All in all, it was a good plan. Or rather, it was a start to a good plan. "That's one base covered. How about your house? Is it safe?"
"As safe as I can possibly make it. It's in a gated community, and I had a new security system installed. A patrol car will make spot checks at least every hour. Of course, I'll be there, too."
Of course.
Lilly forced herself to relax and to focus on the positive. "Hey, maybe with all this protection and safeguards, the guy who tried to kill me will decide it's too big of a risk to come after me again. Maybe he'll just disappear."
"Maybe," Jason mumbled.
She noted his tight jaw and the tenseness around his eyes. "You don't believe that, do you?"
"No," he readily admitted.
Neither did she.
That's why Lilly welcomed those security measures. And she even welcomed Jason. Because as difficult as this arrangement would be, it would be unbearable if her daughter was in any more danger than she perhaps already was. With all of Jason's faults, it seemed as if he genuinely loved Megan. Which meant he'd protect her with his life.
Lilly was counting heavily on that.
"So, it'll be Megan, you, the nanny and me staying at the house?" Lilly paused. "Or is the nanny there only during the day?"
"The nanny's name is Erica," Jason explained. "She's a live-in."
There was something in the way he offered that information that had Lilly picking through it to see if there was any hidden meaning. Her brain was obviously a little overactive because she immediately came up with a possible scenario.
"Erica's been with you since Megan was born?" she asked.
"Yes."
Okay. That didn't confirm her scenario that Erica might be more than a nanny, but again, Lilly was sure there was something left unsaid.
"Is—"
"Erica can be…a little possessive sometimes," Jason volunteered, interrupting her, which was a good thing since Lilly didn't know how she would finish that question anyway. Are you sleeping with the nanny? hardly seemed appropriate.
"She's possessive about Megan?"
That earned her a semiglare. "Yeah. Who else?"
"You, perhaps?"
Jason reacted as if he'd tasted something disgusting. "Not a chance."
All right. So, she wasn't stepping into a love nest/wannabe family situation, and that made her feel far better than it should have. However, the "possessive" description bothered her. After all, Jason seemed possessive. Lilly felt that way herself.
One house.
Three possessive people.
This was going to be one heck of a long stay in protective custody.
"I'm making arrangements for a nurse to come to the house," Jason continued a moment later. "But it'll take a couple of days to do a thorough security check. In the meantime, if you need help, just let me know."
There it was again. That niggling feeling that he'd left something out of his comment. "Help?" she repeated.
"Help," he verified, though he did pause after his quick response. "You know, what with the wheelchair. You, uh, might need assistance…getting around or dressing. If you do, just let me know."
She'd rather set her hair on fire.
This situation would be tense enough without him helping her in that kind of personal way.
Jason shook his head. "I don't know why I said that."
Lilly knew why. It was the same reason she'd had images of his butt and Jason and Erica in a lovers' romp. "I think it's about what happened two nights ago at St. Joseph's. That hug," she clarified when he aimed a questioning glance in her direction.
"What about it?" Judging from his stiff tone, he didn't want to discuss it any more than she did, but Lilly couldn't let this linger between them. If they were to share a house, it might be best to start with a little air-clearing.
"I don't think it was a valid attraction or anything," she concluded.
Valid? Valid! Sheez. It was a word she'd use in a corporate briefing, not in a personal discussion about inappropriate hospital embraces.
He sat there. Waiting, or something. He obviously had no plans to cooperate with the air-clearing or to question her bizarre word usage.
Lilly gave it one more try. "I think the hug and our reaction to it was some kind of, uh, knight-in-shining-armor response. You know, because you'd saved my life."
Jason shifted in his seat. "It was a hug. That's all. It can't undo what's between us."
"True." Lilly added a silent whew to that. She couldn't cope with hugs and possible attractions that didn't make sense.
And nothing about being attracted to Jason made sense.
She needed to concentrate on her daughter. On how she was going to deal with this first visit. On how she was going to make a place for herself in Megan's life.
And that's exactly what she did.
Lilly glanced down at the photo again. The butterflies returned with a vengeance. And the doubts. So many doubts. Including the tsunami of all doubts: Whether or not she'd be a good mother.
Before the accident and the coma, she'd spent months trying to clean up the investment business that she had inherited from her father, and she'd put the notion of children and marriage on the back burner. Of course, her experience with Greg had contributed to that back-burner decision. Talk about taking an emotional toll. Yet, if she hadn't had that brief tumultuous relationship with Greg, there would have been no Megan.
Strange that the night she'd regretted most had produced a child that she could never regret.
With that, the memories came. Good mixed with the bad. It was always that way with Greg. The night that she'd had sex with him, he'd just had a huge business setback that would almost certainly lead to bankruptcy. After drinking, he'd shown up at her house. She'd tried to console him and they'd landed in bed. Lilly had immediately realized it as a mistake since she hadn't loved him and because he'd wanted more than friendship from her.
A lot more.
Greg wanted a wedding ring and the white-picket-fence fairy tale. Unfortunately she'd told him that she wasn't ready for those things. And might never be. Angry with her rejection, he'd stormed out and minutes later was involved in a fatal car accident.
It had only been the beginning of the nightmare.
Jason had blamed her for his brother's death, and there was indeed blame to place in her lap. She'd gotten so caught up in her argument with Greg that she hadn't noticed that he was too drunk to drive.
A fatal mistake.
One she'd have to live with.
Megan didn't soften that mistake. Far from it. Because even though at the time Lilly hadn't known that they'd created a child, she'd essentially let her baby's father walk out the door and die.
"Nervous?" she heard Jason ask.
That one word pulled her out of that mixed bag of memories, and she glanced around to see what had prompted his question. With one hand, she had a death grip on Megan's picture, and with her other hand, she was choking the strap of her seat belt.
She slipped Megan's picture into her pocket. "The truth? I'm terrified."
That terror went up a notch when he took the turn into the Redland Oaks neighborhood. She'd learned from one of the cops who'd guarded her for the past two days that Jason had bought a house in the northeast area shortly after Megan was born.
"Don't expect too much for your first visit," Jason warned. He stopped at the security gate, entered his code, and the long metal arm lifted so he could drive inside. He waved at the officers in the car behind them, and the driver circled around to leave. "Megan's going through this stage where she's a little wary of people that she doesn't know. I've told her about you, but she's too young to understand."
Well, she certainly qualified as people her daughter didn't know. Lilly prayed there wouldn't be tears—from either Megan or her.
To calm her quickly unraveling nerves, Lilly forced herself to concentrate on gathering information. After all, she hadn't had much of a chance to talk with Jas
on about Megan. For the past two days, he'd been tied up with the investigation and security arrangements. They'd only spoken briefly on the phone, and that was only so that Jason could tell her when he'd be arriving to pick her up from the hospital. The call had lasted less than a minute.
"Can Megan walk yet?" she asked.
"More or less. She still takes a few spills, but she gets better at it every day."
Lilly had no idea if that was in the normal range of development, and she made a mental note to read some parenting books. "How about talking? Does she say anything?"
Dead silence.
Not good, considering it was a relatively easy question.
"She babbles a lot and says bye-bye and…da-da," Jason finally answered. He gave her a hard glance. "Let's just get down to the bottom line here. I love Megan. She loves me. And she calls me da-da because I'm the only father she's ever known."
Lilly couldn't dispute that, but she could take issue with what he wasn't saying. Suddenly this was no longer a conversation about child development. It was a conversation about all that air they hadn't managed to clear yet. "I'm her mother."
"That doesn't void the last eleven and a half months." He cursed under his breath. "Look, what happened to you wasn't your fault. I know that. But I also know I'm not just going to give Megan up now that you're out of the coma."
There it was. The real bottom line. The one they'd been tiptoeing around since the moment he'd walked into her hospital room and told her about her daughter.
Lilly shook her head. "I'm not going to give her up, either, Jason."
That hard look he was giving her got a lot harder. "Then I guess we're at a stalemate."
Not really. Yes, Jason had legal custody, but he'd gotten that custody only because she hadn't been able to care for her daughter.
Now, that had all changed.
Well, sort of.
Lilly gave herself an internal hard look similar to one she'd gotten from Jason, and she realized that their stalemate would soon turn into a huge problem. First of all, she wasn't even sure she could totally revoke Jason's custodial rights. Not without a long legal battle, anyway. During that time, her daughter would be pulled between the two of them.
But what was the alternative?
Shared custody?
Lilly could barely contain a laugh. The idea of Jason and her amicably sharing a child for, well, the rest of their lives seemed impossible. Heck, despite the danger and that now-infamous hug, they couldn't stop snipping at each other for a fifteen-minute ride.
Yes, indeed. A huge problem.
Jason pulled into the driveway of a single-story, red-brick house with smoke-gray shutters. Modest, but pristine. Very much a family house in a family neighborhood. Unlike his former place in a singles-only apartment complex. He hadn't lived there because he was a player, either. She remembered Greg explaining that with Jason's shift work and late-night undercover duties, he preferred not to live next to families with children.
Times had certainly changed.
Lilly did a quick check in the vanity mirror on the visor to see if she looked as windblown as she felt. She did. Of course, it was hard to tell with her choppy hair gathered up into a ponytail. She wasn't a vain person, but once things settled down, she'd be making an appointment with her hairdresser.
Jason got out, retrieved her wheelchair. She considered trying to walk on her own. Briefly considered it. But then decided that falling flat on her butt wouldn't make a good impression on Megan or the nanny. So Lilly didn't make even a grumble of a protest when Jason scooped her up into his arms and deposited her in the wheelchair.
"You're angry," she said, noting his expression.
"You're right."
Well, that anger would likely increase a hundredfold once she informed him about the discussion she'd had that morning with her attorney. Lilly was dreading what Jason and she would say to each other once he knew. And unfortunately, she would have to tell him soon—after she met her daughter.
She placed her hands on the wheels, but Jason took over that task, as well. Again, no protest from her. During the past two days she'd discovered she was lousy at steering the chair, too. Besides, he could get her there faster, and speed suddenly seemed to be a critical issue. She didn't want to wait even a second longer to see Megan.
He pushed her up the flagstone walkway lined with Mexican heather. Actual flowers. Yep. She really was going to have to adjust the old mental image she had of Jason. She'd only known him as the brooding loner, rebel-with-a-cause for justice, who was married to the badge. This wasn't the residence of a married-to-the-badge workaholic.
This was a home.
A home that Jason had created because of Megan.
That put a rather large knot in the pit of her stomach. This wasn't a competition between Jason and her, but it sure felt like one.
And he clearly had the advantage.
All the vanilla-white plantation blinds in the front window were closed. Probably a security precaution. Lilly half expected the richly stained wooden front door to open to reveal Erica and Megan standing there, ready to greet her. That didn't happen. Not only didn't the door open, it was double locked. Jason used his key so they could go inside.
The security system immediately kicked in with a buzzing sound, and he entered the code on the keypad near the door to stop the alarm from engaging. With each of these mundane, necessary actions, her heart beat even faster.
He pushed her wheelchair into the foyer. "Erica?" he called.
Nothing. No response whatsoever. And for one brief, terrifying moment, Lilly considered that the possessive nanny had nabbed Megan and gone on the run rather than risk losing the child. But then she heard the sound. Or rather, she heard the three sounds that happened simultaneously. Jason's cell phone rang, and there was a little high-pitched squeak, followed by a shuffle of movement.
Footsteps.
And there she was. The little girl responsible for the millions of butterflies in Lilly's stomach.
Megan Maria Lawrence.
Her daughter came barreling out of the room to the right of the foyer. Not a steady barreling, either. Every step seemed awkward and off balance, but somehow, amazingly, she stayed on her feet and didn't come to a stop until her gaze landed on Lilly.
Apparently sizing her up, Megan stood there dressed in pink overalls and a white cotton shirt with soft eyelet lace on the collar. Her auburn curls danced around her face.
Lilly's heart went into overdrive. One look, and the love for her daughter was instant. All-consuming. And in that moment, she knew she would do whatever it took to protect, to love, to keep her.
Behind her, Lilly could hear Jason talking on the phone, but the conversation didn't register. Nothing registered except Megan. Well, nothing until a woman peered out from the room Megan had just exited.
Erica, no doubt.
No all-consuming love here. No sizing up, either. The tall, leggy brunette in the breezy khaki capris and waist-length coral T-shirt had obviously already done her sizing up. With one indifferent glance from her crystal-blue eyes, she made Lilly feel like an intruder.
"Ms. Nelson," she greeted.
Lilly settled for a polite nod and returned her attention to her daughter. Megan, however, seemed far more interested in the wheelchair than the woman sitting it in. It was no doubt Megan's curiosity that had her toddling toward Lilly and the chair.
Megan aimed her index finger at one of the wheels and babbled something incoherent. But her curiosity only lasted a few seconds before she looked at Jason.
The little girl smiled.
And the smile made it all the way to those sparkling pearl-gray eyes.
The wheelchair no longer held Megan's attention, so Lilly latched on to the chair arms and forced herself to stand. That still didn't garner Megan's attention.
With that same awkward gait, Megan made her way past Lilly and to Jason. Only then did Lilly realize that he'd finished his call and was putting his phone ba
ck in his pocket. He leaned down and scooped Megan up in his arms.
"Da-da," she said.
And there was nothing incoherent about it. The little girl gave an awkward, backhanded wave and placed a kiss on Jason's cheek.
The moment was pure magic.
Lilly could almost feel her heart breaking. Sweet heaven. Before she'd seen Megan, before she'd seen this, she'd been so certain about barging her way into Megan's life, but that kiss and smile put a huge dent in her resolve. Jason was Megan's father in every way that mattered.
Jason's gaze met Lilly's, and she braced herself for the I-told-you-so smugness that she thought she might see there. But there was no smugness. No triumphant look of any kind.
But there was concern.
"Take Megan and go to the playroom," he told Erica. "We'll be there in a few minutes."
Oh, no. This couldn't be good. Maybe now she'd get that victory speech or else a lecture on the house rules, which she'd probably already violated. Lilly eased back down into her chair and waited.
"There's something important I need to tell you," Erica said to Jason. And then she fired a narrowed-eyed glare at Lilly.
A double Oh, no. Erica was probably ready to voice her objection to the protective-custody arrangement.
"It'll have to wait," Jason told Erica, his insistence sounding very much like an order. He looked at Lilly. Specifically, at the chair. Then he glanced at the room at the end of the hall. "That wheelchair will never fit through the door. You'd be stuck in the hall. Out in the open. That's too big of a risk."
"A risk for what?" Lilly asked, already knowing she wouldn't like the answer.
But Jason didn't confirm that answer, and he seemed to have a quick debate with himself before turning back to Erica. "Go ahead and take Megan to the playroom. And don't go near the windows. In fact, take her into the storage closet."
Now, that was an order. Just like that, Lilly's heart raced even harder and the blood rushed to her head. Whatever had caused that urgency in his voice, it wasn't a lecture about house rules.
Something was terribly wrong.
Erica must have decided the same thing. She took Megan, though the little girl protested a bit with more of those babbled syllables. Again, it was nothing coherent, but she voiced her displeasure with her adamant tone and by grabbing for Jason. However, Megan ended up grasping at the air because Erica complied with Jason's request and hurried the child out of the room.
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