by Desiree Holt
“Until I heal?”
“Fallon, none of us are ever really healed. We all have baggage we drag around. No, call this a maintenance process, until you’re secure enough in yourself to go to Cord without reservation. To live your life without fear.”
She thought about it for a moment then nodded her head. “Fair enough. So shall we get to the unpacking?”
* * * * *
“I can only pass along what she gives me permission to tell you,” Claire told Cord. They were sitting at Starbucks, where they’d been meeting three times a week. Despite her busy schedule, she always made time for him, knowing how much he was hurting and how desperate he was for any information.
He took a swallow of his Café Americano. “I feel like a starving dog sniffing for crumbs.”
“Have faith. Please. It’s all good. But she needed to come to the realization of who and what she is herself. So she can finally come back to you with no reservations.”
Cord shook his head. “I hope it happens before I lose my mind. How’s her therapy coming?”
“Very well. Extremely well. I should have insisted she do this when I dragged her out of that house the first time.”
Cord shook his head. “She had to want to do it. This time she did.”
Claire trailed her finger around the rim of her coffee cup. “Jack made an excellent choice when he recommended Ted Widener. In fact, I just dropped her off after her latest session. Fallon relates to him and has really opened herself up so he can help.”
“Thank god for that.” He tossed back the rest of his coffee. “Are you… Can you tell her…”
Claire smiled. “She knows you’re waiting for her, Cord. That’s a lot of what keeps her going. Believe me.”
“I don’t suppose I could get your permission for a phone call, Mom, could I?”
“Mom.” She snorted. “And sorry, but no phone calls. Not yet. Fallon doesn’t think she’s ready. But,” she leaned forward, “I think she’d be really happy if she got a text from you.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. “Here. I got her a new cell phone. Only two people have her number. Ted Widener and me. And now you. I think she’s ready for this.”
He took the piece of paper and stared at it as if it were a lifeline.
Claire chuckled. “You can keep it. You don’t have to memorize it.”
He folded it and put it in his shirt pocket. “Thanks.” He fiddled with his empty coffee cup. “Let me ask you something. She still has all her things at my house. She’s never asked for them, nor have you. Why not?”
“I think,” Claire mused, “because she wants them right where they are. I shopped with her for a few things when she was finally able to get out, but Cord? I truly believe she has every intention of returning to Comanche Pass Ranch. If you want her.”
“If I want her?” He had to stop himself from shouting. “Of course I want her! I just—”
“I know. So have a little patience. Also, let me remind you, the Emersons’ barbecue is coming up. You’re going, right?”
“Pretty much have to. Part of the public relations bit.” His eyes lit with interest. “Why? Do you think you can get her to go with you?”
Claire shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’m going to mention it. She hasn’t been out in crowds since—since she moved into my house. I think it might help her, and I know she wants to resume her business soon. I’ll check with Ted Widener just to be sure.”
“Let me know.”
“Definitely.” She rose from her chair, gathering her litter. “And now I need to get going. I promised Fallon I’d bring her a scone before I head to my office. You go on back to the ranch. Work hard. And send a text. Okay?”
“I owe you a lot,” he said after a moment. “If not for you, I would have gone insane.”
“If I thought this was bad for Fallon, I would have told you so. But you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her. She’ll come back to you. And she’ll be a whole person when she does.”
* * * * *
Fallon reclined in the chaise lounge, a wide-brimmed hat shading her from the late-afternoon sun, and stared at the cell phone in her hand. She’d been staring at it for the better part of the day, fingers trembling as they hovered over the message icon.
I miss you. I want to tie you to my bed forever.
She smiled, wondering how many people would actually know that was an intensely emotional message. She closed her eyes and conjured an image of Cord, naked, standing before her with his cock hard. In one hand he held a pair of handcuffs, in the other a blindfold. Her breath caught in her throat at the picture. Tremors raced through her pussy and liquid soaked the crotch of her thong.
Clutching the cell to her chest, she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. For the first time since that terrible afternoon at the Frontier and the nightmare at Brian’s house, she felt an honest-to-god pure sexual response. To Cord. Without any reservations or any questions in her mind. And without Brian’s face suddenly superimposed over everything.
“Is that thing welded to your hand?” Claire’s laughing voice sounded behind her. “You’ve been holding it since before I left for the office this morning. I brought you something to distract you.”
Fallon sat up and swung her legs over the side of the chaise. Claire had changed from her office attire to a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and was carrying two glasses of white wine out to the patio.
“I’m not sure if I should answer it or not,” she said, reaching for one of the glasses.
“Do you want to?” Claire dropped into a patio chair, draping her legs over one curled wrought iron arm.
Fallon let out a little sigh. “More than I can tell you. More than I thought I would.”
Claire shrugged. “Then maybe you should.” She studied Fallon over the rim of her glass. “Are you sure you’re ready to see him? What does Ted say?”
“That I’m ready to take steps. To move forward.” She took a healthy sip of the wine, waiting while the chilled liquid trickled down her throat. “Ted says I’m ready to test the waters. Baby steps, but steps all the same. That at this point it’s up to me.” She smiled. “He says I’ve slayed my demons and accepted that I am what I am without reservation. That I need to get unstuck now.”
“There you go. That’s what you should do.”
Fallon rubbed her thumb along the side of the cell. “What if he’s tired of waiting after all this time? Or if he expects something I can’t give him?”
“Jesus, Fallon, you sound like you’re getting ready for a high school date.” She smiled. “I can tell you with great certainty that whatever you can give him will be more than enough for Cord. You said baby steps. He’ll understand that.” She took another sip of wine. “So what did he say? Are you ever going to tell me?”
Fallon smiled but shook her head. “No. I think not.”
“Ohmigod, you’re blushing.” Claire hooted with laughter. “I can’t believe it.”
“If you’re going to act like an ass then I won’t tell you anything.” She pushed herself off the chaise and headed toward the house, then stopped abruptly. She turned back to Claire with a sigh. “I’m sorry. You’ve been nothing but kind support and comfort all these weeks. I don’t know what I would have done without you. And I’m sure Cord feels the same way. I just… Everything feels so new to me, like I’m starting over.”
“You are, kiddo. A fresh start. Go on, send him a text. He’s probably worn the face off his phone pulling it out of his pocket all day to check.”
Fallon sat in one of the chairs at the table and thought a moment, then typed before she could change her mind.
I’d like to be there, too.
She hit send before she could change her mind then tucked the phone into a pocket of her shorts.
She fiddled with her glass. “But I feel funny just calling him up and saying, ‘Hi, can we have a sleepover?’”
Claire choked on a mouthful of wine. “I don’t think that�
��s exactly what the plan should be, sweetie.” She wiped the splashes of liquid from her chin with the back of her hand. “But I do have an idea. A way to dip your toes in the water, so to speak.”
“And what would that be?”
“The Emersons are having a barbecue in three weeks. Their annual Fourth of July shindig. You passed on it last year, remember?”
Fallon shrugged. “I was just getting back into the world again. I felt strange accepting an invitation from people I didn’t even know. I think they only asked me because I was your friend, anyway.”
“Oh shoot. They invite everyone whether they know them or not.” Her mouth curved in a sly grin. “I happen to know Cord’s also invited. You could, you know, just sort of bump into him there. See what happens.”
Fallon chewed her lip, her nerves suddenly doing a dance beneath every surface of her skin. “I don’t know, Claire.”
“Think about it. Okay? We’ll go together. Maybe even shop for some new duds.” She winked. “A snazzy outfit.”
“I’m just not sure—”
“How about this. We’ll go, spend a little time. The minute you want to leave, we’re out of there.”
“But that means inconveniencing you,” Fallon protested. “What if you want to stay longer?”
“Sweetie, I can always bring you home and go back if it’s that important to me. But it’s not. You are.”
Fallon stared into her wineglass, twirling it in her fingers. “Cord will be there?”
Claire nodded. “I expect so. He’s becoming what you’d call a notable in the area. That event center has really taken off.”
“Oh, I’m so glad.” She dipped her head, hiding her sudden embarrassment. “I should have been there for all of that. Helping. Promoting it.”
”No more of that, Fallon.” Claire grasped her hand on the table. “You gave it a great launch. Helped him hire a top-notch director. And if things work out the way I think they will, you’ll be involved again. Don’t do this to yourself, okay?” Claire leaned toward her. “Yes, Cord will be at the barbecue. I definitely think it would be great for the two of you to run into each other and take it from there.”
Fallon laughed, an unfamiliar sound to her ears. She hadn’t had much to laugh about in a long time. “You are so sneaky. But okay. Maybe you’re right. Seeing him for the first time in a crowd would be easier for me.”
Then she lowered her gaze and took a sip of wine, fortifying herself before she asked the next question. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to hear the answer. “What if he decides he can’t forgive me after all?”
“Enough. The man is completely hung up on you. Trust me. I can verify that.”
“Even with, you know—”
“Even with. He’s been waiting not so patiently for just this opportunity. And like I said, the minute you feel uncomfortable, we’re out of there.” She pulled her cell out of her pocket. “I’m going to call him, okay?”
After only a moment’s hesitation, Fallon nodded. “Yes. All right.”
A nervous shiver slid over her skin as she watched Claire hit the speed-dial button for Cord. Was he really waiting for her? Did he really mean what he’d said in his text?
Only one way to find out.
Chapter Fifteen
Red, white and blue lanterns lined the driveway at the Emersons and the walk around to the back of the enormous ranch house. Music floating on the air mingled with the sound of dozens of voices. Fallon walked tentatively with Claire from the shoulder of the driveway where they’d parked, nervous butterflies beating a frenzied rhythm in her stomach.
She’d barely slept the night before, imagining over and over how this first meeting with Cord might play out. Despite Claire’s many assurances regarding Cord’s feelings, Fallon still couldn’t scrub her memory of the look on his face that last awful afternoon.
Since Claire had convinced her to come to the barbecue, Fallon had thought of little else. Seeing Cord after all this time, after what had happened, had every nerve in her body firing. Could he really still want her just as much? Still have the same feelings for her? She’d betrayed him so badly. Was forgiveness truly possible?
Get it together, girl. This is the new you.
And a hopefully much-improved version.
She was glad Claire had dragged her out for a shopping trip. They’d gone to the Tanger Outlet in San Marcos, a very unlikely place to run into Brian, so she could shop feeling safe and secure. Now in her new wedge sandals, embroidered jeans and tight tank top, with a gauzy blouse knotted just beneath her breasts, she actually felt like a new person.
As they rounded the corner of the house, she took a deep breath and followed her friend through the gate, suddenly assaulted by a mass of people, colors, sounds. For a moment she had an almost overwhelming urge to turn and run back to the car.
“Easy,” Claire murmured. “It’s going to be fine. Look. Here’s Lorna Emerson.”
A tall, well-endowed woman in jeans and a rhinestone-studded, red, white and blue Western shirt strode toward them, hand out.
“Well, Claire, I’m sure glad y’all made it!” She shook Claire’s hand then pulled her into a hug. “This is about the only time I get to see you.”
“You know I wouldn’t miss it.” Claire extricated herself gently. “Lorna, this is my very good friend Fallon Crowe. She’s the—”
“Really talented lady responsible for the success of the Comanche Pass event center. Hal and I were at the opening party but we didn’t get a chance to meet then. What with the big crowd you had and all.”
Her hand was warm, her handshake firm and her smile welcoming. The butterflies in Fallon’s stomach began to slow the beating of their wings. “Thank you for inviting me.”
“Let’s get you over to the bar. This is very thirsty weather today.”
Keeping Fallon’s hand firmly in hers, she wound her way through the crowd, towing Fallon behind, speaking to everyone along the way without a hitch in her breath or her step.
“Now.” She stopped at the long bar that had been set up. “Name your poison. Whatever it is, I’m sure we’ve got it.” She leaned closer so her words were just for Fallon. “When you’re ready, there’s a bunch of folks I want you to meet. They want to talk to you about promotion.” She stepped back. “Y’all have fun, okay?”
Fallon turned to Claire, shoulders tense. “Did you say anything to her? About where I’ve been? Or what—”
“No. She didn’t.”
The deep voice behind her slipped over Fallon like warm molasses. She turned and nearly bumped into Cord standing intimately close.
“I’ve had a lot of people ask who handled the promotion for the event center. I told them you’ve been ill but as soon as you were back in the office, you’d be open for business.”
“H-Hello, Cord.” Her voice shook.
God. Considering her heightened nerves, his nearness was almost overwhelming. She searched his face desperately for any trace of the anger and loathing she’d seen that last afternoon. But all she saw was need and maybe a touch of his own anxiety.
“Fallon. You’re looking—wonderful.” His smile was enough to ease her nervousness a bit and warm her deep down inside. “Delectable, as a matter of fact.”
“Thank you.” Her lips curved in a tiny smile. “You look pretty damn good yourself.”
She had been so afraid of this first meeting but suddenly, as if a magic wand had been waved, everything felt easy. Okay. There was no anger in his eyes, only desire. And something else, something she was afraid to identify just yet.
“You don’t have to be uneasy around me.” He brushed his knuckles against her cheek in a familiar gesture. “It’s all good. I promise. I’ve been waiting for this for weeks.”
“I, uh—me too.” God, she sounded like a first-class idiot. This wasn’t at all how she’d planned to act. She had assured both Ted and Claire that she was strong now. Ready to see Cord. Ready to see if they still had something between them. She tried
to swallow but her mouth was dry.
“A glass of wine?”
“Y-Yes. Please.”
He turned to the bartender and ordered their drinks. Fallon was vaguely aware that Claire had blended back into the crowd.
“How about if we wander over to that shady spot under the trees, away from the mob scene?” Without waiting for her answer, Cord placed his hand at her elbow and steered her in that direction.
In the sheltering canopy of ancient oak trees, the sounds of the crowd faded, giving the illusion it was just the two of them. Fallon took a fortifying sip of wine, searching for something to say. It just felt so right, being with him, but she had so much to atone for. So much to say to convince him of her feelings. More than anything, she wanted to throw herself in his arms and beg forgiveness but despite Claire’s assurances, she was still uncertain of his feelings.
As if reading her thoughts, he cupped her cheek with his free hand, fingers warm on her skin. “I’ve missed you every single day, Fallon. Every minute of every day and night.”
She searched his eyes as if seeking an answer. When she saw the hunger, the need, the heat, the butterflies in her stomach settled even more.
“I-I’m so very sorry for what I did.” He shook his head but she needed to get it out. “No, let me say this. Ted Widener has made me see a lot of things about myself. Helped me to understand why I couldn’t break free of Brian, despite what you and I had.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But that’s all past, Cord. Every bit of it.”
“Hush. I know that. I’ve been keeping up with your progress, remember?” He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip.
Heat sizzled through her, a flutter of happiness following. It was still there! The connection! The feeling she’d only ever felt with Cord. Did he feel it too? Was that what the look in his eyes was?
“I—” She wet her lips, unable to get out the words she wanted.
“You don’t have to say anything right now, girl.”
It thrilled her to hear him use that form of address. “I just want you to know—I want to be with you, Sir.” There. She’d gotten it out.