The Ridiculously Simple Survival Book

by Ron Foster

  “That won’t be necessary buddy. I think you hit the mother lode all ready. You see I got this survival book back at home that talks a bit on filtering and purifying water and it does touch on how to remove salt from it.” Joe said with a big smile.

  “Tell me more, Joe! Is it a very hard process or needing very many parts and things?” Bert asked.

  “No, it’s not hard at all, the principle is actually kind of simple. When you boil salt water, the steam that is produced contains only pure water molecules. They form a gas that rises from the surface of the water. If you hang a cool object over the steam it will condense back to a liquid and gravity will make it fall again.” Joe said.

  “What kind of a “cool” object? I am not following you here.” Bert said confused.

  “Well, the more I think about the principle, the more ideas I can come up with. We will start with what my survival book calls the Boy Scout method. What you need to do is place a lid over the boiling water and hang a cup from the center and lowest part of the lid. Actually all you do is turn a pot lid over that has a handle in its center and suspend a coffee cup off it. The steam will condense and follow the curve of the lid where it will then accumulate and drip into the cup. The idea could be scaled up and the same set up would work powered by the sun if it was covered with some plastic to trap the heat, say on a beach.” Joe explained and drew a little sketch of an upside down pot lid and a coffee cup.

  “ Wow, that’s a game changer, buddy. You put us on something good there. We got that pool and the whole ocean to try that trick out on. What else is in that book that might be useful?” Bert asked intriqued.

  “Well I came up with a neat fact for when you don’t have a fire to boil water. Sunlight can purify water, Bert!” Joe said as he was offered another beer enthusiastically by the old man for him to carry on with telling him these new survival skills he was unaware of. The teacher had now become the student, sort of.

  “Rather than me just telling you how to leave a plastic bottle full of water out in the sun for 4-6 hours, let me go get my little book and show you some more.” Joe said excitedly and went back to his house to fetch it.

  “Check it out, Bert!” Joe said on his return and handed him the little pamphlet he had already opened to the section on water and watched in anticipation as Bert began reading.

  The World Health Organization reports that water can be purified using sunlight and plastic bottles!

  According to the UN report:

  A do-it-yourself technique of disinfecting water with sunlight and soft-drink bottles could save hundreds of thousands of lives a year, the World Health Organization said. In a campaign to reduce deaths from unhealthy water in developing countries, the UN health agency is promoting a nearly cost-free process called Solar Water Disinfection, or SODIS. The process is simple: Transparent bottles are filled with water and placed horizontally on a flat surface for about five hours. The heat and ultraviolet rays of the sun kill illness-causing microorganisms in polluted water. Special UN Report [2001]

  “Now that’s a right handy thing to know! Why in this modern world of ours you find discarded bottles everywhere. I never knew what caused people to litter like they do but I got a reason to carry a bottle cap in my pocket now.” Bert said with a rare bit of old man insight that lots of folks don’t discard a bottle with the cap on it and that one thing he now planned to have in his pocket would make the difference in the workability of the trick or give him an advantage by thinking of it and having such a cheap survival tool available for modern survival affairs.

  Joe was already one step ahead of him for his EDC (everyday carry) and had several of the cheap small carry straps for bottles of water that could fit on belts or attach to bikes. They worked by fitting over or under the caps and made instant canteens.

  “I guess if you filtered out any dirt or grass with a handkerchief before putting water in them bottles, it would work. I know of a few places to find some water at I am not trusting yet, though. Now suppose someone didn’t have the means to boil water and wanted to do something different. Is there anything about that in here regarding what we might could do?” Bert asked looking up from the pages.

  “Well, Iodine is not as common as it once was to see in a medicine cabinet but it’s a good thing for us to try to find. Most folks these days go buy them some triple antibiotic cream and be done with it but I bet some old timers around here still got it or we could maybe find some that people overlooked in them looted stores. That’s on the next page, Bert.” Joe said.

  Iodine Treatment

  Iodine is light sensitive and must always be stored in a dark bottle. It works best if the water is over 68 F (21 C). Iodine has been shown to be more effective than chlorine-based treatments in inactivating Giardia cysts. Be aware that some people are allergic to iodine and cannot use it as a form of water purification. Persons with thyroid problems or on lithium, women over fifty, and pregnant women should consult their physician prior to using iodine for purification. Also, some people who are allergic to shellfish are also allergic to iodine. If someone cannot use iodine, use either a chlorine-based product or the solar method. Generally, the procedure is as follows:

   Liquid 2% Tincture of Iodine. Add 5 drops per quart when the water is clear. Add 10 drops per quart when the water is cloudy.

   Polar Pure Iodine Crystals Fill the Polar Pure bottle with water and shake. The solution will be ready for use in one hour. Add the number of capfuls (per quart of water treated) listed on the bottle, based on the temperature of the iodine solution. The particle trap prevents crystals from getting into the water being treated. It is important to note that you are using the iodine solution to treat the water, not the iodine crystals. The concentration of iodine in a crystal is poisonous and can burn tissue or eyes. Let the treated water stand for 30 minutes before drinking. In order to destroy Giardia cysts, the drinking water must be at least 68 F (20 C). The water can be warmed in the sun before treating or hot water can be added. Refill the treatment bottle after use so that the solution will be ready one hour later. Crystals in the bottle make enough solution to treat about 2,000 quarts. Discard the bottle when empty.

  “Well damn Son, here I was thinking I needed to educate you and you just solved one of our major problems. Good job, Joe!” Bert said beaming a smile at him.

  “Our most precious assets now are our minds!” Joe said and asked Bert about any Great Depression our other old timey tricks they could rediscover.

  Struggling with fuzzy memories with what once was or could be again was what Bert did all day sitting under that carport but he had nothing to offer.

  “Rediscover hell Joe, we got to remember! We remember everything about survival we ever heard and my brain right now is not up for that. This lack of food these days makes me kind of dingy, if you know what I mean. When the body starves, the brain doesn’t think well except to remind you that you need to do something and it will pretty much justify anything to feed itself.” Bert said ominously.

  “So all this reminiscing has been a lot of fun but it ain’t solving squat to surviving current conditions and getting food. We need to come up with a better way of surviving this mess we are in. You said you had some other ideas about finding food beyond pillaging some dead old folk’s houses, Bert; let’s talk about that rather than water.” Joe said wanting more than just expending energy looking in houses that could be already ransacked.

  “Well I can agree Joe with that aspect of us needing to move on but do you understand water is the most important thing to be talking about at the moment? Go a day without water being readily accessible or some other liquid with a hope to quench your thirst and you will know what I mean. We can save lives as well as help ourselves by just telling the few remaining folks around here some of those simple things we have been talking about. I been thinking about what you said some and comparing that to having the bottle cap in your pocket preparedness measure that might sound foolish on the surface but reminded me of when
I was a Boy Scout and camper to have a piece of folded up aluminum foil in my pack. It’s a lot easier to cook a fish with a piece of foil that has a packet of pepper and salt in it if you like that kind of seasoning than to try to stick a stick through the flesh over a fire to cook it. Hey while we are on that subject, did you know you can temporarily fix a small car radiator leak by just adding some pepper to the water? The pepper will stop it up! Ok, I will quit getting off the subject but for example if I don’t have string or wire but I can find a container and use something for a lid like tin foil to boil sea water. That one multi readily available resource I might have on me most times could serve as a lid or even better be used to connect to a battery to the positive and negative ends to start a fire with, if I had both. Now I been thinking about what you said regarding that distillation Boy Scout method you mentioned. My thinking cap says why worry about finding enough string or wire to suspend a small cup. Why not take the biggest Pyrex measuring cup we can find and just set the damn thing on the bottom of a pot full of saltwater and accomplish the same thing? The way I see it is the weight of the cup can support itself and don’t need any fancy rigging. We can do it sort of like this.” Joe said and then started drawing on a piece of paper to evidence his idea.

  “Wow, the obvious is not always obvious!” Joe said marveling at the simpler and more efficient way of performing the same task the old man had come up with once a general principle was explained.

  “There is another picture in that book that reminds me of accomplishing the same thing with a couple of salad bowls. Check this out! You could do the same thing with a kids sand bucket and a cereal bowl.” Joe said getting excited at the notion he could survive standing on a beach with nothing but his wits and what to look for and showing Bert a new page in the book using saran wrap as a cover.

  “Now that is slicker than owl shit! Simplicity can be life if you know how to apply the principles. What the hell is that?” Bert asked observing a picture of a solar still.

  “That’s how to get water in the desert if you never heard of it, it’s something you do when all you got is a rusty can you found somewhere to start with to try to find a drink in a wasteland. The sheet of plastic in my opinion is something that would be the hardest thing to find but like that piece of tinfoil if a man thought about it before he needed it he might have one with him already. Oh, you might find a piece of blown off plastic sheeting from a contractor that might serve or a piece of tarp or pool bed float could maybe even work. Matter of fact, an old prepper friend named Lemmy told me to think outside the box and study maybe the plastic bags dry cleaners put over clothes but why worry about trying to loot that when you could buy a painters tarp from the dollar store to put in your pocket that was stronger and better for the task.” Joe replied.

  “Do you know about using bleach to purify water, Bert?” Joe inquired.

  “Sure, I have heard of it, but I don’t know how much to use.” Bert said.

  “Use 3 drops to a quart or a liter and 5 drops for a half gallon, as a general rule. You can add a couple drops more, if the water is really cloudy. Avoid using bleaches that contain perfumes, dyes and other additives.” Joe pointed out in the book.

  “Ah hell, all I got is April fresh smelling Clorox.” Bert grumbled.

  “Don’t use it in your drinking water, be ok to clean up your wash water with though. If you find some regular bleach, mix in thoroughly and allow it to stand for at least 30 minutes before using. (60 minutes if the water is cloudy or very cold).” Joe said, reading the pamphlets directions.

  “So if you have any Iodine tincture it’s 5 drops per quart when the water is clear will do the trick. I believe I got some of that. ” Bert said thinking about the depths of his medicine cabinet.

  “So what other ideas do you have for scavenging for food?” Joe asked wanting to get back on track.

  “So what is it going to be Joe, are we going exploring or am I going to be house sitting? Makes a difference you know.” Bert asked meaningfully patting the pistol in his waistband.

  “I guess we go together; give me a few minutes to go tell my wife and we will go.” Joe said and went to tell Mary that it looked like he had a new foraging and scavenging partner.

  Bert got his walking staff and an old canvas shoulder bag and waited for Joe to get back. He looked up at the sky and wondered if they were going to get any rain today. Not having access to a daily weather report these days was troublesome when it came to maybe putting out a few extra pans to collect rain water. He needed to tell Joe they needed to come up with a barometer when they were out if they could. He was trying to think of anything else they might need to look for when Joe came back.

  “Ok I am all set, where to next?” Joe said.

  “I say we start on Back beach road and check out some of these newer obituaries. The streets back there still have some traffic snarls of abandoned cars from when everyone was trying to evacuate off the beach but we should be alright.” Bert declared.

  “Hey do you have any bolt cutters or a cold chisel or something?” Joe asked.

  “No but I got plans on getting some burglar tools if I can. You remember that little country gas station by county road 79? You know the little rundown one that has a bit of everything in it and has all those display boxes of cheap tools? If someone hasn’t already picked through it we should be able to pick up a small pair of cutters or a chisel.” Bert replied.

  “Oh I know where you’re talking about. I used to go in there once in a while just to look around, interesting place. I wanted those kinds of tools to see if we can maybe find a locked truck trailer or something folks have forgot about on the road or parked by a building somewhere.” Joe said thinking maybe that some truckers might have dropped their trailers to save gas so they could haul ass back home after the grid went down. They would have thought about no diesel being available with the power being out so now it was just a matter of thinking about where a trailer might have got dropped off.

  “I wish I would have taken up the art of fishing before this disaster. Joe, you ever go saltwater fishing?” Bert asked.

  “No, never have. Went fresh water fishing once when I was a kid but that was nothing more than teaching me to put a worm on a hook. I wouldn’t know crap from cauliflower about how to saltwater fish and besides we don’t have any gear or bait. I know a bunch of folks are probably doing just that and laughing at us being ignorant but the two times I went over by the beach I heard a lot of gunfire there.” Joe said not willing to explore that area further for now.

  “Yea I had thoughts of asking somebody over there once or twice to buy a fish off someone I saw fishing but they run me off before I could even get close hollering “NO!” like I was a leper or something approaching. We got other places to go look over today, are you ready?” Bert asked.

  “Let’s do it!” Joe said and they got in his car and headed out.

  3

  Messing With The Dead

  “Joe where the hell did you get your driver’s license? You can’t drive worth a doggone damn.” Bert said sweating and complaining because the windows were down to save fuel but also because Joe wasn’t watching the road very well in his opinion.

  “I am doing what you asked and observing traffic signs but not coming to a full stop at intersections. I can’t help it if people dropped crap on the road as well as parked their freaking cars in the middle of it fleeing the coastline. Hang tight I will get you there!” Joe said telling him to hush and wove his way around the roads and abandoned cars heading to the country store they had talked about for tools.

  “There it is up there on the right, slow down and have a good look around before pulling in the parking lot.” Bert cautioned.

  “Gotcha!” Joe said listening to his copilot’s advice.

  “The doors busted in, I don’t see no one around but watch out for the back of the building. Matter of fact try to park back there, just drive up on the grass.” Bert said directing him.

  “I can see
nothing but dark through that front door, Bert. The way the glass is busted out of it there could be a pack of wild dogs or zombies in there.” Joe said as he rode by it heading to the back of the store to hide the car.

  “Zombies! Really Joe? But you’re right that place is wide open to the elements so watch out for snakes. Dang I hate going in places like that, you do have a flashlight don’t you?” Bert said eying the windowless cinder block building.

  “I got a headlight and a flashlight, I will have you know. Is this place all right to park at? Nobody can see us from the road.” Joe said.

  “Yea it is just fine, I just wanted to make sure someone else didn’t have the same idea of hiding their car while going shopping.” Bert said getting out of the car.

  “I assume you’re going in first is that correct?” Joe asked being relieved of that duty.

  “Yea I will go in first, right after we holler is anyone in there and I throw this rock in first.” Bert said stooping to pick up a large pebble from the gravel parking lot.

  “Shouldn’t you have your gun out?” Joe whispered.

  “No I prefer if anyone is around they don’t know I am armed yet.” Bert said checking to make sure his shirttail was out helping disguise the gun in his waistband.

  “Hey anybody in there! Don’t mean you no harm just need to do some shopping!” Bert hollered out and the two men paused to listen.

  “Don’t stand so close to me boy! Makes for too easy of a target to be bunched up.” Bert said in a low tone and repeating the process of hollering out and asking if anyone was in there as they approached the shattered glass door.

  Bert flung his rock inside and after listening a moment they carefully walked in.