by Kyle Autumn
If I’m this nervous as we walk up to her parents’ door, I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now.
***
Zo
“Sorry to show up unannounced like this,” I tell them as Patti and I enter their house. “We’re glad you’re home though.”
“Okay,” my mom says in a strange tone. “What’s going on, honey?” She waves to Patti.
“Hey, Ma.” Patti gives my mom a hug.
I wait for my mom’s attention. Then I ask her, “Can you get Dad?”
“Sure,” she replies in that same confused tone. “Have you been crying?”
“Just get Dad, okay?”
She huffs a breath out of her nose, but she does go look for him, so I feel like I have a second to breathe. Until Patti puts a hand on my arm.
“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” she whispers when my mom’s out of earshot.
My jaw falls open. “Seriously? Are you serious right now?” That came out too loud. My parents probably heard that. “What in the world am I supposed to say to them now?”
“I don’t know,” she says, “but you don’t look okay.”
I’m sure she’s right. Because I don’t feel okay, either. I think stress has burned holes in my stomach. Bile’s rising up my throat, and my lungs burn like someone lit a match in them. Plus, my head is so light, like it’s a balloon rising to the sky. We’re here for a reason though. And I’ve gotten through two other meetings like this. One more can’t hurt, right?
At that thought, laughter bubbles up and out of my mouth. That must be the last straw for Patti.
“That’s it. Let’s go.” She takes me by the wrist and starts dragging me toward the door.
My father finds us now though, so I tug her back toward him.
“Zoeybell? What’s going on?” he asks, his eyes shining with concern. Then his gaze flicks over my shoulder to Patti and his face loses some color.
I look between the two of them. “What the hell?” I shout.
“Zo! Language!” my mother says, scolding me.
I put a hand up between us and go back to Patti, my chest constricting. “Did you already tell him too?”
“What?” She scrunches her face up. “No, of course not.”
“Tell him what, Zo?” my mom asks.
“Beth, maybe you should—”
“No, Jerry. I want to know what my daughter thinks you know,” she insists.
My stomach twists as something stabs me from the inside before I can tell her. When I try to take a breath, I can’t. Nothing happens.
“Maybe you should sit down,” Patti suggests, tugging on my arm.
I attempt to pull out of her grasp, but the movement causes the room to do a full three-sixty around me.
“Zoeybell?” my dad questions. “Come here.”
“Jerry, what’s wrong with her?” my mom asks.
Then I hear Patti’s voice, but I have no idea what she’s saying. Something about something not looking right. And that’s the last thing that happens before everything becomes too much for my body and the world goes black.
***
Patti
For the third—and the worst—fucking time today, I’m at the hospital. This time, while I wait in the waiting room, the nerves aren’t anticipatory. I’m not waiting for my friend to have a baby. I’m waiting to find out what the fuck happened to my girlfriend. And the guilt is eating at me. I just know that it’s related to her anxiety. This whole day has been nothing but stress for her, and that’s not at all what she needs. I tried to get her to stop, but there was no way to prevent her once she’d started. So here we are.
“The family of Zo Robins?” the doctor who saw her when I took her to the ER the last time asks some two hours later.
I jump up, but so do her parents. The same parents who said exactly nothing to me the entire time we were waiting. The same parents who speak to the doctor as if I’m not here.
“That’s us,” her dad says.
“Great.” The doctor looks at his chart. “Zo is stable. She’s not awake yet, but she’s resting comfortably.”
“Thank God.” Her mom’s watery eyes close, and she brings a hand to her mouth. “Will she wake up soon?”
“We think so,” the doctor says. “If you want to sit with her, I’ll take you back there.”
“That’d be great. Thank you.” Her dad takes her mom’s hand and starts to follow the doctor.
I do too, but when her mom turns around, she stops walking.
“Not you. I’m sure it’s family only,” she says to me.
My heart stops. I am family. I’m the closest thing to family and unconditional love Zo has. And she wants to stop me from seeing my own girlfriend? She has to be fucking kidding.
“Oh, I thought you were family,” the doctor says, pointing the manila folder at me. “Weren’t you…” But he trails off, leaving out the part that says he clearly remembers me from when I brought Zo here before.
“She’s just a friend of the family,” her mom says, a hard edge to her tone. “She can stay out here.”
I open my mouth to let her have it because this is ridiculous, but nothing comes out. I don’t say a word. Instead, my mouth closes and I look at Zo’s dad as a last-second plea for help. The understanding but helpless expression on his face slices through me. There’s nothing he can do, and the doctor can’t do anything, either. So they all walk away and leave me standing here alone, like I haven’t been a part of this family for the last fourteen years. Like I don’t love their daughter more than life itself. Like their daughter doesn’t love me too.
Reluctantly, I go back to the seat I was occupying before the doctor came out. And I stay here, not wanting to get up even for coffee, in case the doctor comes back and lets me go see her. And an hour and a half later, the doctor does come back. As soon as I see him, I’m up and out of my seat.
“Patti, right?” he asks, his hand in his coat pocket.
I nod. “Is she okay?”
“She will be. But she’s asking for you,” he says.
Immediately, I start walking back toward where I think her room is. When I realize I need him to show me, I stop. He chuckles a little before passing me and waving for me to follow him.
“How do you two know each other?” he asks while we walk.
“She’s my girlfriend,” I tell him like it’s the natural answer I’ve been using for years. I don’t care who knows anymore.
Her parents had a chance, and they don’t even deserve the truth. At least, her mom doesn’t. She’s under my skin right now, and it’s going to take everything I have not to walk in there with guns blazing. For Zo, I’ll stay calm though.
“That’s what I thought the first time I saw her.” He leads me around a corner. “Her parents don’t like it?”
“They don’t exactly know yet,” I admit. “We were trying to tell them when she passed out.”
When we reach her door, he says, “Oh wow. Yeah, she definitely needs to keep her stress down. She also needs to heal a small ulcer in her stomach. What she needs is rest. So take care of her, okay?” He smiles at me before knocking on the door and letting us in.
A fucking ulcer? For fuck’s sake. This woman is literally falling apart by keeping our secret.
Which is the last thing I get to contemplate before I walk into the room and Zo starts hysterically crying. So I bolt to her bed and take her hand in mine. Her parents are on the other side of her bed, staring at the two of us as I comfort their daughter.
“I’m so sorry they wouldn’t let you back here,” Zo sobs into my shoulder.
“Shh,” I coo. “Everything’s okay, babe. I’m here now.”
“Zo,” the doctor says, “can we get you anything right now? How are you feeling?”
She sniffles against me but tells him, “I’m better now. Thank you for getting her.”
He smiles kindly. “No problem. We need you at a lower level of stress though, okay? So take some deep breaths for me. Then
I’ll stop bothering you,” he tells her, finishing with a wink in our direction.
She listens, breathing in deep through her nose, holding it for a few seconds, and then letting it go out of her mouth. After a third time, she stops shaking and crying, and I’m suddenly holding a much less upset woman in my arms. Thank fuck.
I give her a squeeze. “Great job.”
She hugs me back the best she can in this awkward position.
The doctor grins at her. “That’s wonderful. Keep doing that when you get too worked up, okay? We’ll check up on you later, then. And don’t forget to push the call button if you need anything.” He nods once and then makes his exit.
Man, I like that guy. Someone needs to have Zo’s best interests in mind. Someone besides me. So I’m glad she has him in her corner.
My attention is snapped back to the situation at hand when Zo grabs my hand, the one I don’t have around her shoulder, and clears her throat.
“Mom. Dad,” she says.
My stomach clenches. Maybe I have an ulcer too from all of this shit.
“What is it, honey?” her mom asks. “What’s so important after you just woke up from passing out that you needed Patti and you need to tell us right now?”
“Zoeybell, you should probably get your rest first,” her dad tries, but Zo won’t hear it.
“No,” she says, squeezing my fingers until I think they might break. “I need to tell you. We need to tell you. Right now. I’m sick—literally—of keeping this a secret.” Her heart rate monitor beeps more rapidly, but she ignores it and pushes on. “Patti and I love each other.” Once the words are out, she releases a huge breath and sags against me.
Holy hell. She said it. It’s out there. And I hold her tight, proud of her for having said it. Her father’s eyes slowly close like he knew this was coming but isn’t looking forward to watching the wreckage. Yet her mom doesn’t understand the depth of the words.
“Of course you do, honey. She’s been your sister since—”
“No, Mom. She’s not my fucking sister.”
Whoa. Maybe I’m not a great influence on her. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say that word.
“Zo! Language!” her mom reprimands.
“No, Mom,” Zo says again. “I’m a grown woman. And I love another woman. And I could have died from keeping this a secret. I won’t do it anymore, and if you don’t understand, then you can leave.”
Her mom’s forehead scrunches up as she stares at her daughter like she’s grown three heads. “Maybe you’re confused because you’ve spent so much time together now that you’re roommates.”
“We’re not fucking roommates, either,” Zo spits out at her. “We’re together. A couple. And we’re going to get married.”
I whip my head in her direction, my eyes wide as hell. “’We’re what?”
At the same time, her mother also shouts, “You’re what?”
And, out of the corner of my eye, I see her father’s eyes fly open.
“I’m sorry. I should have said something before, but I kind of passed out,” Zo says to me. “I want to marry you. I want us to get married. And I’m sorry I’m rambling, but this all needs to come out. I’ve been holding way too much in, and now, I’m here. In the hospital.” Her head falls back onto the bed.
“Zo,” her mom says, all seriousness. “You can’t marry Patti.”
“And why not?” she throws back at her mother. “Because she’s a woman?”
“Exactly.” Her mom crosses her arms over her chest. “That’s exactly why. Tell her, Jerry.”
Her dad stays silent though.
“Jerry. Tell our daughter she’s not marrying another woman.”
When he still doesn’t say anything, I decide to speak up.
“Um, I’m not just some woman. Let’s not forget that.” I sit up straighter on the bed, my arm staying around Zo for strength—we both need it. “I’ve been here for her since we were freshmen in high school. I’ve loved her since I was sixteen. I’ve always known we’d end up together even if you haven’t. Even if Zo hasn’t. But she realizes it now, and I’m not a stranger in your life. I’m practically your daughter too.”
“All the more reason why this is so wrong!” her mom shouts. “You’re practically family!”
“That’s funny,” I say, barely keeping my cool. “I wasn’t anything close to family when it came time to see Zo. Now that she wants to be my wife, I’m too much like family? You can’t have it both ways, Ma.”
“I won’t listen to this. It’s wrong and disgusting and I won’t stand for it.”
“It doesn’t matter if you won’t stand for it, Mom,” Zo quietly says. There’s a soft strength in her voice. “I love Patti, she loves me, and we’re getting married.” Then she looks up at me as if to confirm that last point.
With tears in my eyes, I smile and nod, squeezing her close to me.
She aims her strong gaze back at her mom. “I don’t know when yet, but I’d like for you to be at our wedding.”
Her mom scoffs. “This is ridiculous. Let’s go, Jerry.” Without looking back, she storms out of the room.
Her father, though, gives us a sympathetic frown. He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing from the effort. “I love you both so much, and I wish this were different.” Then he pats Zo’s leg, tucks his hands in his pockets, and follows his wife through the door.
I expect Zo to fall apart. I wait on pins and needles for her to start sobbing yet again in my arms. But, to my surprise, she doesn’t. She takes a deep, soothing breath through her nose, holds it, and slowly releases it through her mouth.
“We’re really getting married?” she asks. “That actually happened, right?”
This time, I’m the one who’s crying. “Oh my god, Zed. That did happen. You really mean it?”
She nods, resting her head against mine. “I should have said something before. Honestly, I don’t know how this stuff works.”
“Whatever feels good and right to you. Always. Just say the word.”
After a moment, she says, “Marriage. That feels good and right.”
My body shudders with a sob. The love of my life wants to marry me. And she told her parents. And the worst happened, but we’re still here. She may be in the hospital, but I’m going to make sure she gets better. Together, we’re going to figure this stuff with her parents out. I think her dad’s on our side, and he’ll help her mom see the light. But, in the meantime, we have each other.
And, apparently, we have a wedding to plan.
Epilogue
Patti
***Six months later***
“Come back to now, Zed.” I rub her back in a soothing rhythm, though I’m not sure it’s working.
She’s laughing too hard to relax, and it’s becoming contagious. Soon, I double over, unable to control myself. Shiree’s howling and snorting, but Lyra’s giggling is silent, and we’re all so lost to the humor of the moment.
“That really happened?” Shiree asked between laughing fits.
Lyra nods, still giggling. After a breath, she says, “It did! You should have seen Blake’s face. There was…” She loses it again, bending forward at the waist. But she’s able to squeak the rest out in a high-pitched voice. “Poop was everywhere!” Big breath. “On Xavier.”
Oh yeah. They finally named their son after three long days. It took a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, best of five, to settle it. Though I have a sneaking suspicion Blake would have given Lyra her way in the end anyway.
Another gasping breath. “On the walls,” Lyra chokes out. More laugher. More breathing. “On Blake!”
Each of us laughs even harder than before, and though part of me worries about Zo and her anxiety, I love seeing her looking so happy and carefree. So far, so good, so I allow myself to enjoy this moment with her and our two friends.
“Oh my god!” Shiree exclaims. “I can’t…” She gasps for breath.
Zo squeezes my hand, smiling so wide and waving the oth
er one in the air. When she finally can, she rushes her words out. “What’s he gonna do with another baby?”
Lyra places her hand on her belly as she calms a little. “Oh, girl. I have no idea, but we’re going to find out soon.”
“It’s a good thing you two already got married,” Shiree says. “You wouldn’t want to fit a wedding dress around your growing belly.”
And there’s my segue. “Speaking of getting married… Think we can get this show on the road now?” I poke my soon-to-be wife in her side, smiling at her.
Reluctantly, she stands up from the couch in our living room. She glances at the front door before sticking her hand out to me. “Absolutely.”
I take her hand and rise. She’s waiting for her parents. I know this. Lyra and Shiree know this. But we’ve waited long enough. It’s an hour past the time we told them we would start and they’re not here. So we all look at each other with sympathetic but supportive expressions and decide to get a move on.
Lyra takes Zo back to our bedroom to get dressed. I head to the spare room with Shiree. Zo decided on a more traditional wedding dress, whereas I went with something shorter and spunkier but no less white—though it has a splash of light blue, just like hers will have purple. We haven’t shown each other the dresses. It’s bad luck to see a bride’s wedding dress before the wedding. Which means both brides kept them secret. Very soon, though, I’ll get to see how stunning she is. Just like she is to me every day.
Once Shiree has zipped me up, we walk to the backyard, where Chaz, Blake, and all the babies are waiting. Our officiant is all set up too, and most of the chairs are full. When everyone’s out here, two might still be vacant, but I can’t say I’m not holding out hope.
The past six months have been both wonderful and rather difficult. Seeing as Zo and I are getting married today, our relationship has been spectacular. I’ve been gainfully employed, and her health has steadily improved as well. She’s off all medication already, and she hasn’t had a panic attack in seventeen weeks. The last one was when we finally had the conversation she wanted to wait until “later” to have that day at Shiree’s when we told them about us.