‘Joyeux Noël, Mummy and Daddy,’ he yelled as he flung his arms around my neck when I lifted him up.
‘Happy Christmas to you too, darling,’ I laughed. ‘You have no idea how happy I am to see you. To see you all.’ I peppered his head with kisses before handing him over to Luc and reaching out my arms to my mum for Lottie, who squealed with delight as I took her and kissed her.
‘Why the long faces, who died?’ asked my twin brother Dom as he shot a look at Coco and Hunter, who were still glowering at each other. Though now I wasn’t sure if they were still angry or if that was their “seriously hot for each other” look. It was easy to confuse the two, as arguing and sex went in tandem with the two of them.
‘Hunter might in a minute for being such an arsehole,’ Coco stated.
‘What’s an arsehole?’ Tristan piped up.
‘Nothing,’ came a chorus from everyone, as Hunter asked ‘What did I do?’ with a confused look on his face.
‘Daddy, will Father Christmas know that I’ve moved to Paris this year?’ Tristan asked with a serious look on his face, making everyone chuckle.
‘Of course he will, Tristan. Père Noël knows everything! Look, he even came and set up a tree and a roaring fire for you,’ Luc replied with a smile.
‘But there’s no presents under the tree,’ Tristan pouted.
‘Because he’s had to make the reindeer fly him back to England on his sleigh to get them, darling. By the time you wake up tomorrow, he’ll have returned and they’ll all be there,’ I added as I grimaced at my parents, hoping someone had had the foresight to pack them all up and bring them with them. Dad grinned and nodded, patting my back as he leaned in for a kiss.
‘I feel sorry for the hotel porters, you’d think we’d all arrived for a month,’ he whispered.
‘You really don’t mind being here instead of at home?’ I asked, pecking Mum’s cheek.
‘Ermmm, hello? Christmas in Paris in the snow and a luxurious state-of-the-art suite? Do we mind?’ she scoffed, as she gestured to the sumptuous surroundings.
‘There is no snow,’ I replied.
‘Think again, ma belle, look out of the window,’ Luc coaxed, holding Tristan up with one arm as he put his other around my shoulder and turned us around. I gasped to see a flurry of white flakes falling. There’d been no sign of them when Coco and I were shopping earlier. ‘There is a heavy snow storm forecast for the next two days.’
‘Thank God we’re in The Domville,’ called Dom as he made himself at home and popped open a bottle of champagne from the private bar. ‘The height of luxury and anything we need delivered at the click of our fingers, and no cooking or washing up to do after Christmas dinner. Does it get any better?’
‘No,’ came a chorus of voices again.
‘Since when did you ever cook?’ scoffed Coco.
‘I’m not a total imbecile, thank you very much,’ he retorted.
‘Right, says the man who thought that stuffing was actually a part of the turkey.’
‘Well, it is.’
‘Not when it’s still alive, dumbass. It’s added after.’
‘What’s a dumbass?’ Tristan called.
‘Nothing,’ everyone called in unison. It was one of our most frequent responses around my son at the moment, who seemed to be going through a phase of questioning everything.
‘Language everyone, we have inquisitive little ears,’ Luc warned, kissing the top of Tristan’s forehead.
‘Daddy?’
‘Yes, Tristan?’
‘What’s a blowjob?’ he asked, a serious look of curiosity on his little face.
Everyone but Luc burst out laughing, and he gave me a mortified look.
‘Where did you hear this phrase?’ he demanded, shooting his gaze back to his son.
‘Uncle Dom said he couldn’t wait to get one from Uncle Calvin for Christmas and Uncle Calvin said it would be the best one ever, with swallows and everything!’ Tristan stated with a serious nod.
‘Did he now,’ Luc growled, flashing a glare their way, and they both grimaced.
‘Uh-huh,’ Tristan nodded emphatically. ‘If it’s that good, I’d like one.’
‘Ermmm, maybe when you’re older, Tristan, it’s a grown-up present,’ I giggled.
‘Awesome!’ he replied. ‘Uncle Dom said it would be an even better present if he got his special treat of having his ars-’
‘And that’s my cue to go and see if the bags have been delivered,’ Dom called loudly, talking over Tristan as his cheeks went bright red. He grabbed Calvin’s hand and scurried down towards the bedrooms.
‘I’ll be having words later about appropriate conversations in front of my son, Dominic,’ I yelled after him.
‘He is incroyable,’ Luc muttered, shaking his head. ‘I will be having words later.’
I giggled as he headed over to the sofa to try and explain away the saucy conversation that Tristan had overheard, then followed him, Lottie still in my arms. I sat down next to them and he put his arm around me. Coco and Hunter appeared to be bickering over by the door still, and Mum and Dad were looking out at the amazing view.
‘Ok, ma belle?’ Luc asked, leaning in to give Lottie a kiss first, then me a gentle one on my lips.
‘More than ok,’ I nodded. ‘I have all my loved ones around me, and we’re in your home town for Christmas, nearly eight years after we first met each other here. It’s perfect.’
Hunter
‘I’m a guy, Coco. We discuss practicalities first, not the emotional shit.’
‘Hmmm, let me go and unpack my shovel so you can dig yourself a deeper hole,’ Coco retorted with a tut.
‘What?’ I objected. She sighed and shook her head, then put her arms around my neck and kissed me.
‘Women like the “emotional shit” bit first, not the hows and whys. Lulu didn’t care about what had happened, or what you’d both done to try and fix it. All she cared about was knowing if she was going to see her babies. If you’d just started with “No need to panic, they’re on their way here and we’re all having Christmas together, but you won’t believe what happened,” you could have saved us all a load of grief and tears.’
‘I’m never going to learn this relationship, men-versus-women stuff,’ I sighed, totally baffled at her reactions from moments ago. I was trying to be helpful, let them know that we hadn’t just sat around doing nothing, that we’d come up with a solution and fixed it.
‘You will, because I’m going to continue to teach you, even if you are the worst student in the world with your pig-headed and stubborn attitude.’
‘You’re calling me stubborn?’ I raised my eyebrows as I circled her waist and pulled her closer to me.
‘Mmmm hmmm,’ she nodded, then leaned in and kissed me again. ‘Is it wrong that I always get so hot for you after we argue?’
‘No, I feel the same, but it would be rude to disappear now that we have company. I promise to make up for it tonight though.’
‘I’ll hold you to that,’ she grinned.
‘Are you ok staying? Luc suggested it, as we were due to spend Christmas at theirs anyway, but we can always call Dom’s pilot and ask him to wait for us, as he’s refuelling before he heads back.’
‘I’m happy to stay. Papà will be in Italy now with Nonna and Nonno, it’s probably the last time they’ll go back home now that they’re getting on. It’s not comfortable on a commercial flight for them at their age.’
‘We can always tie in a business trip on the Havershams’ jet so they can go again,’ I suggested, and Coco immediately pulled a soft face of appreciation.
‘How can you make me so frustrated one minute, then melt the next?’ she sighed.
‘It’s a hidden talent,’ I grinned, pleased we were already over that little misunderstanding from earlier.
‘You don’t mind being here for Christmas?’
‘Never really been a fan of it, to be honest,’ I replied truthfully. ‘It’s supposed to be a time for families,
and as you know, I haven’t exactly had the most stable one growing up. My dad’s in Scotland, having a dirty week with his latest bit on the side, so being with your friends, back home or here, doesn’t make a difference to me,’ I shrugged nonchalantly. ‘As long as I’m with you, I’m happy.’
‘That’s so sweet, Hunter, but they’re our friends,’ she corrected, as she spun in my arms and gazed out at the snow covered view in front of us. ‘It’s great to see you, Luc, Dom, and Calvin all getting on so well.’
‘It is,’ I agreed, kissing the top of her head. I’d never really had a best friend growing up, preferring to keep to myself, but the three of them had just accepted me into their established, tight-knit group the minute they knew Coco and I weren’t breaking up anytime soon. And I had to admit I looked forward to spending time with them, with our partners or without. Luc was even coming to the gym where I was teaching him boxing, much to Lulu’s mortification.
‘Isn’t that the most beautiful view you’ve ever seen?’ Coco sighed as we drank in the flickering lights of a dark late-afternoon Paris and The Eiffel Tower.
‘I thought you enjoyed the view from Donovan Tower, baby,’ I chuckled.
‘Well, that’s a given,’ she giggled. ‘And I plan to enjoy the view from up there an awful lot when we head to bed tonight.’
‘Hmmmm, music to my ears,’ I groaned.
I took another swig of my whisky, then a final inhalation of the finest cigar I’d ever had the pleasure of smoking, as I stood with all of the men out on the balcony. The women inside were sitting in front of the roaring fire, cooing over Lottie while Tristan sat watching a Christmas movie with his head in his mother’s lap, a hot chocolate and some cookies on the floor in front of him. We all burst out laughing again as Dom choked for the umpteenth time while Luc tried to show him how a cigar should be smoked, which wasn’t the way he was doing it.
‘Mon Dieu, Dom, this is a rare and priceless cigar, not a cock. A little more finesse, please!’
‘I don’t care how rare it is,’ Dom spluttered, quickly stubbing it out. ‘It tastes like rancid arse, and I’ve tasted enough to make that statement confidently.’
‘You’d better not be talking about mine, Dominic McQueen,’ Calvin warned.
‘And that’s my cue to leave,’ Mr. McQueen senior announced. ‘There are some aspects of your children’s sex lives you never want to hear about. Goodnight all, see you in the morning.’
‘I’m done in, too,’ Dom confirmed with another cough as he reached for Calvin’s hand. ‘Especially when Tristan’s going to have us all up at unheard-of-o’clock to open his presents in the morning. Night all.’
‘Night,’ Luc and I replied as we watched them head inside. Mrs. McQueen held out a squirming Lottie to Coco, who beamed as she took her and held her to her chest, burying her face in Lottie’s chubby little neck and plastering it with kisses. I sighed and knocked back my drink.
‘Something troubles you?’ Luc queried as he shot me a glance.
‘Look at her, she looks so happy,’ I replied, flicking my head in Coco’s direction.
‘Seeing your woman happy, makes you unhappy?’ he asked, sounding puzzled.
‘No, of course not. It makes me unhappy that I can’t make her look like that all of the time. She wants her own baby so badly, but …’ I huffed out and watched my breath turn white as it curled from my lips and froze in the air. ‘I’m just not sure I’m ready.’
‘Trust me, Hunter, no man is ever ready to be a father. No matter how much we may either want a child, or want to please our partners who desperately desire one, we always have doubts and insecurities that we will be able to cope, that we will be a good role model, or worries that we will somehow fail them. Nothing can prepare you for fatherhood. You take a leap of faith and do the best that you can. But I promise you, seeing your own flesh and blood for the first time, something you created with the person you love, there is no better feeling.’
‘How did you decide it was the right time for you?’
‘Tristan was a surprise, to both of us. I had no opportunity to think about whether it was something I wanted or could deal with, but the moment I set eyes on him, I knew. I knew there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him, regardless of whether Lulu and I made our relationship work. You don’t talk of your family much, so I assume that this is where your fears lie. It may surprise you to know that I was abandoned as a baby. I never had a family, never experienced the kind of love that a child needs and deserves. I believe that only makes me better equipped to be a father. I give Tristan and Lottie everything I never received, just as I am sure you will do for your own child, if you make that decision.’
‘What if Coco and I don’t make it? Isn’t it cruel to put that burden on an innocent child?’
‘A child can be happy even with two parents who choose to live apart, as long as they both love it, Hunter. As for you and Coco, well, you will make it if you want to make it. You have a close bond, regardless of these regular frictions you may have with her. If I may speak frankly, the only negative I see in your relationship is you.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I demanded, shooting him a look as I felt my muscles tense up. I already knew I was the weak link in our relationship, I didn’t need anyone else to remind me of the fact.
‘I say this as a friend, Hunter, and I mean no malice by it. Coco has given you everything she has, and offered even more. It is you that is holding back for whatever reason, and that is not for me to pry. But I see a man who allows the weight of his past to hold him back, instead of dealing with it and allowing himself to move forwards. I understand, I’ve been there. But at some point you have to decide if you’re happy with your life either staying stagnant or regressing, or if you want it to progress. Only you can make that decision. But by waiting, you’re the master of your own downfall. You fear losing her, so you refuse to fully commit, and in doing so you may push her away. Only you can change the outcome. At this point, you have nothing to lose.’
‘You make it sound easy,’ I retorted as I folded my arms across my body, unable to take my eyes off Coco with Lottie in her arms. I hated the feeling of the pain in my chest expanding, knowing that I was the apparent insurmountable hurdle in the path of our relationship moving forwards. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to deal with my demons, but Luc was right. If I did nothing more to keep her, she’d likely walk anyway. That’s what my experience with women up until now had shown me.
‘Then I give you a false impression. It is not easy. It took a lot of hard work, and pain, for me to make peace with my past. But knowing the sight in front of you was my reward at the end of it? Knowing that I’d maybe have a woman like Lulu, and a beautiful family … I’d die a thousand deaths over, submit myself to all those months of painful therapy again, for that kind of happiness, my friend.’
‘You had therapy?’ I turned my head to give him an incredulous look. I’d always assumed people who needed to moan about their feelings were pussies. I was a man, we were supposed to be confident and in control, deal with the pain ourselves, not turn into whining, needy messes. And here was a dominant, self-made billionaire, a man I had so much admiration and respect for, telling me he’d had help?
‘Therapy is not a dirty word, Hunter,’ Luc chuckled. ‘We all have our coping mechanisms. For some it’s women, others it’s alcohol or drugs. I eventually chose a less toxic method, knowing deep in my heart that I’d never be ready to commit to anyone, to love anyone fully, until I truly loved myself and believed I was worthy of being loved. There is no shame in admitting you need help sometimes. Without it, I might not have been ready when Lulu and I crossed paths again, and I wouldn’t be standing here right now. The happiest man alive, with an amazing wife and family.’
I swallowed hard as I looked back at Coco laughing as she blew raspberries on Lottie’s tummy, which had her kicking and squealing with delight. Whatever issues I had, I was still human. I wanted what Luc had just said, and I wanted it w
ith Coco. The question was whether I was brave enough to do anything about it. I jumped as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, startling me from my thoughts, and pulled it out, surprised to see a text from Luc.
‘The number of my therapist, Dr. Jarvis, who is based in Westhampton. He is expensive, but worth every penny. Do with the number what you will, I won’t bring it up again unless you do. Come, I am getting cold, and much as I enjoy my time with the boys, I want nothing more than to carry my children to bed and tuck them in for the night, then see Tristan’s excited face in the morning,’ Luc smiled as he slapped my back. ‘For what it’s worth, you may think you are making Coco unhappy, but Lulu and Dominic tell me she’s the happiest she has ever been, regardless of your certainty of your failings. You are good for each other, Hunter. Don’t mess this up.’
‘I’m really trying not to,’ I replied sincerely as we headed back into the warmth and the sound of the girls’ laughter.
‘What are you doing out here?’ Coco yawned as she wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned her cheek on my back after finding me out on the balcony of our suite at God-knew-what time in the middle of the night.
‘Trouble sleeping, sorry if I woke you up,’ I replied as I prised her hands from me and spun around to claim her in my arms. Her hair was still ruffled from the sex we’d had earlier, and her eyes were heavy with sleep. Jesus, she was so damn beautiful. And mine. At least she was until I completely fucked this up and pushed her away. ‘Coco, I …’ I stopped myself, that familiar ball of acid burning the back of my throat as I tried to overcome my fears.
‘Yes,’ she whispered, giving me her perfected doe-eyed look, longing to hear me say those words.
‘Ti amo.’ Fuck, I’d chickened out again. I was such a God damn pussy!
‘Ti amo too, Hunter,’ she replied, then let out a soft, almost imperceptible sigh. ‘Come in when you’re ready, but don’t stay too long or you’ll freeze to death out here.’
A Red Hot Christmas Paris Page 7