I was pretty proud of myself, though. I was able to assist in catching a known drug dealer. Sean hadn’t been aware that streets had been shut down in the warehouse district and without me, he would have run out of battery with my little electric car. Of course, if I hadn’t offered him a ride, none of this would have happened to begin with. Perhaps Officer Wheeling wouldn’t have been shot and the police would have apprehended Carlos Ramirez at his home instead.
When Sean was finally done at the station, we headed out to his truck in the parking lot of the police station.
“How about we grab a drink? I know I could use one after the day I’ve had.”
“Sure.”
We headed toward The Pub where I had met all of his friends the other night.
“I met your friends at The Pub the other night. They all seem very nice. In fact, Harper and Jack helped me out.”
“Helped you with what?”
“A man came up to me and started hitting on me. It was getting a little out of hand and Harper came over to make him go away. Then Jack came over and they had some weird kind of foreplay argument.” I shook my head, still not understanding exactly what happened. “Anyway, the guy took off and then I hung out with all of them. You know, your friends all had very strange ways of meeting up with their spouses. Except for Anna and Luke.”
“Why is it weird? Not everyone just finds the person they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with through friends or online dating.”
“I just mean, it’s all very intense. Cole and Alex especially. I mean, a serial killer is pretty intense. They didn’t go into detail, but I got the gist of it. It had to be very stressful.”
“It wasn’t exactly a happy time for either of them, but they got through it together. My sister was actually targeted by the same serial killer. She just barely escaped with her life. She just started living her life again thanks to Drew and Sarah. They took her in and gave her a job as a nanny for their twins. She’s not back to normal again, but it’s definitely better than it was.”
“What happened to the father of Sarah’s twins?”
He seemed to hesitate just a minute before glancing at me. “She’s never said.”
“And Drew’s okay with that? What if the father came back wanting custody? Isn’t he at all curious about the man that just walked away from her?”
He pulled into the parking lot and shut off the truck before turning to me with a stern expression. “Frankly, it’s none of your business. What happens between the two of them is between them. It’s not our place to judge. Either you accept people the way they are or you don’t. Sarah is an amazing woman and she doesn’t deserve for you to pass judgement without knowing her.”
I flushed at his accusation. Was that what I was doing? “I’m sorry. I never meant to.. I wasn’t trying to judge.”
“But you were. Maybe your life is all wonderful and everything is going as it should, but not everyone has that kind of life.”
He stared me down and I swallowed thickly under his cold stare. I actually felt chills race down my spine and questioned the sanity of putting myself in the position to be spending time with this man.
“Let’s go get a drink.”
He got out of the truck and didn’t wait for me as he walked toward the bar. Shaking myself out of my frozen state, I climbed out of the truck and followed him inside. He was already walking toward the bar, so I went and grabbed a bar stool.
“What can I get you?” The bartender asked.
“I’ll have a white wine.”
“Beer. Whatever’s on tap.”
We sat in uncomfortable silence as we drank our beverages. I didn’t know what to say to him and I felt that my questions had put a strain on our..whatever this was between us.
When I was almost finished with my wine, he grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the door.
“Let’s go.”
“Okay.”
I assumed he was taking me home now since the night had become one giant bust. That was fine. I had work tomorrow and I had plenty to do before I went to bed. He pulled out into traffic, but he didn’t head in the direction of my house.
“Um, where are you going? My house is the other way.”
“I’m taking you to my house.”
“And why would you do that?”
“Because, I can’t stop thinking about how good your ass looks in that skirt. Now I want to see what it looks like out of it.”
I blinked a few times completely stunned by the arrogance of this man. “I don’t understand. You think that just because you want to see what my backside looks like, that I’ll automatically go home with you?”
“Honey, don’t pretend like you don’t feel it too. I know you were as into that kiss as I was. There was definitely something there.”
“Even if there was, why would you assume that I would just go home with you?”
“How long are we going to play this game?”
“What game?”
“The game where you pretend you aren’t interested in sleeping with me so you don’t seem like a slut. Don’t worry, honey. I won’t judge you.”
I was absolutely mortified. I had never had someone just assume that I would sleep with them and I wasn’t sure what kind of vibe I was sending off to make him think I would.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you. I do not ever intend on sleeping with you. I’m quite sure you are not the man for me and I am not the woman for you.”
“You don’t have to be the woman for me. You just have to be the woman for right now.”
I let out a frustrated sound. “When will you get it through your thick skull? I’m not playing hard to get, nor am I trying to seem less like a..slut. I simply do not want to sleep with you. You are arrogant, rude, you swear like a sailor, and you have very poor manners.”
“What makes you think I have poor manners?”
“Well, for starters, not once have you attempted to hold a door open for me.”
“Ah, so you want me to wine and dine you.”
“No, I most certainly do not. I’m just telling you why I would never choose you to be my partner.”
He pulled into a driveway and put the truck in park. When he turned to me, he looked truly confused.
“So, let me get this straight. You’re not playing hard to get?”
“No.”
“You don’t want to sleep with me?”
“Not one bit.”
“What about the kiss?”
I flushed as I thought back to how my lips tingled when he kissed me. I could still feel his tongue swiping against mine. I had never been kissed, and there were still things that I didn’t understand about how my body reacted to it.
“See? The look on your face says that you remember every second of that kiss and you liked it. So tell me why we couldn’t at least do more of that?”
“I think you should take me home. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I told you I wouldn’t sleep with you, so let’s leave it at that.”
Fifteen minutes later, Sean dropped me at my house and I bolted from the truck before he could question me further about any of it. I was so confused and I just didn’t understand what I was feeling. I needed another woman to talk to.
✯✯✯✯✯
After much tossing and turning the night before, I decided that I was going to call Alex. When I met her the other night, she seemed to really understand me and I thought I would feel comfortable talking with her. Luckily, I had grabbed her number before I left the other night.
After having my morning coffee, I finally worked up the courage to call her. When she answered I was a little hesitant, but when I finally asked to meet her, she seemed overjoyed to get together.
I went to school and made it through the day, only partially thinking about the events of the last twenty-four hours. I had to admit, my mind wandered to Sean quite a few times and I had to be asked questions several times when my mind wandered. I had ne
ver been this distracted in all my life, and all over a man that most likely would break my heart if I ever gave him a chance.
When the day ended, I packed up my stuff and headed to the address Alex provided. She lived in the country with Cole and assured me that he wouldn’t be home until later. When I pulled up to their house, I was suddenly at peace. It was a beautiful home surrounded by the woods and I wondered why I had chosen to live in town over something so peaceful as this.
Then I stepped out of the car and my heel dug into the mud of the driveway. Clarity hit home and I realized that I was not made out for country life. I liked to dress in nice clothes and mud caked on my heels was not exactly something I could live with.
“Hi, Alex. Thank you for meeting me,” I said when Alex greeted me with a warm smile.
“I’m so glad you called. It’s nice to get together with a new friend.”
“I know how you feel. Up until I met all of you the other night, I really didn’t get together with girlfriends.”
“Well, until I met Cole, I didn’t really have any friends, but his friends all made me feel welcome and gave me a family, so I’m grateful every day for that. Please, sit down. What did you want to talk about?”
“Um..well, this isn’t easy to talk about. I’m not really well versed in matters such as these.”
“I’m guessing you’re referring to sex.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“I think it was obvious to everyone the other night, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I feel like such an idiot. Sex was never discussed in my family. I was raised in a religious home and I still have those beliefs, but I never had any interest in learning any more.”
“Until now.”
“Well, yesterday I was out with Sean on a car chase, completely by accident, of course. There was this moment when we were arguing and suddenly he was kissing me. I felt things and things happened that I didn’t understand.”
“Like what?”
I cleared my throat. This was so difficult to talk about. “I felt warm and my heart was beating very fast. My lips felt like they were on fire when he kissed me.”
“That’s all a very good reaction. That’s just a sign that you two have good chemistry. Have you ever had that reaction with other men?”
I picked at a small thread on my skirt. “I haven’t actually um..” Tears filled my eyes at my sudden humiliation over having to admit this. I had never been ashamed to admit exactly how little experience I had, but then I had never discussed it with anyone either. I took a deep breath and looked up into Alex’s understanding eyes.
“You’ve never kissed anyone before.”
I shook my head slowly. She grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“Honey, there’s nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t be ashamed because you haven’t let men walk all over you.”
“Walk all over me? I haven’t even let them kiss me. I’m just so inexperienced and when I go on a date with a guy, if he doesn’t make me feel something, I just hold back.”
“Who cares? The right man won’t care at all.”
“I doubt Sean would feel that way,” I grumbled.
“So this is more about how Sean will feel about your sexual status.”
“No. He and I would never work, but..”
“But he’s the one who kissed you and made you tingle.”
“I saw him walk out with Vira the other night. He took her home with him. I could never do that. I’m not that girl and I never will be.”
“Then tell him that. If he really wants you, then he’s going to have to listen to what you want.”
“But how could I tell him that? He would look at me as some conquest, not as a potential girlfriend, and that’s if he even considered dating me. He’s not exactly a nice man. Most of the time he’s a total jerk.”
“Look, Lillian. I met Sean when I first came to stay with Cole. I realize that he may come off as a jerk, but I’m not lying when I say that man is a really caring man. If you were to explain to him how you felt about sex, I know that he would be more understanding.”
“He might be so understanding that he walks away.”
“Well, that’s true, but he is who he is. If he feels that he would only hurt you, he probably would decide to walk away.”
I sat there and thought about what she said. I suppose that after last night, none of this might be an issue anymore, but if he did pursue me again, I would have to tell him why I wouldn’t sleep with him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have all the facts, and if I wanted something more with him, he would have to know exactly where I stood.
“What’s bothering you most? Is it that you need to tell him how inexperienced you are?”
“I don’t think so. I think what bothers me the most is that he doesn’t seem like someone I would ever date. I mean, he has a foul mouth and he never behaves like a gentleman. I guess I just always had an image of who I would end up with.”
“When I first started staying with Cole, I was on the run from a man that had tortured me for months. Sean came to this house to try and help me. He didn’t look at me differently, he just did everything he could to make sure that I was safe. He may not be the perfect gentleman or dress the way you like, but once you’re a part of his life, there’s nothing he won’t do for you.”
“I believe that.”
“So, what do you need to know about dating or sex?”
“Okay, this is going to sound ridiculous, but keep in mind that the only thing I know about sex is from what I learned in health class.” She nodded for me to continue. “When Sean kissed me, I got wet..down there. Is that normal or is there something wrong with me?”
She let out a little chuckle. “That’s perfectly normal. That’s your body responding to your attraction.”
“So, will it always be that way?”
“That depends on how attracted you are to the man. I think that’s a good indicator that you liked what he was doing.”
“How do I find out more about sex? I mean, not the basics, but what it’s actually like? Should I read a romance novel?”
Alex laughed out loud as she held her stomach. “Oh, Lillian, you’re killing me. Romance novels will definitely tell you how most girls like sex, in varying degrees, but in reality, sex isn’t usually as good as it’s written in novels.”
“So, what’s it like with you and Cole? Is that overstepping?”
“No, not at all. Sex with Cole is everything you could ever imagine, but it’s different with us. A lot of couples are together because the sex is good, but everything else is only okay, or vice versa. You expect the whole package to get better in time, but that’s not the way it works. Cole and I have it all, which makes the sex explosive.”
“I don’t know why I’m even worrying about this. There’s no way I could get a guy like Sean to wait around for me. He’s already pointed out to me how irritating I am.”
She gave me a devious smile. “You do realize that you’re like forbidden fruit? That alone will keep him coming back for more. Now you just have to decide if you want to give him a chance or not.”
✯✯✯✯✯
After finishing up with grading papers for the night, I took a long, hot bath and then got ready for bed. I pulled my nightgown over my head and looked at myself in the floor length mirror. My nightgown had a wide scoop neck that rested on the edges of my shoulders. It flowed in one long, wide layer down my body and had elastic at the wrists that flowed out into a long curtain around my hand. It was a beautiful, old fashioned look, but I loved the way it felt on my body.
As I studied myself, I realized that this was more matronly than sexy. What guy would ever be turned on by this? I didn’t dress sexy and I didn’t show off my body to men. I didn’t own anything that could even be considered sexy lingerie. I huffed in irritation at my thoughts of ever keeping the attention of a man like Sean. Forbidden fruit or not, when he realized that I wouldn’t sleep with him before marriage, he would walk
away.
I climbed into bed and pushed thoughts of Sean from my mind. My life was fine the way it was and I wouldn’t change myself for anyone.
I woke when something covered my mouth. I found it hard to breathe and I panicked as I realized that it was a hand on my face. My eyes flew open and stared at a black figure in front of me. My chest heaved with the exertion of trying to draw in a full breath.
“You tell your boyfriend to stop looking or I’ll take it out on you.”
Just as quickly as he spoke he was gone. I laid in bed for a few moments trying to figure out what just happened. I finally realized that I needed to call the police and report a break in. I grabbed my phone and went into my bathroom and locked the door.
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“I need to report a break in.”
“Is the intruder still in the house?”
“No. I’m pretty sure he left.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. He came in and gave me a message, then left.”
“What’s your address ma’am?”
“421 Dolly Dr. I need you to contact a Detective Donnelly. The message was for him.”
I hung up before I could think better of staying on the phone with the operator. I sat in the bathroom and waited for something. I wasn’t really sure what to expect and I was a little freaked out that someone had just been in my house, but I was oddly calm about the whole thing. I hadn’t been harmed, so overall the situation wasn’t really that bad.
I heard banging and some yelling, so I calmly opened the door and headed toward the front door. I thought better of going in my nightgown and grabbed my robe off the door. When I was presentable I opened the door to two officers.
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