by Jillian Dodd
I hug my daughter, feeling disgusted with my wife. How could she do this again? Put some guy in front of her kids?
“She’ll make it up to you,” I lie.
“No, she won’t, Dad.”
She escapes my hug and plops dramatically on the bed. “Chase said he’d take me anywhere I wanted to go and that we’d have more fun than a stupid day at the spa.”
“What do you think would be more fun?”
She sighs as tears trickle down her face.
Lori has caused her so many tears. That’s the real reason I fought so hard during this divorce. Sole custody. The money I don’t even care about. But the kids are like pawns to Lori. Small pieces of her life, just like the football wives club and her charities. Having children made her appear nurturing and soft as opposed to the conniving bitch that she really was. For a while, she pretended to want them and fought me for joint custody but, once I sweetened the pot with more money than required in the prenuptial agreement, she backed off. Just last week, we verbally finalized our divorce agreement. Once we sign it next week, we will file, it will be presented to a judge, and in thirty days, it will be over.
I want her out of my life, but I know, because of the kids, she never will be.
There were only two things she didn’t ask for. The house and my Ferrari, which, fortunately for me, are two things she’s always hated.
“I want to go to Paris instead of homecoming,” Devaney says, pulling me back to the situation at hand.
“Paris, France?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“I’m afraid I can’t swing that, Dani. I have a game on Monday night. What do you want to do in Paris?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Things.”
“Is there somewhere closer you might want to go?” I ask gently. “And do you really want to miss your first homecoming dance? Won’t your friends be disappointed? I thought you were all going together.”
“My friends have been sort of mad at me since I made varsity cheerleading. They say I’m too good for them now. If it wasn’t for cheerleading, I would hate school. I miss Chase.”
“He’ll be there next year.”
She brightens slightly. “He said he’d be my date.”
“Do you want that?”
She sighs. “Dad, you know I love Chase, but I can’t take an eighth grader to a high school dance. It would ruin me.”
“Sounds like you need some new friends.”
“Exactly,” she says. “Mine need to grow up. But the problem is, Dad, you don’t want me to. Tomorrow night, there is a slumber party at the head cheerleader’s house after the game. All the cheerleaders are going but me.”
“That’s because she’s a senior.”
She throws her hands up in the air. “I need to just quit then. My friends are mad at me because I made varsity, so they won’t be friends with me. You won’t let me make new friends because they are older than me, and you worry that I’m going to get in trouble like you used to.”
“What makes you think—”
“I’ve heard enough of the stories to know that, back then, you weren’t like you are now.”
“How am I now?”
“No fun.”
Her words cut me to the core. I slowly lower myself to the bed to sit, halfway afraid I’ll fall down if I don’t. When did I become no fun?
“You’re way too strict. You don’t trust me anymore. It’s like you’ve turned into Mom.”
I take a deep breath. “I do trust you, Devaney.”
“But you don’t trust other people,” she says, finishing my sentence. “Just because you were a troublemaker doesn’t mean I’m going to be. I promise, I won’t do anything to embarrass you.”
“I would never be embarrassed of you. You’re my pride and joy. I just worry, sweetheart.”
“I know you do, but you have to let me grow up. I promise, I’ll try to do it slowly.”
I can’t help but smile. She’s been telling me that since she was in kindergarten.
“So, this party, you’ll be staying there all night. No going out?”
She nods.
“Okay, you can go. But I expect you to be responsible. To call me if anything goes on that makes you uncomfortable. All you have to do—”
“I know, Dad. I can pretend to be sick, and you’ll come and get me, no questions asked.”
“And what about Saturday? Maybe Jadyn can take you.”
“Maybe. That, or I’ll just hang out with Chase. Thanks, Dad,” she says, practically skipping out of the room. She stops in the doorway and turns around. “Dad, how does Auntie Jay know Jennifer Edwards?”
“Uh, they met a long time ago, just after you were born, at a Nebraska football game.”
“How come I’ve never gotten to meet her? That was forever ago.”
“They just recently got back in touch, I think.”
“Because of what Troy did to her?” she asks.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I read online that she’s been taking it hard. I can’t imagine how awful that must be for her. To see pictures like that of someone you love with someone else. Did Mom cheat on you with Richard before she left us?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“Because there is a photo in their house where they are together, kissing. She had the red highlights, and she got them changed to blonde before she moved out.”
My daughter is too smart for her own good sometimes.
“Did you ask your mother about that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t think she’d tell me the truth.” She gives me her puppy-dog eyes. “But I know you would.”
“Honey, marriage is hard. It takes two to make a marriage work and two to make it fail.”
“I already know she did. I overheard Auntie Jay talking about it. I know I shouldn’t have been listening, but I did. Did you ever cheat on Mom?”
“No. Never,” I emphatically tell her.
“Did you ever want to?”
Only once, I think.
She continues, “I thought you met your true love, got married, and lived happily ever after.”
She considers this for a moment while I try to think of something comforting to tell her. I can’t tell her that her mother wasn’t my true love. That I met my true love after I got married. After she was already born.
“Mom says you just fell out of love.”
I nod. I don’t trust myself to say anything else.
“Then maybe she wasn’t really your true love.”
“I’ve told you and your brother this many times. Make good choices because the consequences of your actions can affect the rest of your life. It’s something my dad told me when I got married, and I’ve lived by that. I always think ahead. So, while there were other pretty women in the world, I knew ahead of time what the consequences would be if I did cheat. That it would destroy my marriage, possibly cause you kids hurt. For me, that wasn’t worth it.”
“So, you stayed together because of me and Damon?”
“I loved your mother, Devaney.”
“Do you think you will ever fall in love again? Maybe she’s still out there, you know, waiting for you.”
“Who?” I ask, not following.
“Your true love.”
“How would you feel about that?” I can’t help but ask. “If I met someone. Fell in love.”
“Dad,” she says, giving me an exaggerated eye roll, “you’re supposed to love with your heart, not your head.”
“Who told you that?” It sure as hell wasn’t me. I want her thinking with her head, not her body.
“Chase.”
“Chase is a smart young man, but that’s not exactly true. You fall in love with your heart, but sometimes, especially when you’re young and hormones are running wild, you can feel like you’re in love when really—”
“Dad, this isn’t about me and Chase possibly having sex someday.”
/> My eyes get huge.
“Have you thought about having sex with Chase? Does he want to, like now? Do you like him?”
“He’s my best friend; of course I like him.”
“You kissed him when you were younger.”
“And I’ve kissed him since then. And I’ll probably kiss him again,” she states.
“You have? You will?” What the f—?
“Sure, it’s no big deal,” she says. “He’s sweet to me. Sometimes, when I’m sad, I sneak over to his house. Sometimes, I even sleep with him.”
I don’t care if he is Phillip’s son; I’m going to kill him. Now.
She gives me a dramatic eye roll as I ball up my fists in anger. “It’s not like that, Dad. He’s not my boyfriend. We aren’t going out or anything. He just … well, he makes me feel safe. Like everything will be okay. Like how he told me he’d take me anywhere I wanted to go. He is the one who said he’d take me on their plane to Chicago or New York or Paris.”
“Devaney, no matter what’s going on in our lives, you can come to me about anything. I’m always here for you, and I won’t judge or freak out. I promise.”
“Dad”—she laughs—“you just about had a stroke when I told you I slept with Chase.”
I laugh along with her. “You’re right. I just about did.”
“It’s okay. You survived me getting my period, and you didn’t freak out too bad. You’re a good dad. I don’t tell you very often, but you are.”
“Thanks.” I kiss the top of her head. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. You’d better hurry. We have to leave in, like, five minutes for the game.” As I run into my closet to grab clothes, she yells out, “Wear something cool. Jennifer freaking Edwards is going with us. She’s pretty. She’s single. Maybe you should try to impress her.”
I’m ready to reply with all the reasons I shouldn’t, but when I stick my head out of the closet, she’s gone.
Now, I’m standing on the sideline, getting ready for the eighth grade game to start, and I am scanning the crowd, looking for Jennifer, when I notice Devaney sitting next to Chase. He’s dressed in his full uniform and pads, and he should be out, warming up with the team. Instead, his arm is across the back of the bleacher, and she’s leaning against it. His full attention is on her, and I can tell she’s confiding in him about something. It suddenly hits me. Their friendship is like Phillip and Jadyn’s. They’ve been best friends their whole lives.
I lean over toward Phillip, who is standing on the sideline next to me. “Did you know my daughter has been sneaking over to your house and sleeping with your son?”
Phillip’s expression doesn’t show surprise. And he has never been a good liar. He doesn’t look me in the eyes, just kicks the dirt. “She’s been upset about the divorce. Nothing is going on.”
“But it could. They’re teenagers now.”
“Jadyn slept with me every night for months after her parents died when we were seniors. Nothing happened.”
“That’s because you were an idiot,” I tease.
“Jadyn told Dani to tell you the truth.”
“She sort of did tonight, but what I don’t understand is why neither of you told me.”
“It’s important your children know they can trust you. Yes, you have to be a disciplinarian, but parenting is so much more than that. Did you lie to your parents?” he asks me even though he knows the answer.
“Yeah; otherwise, I would have gotten in trouble!”
“The things you lied about, are those things you’d want your daughter to do?”
“Heck no.”
“That’s my point. We’d rather our kids talk to us. We talk in advance about risks and consequences before they do it. We decide together what’s best. Dani is in high school now. Older boys, bigger parties—you want her to tell you about all those things. Not to mention, sex.”
“That’s what her mother is for,” I scoff.
“Do you and Lori share the same feelings regarding sex? Do you really want her taking advice from someone with your wife’s morals?”
“Probably not,” I admit.
“Plus, Jadyn says that divorce is hard on kids, especially girls. They dream of fairy-tale love. They see their parents having that, and then the idea gets shattered.”
“And how do I combat it? I’m not getting back together with Lori.”
“I would hope not. Just be open with Dani. Talk to her. Chase is the least of your worries,” Phillip says.
That sets my heart beating fast again. Especially when Chase heads out on the field, and I watch Dani wander by herself to the concession stand. A group of high school boys looks at her and then smirks at each other. And I know that look. I’ve had that look. And I know exactly what those boys are thinking right now.
I might have to go kill them.
“Calm down,” Phillip says. “Dani is a pretty girl. Boys are going to notice her. You have to teach her how to handle herself.”
“Kicking a boy in the balls is one of the first things I ever taught her.”
“Chase and Damon always watch out for her. Remember the black eye Chase got last semester?”
“Yeah. He said he ran into—”
“An eighth grader’s fist,” Phillip finishes my sentence. “He was saying stuff about Dani.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“That she was a slut.”
“Oh my God! Is she?” I panic that I’m a failure as a father.
“I thought your only goal for your children was to keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole,” Phillip teases, reminding me of what I said one night when I was drunk and Lori was pregnant with Devaney.
“I want to keep her off everything!” I reply, getting riled up. “Who was the little shit who said that?”
“Nathan Matthews.”
“Isn’t he a running back? Little guy?”
“Yeah, he couldn’t take on Chase by himself, so he had a couple of friends jump him,” Phillip says.
“Why?”
“Because Chase grabbed him at school one day and told him, if he said another word about Dani, he’d bust his ass.”
“Does Devaney know?”
“Of course she knows,” Phillip says with a laugh. “She got angry with Chase. Told him she could take care of herself. It was one of the few fights they’d ever had. Turns out, Nathan had a crush on Dani and couldn’t figure out how to get her attention, so he was mean to her.”
I rub my hand across my face, stressed. “I do remember teasing the girls I liked. We were kind of dumb when we were young, huh?”
Just as I say the words, Jennifer and Jadyn stroll across the field toward us.
“Try not to act that way now,” Phillip teases.
“How am I supposed to act?”
“Be nice to her maybe? She looks good.”
“She sure does,” I say with the kind of regretful sigh that usually comes from my daughter when she’s being dramatic.
“You were young back then, Danny. You did what you thought was right.”
“Do you think it was the right thing?”
“I do think you made the right decision then but, now, you have the chance to follow your heart. If you’re happy, Danny, your kids will be happy.”
“You think so? Devaney told me I should dress nice because Jennifer was coming to the game. She’s a little starstruck yet not. Also, I have no idea why Jennifer is even here. And I certainly don’t want to be her rebound sex.”
“You don’t want to have sex with her? Wow. Lori must have really screwed you up—”
“What? Of course I want to have sex with her, but I don’t want it to be just sex. I am a father. I can’t go around having casual sex. If I do, Devaney will think it’s okay for her.”
“They usually go to Lori’s every other weekend,” Phillip suggests. “She doesn’t have to know.”
“It figures, the one weekend I actually have something I want to do, Lori decides to go out o
f town.”
“You mean, someone you want to do?” Phillip says with a laugh.
“Shut up.”
Jadyn saunters over, kisses Phillip full on the lips, and then says, “Good luck,” while Jennifer stands awkwardly in front of me, which is weird.
The Jennifer I used to know was never awkward. She was crazy and bold and always laughing.
Not that I’m much better. In college, I would have strutted up to her, grabbed her, and kissed her just for the fun of it. Or had some stupid pick-up line that I could get away with because of who I was and how I looked.
Instead, I say, “Enjoy the game.”
“I’m sure I will,” she replies and then leans closer to me. “But I have to be honest; I’m looking forward to after the game.” My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. She wants me to see her naked again. “I can’t tell you the last time I had pizza.”
Or not.
Jennifer
“Kill me now,” I say to Jadyn as we take our seats in the bleachers for the start of the game.
“Why now?” she asks as she waves down at her two younger sons, who wanted to sit on the ground in front of the bleachers and play in the dirt instead of sit up by us.
“I think I just made Danny think I don’t want to see him again.”
“Because you said you wanted pizza?”
“When he showed me to my room—which is fantastic by the way. Seriously, when I get a new place, you have to help me decorate it, like, if you have the time. I know you’re really busy,” I word-vomit.
“I’d be happy to help you, but back to when he showed you to your room.”
“Yes. Sorry. It’s like I’m a bundle of nerves when I’m around him. It’s so much pressure.”
“Jennifer, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen each other. It’s going to be a little awkward.”
“I know. It’s just that, when I imagined seeing him again, I swore, I’d just straight-up pounce on him. Instead, there were kids and a dog and milk and me naked.”
“Wait, naked?”
“You were saying that Danny was hot and sweaty and that wasn’t how I should see him, but it’s exactly how I should have seen him. Because he was shirtless and wet and all muscles, and it reminded me of the night we’d spent on the beach. On a mutual dare, we’d stripped down to our underwear and run into the water. It was freezing, and I was screaming and laughing. But the second he pulled me into his arms to warm me up, I forgot all about the cold and could only think about him. The way his strong arms felt wrapped around me, how his dark blond hair glowed in the moonlight, and the sound of his sexy laugh. It’s a moment I’ve cherished. A moment forever etched in my mind. I guess I just didn’t imagine him seeing me and being so shocked that he dropped the milk.”