied his faults, and then scowled. “You are not broken. I have never thought that,” Giles said, firmly clasping her hips.
“People will think it. When you leave me, they will say I was too needy. They will say that I drove you away with my demands.”
“I like that you need me, Lilly. I want you to.” Giles turned his face and pressed a kiss to the palm of Lilly’s hand, letting his lips caress her as she liked him to. “I won’t ever leave you. You were going to give me up, remember?”
“Stupid of me, wasn’t it? So, do I have to go down on my knees to ask you to marry me, or shall we be proper? I warn you, you might have to help me to my feet again.”
Giles had the sense to appear contrite. “I didn’t propose properly last time, did I?”
Lilly let out the breath she’d held. “You stole me.”
“You were ill.”
“And your excuse for torturing me against the wardrobe doors?”
Giles laughed. “Well, I thought you found that exciting. I certainly did. You should be more forgiving.”
Giles sank to his knees and clasped both Lilly’s hands in his. “Marry me, Lilly. Stay with me and share my life. Let me give you every pleasure I can think to share, and some we invent together.”
When Lilly nodded, Giles swept her into his arms and carried her to his bed.
“Stay with me from now on. I have the worst trouble sleeping without you beside me, Lilly.”
Lilly laughed. “Do you know I have the same difficulty?”
“A perfect match then.”
She kissed him into silence and tangled her fingers in his hair, holding him close to express how much she desired him. How could she have given him up?