“Xavier!”
I walk faster with my shoulders taught.
“Xavier, wait! It’s ok—” My feet take off into a sprint before I can process her voice. Hunter runs with me matching my pace. I vault over a broken tree trunk and into the front yard of the house. I look up at the towering pillars and realize I want no part of going back in there.
“They probably think I’ve snapped, Hunter. I was going to kill that guy back there. I would’ve killed him.”
Hunter pants while looking up. He knew I already snapped—I could tell by the way he looked at me.
“Xavier,” Nikia’s voice calls from the tree line. “Please, wait.”
I look in the direction of the fort and consider taking off to my old tree stand. Something in me makes me stand my ground though.
“You said they,” she says in between heaving breaths. “You saidthey are my responsibility—”
“Were.”
Nikia walks from behind me and grips my arm. “Were?”
“I let them go,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have done that. They were my responsibility. I made so many promises—” She slides her grip down to my hand and squeezes around my calloused palms.
“I’m sorry, Xavier.”
I break my gaze from her cold hand on mine and look back to the thin gray smoke in the air coming from the fort’s walls. I shake my hand free and stalk past Nikia into the house and straight to my room.
Independence Day
My eyes open to darkness. Hunter lays on his back next to me on the bed with his legs sprawled in every direction. I wipe a layer of cold sweat from my forehead and sit up. The moon rests in the top left hand panel of the window—still early. I push myself from bed and throw on my corduroys.
The floor creaks under my feet as I make my way into the hallway. The house is silent aside from my heart pounding in my eardrums. I race down the stairs and towards the front door. My hand barely touches the handle when I hear a door close.
“Thought you could hide in your room and then sneak out in the middle of the night?”
Shit. I turn and glance out of the corner of my eye. Nikia holds a flashlight into my gaze when I find the outline of her face. I shield my eyes and clear my throat.
“It’s pouring and you don’t have a shirt on,” she says coming closer. “So don’t feed me the ‘I’m going to take a breather’ line either.”
“I woke up from a memory I didn’t want to relive again. Sue me if I need a minute to myself.”
“Oh,” she says lowering the flashlight to my chest. “What was the memory?”
“What part of ‘I need a minute’ did you not understand?”
“Why are you so focused on keeping your past bottled up when you’re so incredibly stuck in it at the same time?” she responds shaking her head. “I left my past behind. I’m not trying to be in two places at once like you are.”
I let a groaning sigh escape my throat and stop just outside the front door. The damp air adds more sweat on my chest in an instant. I march off towards the tree line and pace my bare feet on the muddy ground.
“You’re going to get sick being out here like this—”
“You get sick from germs,” I growl. “Not from the rain.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” she mutters crossing her arms over her chest.
I pace for a couple more seconds. The wet pebbles in between the grass feel like shards of glass against the bottom of my feet. I take in a shuddering breath and stand still. “I want to forget. I want nothing more than to forget. But I can’t. I push things down. I let them linger—it’s who I am.”
“When are you going to see that focusing on the present, especially in this world we’re surviving in, is the only way you can live? You can’t push crap down anymore Xavier. Look at you, you’re outside in pants and no shirt or socks in the middle of a thunderstorm, to what—take a minute for yourself?”
I scoff and turn my back to her. “I didn’t ask to be brought here. I was doing perfectly fine when it was just me and Hunter—”
“You were skin and bones and cracked out as hell—”
“Yeah, well at least I didn’t have to deal with the bullshit of humanity for a year.” The world around them goes silent. My voice echoes off the tree trunks in front of me. “You all gawk at me.”
“What else do you want us to do—”
“Wake the fuck up for starters,” I say. “Keeping kids here not knowing how to defend themselves is stupid and naive to say the least.
Having family dinners is something you’d do before people started eating each other. You act like this house is in some type of protective bubble and no one can touch you. That’s what I thought before they took them!”
“Whose they—”
“The cannibals,” I scream feeling the anger rush through me like fire. “They stabbed Hayley and took Aisley. They hurt them, and I wasn’t there to stop it. So I killed them all and washed the blood out of my clothes like it was grass stains.”
We stand in silence. I can barely get air into my lungs. I hadn’t said either of their names aloud in so long. They were sacred—the only thing I still believed in. I look down at my feet and squeeze my eyes shut willing Nikia away.
We’re still here waiting, Xavier.
Moving on means forgetting, you know that.
Hayley and Aisley’s voices make my head spin. I take in a deep breath and plant my feet firmer into the ground. “I won’t ever forget them. It’s the only thing keeping me together. And I’m not about to drop them for someone who doesn’t even know what I’ve been through.”
I stomp past her into the house and up to my room in silence.
Wendigo: August, 2014
I lift myself into a tree about three miles north of the house and a quarter of a mile west of the fort. The smoke is thinner in the winter air. I half-heartedly look for game, but my head is on the other side of those walls today.
Where are you, Hayles?
A soldier leans against the fort’s walls with their rifle pressed against their chest. He gazes in my direction, and I tense up. His head slowly pans the tree line and then returns straight ahead of him.
“Psst,” I hear from my left. I draw my bow and aim in that direction. “Stop! It’s me.”
“Jesus christ, Nikia,” I whisper. “I thought I made it clear I wanted to be left alone today—”
“You’re way outside of hunting lines.” She situates herself on a tree branch.
“So?”
“So, you’re hurting the group back at the house. You’re one of the best hunters we have. No one has brought anything back today, and you’re sitting in a tree brooding over the fort again.”
I shake my head and look back at the stone walls. The soldier out front kicks rocks into the tree line in front of them.She’s right, you know.Hayley’s voice washes over me like a wave of coolness.Staying out here risks your life. Your wellbeing. You need to go back, Xavier.
“How can I hunt when you’re so close to me?”
Nikia scoffs and shakes her head. “I get that you want to be alone, but you’re not even hunting. How am I supposed to trust—”
“I’m not talking to you,” I spit back at her. She frowns and looks me up and down. I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Just forget it.”
“Get down from this tree, and get back to hunting or you’re out of the house,” she responds descending the tree. “You have until midday.”
Xavier, don’t do this. We aren’t worth it.
“How am I supposed to focus on what they want when you’re talking to me in my head?” I whisper. “I can’t give up on you—”
We know you aren’t. But you need to survive in order to see us again. Starving qualifies as dying.
“I hate this.” I look down at my calloused hands. “I hate not knowing if you’re alive or dead. I hate the fort. I hate Nikia for trying to pry.”
Focus on today, Xavier. We’re not going anywhere.
&n
bsp; I nod my head and climb down the tree with my bow slung around my shoulders. Tiptoeing through the slush towards the house, I remain silent. Within minutes, I hear a tree branch snap. I draw my bow and scan the forest—nothing. That’s strange.
I hear a whistle and squint through the trees. A hand waves through the tree trunks and I wave back. “Xavier!” the figure shouts. Something lands on my back squishing me into the mud. I throw an elbow back and connect with something.
A growling sound echoes throughout the forest. It reverberates in my eardrums giving me a splitting headache in an instant. “Xavier!” I hear again, this time followed by footsteps.
I push myself to my feet and whip out my hunting knife. The growling continues, but nothing is around me. I look up into the trees and scan the ground for movement—nothing again.
“Are you all right?” Nikia voice says from behind me.
“What was it? Did you see it?”
“It looked like—” She starts shaking her head.
“Looked like?”
“It looked human.”
* * *
“Why we were called in early?” one of the brothers says entering the study in the house. I think it’s One. “What’s this all about?”
“Yeah, I was tracking a whole bunch of deer out there,” Two finishes.
“We’ve got a problem.” Nikia paces in front of the wooden writing desk. “Remember the growling? The one we heard about three months ago?”
Most of the room nods their head. I push myself up against the bookshelf hoping to blend into it.
“Well, today in the woods, Xavier was attacked by something. And the growling came back,” she continues.
“Wendigos,” someone whispers. I look around the room at the wide gazes and nods. I scoff and roll my eyes.
“Well, what do you think it is then?” An older man in a tan vest stands and crosses his arms across his chest. “Wendigos are expert hunters. Their sole purpose is to eat human flesh. Seems they got the jump on you.”
“Wendigos are supernatural beings.” I comb through my memories. What did Hayley say about them? “This isn’t some world where things like that happen. We’re not in a storybook—”
“People eating people,” the man responds. “Peoplehunting people. I’m sorry sir, but I believe that those men and women out there doing that, are possessed—”
“Shut up! You don’t know anything. You wanna blame shit on make believe creatures that you read in storybooks? Fine, go ahead. But let me tell you something, I saw a man filet a girl’s skin off and eat it. There was no magic, there was no possessed-by-a-demon look in his eyes. He was human. A bizarre, fucked-up, human being that took the psychopathic route to surviving in this world.”
“You don’t think I saw my fair share of those creatures out there?” The man inches towards me. “You don’t thinkI lost people. Grow the fuck up man. You’re not the only one who’s had to bury friends—”
“How long you been at this house, pal?” My voice raises with each syllable. I clench my fists until they throb. “Probably since it all started, right? I survived out there for close to two years. I had those fuckers chasing me, hunting me in the woods day in and day out. Don’t tell me you’ve seen it all when you’ve been eating a home-cooked meal every morning for God knows how long—”
“Enough!” Nikia yells pushing her hands into our chests. “Who gives a shit who’s right and who’s wrong? We’ve got bigger issues at hand. So stop comparing testosterone levels and sit down!”
I take a deep breath in and lean back up against the bookshelf. Nikia watches the man sit back down in the wooden chair in a huff. “We all have lost something coming here,” she says. “Whether it was a friend, an acquaintance or a family member, our pasts remain something that we share or that we keep to ourselves. Whatever you wanna call those things out there, one of them attacked Xavier today.
Now, I couldn’t get a good look at it. But what I do know, is that it was stalking him. I took a shot at it which is what made it run. I think it was human. It didn’t look like any mountain lion I’ve seen.”
“Well, if it is human,” Doc says resting his chin in his hand. “And they can hunt without being heard—”
“We’ve got a huge problem on our hands,” Nikia finishes. She lets out a long sigh and rubs the back of her neck. “We need to start going on supply runs for fencing materials. All of this needs to be done during daytime hours. Groups of five, no exceptions.
A curfew will be instated—after sundown, no one is allowed outside until the fence is built. And I meanno one.” She looks over at me and squints her eyes. “We’ll need at least three armed guards for the children outside during the day just to be safe. And two people on patrol for the fence building process.”
“When do we start?” someone says.
“Now,” Nikia answers. “We can’t afford to wait anymore.”
Several of the people nod their heads and leave the room. I push myself from the bookshelf and start to leave with them. A hand grips my arm and drags me behind the desk. Doc stands over me with his fists on his hips. “Now you listen to me,” he says. “I get it. You survived out there. You survived with no one for a year. You lost your friends to the fort. That does not give you the right to belittle everyone else’s story.
I’m here for you if you want to talk. But if you’re gonna wallow in the situation you put yourself in, then leave. I’m not afraid to tell you to do so. Nikia wants to save people. Help them. And so do I. But the only way we’re going to be able to do that, is if we put our pasts behind us and focus on the current situation we find ourselves in.”
“What are you my shrink now?”
“I’m whatever the hell you want me to be,” he responds poking a finger into my shoulder. “But so long as you continue to act like an ass. I’ll treat you like an ass. Do I make myself clear?”
I grind my teeth. “Crystal.”
He nods his head and looks over his shoulder at Nikia. “Don’t forget, she’s the reason this house has stood as long as it has. She was the first one here, and she knows what she’s doing,” he says. “I want you to stay. I think you’ll be a great asset here. But your past is clouding your judgement. We all wanted to get into the fort at one time or another. But they’re not looking out for us. They’re waiting for natural selection to take its course. Remember that.”
Heat
The ride in the brother’s truck makes my skin squirm. They wouldn’t let me bring Hunter. They said he would only make us a target. I should’ve left them already. Hunter and I could survive again. Run in the woods like before. But something inside of me made me put Hunter in my bedroom and follow Nikia, One and Two to the truck.
Is it trust?
“No,” I whisper below the roar of the engine. “I could never trust these people. They’re just giving me a safer place to stay.”
But you wanna help them? You want to make sure a fence is in place so that you can stay safe there.
I let out a sigh. “It’s complicated—”
“So where are you from?” Two says from the front of the truck.
He glares at me in the rearview mirror. How long has he been watching me like that? “Doesn’t matter.”
“Sure it does.” The truck slams into a pothole, making us all bounce in our seats. Two presses harder on the gas. “How else are we supposed to know who we are?”
I turn my gaze away from his and look out my window.
“My brother and I are from out west,” he continues. “Small town outside of Buffalo.”
“I’m from the city,” Nikia responds.
I nod my head in response.
“Damn, you’re a hard nut to crack,” Two says turning off the dirt trail onto asphalt.
“He doesn’t want to be interrogated, Two.” One loads bullets into his revolver but doesn’t look up. “Leave ‘im alone.”
His brother makes eye contact with me in the mirror once more before letting out a sigh and click
ing the radio on. Static fills the cabin making everything else sound hushed.
You can at least try to be nice, Xavier.
“I don’t care about these people.”
Keep telling yourself that. But I’m so deep in your head, that I know what’s really going on.
I laugh and pull an arrow from my quiver. “Right.”
“Right what?” Nikia’s eyes meet mine.
“Nothing.”
“See Two,” One says from the front of the truck. “He spoke. You better pay up on that bet we had when we get back.”
The truck crunches over broken glass and gravel before Two cuts the engine. We climb out in silence and make our way to the back door of a home improvement store. One gets to work on the lock while the rest of us wait.
“You sure this store will have what we need?” Nikia says loading her shotgun.
“Clearly you don’t know much about stores like this being from the city.” Two turns towards me and smirks. “See? Knowing where you’re from equals common sense in some cases—”
“Shut up jerk,” Nikia responds shoving his shoulder.
“Abuse!”
“Can we focus on what is supposed to be getting done?” One says over his shoulder. “Take a hint from Xavier and shut up. I can’t hear what I’m doing.”
I smirk while Two and Nikia hang their heads. Finally, the door clicks, and One pulls it open. Most of the lights overhead flicker. They dimly illuminate tall metal shelves up to the ceiling stacked with wood planks about fifteen feet long. Aside from the silent whirring of electricity attempting to light the place, the store is silent.
“Grab as much as you can of the fencing material,” Nikia says to One and Two. “We’ll go look for concrete mix.”
“Radios on in case things go south,” One says glaring at Nikia. I try to catch a glimpse of her expression, but she turns before I can. Something rubs me the wrong with the way these two act around each other. I just can’t put my finger on it.
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