by DiAnn Mills
The younger man walked in with Morgan behind him. “You didn’t say he’d be with you. I don’t want to see or talk to your brother.”
“Don’t blame Grant.” Morgan stood in the doorway. “I knew you’d throw me out.”
I wish I could really hate you.
The tension could have been split with an ax.
“I’m sorry.” Grant shoved his hands in his pockets. “But a matter needs to be settled, and I’m here to see it’s done.”
“Apologies are useless words to your brother.” Casey focused her attention on the younger man. “He uses them as he sees fit.”
“I’m not referring to apologies,” Grant said. “My brother owes you an explanation for his bad temper, not just for today but for a lot of things. What happens afterward is out of my hands.”
For the first time, Casey glanced Morgan’s way. Lines creased the corners of his eyes. “I’m not in the mood to hear long stories that mean nothing or promises that belong in a spittoon.”
Morgan’s hand rested on the doorknob. “Five minutes, Casey,” he said. “Then, if you still want to go back to town, Grant will take you. And I’ll never bother you again. I promise.”
Her gaze rested on Grant. He silently begged her to listen. For him, she’d give Morgan five minutes. “All right.” Crossing her arms, she sat on the bed.
He closed the door. “I need to tell you about Kathleen.”
Casey studied the violet flowers painted on the pitcher and basin on the washstand.
“My . . . my wife.”
She’d never heard her name before. Sitting motionless, she waited for him to continue. Did she really want to know the story, supposedly the reason for Morgan’s bitterness?
“She died over four years ago . . . Kathleen was murdered.”
Casey’s gaze flew to Morgan’s face. She sensed an explanation more horrible than any evil ever conceived.
Agony gathered in his turquoise eyes. “Jenkins forced himself on Kathleen and killed her.”
Casey gasped and covered her mouth.
Morgan took a deep breath, the nightmare vividly depicted on his face. “The scar on Jenkins’s face? Kathleen put it there just before he used the knife on her. I got to the cabin in time for her to tell me his name.” He stood and moved toward the window. Outside, one of the ranch hands called for another. A horse neighed. “She died in my arms.”
Casey covered her face in her hands. A sob from deep inside rose until she could no longer disguise it. All the words Morgan ever uttered now held undeniable meaning. The many times he’d lost his temper. The hostile looks, his stalking of Jenkins, and his initial plan to use her to get to the outlaw. No wonder Morgan fought any feelings for her. No wonder he warred with himself to drive her from his heart and mind.
“Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me right from the start. If only I had known. If only I had known.”
“And what could you have done?” he said. “I wanted to tell you. I tried, but the words hung in my throat. I hated Jenkins with everything I could possibly feel. I hated him and wanted him dead. I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. The thought lived with me day after day until it became the reason I breathed.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Laid up in Vernal, I found something that I thought I’d never find again. I fell in love with you in a matter of hours. It made no sense. Still doesn’t. But I loved you more than I hated him. The realization that I had to give up one or the other made me furious. You made me want to live. Jenkins made me want to die. I selfishly thought I could keep the truth from you, never thinking I’d hurt you time and time again.” He turned from the window. She’d never seen tears from a grown man.
“Take the time you need, Brother.” Grant placed a hand on his shoulder.
Morgan shook his head. “I have to do this now. I never wanted to catch Jenkins. The chasing and hating pushed me on. My only purpose in life was to kill him, and the chase carried me nowhere except to my own private hell.”
Casey waited, numb and in more misery than she could ever remember. Silence lingered.
“Just when I thought I’d made a turnaround—”
“Stop it, Morgan.” The truth fluttered like a banner across Casey’s heart. “You don’t understand. It’s my fault Kathleen died.” Her gaze swept across the room, not really seeing Grant or Morgan but the glaring face of Jenkins. Everything about her whispered murderer. Thoughts of the calamity between her and Jenkins tore at her heart.
His madness was aimed at me. I lived while an innocent woman died.
“How can you possibly take the blame?” Morgan stepped toward her.
Several moments passed before she could speak. “I remember a time when we camped near Fort Worth. The rest of the gang had ridden into a town, and Jenkins stayed behind. When he tried to force himself on me, I pulled a gun on him. He rode out drunk and mean. He didn’t return for over a week, and when he did, he had the gash on his face.”
Morgan’s face paled.
“Don’t do this to yourself.” Grant kneeled at her side. “You’re not to blame for what he did.”
Casey looked into the young man’s sea-green eyes, gentle and compassionate. “And you wouldn’t?” She wept uncontrollably and didn’t know who the tears were for—Morgan, Kathleen, the Andrews family, or herself. Perhaps they were the culmination of all the suffering. Grant wrapped his arms around her while she wept. She wanted to drown in the truth.
After several minutes, Grant released her and rose to open the bedroom door. “I think I’d better leave you two alone. Casey, I’ll be waiting for your decision about going to town.”
Morgan faced him. “Tell Mama and Bonnie—”
“What has happened.” Grant stuck his hands into his pockets. “They deserve to know everything, and neither of you are in any shape to tell them.” He shut the door without another word.
Stay, Grant. I can’t bear to be alone with your brother.
Morgan took Grant’s place where his brother had knelt on the floor beside her. He lifted her chin to meet his gaze, but she turned away, not wanting him to see her red-splotched face or the sorrow she’d caused. She didn’t know what to feel or think. She was dirty. Vile.
“Please look at me,” he said. “I honestly never intended to hurt you. Falling in love with you seemed to be a terrible joke played on me by some ugly twist of fate. It took losing you in Vernal to see that God had given me back my life by calling me to forgiveness. I had to give Kathleen’s death to God and forgive myself for not being there when she needed me. Craving Jenkins’s blood wouldn’t bring her back. Neither would trying to punish you.”
Casey finally forced herself to look into his face and saw his eyes welled with tears. The longer she stared, the more both of them wept. She reached out to him, and he gathered her up in his arms.
“Oh Morgan, I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who couldn’t be honest with you or myself. I don’t know what I was thinking today. I knew better.” He paused as though to gain control of himself. “I know I’ve asked you this a hundred times, but can you ever forgive me?”
She pulled herself away from him. “I love you. Nothing can change those feelings. I may have been ready to end our relationship, but my resolve didn’t mean my love ended too.”
“I can’t imagine another day without you.”
“I have a long road ahead of me, and as much as I want to be strong, I’m scared.”
“Please let me walk it with you. We can win this battle to clear your name so Jenkins can be found.”
She nodded, not really agreeing but attempting to comfort him. He’d been through enough.
“There’s something I need to do.” Morgan stood and pulled her to her feet. He swept a wispy curl from her damp cheek. His eyes searched hers, and she saw his love more clearly than ever before. “Years ago, I watched a young girl’s face turn from innocence into harsh reality in Billings, Montana. I never forgot that gi
rl. Often wondered what happened to her.” He paused and squeezed her hand. “I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but I will not make another one where you are concerned. I’m asking you to forgive me for all the things I’ve done to hurt you. I love you, Casey, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving and cherishing you. Will you marry me? Will you allow me to take care of you for as long as I live?”
His words fell on shattered emotions. She’d dreamed of those words, tarried over them. Morgan had asked her to be his wife, but she couldn’t. Friends, yes. Anything else was impossible. Love had nothing to do with it. She’d go to her grave loving him. She quivered like a blade of grass shaken by the wind. “It’s not right. Too many things are spinning around in my head.”
He drew her close, and she heard the dance of his heart. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.” He brushed his finger across her lips and traced her mouth. “If I could only say the words for you.”
Casey touched the finger resting against her lips. She refused to agree to marriage with her own life in such turmoil. “I love you, Morgan, but I can’t be your wife until we’ve had time to work through the ugliness of our lives.” She hesitated before speaking again and waited for his reaction, to see whether it was a display of temper or control.
“I understand more than you might believe,” he said. “Trust is what we’re talking about here.”
“And I must clear my name and take whatever punishment a judge decides.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think there’s a judge anywhere who would find you guilty. You and I both know the warrants for your arrest are fictitious. The law has no evidence, only newspaper reports.” He played with each of her fingers, then grasped her hand gently.
“I must prove my innocence of all those charges and confess to the shooting in Billings.”
“Casey, you’re innocent until proven guilty, not the other way around. I’ve seen those warrants. Some are alleged crimes that happened in another part of the country after you left Jenkins—while you were here.”
Casey touched his cheek, searching his eyes for some type of understanding. He must see the reality of their lives. “I watched Jenkins and his men rob that land office in Billings. I held the horses. I shot a man—a good man who was only trying to protect what was his. I don’t know if he lived or died.”
“You wounded him. Remember, I saw the whole thing.”
She wondered if he spoke the truth. “No matter. I was barely fourteen, stupid, didn’t really see what was happening there. But the fact is I still shot him while breaking the law. One of these days, a federal marshal will show up in Kahlerville and arrest me, or maybe Ben Kahler will put it all together. We’ve talked about this before. Do you want your family to face that humiliation? And what of Jenkins? Do you think he’s given up finding me?”
He sighed deeply. “I can help you. You won’t ever be free—whether to marry me or to live your life without fear—unless this is done.”
She shrugged. “I’ve thought a lot about what to do. I know the location of some of the outlaw hideouts, which might help my defense. I know the names they use in various parts of the country. Is it possible to trade information for a lesser charge?”
“It would look favorable in your behalf, but unless it’s handled properly, your life won’t be worth a nickel.” His words sounded flat, distant.
“I’ve considered all those things and twisted the outcome over and over in my mind. I really think I could help the law find some of them.”
“And what about Jenkins?” His jaw tightened.
She hesitated. Satan took the form of Jenkins every time she thought about him. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll deal with him when the time comes.” She thought about the outlaw’s threats. “There was a time I probably could have ridden away, and he wouldn’t have cared.”
“But what you’re proposing is too dangerous.”
“I can’t hide forever. Besides, too many people know who I am. It puts all of you in terrible danger. Now your whole family will be a part of this. We haven’t even discussed their feelings. Jocelyn and Bonnie will have a difficult time with the truth. Morgan, I knowingly deceived them. They trusted me, and I deceived them.”
He gently grasped her shoulders. “Honey, Grant would have been right back up here if Mama and Bonnie were upset.”
Casey stood and reached for matches to light the kerosene lamp. Glancing into the mirror over her dresser, she smoothed her dress and tried to straighten her disheveled hair. Her eyes were red and puffy. She detested looking so unkempt. Weak.
“I want to talk to your mother and Bonnie,” she said. “We’ve been too close for me to allow Grant to handle this. I may be ashamed of the things Casey O’Hare has done, but I’m not too proud to admit I’ve been wrong in not telling them the truth.”
“I want us to talk to them,” he said. “You and I are in this together. In the days to come, we’re going to face more problems than you can imagine. Some may be legal. Some may be threats from Jenkins, and others may be misunderstandings from the past, but we must be committed to seeing this through.”
He took the comb from her hand and smiled. “I won’t always behave as though God is holding my hand. With me, He needs to seal my mouth. But God hasn’t brought us this far to abandon us in the middle of a fight. I know He’s with us, and I know He’s for us.”
She nodded, her mind a haze of fog. Oh, how she wanted to believe him.
Morgan continued. “Before we go downstairs and discuss our plans with our family, I’d like to ask God for guidance and protection.”
She bowed her head, and again her tears flowed. Morgan’s words strengthened her resolve to no longer let the past rule her every action. But one thing she knew for sure: only God could work out the future, because she was fresh out of ideas.
Chapter 22
Morgan and Casey descended the stairs to the kitchen. They stood amid the shadows of evening and fears of the unknown to face whatever lay ahead. Morgan’s body craved rest just like the day he’d talked with the preacher about Jenkins and made his peace with God. Odd, how the mental and spiritual aspects of life were more demanding than the physical.
The tantalizing smells of supper greeted him. He’d long since forgotten the hour. “I’m suddenly starved.” He hoped his words lightened the heaviness threatening to strangle them.
Casey offered a shaky smile as they made their way toward his mother.
“There you are.” His mother lifted a pan of corn bread from the cookstove to the table. He smelled the jalapeños and beans, and his stomach growled.
“Supper’s ready. I hope you’re hungry,” she said.
“Mama, we need to talk to all of you.” He clutched Casey’s hand firmly. He sensed she needed strength as much as he did.
Mama waved her hand as though nothing could be of importance, but he saw her watery eyes. “Why don’t we eat supper first?”
“I know Grant told you what happened.”
She faced both of them with a strong determination ever present in all of her dealings. “Yes, he has, Son. I know the truth. All of it.”
“I’m so sorry.” Casey’s words nearly broke.
“You forget I consider you one of my own.” She reached for Casey and hugged her close. Morgan held firmly to her hand as much for himself as for her.
“You always knew something wasn’t right.” Casey dabbed at her eyes. “The way you looked at me when I stumbled over why I’d come to Kahlerville.”
“You tried many times to tell us. I never imagined . . . I never thought it could be this.” Her eyes held the pain of past remembrances. “This is hard, but we can work through it. My dear girl, the burdens you’ve carried.” She turned to Morgan. “Once, when you and I were talking, you called her Casey. I wondered then if she was linked to Jenkins. Perhaps the same person. Except the woman I read about in the newspapers was not who I saw in Shawne.”
“I’m sorry for the deceit.” Casey hesita
ted. “I told the reverend and Sarah. No one else in Kahlerville.”
Not a hint of condemnation creased his mother’s features. “We’ll find a way to make this right. God always has a plan.”
Casey blinked several times and touched the wetness under her nose. She must have left her handkerchief in the bedroom. Morgan reached into his pocket for a clean one and saw Bonnie standing in the doorway. Her face was mottled red. Morgan knew the truth had been quite a shock for his frail sister.
“What about you, Bonnie?” he said. “I know you’re shaken, and I hate to think we caused those tears.”
Bonnie lowered her head, as though denying her emotions. “I don’t know what to say.” She paused, and he knew she was trying desperately not to cry.
“I haven’t forgotten that you saw Kathleen right after it happened and that you’re still suffering from it,” said Morgan.
“When Grant told us, I wanted to believe Shawne could not possibly be Casey O’Hare. The outlaw.” Bonnie’s lips quivered. “I want to say the right things and be forgiving, but I feel as though Kathleen’s grave has just been opened, and it hurts all over again. Shawne, I mean Casey, is my best friend, and I do see why she lied to us, but this is so hard.”
Bonnie turned to Morgan. “Now I see why she’s so different from me, and I understand why sometimes you treated her so badly. I guess I need time and prayer to love you both the way I should.”
Morgan stroked her pale tresses as though she were a child. “Bonnie, I don’t expect any miracles, but I know God will help us. I’m asking you to consider one thing as far as Casey and I are concerned.”
Bonnie nodded. “I’ll do anything.”
“God needed to hit me hard with something powerful, something that would get my attention. He used Casey to make me realize I was selfish and indulging in my own self-pity.”
“And I should have told the truth right from the start,” Casey said. “I thought I could start all over my own way. Please forgive me, Bonnie. You are the first real friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose you. You are all I ever wanted to be—a godly woman, a real lady. I understand if you need time. I’d do anything to change the past.”