“Go ahead Nolan,” Hayley says. “You can do it.”
A girl close to his age taps on his shoulder and points to the pole—Madison’s little sister Ava. She demonstrates how to do it with exaggerated hand movements and then nods her head wildly. Nolan inches toward the pole and grips it with both of his hands. He jumps onto the pole and closes his eyes as he slides all the way down to the bottom. The girl at the top squeals with laughter and follows him down the pole. Nolan looks over at us, smiles then runs off after her.
“I dreamed of that for years,” Hayley whispers. “I never thought I would see him get to be a kid.”
“This place makes it possible.” I swallow roughly past the lump in my throat and look at her split lip. “I take it the bruises and that cut didn’t come from the forest?”
Hayley takes a deep breath in and flares her nostrils. A bark from across the lawn makes us both jump. I turn and see Hunter barreling towards us with his mouth wide open and tongue lolling out the side. His whole body wiggles when he reaches us.
“What is this?” Hayley asks getting licked from neck to forehead by Hunter.
“It’s my dog. I found him after killing his mother and eating her. Wasn’t long after I left you at the fort.”
She pats the bench next to her, and he hops up without hesitation. Hunter continues to lick her face until I tell him to get off the bench. Hayley wipes the back of her sleeve across her face and pinches Hunter’s flappy skin around his muzzle. “I can’t believe he survived everything out there—”
“The man who examined you said you were beat up pretty bad. What was he talking about?”
Hayley’s face goes blank. She looks out of the corner of her eye at me and then back at Hunter. “The fort was bullshit, Xavier,” she says pushing herself to standing. “All of it was. They were taking kids, children—anyone they could get their hands on and molding them into robots.”
“What did they do to you?”
She sighs and lifts her shirt. The bruises littering her skin made mine look like nothing. Three large scabs are red and puffy from what I can only assume is improper care. I reach out and let my fingertips graze them.
“I made friends with the head doctor of the fort. One night, he said he was leaving. He said that the fort, the food going missing—it was all planned.”
“I’ve always thought that. But all of it?”
“Everything,” she says lowering her shirt. “The food removal was just the second part of this whole thing.”
“You realize how crazy that sounds, right?” I say pacing in front of her.
“Well, it was Isha’s theory.”
“Isha?”
“That was the doctor’s name. He helped me remember.”
“Remember what?”
Hayley lets out another sigh and shakes her head. She watches Nolan run through the twisted metal of the playground. Nolan waves at her, and she returns it. “They brainwashed me when I was first brought in,” she says. “I don’t remember every session, but they were trying to convince me you were dead. You tell someone something enough times, it sticks like a leech. Isha used hypnosis to bring back what I remembered instead of what the fort wanted me to know.
They recorded us though. Video cameras were placed in second and third class housing—”
“Second and third class? What does that mean?”
“They would separate everyone into specific classes depending on who you were,” she says. “Because I was pregnant and I had Aisley, I was in second class housing. Bigger temporary housing for families with young children or expecting mothers.
Isha, being the head doctor, was first class housing. He didn’t have the restrictions that were placed on us. Once he hypnotized me and I remembered, I was a threat. I had to pretend. And I had to be good at it.
Then, Isha got the crazy idea of leaving. He was convinced that the fort wasn’t put in place for keeping us safe. But I couldn’t leave. Nolan had just turned five. As much as I hated the fort, I was comfortable. I felt safe.”
She sits back down next to me. Hunter hops on the bench again and curls up in between us. We let the silence sink in for a good minute or two. “All planned.” My voice barely comes out as a whisper.
“I still don’t know if I believe it,” she responds. “But then, I feel the pain from being tortured by Gunnar. I hear the growling—it’s real.”
“This is my fault.” I knew it was ridiculous to think this way, but leaving her with them was my choice. “I didn’t know how else to help you—”
“I’m not laying blame on anyone other than myself,” she say holding a finger to my lips. “I had the chance to leave the fort, and I didn’t. I knew something was wrong. The way they were raising Aisley and Tristan—it was like I was watching a nightmare happen within reaching distance. But I was so scared about Nolan’s safety that I played it safe.” She laughs and looks down at her hands. “Guess I made the wrong decision.”
“You were thinking logically, Hayles,” I respond running my arm around her shoulders. She flinches when my weight meets her skin. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s just going to take some getting used to again.” She breathes in slowly and lets the air out through her mouth. “I know your life for the past five years was hell. I’ve lived it. So I get the vacant stares, the nightmares,” she says. “But I’m not who I was back at the hotel Xavier. I can feel the ridges in my mind that are barely holding me together.” The muscles in her jaw tighten, and she swallows.
“What they did to you—” I start but then I realize there’s nothing I can say to make memories and nightmares go away.
Hayley leans on my shoulder and closes her eyes. The warmth of her skin sends a pit of guilt to my stomach.Nikia. I look down at her, and the guilt rushes through my veins.
“Gunnar tortured me for what seemed like years after Isha left,” she says. “He threatened me with Nolan and Aisley. Told me he was going to kill them. And then one day, I let the wall come down. Everything was easy after that.
Getting everyone back to you was the only thing in my vision. When I saw your message in that tree outside of the hotel, I knew I wouldn’t stop until I found you.”
“Dad?” a tiny voice says. Nolan tugs on my shirt and points to the swing set. “I wanna learn how to use those things. Ava knows how to do it by herself.”
“Uh,” I look to Hayley for advice. She nods and smiles. “Ok. Go grab a swing, and I’ll be right over there.”
“Awesome,” he says and sprints away.
My feet feel like they’re in cement. “What are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know how to do this whole father thing,” I respond.
“Well, that’s good because I still don’t know how to do this whole mother thing,” she says folding her arms across her chest. “I had postpartum depression after having Nolan. It was hard not having you there—too hard. I was so lost in my own head for what seemed like years.
But in the end, it was you who dragged me out of that.”
“What do I say to him when I go over there?”
“Just push him on the swing,” she responds. “Tell him how to do it himself. He’s a smart kid. He’ll figure it out.”
“Ok,” I say. My feet drag as I walk towards the swing set on the other side of the playground. The little girl Ava swings effortlessly next to Nolan. He watches from his swing with a look of complete awe on his face. “Ready to learn?”
“Yes!” he says gripping the chains on either side of the swing’s seat. “Teach away.”
“First, I’m gonna give you a couple pushes,” I say. “Just to get you started, ok?”
“Ok,” he says. I push him forward and catch him when he travels back.
“It feels like I’m flying,” he laughs.
“That’s good,” I say. “Now, when I push you forward, kick your legs out. And then, when you come back towards me, bend your legs backward.”
“Like this?” he says tur
ning his head around to face me.
“That’s it.” After a couple more pushes, I step back from him. His legs pump back and forth and the swing matches Ava’s pace.
“You’re doing it Nolan!” she squeaks. Nolan’s laughter fills the air as he pumps himself higher.
“Thanks Dad!” he says. I shove my hands in my pocket and smile at his excitement.
“Seems to me you’ve got this parenting thing down pretty well,” Hayley’s voice whispers in my ear. I jump at the sound of her voice. “Oh—sorry.”
“No, it’s ok. It’s just that—I’m not used to hearing your voice except for inside my head.”
“Huh?”
“You and Aisley were the only two voices that kept me going the five years I was stuck out here,” I respond. “Only, they were different. I thought I had both of your voices memorized, but now that I’ve got you back, I know how off I was.”
“Xavier, a lot has changed over these five years,” she says closing a hand on my shoulder. “Aisley is a teenager, you didn’t even know about Nolan, and you’ve only scratched the surface of everything that happened to me. The things I’ve had to do—”
She trails off and I can only guess what she’s talking about. But she isn’t the only one who’s smothered things from their past. I could drown in the amount of blood from everyone who’s died at my hands. I’m just grateful that my family wasn’t included in that.
“Xavier?” I look to my left and spot Aisley staring at me with a frown on her face. “You good?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah—just processing still.”
“Well, can we process where there’s food?” she says folding her hands across her chest. “I’m starving.”
I nod my head. “Nolan, you hungry?”
“Yeah totally!” He jumps from the swing and lands on his feet effortlessly. When he gets within arms-distance of me, he reaches for my hand. I reach out and let his tiny fingers squeeze tight.
The warmth rushes us as we enter the house. Hayley closes the door behind us as we make our way past the spiraling staircase. Tristan sits on the bottom step with his hands balled into two tight fists. Aisley moves past us toward him. He flinches at her touch, but then smiles.
“What do they have to eat here?” Nolan says breaking the silence.
“Eggs, vegetables, fruits, soup,” I respond. “The good stuff.”
“Mom, did you hear all that!”
“I did!” Hayley laughs as Nolan sprints off in the direction of the kitchen.
We enter the dining room, and it goes silent. The youngin’s all turn toward the doorway and gawk at us.
“This isn’t creepy,” Aisley says leaning closer to Tristan.
“It gets easier,” I respond. “Go grab some plates. You can have whatever you want.”
“Xavier?” I flinch at the sound of Nikia’s voice calling from the doorway of the dining room. Her footsteps echo until they stop behind me. “I need to talk to you.”
“Ok, I’ll meet up with you after dinner—”
“Now—”
“Listen, I know you’ve got your own agenda,” Hayley says stepping in between her and I. “But this is the first time we’ve seen each other in five years. Today was the first day my son got to meet his father.”
“And?” Nikia rests her hands on her hips.
“And I think we deserve a goddamned meal together—”
“Hayles,” I say. “It’ll just be a second. I promise.”
She glances out of the corner of her eye at me and clenches her jaw. Before I can get another word out, she turns and walks past me.
“What do you want, Nikia?”
“Four people?” she whispers. “Four!”
I should’ve expected this, but my temper flares the instant she says it. “Yeah, four. Is there a problem with that?”
“You’re damn right there is! How are we gonna feed them? Who’s going to hunt for them—”
“Uh, lady?” Aisley’s voice cuts through the tension between Nikia and I. “We’re pretty capable of taking care of ourselves. We survived this long haven’t we?”
“What are you? Twelve?” Nikia says pointing at her. “I’m sorry, but I highly doubt you can bring in enough food—”
“I’m fourteen, and I can probably handle a rifle better than you.” Tristan elbows Aisley in the side and shakes his head.
“She’s got a mouth on her—”
“Yeah, well she’s been through a lot,” I respond.
“She’s been in the fort,” Nikia says. “That’s nothing compared to what we’ve seen.”
I let a long sigh out and throw my hands in the air. I’m not fighting with her anymore. It’s pointless when it comes to things concerning the fort.
“Are we just going to pretend that we didn’t sleep together at all?” she says.
“Nikia—”
“I thought you and I had some type connection—”
“Stop, alright. I’m not your next Trenten,” I respond clenching my jaw. “You took advantage of me. You exploited all of my weaknesses and memories to get whatyou wanted. Not me. You.”
“So, you sleeping with me wasn’t your decision too?”
“At the time, sure. But I’m still the guy I was when I first came here,” I respond, glancing over my shoulder at Hayley. She makes eye contact with me, and a half smile flashes across her face. “They were who I was fighting to get back to. I had no intentions of starting over with someone new. You should’ve known better.”
Nikia nods and bites her bottom lip. She looks down at our feet.
I shake my head. I’m not taking pity on her. She wouldn’t do that for me if the roles were reversed. “I’ll hunt extra from now on,” I say. “But they need time to rest. I don’t want them out there with me. I—”
“Hunt better alone,” Nikia says shaking her head. “I get it.” She stands like a statue glaring past me at my family sitting at the table. Something is crawling under her skin.
“What is it?”
“I accepted the fact that we both would never see our family again,” she answers. “I truly believed that we were one in the same. But now that your family is back.” Her voice trails off. I wince at the reaction glossing over her eyes.
“Keturah wouldn’t want you to—”
“Don’t,” she says. “Just fucking don’t, Xavier.” She turns and storms out from the dining room without another word. I clench my fists and let out a long breath from my lungs.
“Everything all right?” Hayley’s voice sends a chill down my spine.
“For now.”
“You two are pretty tense around each other,” she says. “Just something I noticed in the couple hours we’ve been here.”
“We have a complicated friendship. Let’s just leave it at that for now.”
Hayley nods and wraps her fingers around my palm. The feel of her touch is foreign to me, but calms my tensed muscles in an instant. She doesn’t look up at me, but instead squeezes my hand and leads me to the table. The tension pours off of me in waves as we make our way past the stares and gawking. In this moment, I feel finally feel normal.
Behind The Walls
Aisley, Tristan and Nolan hang out in the living room around the fireplace while Hayley and I make our way upstairs. She doesn’t hold my hand like she did in the dining room, but I don’t feel like we have to. I open the door for her and allow her into what was now our bedroom.
“It’s not much.”
“I’ve lived in worse,” Hayley says running her fingers along the bedspread. She sits on the mattress and lays back, her feet still dangling off the edge of the bed.
“Hayles—” She looks up at me, and I feel the weight of guilt pull down on me again.
“Don’t. I can already hear the apology in your voice.”
I lay next to her. “The whole time you were in the fort, I tried to get back to you. It was the only reason for me to stay alive.”
“Yeah,” she responds. She turns her
head towards me. I feel like she’s searching me—maybe looking for her old self somewhere behind my gaze. I reach my hand across my body and brush her hair from her face.
“I should’ve found a way into the fort—”
“They would’ve killed you if they caught you,” she whispers. Her eyes close a little further with each stroke of my hand. She reaches up and grips onto my wrist. “What happened between you and the girl Nikia?”
Her eyes open and pierce through me. I strain to swallow spit.
“You two were together,” she says. “Weren’t you?”
“No,” I respond, shaking my head.
“You at least slept together then.”
A sigh pushes all the guilt to my face. Hayley moves my hand from her cheek and pushes herself from the bed. The sound of her pacing in front of me fills the room. She combs her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath in.
“She—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself, Xavier,” she says. “I get it—”
“I feel like I should though,” I respond sitting up straight. “She made me think it was ok. She made think that happiness was what mattered. Not you, not Aisley or Nolan. Just that having a normal existence was what I should be focusing on.”
“You should’ve.” I look up at Hayley with a frown. She stands with her arms hugging herself in front of me. “Why would you put yourself through everything alone for five years? I had Isha. You had Nikia.”
My face warps into a deeper frown.
“No I didn’t sleep with him if that’s what you’re wondering,” she answers before I can get the question out. “But he was my friend through it all. And believe me, if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be standing in front of you.”
I nod. This doesn’t feel right still. I made Hayley a promise with a ring. I glance down at her hand and feel my heart sink. “Your ring.”
She frowns and looks down at her hand. “Oh. They took it from me before I was brainwashed. I never was able to get it back.”
“Assholes.” She cracks her knuckles and squeezes her fingers in between her hands.
“I knew things were going to be different if I found you. I don’t want to be with anyone else, Xavier.”
Painted Red Page 21