by Jillian Dodd
He just sits there and looks at me, causing me to worry that something is on my face.
“What?” I finally ask.
“I’ve never done anything like this before,” he says. “It’s really fun.”
“Your wife never watched films with you?”
He vehemently shakes his head. “She didn’t like football, and I think, half the time, she thought watching films was just an excuse for me to be alone. I tried to teach her. In college, when we dated, she was interested, but she got bored with it, I guess.”
“That makes me sad for you. It’s so obvious how much you love the game.”
“Were you bored?” he asks, looking concerned.
“Me? Are you kidding? I was sitting on your lap, Danny Diamond. You could have been watching a math video, and I would have enjoyed it. You allowed me into your world. You taught me a lot of dirty football terms that I believe will be useful in my life and—” I stop mid-sentence to stare at him. “Gosh, I’ve missed you.” I shake my head and ramble, “That makes no sense, does it? One night, one kiss on the lips, a football game, a hayrack ride.”
“I kissed the back of your hand when we said good-bye. Can’t forget that.” He slides his finger to the spot.
“And I autographed your arm.”
“I didn’t wash it for days.” He stretches his long arm over to his desk, opens a drawer, fishes around, and then produces a black Sharpie. I smile, unbutton his shirtsleeve, and slowly roll it up. His eyes are hooded and sexy as the tip of the marker touches his skin. Writing on him feels almost sensual.
I sign my name, adding a heart to the top of the I, just like I did back then. I also have a strong desire to see more of him unclothed.
“I’ve seen your underwear ads, and I know you have tattoos. Can I see them?” I ask, figuring that’s one easy way to get him out of his shirt. And is it bad that I’m hoping he has a few tats hiding under his pants?
He doesn’t reply, just starts unbuttoning his shirt, and then moves me over, so he can stand. My heart races. I hear a creak coming from somewhere in the house. The wind maybe? Or his kids? Part of me wants to tell him to put the shirt back on, so we don’t get caught, but the other part of me wants him to take all his clothes off. Probably just the wind. Please be just the wind.
When his dress shirt slides off his shoulders, instead of seeing the spectacular pecs and abs I’ve seen in magazines, I realize he’s wearing a T-shirt underneath.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s a nice view. Tightly molded to his chest, it’s like a movie-trailer teaser with a glimpse of what’s to come.
I’m hoping our movie is one full of beautiful sexual expression. And dare I wish for love? An over-the-top proposal, a romantic happy ending, driving-off-in-the-sunset happily ever after. You’d think, with all the movies I’d made, I’d have thought about my own life with Troy as one. A chance encounter at a wedding, moving in together shortly after, and traveling the world is the stuff fairy tales are made of. Except alcohol was the evil stepmother in our story, undermining us at every turn, causing me to lose myself while trying to save him.
“This one,” Danny says, bringing me back to the present, pointing at tall Roman numerals on the inside of his forearm, opposite of where I wrote my name, “are the dates of my children’s births.”
I slide my finger across the top of the tattoo. “That’s sweet.”
“It’s off center,” he says with a sigh. “I started it close to my elbow so that I’d have room for all my children’s birthdays.”
I look at the now sad-looking empty space between the middle of his forearm and wrist. “You wanted more kids?”
He nods. “Yeah. I’m an only child, and I’ve always dreamed of having a big family. Lots of kids and grandkids.”
“How come you didn’t have more?”
“Once we got a boy and a girl, Lori said we were done. Our perfect family was complete. She hated being pregnant.”
“I’ve always wanted children,” I whisper, thinking I’d like to help him fill in the empty space.
“Why didn’t you?”
“My dad was an alcoholic. I swore, I’d never bring a child into a situation like that. I remember a few years after being with Troy, I was so excited because I was a few days late. I was thinking of how I was going to get a pregnancy test the next day and how happy I would be if I were pregnant. That night was when Troy had his first relapse. It was ugly and hurtful, but I understood the addiction even though I didn’t get it. Like, I don’t know how you could be so weak as to let something rule your life. Now, I realize I did that, too. I allowed Troy and his addiction to rule my life, which is almost as bad.”
“Have you talked to him since it happened? Where do things stand with the two of you? Will you get a divorce?”
“We were together for a long time but never got married. So, after all that happened last weekend, I was hiding out in the house, trying to wrap my head around it. Trying to mourn what I knew was the end of our relationship. Then, he and his manager just walked in the front door on Wednesday afternoon with no warning. He was all, Sorry, and, Don’t leave me. Thank goodness Jadyn had texted just before, or I don’t know where I would’ve gone. Over the years I had been with Troy, although his popularity grew worldwide and his music was golden, we lost a lot of friends. Well, I did. Party friends are surprisingly easy to find. It’s easy to get caught up in the lifestyle.”
Danny slips his arm around my shoulders and hugs me. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“I’m sorry you are going through a divorce.”
“Thank you.”
We have a quiet moment of just looking at each other, our hearts speaking volumes but our words stuck in our throats.
I expect for him to kiss me, but instead, he says, “Want to see the rest?”
And I’m thinking, The rest of what?
I then remember asking to see his tattoos.
He pulls his T-shirt up on one side, and I can’t contain my gasp.
“I know I shouldn’t so blatantly drool over your muscles. We all know things like a fit body and good looks fade over the years, and it’s important to love the person’s insides and their being, but, damn, Danny, is all of your body perfection?”
He stops and gives me a cocky grin. “Wanna find out?”
But then he stops and backs away. Shakes his head. “I’m sorry. That was completely inappropriate of me.”
“Why?”
“It’s late,” he says, glancing at his watch. “I’d better get to bed.”
Wait, is he inviting me to join him? Can I stand up, kick my feet together with a, Yee-haw, and break out in song?
I glance at his bedroom door.
His eyes follow mine, and then a sad look crosses his face as he takes my hand and says, “I’ll walk you out.”
He’s kicking me out?
“Okay,” I say, suddenly upset.
When he opens the door, I step outside and don’t bother to look back. “Night,” is all I mutter.
He shuts the door behind me. I stand there for a few minutes, wondering what just happened before dropping down on the front stoop to cry.
Danny
I close the door, feeling like I just shut my heart in it. I peek out the dining room window, making sure Jennifer can’t see me as she walks next door. But she’s not there.
I have a moment of panic. Where did she go? I stand directly in front of the window, not caring now if she sees me, and look down both sides of the street. She’s nowhere.
I run to the front door and open it, finding her sitting on the top step, her head bowed toward her knees, crying.
Shit.
I gently shut the door and sit down next to her. “Why are you crying?”
She shakes her head. “I’m not sure. All of it, I guess.”
“All of it, or all of me?”
She looks up, tears streaming down her face. “You.”
“I should have had the courtesy to walk yo
u home. I know that. But, if I had …”
“What?”
“I would have kissed you good night. And, I wouldn’t have stopped there.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to.”
“My kids could come home any minute.”
“So, you and your wife never had sex? No wonder she looked elsewhere,” she says, her comment stinging. “Night, Danny. Good luck with your game. I’m going to head back to LA on Monday. Get my life together, and stop hiding out here, in the middle of nowhere.”
Her chin is jutted out. The hurt I’ve caused is written all across her face.
I reach out and take her hand, pulling her up. I lead her across the yard and then up the stairs to Jadyn’s office.
I follow her into the room.
When the door closes, it’s dark, just a little moonlight coming in through the window.
“Jennifer, it’s taken me months to come to terms with the fact that my marriage is over. I’m rebuilding my life, my kids’ lives, and I’m trying to figure out a settlement with Lori. I’m a few days away from knowing when it will be over, when I can start over. If she signs the papers on Wednesday, it will be thirty days. You just ended your long relationship a week ago.
“I can’t kiss you again because, if I do, I’ll end up in bed with you or probably on this table and everywhere else we can think of. I’m ready for that, but I don’t think you are. I know you say you’re done with him, but I can’t … let myself be with you like that when I don’t know. Maybe Jadyn’s right, and I am being a pussy, but I finally get now why she was afraid to date Phillip after they were friends for so long. She was afraid it wouldn’t work, and she’d lose him. I lost you once by my own doing, and I don’t have the strength right now to lose you again.”
I bring her hand to my lips, pressing it into my skin, just like I did at the end of our night together all those years ago.
I pull my hand away, and she throws herself into my arms.
“Jadyn suggested that I hang out with you, be friends. Can we do that? Do you want to get to know each other better? Take it slow?” I ask. Well, beg really.
“Yes,” she says, “but I need you to know that I’m not going to get back together with Troy this time. I shouldn’t have taken him back after the second rehab, and I told him I wouldn’t if there were a third. I can’t be with him, Danny. I don’t want to be. I don’t know if we will work, and I don’t want you to think this is me rebounding. I told you that night, and I’ll tell you again. If you can’t promise forever, just promise tonight.”
I lower my lips to hers, giving her only a taste.
Then, I walk away.
As I close the door behind me, I turn around. “I want forever more than I want tonight, Jennifer. If you go back to LA on Monday, I hope you know that it was really nice seeing you again.”
October 29th
Danny
“Is Jennifer not coming to the party?” Phillip asks me.
“I don’t think so. She said something last night about going home tomorrow.”
I don’t tell him how our night ended, but he must be able to tell from the look on my face.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“Last night was really fun. We watched game film after dinner. She sat on my lap. She enjoyed being with me and doing something I loved. Remember in high school how you’d invite a girl over, but you’d end up kissing through most of the movie?”
“Yeah. Heck, Jadyn and I rarely see the movie still. Or we have to rewind a lot.”
“It started like that. That fun, flirty beginning of a relationship. The problem is, every time I feel like I want to take things further, I stop myself.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?” I throw my hands into the air. “She’s going back to LA. This was a convenient place for her to hide out. That’s it. Even though she says she can see a future with us together, she’s freaking leaving, which says it all.”
“Danny, it’s not like she can’t come back.”
“And what about the kids? And, no, I’m not using them as an excuse. It’s a legitimate concern. I can’t move to LA or fly off to see her. I have responsibilities here. Although I think the beach is gorgeous, I’m a Midwestern boy. I like the seasons. I like the people. It’s home. I won’t uproot my kids. And I’m technically still married. Regardless of my wife’s morals, I don’t want the kids to think it’s okay. Because, to me, it’s not. I can’t handle the thought of Jennifer leaving tomorrow, but I have to let her go. LA is her home. And you need to make sure Jadyn lets her go, too.”
“Better watch what you say next,” Phillip says. “She’s coming this way.”
Jadyn bounds up to us and grabs Phillip’s tie. He’s dressed as Clark Kent—long-sleeved shirt and loosened tie, dress pants and suspenders, hair slicked back, and black glasses. His shirt is unbuttoned to reveal a shiny red Superman shirt. Jadyn is Lois Lane in a tight pencil skirt and business jacket. The rest of the family is dressed as different superheroes. Chase is Spider-Man, Haley is Wonder Woman, Ryder is Batman, Madden is the Flash, and the dog is Captain America.
“I think we’re going to win the contest this year,” she says to Phillip. “Danny, I’m surprised you didn’t dress up.”
Joey, one of my high school friends and his youngest son join us. Their family—which includes wife, Chelsea; daughter, Jaci; and sons, Jack and Jacob—are dressed as zombies with elaborate face paint.
“What’s that say?” Jack asks Jadyn, pointing to the steno notebook in her hand.
She flips it up, and Jacob reads, “I beat Superman. No way, Superman is unbeatable,” he says and then takes off when he sees Ryder.
“Not if you know how to do it right,” Jadyn quips.
This causes Joey to hoot with laughter, and Phillip gives Jadyn a sexy smirk, followed by a kiss. She flips the other side over and shows it to us.
I’m his kryptonite.
“Now, that is a freaking true statement if there ever were one.” Joey laughs again.
I glance up, movement from a window above the garage catching my attention. I pretend to look straight at Jadyn but use my peripheral vision to see Jennifer sitting in the window seat, looking down at us. Although I can’t see her face, I know she’s feeling left out.
I took Dani and Damon to get their costumes a few weeks ago. Dani is a sparkling unicorn, and Damon is a skeleton. I overheard him tell Chase that he was going to let girls know they were free to jump his bones. Kid’s a chip off the old block.
I look down at myself and then at my friends and their families, who, unlike me, are all dressed up and having fun. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. Lori took that away from me, too, I realize.
I glance back up at the window.
“Jadyn, do you still have those costumes from last year? The ones you didn’t wear?”
“Yeah.”
“Could I borrow them?”
“Sure, come with me,” she says with a grin.
She leads me into their basement storage room, scanning the plastic totes. “What happened with you and Jennifer last night? She hasn’t left her room today. And I overheard you tell Phillip that she’s going back home tomorrow.”
I run my hand through my hair. “You told me I had to be careful until Wednesday.”
“In public. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, Danny.”
“I made her cry,” I admit. “Look, I’m going to try to make it up to her. Just find the costumes, okay?”
She pulls the costumes out. “Since they are all wrapped in plastic, they aren’t wrinkled. You should be good to go.”
“Thanks.”
I go into the guest bath and put on my costume, slip out into the garage, and then run up the stairs to Jennifer’s room.
Jennifer
I wake up late, wrap myself up in the fluffy robe that was hanging in the bathroom, make myself a cup of coffee from the machine in Jadyn’s office, and then sit sideways o
n the window seat, looking down at the Mackenzies’ backyard. The Halloween party has started. Phillip is helping kids into a bounce house, Chase is attaching a skull-shaped piñata under the large black spider on top of the monkey bars, Nick is helping an adorable little girl bob for apples, and Dani is handing out caramel apples to everyone. It’s like a scene out of a freaking Rockwell painting.
Tears fall down my face as I wish that I were part of it. That a scene like this could be part of my reality. But it’s not.
Danny was right for stopping things. It’s only been a week since everything happened with Troy. It’s only been a few days since I left town. And, for some stupid reason, I still feel responsible for Troy. I feel bad that I’m not there to help get him to rehab. I also feel bad that I told Danny I was going back to LA when it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m not ready to face reality.
But I have to.
I didn’t sleep last night. My words kept echoing in my head.
“If you can’t promise forever, just promise tonight.”
Back, when I’d first said it, I was being my flirty, bold self. It was cute. Last night, it made me sound desperate. That I’m willing to settle for one night with Danny when it’s really not what I want.
Add to that the fact that Troy’s texts have grown more desperate-sounding, and I made the mistake of answering the phone when he called at three in the morning.
Drunk.
I’m deep in thought, trying to figure out how I’m going to talk Troy into going back to rehab before he completely destroys everything he’s worked so hard for, when a knock on the door startles me, almost causing me to spill my coffee.
I set the cup down, tighten up the robe, and open the door.
“Oh my gosh, Danny! What the heck are you wearing?” I laugh.
“I’m a rhinestone cowboy,” he says.
“You have to come inside, so I can see that a little closer.” When he does, I make him spin. “This might be the best costume I’ve ever seen. You know, with a name like Danny Diamond, you totally could have been a Vegas lounge singer. And this suit. Sparkling hot-pink leather, appliquéd with a green cactus, yellow mountains, and white clouds. And don’t get me started on all the bling.”