Options? For her there was only one option. Not that she didn’t understand the need for other choices, but her choice was made—and it was irrevocable.
“When am I getting out of here?” she asked. Because she was ready to go home. She was getting stronger every day, and she was ready to start her life again.
Fear rolled through her at the thought there could be another life to take care of. She thought in terms of could be because she knew it was early enough in the pregnancy that it might not stick. But what if it did?
Oh, how she hoped it would. But her profession was dangerous. She’d made enemies. And she knew what happened when those enemies took their revenge.
She pressed a hand to her abdomen as a wave of fierceness overcame her. If this little one made it, she’d never leave him or her. She’d get another job. She’d wait tables or clean motel rooms. Didn’t matter, so long as she was there for her baby. She couldn’t help but think of Roman and how she’d wanted to be there for him but hadn’t been allowed.
Not this time, dammit.
“You’ve been through a lot,” the doc was saying. “But I think a couple of more days should be sufficient.”
He left a short while later, and she was alone with her thoughts. But not for long. There was a knock on the door and then it swung open to reveal the man she loved. Her heart leapt like a puppy on a leash, careening around and bumping her rib cage with excitement.
He wore his uniform, complete with medals on his chest, and she thought she’d never seen a more handsome man in her life. He held his hat in one hand. The beard was gone, which she lamented because she’d loved it, and his hair was cropped short again. But beard or not, he looked delicious. Movie-star handsome and wearing a uniform? Be still her heart.
Her body responded with a flood of wetness between her thighs. Geez, a little soon maybe…
“Hi, Johnny,” she said softly, feeling suddenly shy and scared all at once. A baby. His baby. My god, it was surreal. Déjà vu, but this time she could tell him about it. This time nobody was forcing her to leave him for the sake of duty or country.
Though she also knew she couldn’t stay. It wasn’t possible. Sadness wrapped a fist around her and squeezed. They’d work it out. Somehow. He would know this child if he wanted to, even if they couldn’t be together.
“Hi, honey,” he said, stalking over to her bedside like a badass and bending to kiss her forehead. She was having none of that, however. She caught his face between her hands and pressed her mouth to his.
He groaned, his tongue swiping into her mouth, his kiss hard and possessive before he gently pushed her away and dropped into the chair beside her bed.
He confused her. She didn’t remember getting shot, but she remembered lying on the floor and telling him she loved him. She remembered him begging her not to leave him again. She also remembered hot tears dropping onto her face. His tears.
But this man was calm and in control. He’d said nothing about those moments, nothing about her declaration of love—or about his anguish when he’d thought she was dying. Maybe he’d changed his mind. It was possible. He had a lot to be angry over, so maybe those things had returned to the forefront of his mind. He’d been reacting to the situation, not out of any real return of the feelings he’d once had.
Yet just now, in that kiss, she’d thought there was something more. Some piece of that desperation he’d shown when he’d been kneeling beside her and begging her not to go. She reached for his hand because she couldn’t help herself, and he threaded his fingers through hers.
“You look fancy today,” she said. “Something happening?”
“I resigned my commission,” he said, and her heart knocked her ribs again.
“What? Why? I thought you were cleared. Ian said everything was good and you’d be taking command of HOT again.”
Ian had been to visit her once, but he’d had a lot to say about the mission and everything that had happened. She’d felt when he’d left that she knew more about him than she’d learned in the entire seven years she’d worked for him. Ian Black was a good man, no matter what anyone else thought about him.
Johnny squeezed her hand, his gaze dropping to their clasped fingers. Then he lifted her hand to his mouth, opening it and pressing a kiss to her palm. He didn’t look at her, and she got the impression he was dealing with a shit ton of emotion.
She reached over and touched his cheek. “Johnny. Please. You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
He sucked in a deep breath and lifted his head. His eyes glittered. It took her breath away and she cried out, pushing herself up and toward him.
“No, honey,” he said softly, standing and pressing her down again. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
“I’m fine. But you—” She searched his gaze as she lay back in the bed and stared up at him.
He grinned. “I’m fine. Swear it. Just feeling like a fucking baby at the moment, okay? Give me a minute to find my balls and I’ll be fine.”
She couldn’t help but laugh though her eyes filled with tears. “I still don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. But I’ll help you with those balls if you like.”
He snorted a laugh. “I would like that. Very much. But not right now. You still have healing to do.”
“I’m not that helpless,” she scoffed.
He pressed a thumb to her lips, dragged it softly across them. It was all she could do not to moan. “No, that’s not your style at all,” he said. “But you still need to recover.”
She was beginning to get annoyed. Happily annoyed, but still. “You planning to tell me why you resigned or not?”
He leaned down and kissed her. Not the soft kiss she expected but a hot assault on her senses. Badass. Sexy badass.
“I resigned,” he said, his breath tickling her lips, “because I realized something in Russia. When you got shot—” His fingers squeezed hers where they still clasped hands, his other hand gently tracing a path along her jaw.
Her heart was a wild thing trapped in her chest. She didn’t know what he was going to say, but she desperately wanted to hear it. Because it couldn’t be bad, not if it was affecting him like this.
“I’m not living without you again. Twenty-one fucking years. I missed you every day. I never found love with anyone else because I stopped believing in it when you—when Valentina—died. But I believe in it again. And I believe I’d be a fool to throw it away. So I resigned, because if I have to choose between you and HOT, I choose you.”
He was blurry. Too, too blurry. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to have to choose, Johnny. It’s not fair—”
“Shh,” he said, laying a finger against her lips. “It’s important you know that I chose you. I want you to know that. But honey, the president didn’t accept my resignation. I’m still the HOT commander. Hell, I may even get a promotion.”
Her heart fell. Her stomach flipped. He’d chosen her, but the president wouldn’t let him resign? What did that mean? Oh God…
“It’s okay,” she said, screwing up her courage. “Duty comes first. I get that.”
He looked puzzled for a second. Then he smiled. “No, baby. It’s not like that. We’re not done. I told them I wouldn’t stay if I couldn’t have you.”
Okay, so now she was crying and shaking like a fool. And then he did something that made her cry even harder. He dropped to his knees beside the bed.
“Marry me, Kat. Stay here with me and be my wife. There’s never been anyone but you for me. There never will be.”
Kat couldn’t contain the sob that broke from her chest. Johnny got up and wrapped his arms around her, held her while she cried for all the lost years, the lost opportunities. And yes, their lost little boy. Oh God, especially for him.
“Shh, baby,” he said, his mouth against her hair. “It’s okay.”
She curled a fist into his crisp uniform sleeve. “I know.” She tipped her head back to look up at him. He was bending over her bed, holdin
g her close, and her heart filled with love. “The answer is yes. But you knew that.”
He grinned. “I hoped, but I didn’t know for sure.”
“Oh, Johnny—I’ve loved you for almost half my life. How could there be another answer?” She shifted to the side. “You need to get in bed with me. Please.”
“I shouldn’t.”
“You should. You definitely should.” Because he probably needed to be lying down for what she was about to tell him.
“No funny business,” he said as he shifted until he could stretch out beside her. He held her close, and she put her cheek against his shoulder.
He smelled so good. Her body throbbed with arousal. Fear and excitement chased each other through her bloodstream.
“I’d really like some funny business,” she said. “Maybe even some kinky business.”
He groaned. “Don’t do this to me. Not right now.”
She could feel him growing hard against her leg. She moved so she could rub up against that hardness, and he groaned again.
“Kat. Seriously. I can’t take it.”
She stopped, though she didn’t want to, and reached up to wrap her arms around his neck. “I have to tell you something, Johnny.” She dragged in a breath, blew it out again.
“Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
“I hope so,” she began. “Um, okay. The doctor was just here. And it might not last considering my age, so you should know that up front. And maybe that will be fine with you, because neither one of us is getting any younger, so—”
He put a finger to her lips again. “Just tell me, honey.”
“Okay. I’m pregnant.”
He didn’t speak. He blinked, his jaw falling open.
“Are you mad?” she asked. “A baby is a lot of work—and we’re not twenty anymore. But I want to keep it, Johnny. I never thought I’d have another, but I want him or her so badly. I know it’s crazy, but—”
He silenced her, his mouth taking hers in a hot, sweet, seductive kiss that stirred the desire simmering beneath the surface. When she got out of here… Oh man, she was going to tear his clothes off and have her wicked way with him. It couldn’t happen soon enough.
An eternity later, he lifted his head. “I love you, Kat. Now and forever. You and me and a baby. We can do this. And if it’s not meant to be, then we’ll be fine. But damn, I really want a baby with you. Sounds like heaven to me.”
She touched his jaw, slid her fingers along his cheek and into the short hair at his nape. “Being with you is all the heaven I need.”
He closed his eyes and dropped his forehead to hers. A tremor rippled through him, and she squeezed him tight.
“Every moment spent with you makes me whole. I’m never letting you go again,” he whispered.
“We’re a team. For the rest of our lives.”
“Yeah, we are, aren’t we?”
He kissed her again to seal the deal. Forever.
Chapter 44
Three months later…
Kat wanted to get married outside, and there was no better venue than Jack and Gina’s house on the Eastern Shore of Maryland with its view of the Chesapeake Bay. Mendez had attended plenty of weddings there since Gina Hunter was somewhat of an amateur wedding planner in her spare time, but he’d damn sure never expected he’d be the one getting married.
Yet there he was in his Army dress uniform, medals glittering on his chest, standing in front of the gathered crowd and waiting for his bride to walk up the aisle.
She appeared on the arm of Ian Black, which gave at least half the audience a heart attack. Hell, he’d nearly had a heart attack himself when she’d told him she wanted Black to give her away. There was no one else, she’d argued—plus she’d added that Ian had gotten them together again, in a fashion.
So Mendez shrugged and let her have her way. Whatever she wanted. Whatever made her happy. Because damn, he was one lucky bastard. He’d lost her and found her again, and he wasn’t ever letting her go. Valentina, aka Kat, was his forever.
In his pocket, he had the locket she’d pressed into his hand this morning. “For luck,” she’d said.
He didn’t need luck. He had her. And a baby on the way. That still floored him. Every time he looked at her and thought about the life that was growing inside her, he was amazed and stunned. He was going to be fifty in a couple of months. A father at fifty. Well, why not? He didn’t feel fifty. He felt like he could fucking conquer the world.
He had his command back. He had the woman he loved. And he was brigadier general promotable. He wouldn’t put the rank on for a while yet, but damn, he’d never actually thought he’d get there. The past few years fighting Congress for HOT’s right to exist had made him think he had too many enemies there to ever get approved. Yet approve his promotion they had.
Kat’s smile made his heart ache as she approached. She was letting her hair grow out and she’d dyed it back to its natural color. He loved her red hair, though he’d told her he didn’t care if she was bald so long as she was his. She’d frowned at that, though he’d meant it as a compliment. Then she’d laughed and he’d kissed her silly before stripping her and kissing all the rest of her while she moaned and writhed beneath him.
She and Ian stopped, and the priest asked who gave this woman in marriage. After Ian replied that he did, he placed her hand in Mendez’s and stepped back. Her fingers trembled in his. The small bouquet of white flowers she carried shook just enough that he knew she was nervous. He squeezed her hand and smiled. He’d said they could elope, but she’d wanted the wedding. He thought maybe now she was wishing they’d run off to Vegas.
“Told you,” he murmured.
She laughed softly. “You did.”
She wore a white satin dress that trailed to the grass at her feet. It was simple, without lace or pearls or any of the crazy adornments that usually covered wedding dresses. On her, it was perfect.
The ceremony was quick and to the point. They didn’t write their own vows because they were private people. What they had to say was for each other’s ears only, not for a crowd. And they would say it later tonight when they were tangled in each other’s arms, his body buried in hers, the pleasure between them spiraling so high they felt like they would never come down.
“You may now kiss the bride,” the priest said.
Mendez took her in his arms and lowered his head to hers. He’d intended the kiss to be brief and sweet, but that wasn’t how it happened. Kat put her arms around his neck and opened her mouth—and he was lost. He kissed her until the throats clearing in the background registered.
“I love you,” he whispered as he broke the kiss. He was a little breathless. So was she.
She smiled. “I love you too.”
The crowd broke into cheers when they turned as man and wife and walked down the aisle. An honor guard waited for them, eight men and women with sabers raised high. The last two sabers were crossed in their path. When Kat and Mendez reached those sabers, one of the honor guard welcomed Kat as a military spouse and then swatted her on the behind as they kept walking through the arch. Kat laughed, her face glowing with happiness.
He had to admit it was surreal to him, being here with her. He’d have never thought it could happen, but after the Russia mission and what they’d accomplished there, Kat’s nationality and former status hadn’t been an impediment. She’d helped to thwart a plot against the Russian government and clear the names and reputations of some of America’s finest soldiers.
They headed toward the tent set up for the reception. Gina had gone to great lengths to create a memorable event. As the sun was setting over the Bay, a band struck up soft music and the guests filed into the tent for dinner.
All Mendez could think about was getting Kat naked, but he had to endure the reception for the next several hours. They ate dinner, there were speeches, and then it was time to dance and mingle. The whole thing was torture, especially when Kat walked away to speak to someone and he let his gaze
slide over the line of her back exposed in the dress. Graceful, beautiful.
Hell. He glanced at his watch.
“You’ve got hours of this to endure yet.”
Mendez looked up to find Sam standing there. He hadn’t noticed her in the crowd, but then he’d only had eyes for Kat.
“Sam. I didn’t expect you here.”
She smiled. She looked a little sad. Or maybe it was weary. “I know. I’m not a wedding crasher, and I’m not here to cause a scene. I came as Ian’s plus-one.”
Ian’s plus-one—it hit him then. What he hadn’t known. What she’d never hinted at. Because she’d claimed not to know Ian, so if she was here now…
“You’re Phoenix.”
She shrugged. “If I am, I won’t admit it.”
But she’d as good as done so. If she’d had no clue what he was talking about, she’d have responded with confusion instead of a denial. He should be angry, and yet he wasn’t. He was too happy to be angry.
“I’m sorry, Sam. If you’re still hurting.”
“I’m not.” She sniffed. “It’s my own fault. I love the job too much to ever change.” She turned to look at Kat, who was talking to Victoria, Lucky, and Ivy Erikson, the DEA agent. “She’s the right one for you, Johnny. It’s clear.”
“Yeah, she is.”
Sam reached out and squeezed his hand, and then she walked away. He watched her go, thinking that she was a sad and lonely woman—and probably always would be if she kept putting the job first.
He walked over to where Kat stood with the women and put his hand against her back. She shivered immediately, and it made him shiver too. Jesus, he loved this woman. Needed her like he needed air. He dropped his mouth to her ear.
“I need you. Alone. Now.”
“Yes,” she said. “Let’s go.”
It was easier said than done. It still took twenty minutes to get away, but soon they were in the car and heading for the hotel where they’d booked a suite. Half an hour later, he had her naked and beneath him, her legs wrapped around his body as he slid inside her. He made love to her slowly, deliberately. She came with his name on her lips. He followed her over the edge, then rolled and gathered her into his arms.
HOT Valor (Hostile Operations Team - Book 11) Page 25