Finn breathed down the earpiece of my phone. “So, that’s it, huh? Not one more shot? You’re done with me.”
I could have given him hope but I decided he needed none of that. “Yes, we’re through.”
There was nothing else left to say and because I didn’t want to hear him beg and plead, I simply ended the call though all I could hear was the sound of my beating heart.
My head pounded and the tears came with a resounding resignation. I wasn’t through with Finn forever but it had to be this way for the time being for the sake of his own sanity and mine too.
Finn had finally done it.
He’d lost her and now his heart ached with the likes, which he’d never known before.
Before she hung up the phone, he knew she would cry but after the tears were dried, she’d have washed her hands of him. It wasn’t so easy for him because he didn’t cry.
Ever.
The last time he remembered sobbing was when he was eight, and he’d been beaten to a pulp by a few kids on the council estate. His mother had told him it was his own sorry fault for being a “sissy” and if he didn’t want it to happen again, he better “man up,” and learn how to fight.
Finn began taking boxing lessons from Father Sheehan who ran the local gymnasium for school-aged lads. The next fight a few of the council estate boys picked with him, he’d not only won but managed not to hurt them too bad so he wouldn’t get in trouble with local law enforcement.
However nothing could make his current situation any better because his stupid pride had led him down a path that he should have known would be nothing but trouble. He couldn’t say for certain why he’d decided to make Evie give him a blow job at Trevor’s, only that in some strange way it made him feel superior to all those smug, rich assholes that night.
Of course he suffered from an inferiority complex. He’d been poor most of his life and a fat bank account dealt to him by the life he’d decided to live didn’t erase his past. He’d always be poverty-stricken Finbar Reilly from Omagh, Northern Ireland, and that wouldn’t ever change. It didn’t make him feel any better now that he had his American citizenship and passport, and all the money in the world didn’t change the initial circumstances surrounding his birth.
His sheer stupidity had cost him the most precious person in the world and nothing he did would ever make him feel better. He found himself drinking more often than not, pounding down shots of Jack Daniels. Of course he only did this when he was alone.
When he and Brandon had jobs, he sobered up, showered, and shaved. He presented to the world the same Finn who had always been very much in control but he’d also changed. He was colder, remote, and didn’t warm up to people very easily.
After a job that night with Brandon where they delivered goods to Rich in Manhattan, his best friend pulled over to the side of the road on Highway CT-8 just outside of Bridgeport.
“What the hell is going on with you, man? I know you’re hurting because Evie left but look what you did to her? What self-respecting woman would stay? I would have never done that to Fiona, not in a million years, and she isn’t half the woman Evie is,” Brandon stated in a soft timber voice.
Finn knew his best friend wasn’t trying to pick a fight. He only cared about his wellbeing, and to the most casual observer, it was obvious, everything was far from okay with him.
“I know. We spoke about it and she doesn’t think she ever wants to get back together with me again,” he murmured as he looked out of the window at the cars which passed them by at various speeds but all doing well over sixty miles an hour.
“Listen, I know you needed to get your shit together but I am telling you to go. Leave. Just get on a flight to L.A. and see her in person. What you did to her—the shit you pulled at Trevor’s—that isn’t something you can say sorry about over the phone. That is some serious shit, man, and you know it.”
“What about the business? I told her I couldn’t just up and leave you—”
“Business will take care of itself. We were thinking about scaling back anyway. I think we should stick to the big clients like Rich and leave the rich kids alone. While you’re gone, if they want dope, I won’t be answering my phone. We have enough money in the bank and we are set for life. This is a dangerous life we chose but we got rich. Now, there are only three things that can happen: we can get out, get caught and thrown in prison or get dead. I know which one I want to do. What about you?”
“Yeah, I know I should be on the first thing smokin’ but…what if she still won’t see me?”
Brandon stared at him with serious hazel eyes. “It’s better to say you went out there, and tried rather than continue down this path of destruction you’re already on. Do you think drinkin’ till you pass out at night is healthy? Just because you’re dead sober on runs don’t mean I don’t know what you’re up to.”
“I know I’m being stupid but…Evie is the love of my life, and I can’t just forget about her and move on. She’s already told me it’s off between us. How can we repair a situation I broke in the first place?”
“You’d know more about that than I would, bro. Just think it over because it beats what you’re doing now. At this point in time, your behavior helps no one.”
Brandon pulled off the side of the road, and got back on the highway again, clearing up to a comfortable speed where they wouldn’t be stopped by patrolmen for speeding but they weren’t driving too fast to stand out either.
Finn knew he had a lot of soul searching to do but how did he do that when there was absolutely nothing he could possibly say to get Evie back ever again?
Despite his reluctance about the situation, Finn ordered his ticket to LAX from Boston Logan, packed a bag, and reluctantly took a taxi to the airport. He didn’t know how long he planned to stay so he’d locked up the house and instructed Brandon to check on it every now and then with the spare key he had.
Los Angeles was a revelation and not because of the sheer amount of beautiful people or wealth he was surrounded by. He didn’t have a reputation there so it was easy to rent a nice apartment in one of the best parts of town and buying a car was a no-brainer. He didn’t go too flashy and ended up with a 2012, cobalt blue Mustang GT. It was more than enough to make him blend in but not enough to make him stand out either.
Finn knew Evie’s mother was back in town because he’d Googled her address and had seen the aging film star with her boy-toy hubby. She knew how to mask her advanced years over her husband quite well but up close, anyone would be able to tell she was at least fifteen years his senior if not more.
He’d also witnessed Evie hanging out with Monika and Dylan; Evie around her stepfather and mother; Evie out shopping on Rodeo Drive; Evie at the Beverly Center. She’d become his one and only obsession and never before had he felt like a stalker but she’d turned him into one whether he wanted to believe it or not.
She must have felt watched because she began to change her routines. Instead of driving straight to a place, she would make several off-key stops and turns that were clearly out of the way. Finn would then lose himself and go home or either find a restaurant or bar that wasn’t too pretentious or posh and either have a drink or a meal.
He hadn’t completely dried out and still liked his whiskey but he didn’t get stinking drunk either anymore. He never had more than two and tried to occupy his time by finding a gym to work out at and he began to read, more than he’d ever read in his whole entire life.
Finn purchased a Kindle Fire tablet and began to stock up on books. He read everything from the latest Romantic smut, thrillers and suspense novels to classics like The Count of Monte Cristo and Invisible Man. It helped him keep his mind off Evie but really what he needed to see was a friendly face, and that is what prompted him to pay a visit to Monika and Dylan.
She had kept up her end of the bargain and dumped her boyfriend, the perfect Clive. Dylan had assimilated to the lifestyle of the rich and famous quite quickly. He looked and dressed different,
and under Monika’s careful guidance, he was attending Santa Monica College to get his Associates in Business before he continued on to UCLA where he would achieve his Bachelors. Monika had his whole future college schedule planned out, and Finn admired Dylan for allowing her to take the lead in an area she obviously knew much more about than he did.
Monika treated him well and said nothing to the contrary which made him believe Evie hadn’t told her best friend what had happened between them. Perhaps this was a good thing because it meant she wouldn’t judge him and it also proved his ex-girlfriend was very good at keeping secrets, especially painful and embarrassing ones.
Now he knew why her best friend had never treated him with disdain. She had no idea about the pregnancy at fifteen or the baby for the matter. Monika was completely unaware how entangled Finn’s and Evie’s lives were, and that is why she held such a Pollyanna view they would be able to “patch up their differences.”
“How has she been?” Finn inquired after Monika brought them ice-cold Beck’s from the fridge while she nursed Evian water in a delicate eleven-ounce bottle.
“Well, we see each other at least once a week, and she’s doing pretty good all things considering…” Monika trailed off.
“What do you mean?” he pressed.
Dylan gave him a warning look but Monika took no offense. “Well, she and Etienne have really grown close since she’s been here. There’s nothing-untoward going on between them but I think it pisses off Athena. I don’t think she wanted her husband to like her daughter as much as he does, and it’s created a lot of tension. She would love to move out but it’s not like she has a choice in the matter. If she leaves then she can say goodbye to her inheritance for the next twenty years or so. Her mother can be a real shrew when she wants to be, Finn.”
She shrugged her shoulders before she swigged from her Evian. “Evie and Athena have always had a strange relationship. It probably has a lot to do with Evie spending so much time back east with her grandparents. I mean, she doesn’t really know her mother, and her mom has no interest in really learning what kind of person Evie is either. I would call the situation messed up but it’s no different from so many of our friends we went to school with. If they are as attractive as their mother’s, they are almost always viewed as competition. The relationship I have with my own mother is definitely a rarity because I am decent looking but my mother doesn’t view me as a threat if you know what I mean.”
“Your mother is also hot!” Dylan exclaimed. “And she’s barely forty or something. It’s different because Athena is also pushing fifty and decided to marry a thirty-year-old guy. Your stepfathers’ have always been close to your mother’s age too.”
“True,” Monika replied.
“Jeez, how many stepfathers’ have you had?” Finn asked in an off-the-cuff remark.
“Only two. There was my first stepfather, Bret Carter. He’s the father of my brother, Christian, but…he died in an automobile accident, and it was really hard on all of us because I loved him very much. And now there is Markus, who I love in my own special way, but he can’t replace my first stepfather. My real father is a lot like Evie’s father so we have always bonded over our no-good Swedish dads.”
The doorbell rang and Finn looked toward the hallway with an eagerness he hadn’t felt in a while. Monika stood, and walked out of the room.
“If it’s Evie, you better leave out the back,” Dylan whispered.
“Why do I have to go? I’m not finished with my beer,” Finn replied.
“Do you really want to do this today? She said she isn’t ready to see you, and if you’re any kind of man, you would respect her wishes.”
Finn understood where Dylan was coming from but he was privy to a whole other side of his best friend he’d never seen before. Being with Monika had actually caused him to mature and grow up. He made sense though Finn was too stubborn to take the advice.
The moment he heard Evie’s voice, his heart began to beat faster. He couldn’t believe she was so close yet so far away. She walked into the sitting room and froze when she saw him. Never had he seen her more beautiful. Although she’d lost weight, she looked cute in a pair of jean shorts and a white halter-top that covered her stomach. She’d finished the outfit off a fashionable pair of espadrilles with a wedge that was too high to walk in comfortably all day unless one was driving around everywhere in a city as large as L.A.
Evie stared at him and although her eyes brightened a bit, her stoic face settled into disappointment. “What are you doing here, Finn?”
He stood and walked towards her but stopped several feet away. “I’ve been here since mid-July. I couldn’t…it was too hard…without you, and Brandon told me I should face you once and for all.”
“Listen, I gotta go but see you for Sunday brunch, Monika.” She turned around and began to make a hasty retreat.
“Don’t do it, man,” Dylan warned him but he followed her anyway and stopped her just short of her opening her car door.
“What do you want from me, Finn?” Evie inquired with a tense desperation in her voice. “Why did you come all this way? Did you think saying sorry in person was going to make me forget about what happened that night?”
“No, but I had to try anyway.” He grabbed her left arm and glanced down to see she still wore his bracelet. “I know what I did, and no amount of apologizing is going to make you forget. I heard it the first time you told me but I needed to see you. I knew you didn’t want to see me but somehow being in the same city as you made it a little easier for me.”
“You’re the one who has been following me around?” Evie crossed her arms against her breasts. “I thought my mother had hired a private investigator, and she accused me of being paranoid but all along it’s been you, hasn’t it?”
“Yes,” he breathed, happy to get that feeling of being a stalker off his chest.
“Why do men think it’s romantic to stalk a woman when it is downright creepy? Either approach me or stay away. Don’t freakin’ follow me around L.A. like some teenage dirt-bag, and think I am going to find it charming, Finn.”
“I know you aren’t going to forgive me and I don’t expect you to.” He approached her and walked a bit closer until they were within arm’s length of one another. “Just don’t continue to shut me out…that’s all I’m askin’ from you. I can do the ‘friend’ thing, and you don’t have to make a commitment to me but I can’t breathe without you. My life is so empty and meaningless…and I know I sound like a bitch but it’s true. You were always my rock and my support. I didn’t know what I lost until you were no longer there, and I don’t want to lose you again.”
Evie grabbed his right hand with her left and held it tightly. “No commitments, Finn. You broke my heart and I can’t just get over it because I should. I don’t even know why I am doing this but…I need someone to turn to beside Monika. My mother is making my home life miserable as hell. I’m assuming you have your own place?”
“Yes, I do. I’m renting an apartment in Santa Monica. It’s a nice building and it’s mostly condo units. The owner has asked me if I want to buy it but I’m not sure yet—”
“Don’t. I’ll help you find a house here in L.A. You’re not prejudiced of the Valley because you didn’t grow up here so I am thinking somewhere in Sherman Oaks or Encino Hills might be perfect for you. It’s hot as hell down there and not nearly as cool as living here on the West side but at the same time, living over here has its disadvantages too.”
“So…this not committing…does it have anything to do with you and your stepfather?”
Evie’s gray-blue eyes turned cold within a single blink. “Etienne has nothing to do with this and even if he did, you don’t have that kind of permission yet. I’m going to make you earn back my trust, and if I feel like you really care about me then we can discuss being more than friends. Until then, this is the best I can offer you. Take it or leave it.”
“I’ll take it,” he replied without missing a beat.
She let go of his hand and allowed her hand to brush against his cheek. “Then I’ll see you around. Give me your phone number and I’ll send you a text back. Then give me your address. If I can get away tonight, I’ll come by and we can hang out.”
Finn said the number to his new Samsung Galaxy Note, which had the coveted three-ten area code and she immediately programmed it in her phone before she sent him a text back. He checked his phone while they both stood there and although she still had the same phone, her number was different.
He texted his address to her and she smiled at him before she pressed a button on her key and opened the door to her Mini Cooper.
“See you tonight.”
Finn smiled back despite himself. “Likewise.”
She waved as she drove off and he waited outside until her car was long gone out of sight. It would be a good evening, and it had only taken damn near the whole summer to convince her to see him again.
I couldn’t wait to see Finn because it turned on a feeling south of my stomach I hadn’t felt in a long time. Lust, love, attraction and knowing he was mine for the taking.
I hadn’t gotten laid the whole summer, and school didn’t start until late September, one whole month away. I couldn’t believe the time had gone so fast. All the sudden, Finn was back in my life but he couldn’t have picked a better time as far as I was concerned.
Etienne and I had gotten close, much to the chagrin of my mother, and she was a complete nut job when it came to her husband. Fortunately, her movie was in postproduction, and came out shortly before Thanksgiving, which meant she would begin her world premieres in early November. Unfortunately, that was nine weeks out, and she drove me crazy more often than not.
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