by Ava Walsh
“I can’t lose my job. Coach is depending on me…he gave me this job. I can’t betray him this way.” I was babbling but I didn’t care as I pulled on my clothes and felt something break inside of me.
“I want to see you. I don’t want this to stop.” His voice was shaking as I stared back at him. I didn’t want it to stop either but I imagined the media getting a hold of this and how far it could go from there.
“Justin, this was never a relationship. It wasn’t ever going to be,” I tried to convince myself as I thought back to the feelings that I’d started developing since I met Justin. “It was just something we had to get out of our systems. That’s all.”
“Fuck, Jen. You’re wrong. I know that you felt something for me.” He was sitting up and moving towards me as I stepped away and out of the room to get my purse. He came out to get me, still naked, and I ran to the front door and stepped out. I hurried around the building before running to my car to drive home. I cried as I drove home. Justin had made me feel things that nobody ever had before. I tossed and turned in bed as I wondered what he was doing right now. He didn’t even have my number. But he’d had my body and my heart, though I’d never admit that.
I’d messed up and nearly fucked up everything that I’d worked so hard for.
I vowed never to let anybody find out as I tried to put the pieces back together and hold down my job.
Chapter Eight
I dragged myself into practice after a sleepless night alone in a bed that smelled like Jennifer. I couldn’t get the vanilla scent mixed with honey out of my nose, and I felt miserable, worse than if I’d never had her at all. The coach took one look at me and ordered everyone else out onto the field as he pulled me aside. “What the hell is wrong with you, McLeod? Is your shoulder still bothering you?”
“No, that’s not it. I didn’t feel well last night.” I wasn’t going to throw Jennifer under the bus since she seemed so terrified of anybody finding out.
“Can you play today?” he asked, and I nodded stoically. I was always up for football since it was the only constant in my life. I practiced and held it together even as she watched from a seat in the first row. I went to see her after I finished and she went about her business methodically and without any small talk, but the circles under her eyes were prominent.
“Why?” I asked her as she pressed heat to my skin.
“It’s for the best.” That’s all she said, and I barely got her to say goodbye when I was leaving. It hurt deep inside, and I knew that I was given hope when she came to me and let me make love to her. I’d never made love before, and I thought back to coming inside of her as my throat closed.
I walked to the gym and worked out quietly before heading home to relax before the game. I could feel the looks that the guys were giving me all day, though nobody asked anything. They would never guess that I was this caught up with a woman. Hell, even I couldn’t believe that I was.
The game went on, and she treated my injury with the utmost professionalism. She was friendlier with the other guys, laughing and chatting while with me she just said what she needed to.
Eventually, word got around that she was seeing the hockey player regularly. They showed up around town and had pictures taken and I felt like shit every time that I saw one. A month passed before I wanted to have sex again and I threw myself right back into my old lifestyle, only I was colder this time. It was just a fuck and I was gone, with any woman that would have me. They never got inside of my heart or even my mind.
I knew that I was falling for her when the pain never seemed to go away.
I learned to fake it every day for games and practice. I acted like I was happy to be living my life again. That’s what the guys wanted from me as well as the media. I started playing well again once I decided to focus only on football and we climbed to the lead.
My shoulder stayed about the same even when I’d see her. I could see the concern in her eyes when she could tell that I was hurting. But I lied and left to go drink with the guys until I was tired enough to sleep. I wasn’t stupid and I never let it ruin the game for me, but I knew that I was letting myself go to some degree. I just had to keep it in check and make everyone believe otherwise.
I could never let anyone know that I’d fallen for a woman. I could never tell the guys that I wanted to spend time with just one for as long as I could imagine. I was Justin McLeod: The Casanova of the NFL and I was going to stay that way.
I could see that she felt the same way, at least in part. Jennifer had revealed a side of herself to me that went beyond the bedroom. She was caring and focused on her career, so much so that she ran away from me. I saw her need in her eyes when she looked at me, though, felt it in her touch. My cock raged under me every time she touched me, and I’d started fucking girls nearly every night to forget how good she felt wrapped around me. I was pissed off at my lack of control.
I knew that she continued to see Keith and kept it quiet around me. The team would ask her stuff every now and then but Jennifer only smiled and kept her answers minimal. Coach was the one that she seemed to talk to most and I wondered about them the more I watched them together. They appeared to be closer than employee and employer and it made me wonder. He’d told me months ago that he was never hiring another female since I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. They were just flings though. Jennifer was the real thing.
I knew that something changed when my shoulder was the focus of a tackle. I was just trying to get the ball to David one game when I felt someone slam into me. The pain set in as I hit the ground with a loud cry. Everything seem to stop as a few of my guys leaned down and asked me if I was alright. I could only close my eyes and work through the pain until I heard Coach. “Justin, are you with me?”
I nodded but grimaced as I realized that I was injured more than I wanted to think about. “Jennifer,” I choked out as I tried to open my eyes. Five minutes or an hour later, I wasn’t sure, I felt myself lifted carefully onto a stretcher. I just knew that I needed her to fix me and put me back together again.
“We’re taking you to see the doc,” Coach told me as I felt the movement of being carried off the field to the sound of applause. Despite my reputation, I was a fan favorite and I knew they were all hoping for me to return to the game and take us to the championships.
I was rushed back to the locker room and the team doctor started to look me over with a worried expression. I heard him tell someone that it was my rotator cuff and I knew that I was out for at least a little while. My heart sank and I realized that pushing it along with the hit might have cost me my career. Coach talked softly and asked if they should call in the new therapist but Doc said he’d try to ice it and see what he could do.
“New therapist?” I managed to ask as I sensed movement around me.
“Jennifer was offered a job back home closer to her family, son. She left at the end of this week.” I heard the regret in his voice as I looked into his face. “I have a new guy taking over.”
“She was only here a few months,” I argued as Coach nodded. I only got one night with her and now she was gone.
“I hated to see her go but life happens. I had to support her and she seemed to be troubled during the last month and a half. Maybe, she needed this change.” Doc came over and we managed to get my pads off without too much pain before he placed a thick ice pad over my skin.
“Relax, Justin. We’re going to do everything for you that we can.”
I just wanted to go back in time when everything was good in my life. I wanted to bed her to give us another try.
Chapter Nine
I unpacked in my room for the new job as I took a slow breath. Working in hockey would be good and keep me away from football…away from Justin. It had been so hard to end things with him, but my job was on the line sleeping with him. I worked too hard to take a chance on a fuckboy like him, no matter how sincere he seemed to me.
Staying had been hard but leaving was the only option when I took
that pregnancy test two months ago. It told me that my life was about to change, and I knew whose baby it was. Keith always used condoms when we had sex and I remembered the feeling of Justin’s hot semen inside of me as I shuddered. I wasn’t disciplined with my pills back then with a lack of sex, and one thing led to another. I found a local job close to my family and quit on Coach as he stared at me in shock.
I told Keith with fewer emotions, even though he was a great guy. Keith deserved better than a girl that was pining away for another man and stringing him along. He didn’t deserve to raise another man’s baby. I was only a couple of months along, but I’d be showing at some point, and I didn’t want anyone from the past to see me. There were too many questions to answer. I took a sip of my cold water as I looked around and stretched my back. I’d barely been able to eat since finding out the news and morning sickness was no joke as it lasted all day for me. I tried to keep the vitamins down and stay hydrated.
I remembered Coach’s words over lunch the day before I drove my car to Boston. “I can see that something’s been troubling you, Jen. Is there anything that I can help you with?” His eyes were kind and worried, and I choked on the tears that I wanted to cry.
I could never tell him the truth. “This is just a hard choice for me. I loved Philadelphia, but Dad and Rosie want me closer, and this job with The Shields is pretty perfect.”
“They’re a good team, and it’s a great organization. They’ll be good to you.” He sipped his coffee, looking me over, and I felt the nausea roll through my stomach. “Aren’t you hungry?”
I’d picked at the fruit that I ordered and barely eaten any eggs. “I think I’m just nervous is all.”
The hug he gave me outside was warm and full of love, and I cried as I walked to my car. Someday, he could meet my baby when things had blown over, and I could come up with a story about a daddy.
I had paid for a company to move my big items to the condo that Rosie had found for me back home. I packed my car with what I could safely fit in it and headed out on a Saturday morning to start my new life.
The team was great, and the staff was friendly. Dad knew that something was up with me, but I was waiting for the big reveal since a dad finding out that his young single daughter was expecting a baby was probably the worst news of all. The condo was quaint and cozy, and I spent a lot of time decorating the living room and my bedroom, while I waited to decorate the nursery. My mom came poking around, and I was shocked when I told her that I was pregnant before anyone else knew. “Who’s the father?” she asked as her dark eyes took me in and she sipped coffee with shaking hands. This wasn’t what I wanted from my mother.
“It’s over. It doesn’t matter,” I choked out as she nodded and stared at me. “Why did you leave us, Mom? What made you hate us that much?” As stunned as I was with my situation, abandoning this baby was never an option.
“It’s complicated,” she said after a few moments of silence. She was once a pretty woman, and I could see her in some of my features. “I couldn’t hold myself together, Jennifer. Your father was so happy and all I did was crave a drink carrying you. Once you were born, the addiction got harder and harder to contain until I couldn’t pretend anymore.” A tear slid down her cheek and she shook her head. “You turned out so good, and I am proud of you.” She stared at me for a long time. “You’ll be an amazing mother.”
We hugged, and I felt like we broke the ice after talking more over the meal. Mom could never replace what I’d lost, but we could start over.
I went over to Dad’s after lunch and sat with him and Rosie on their screened in back porch. I sipped some tea and took a deep breath. “So, I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant, about two or so months along. It wasn’t…planned but I am here, and I’m going to make it work.”
“Where is the father?” Dad asked me as his blue eyes darkened and Rosie squeezed his hand.
“He’s not here. I want to do this on my own, Daddy. He was a huge mistake.” I felt ashamed as I spoke and dropped my face forward. “I’m so sorry, Daddy.”
“Is this the reason you left the team?” I shrugged and looked into his eyes.
“In part, yes. I wanted to be closer to you guys with all of this going on and the job was a great opportunity.” I was honest, and he nodded as he took a deep breath.
Rosie looked at him for a long time before she smiled at me. “We’ll be here for you, Jen. It’ll be okay.”
I told the team coach after that, saying that it was news to me as well. They accepted it since I came with glowing recommendations and I promised I’d work as hard and as long as I could. I was due to get insurance in a month or two, and I saved enough money to take care of myself before then. I could do this on my own.
I felt better once everyone knew and I started to see old friends when I wasn’t working. We were in a bar where they were drinking, and I was sipping water when I saw the story on television. He’d hurt himself playing, and I cried as I watched him get carried off the field on a stretcher. It was an old story from about a month ago, but they updated it saying that he was out while his rotator cuff healed. The team was working with their second string quarterback, and my best friend from high school wrapped her arm around me. “Is that him?”
“I’m such an idiot,” I whispered as the guys behind the desk discussed the team’s lessened chances for the championship and speculated when he’d return to the sport. “It was just one night before I realized I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I left and tried to put everything behind me, and now there’s this baby.”
“You could contact him,” Brandy suggested softly as I shook my head. I’d seen all of the pictures of him with new women, and it was worse than before.
“That’s not his style. He wants to be free, and now he has to deal with this. I knew that it was going to end up more severe,” I lamented as our friends looked from me to the television. “It’s better this way.”
I focused on work, and the team kept me busy considering they were one of the most aggressive teams in the NHL. They were friendly and sometimes flirtatious, but I felt nothing in return. I just wanted to make my future as bright as possible for my baby.
Rosie went with me to appointments and kept me going on the days that I was weak. I still saw Mom, but I understood that she had an addiction and could only offer me so much. I was at peace with that now. My friends were wonderful, and the team supported me once they all knew. This kid was going to have a lot of uncles to protect it, and the warmth made me cry when I was alone at night.
I missed Justin all of the time, and now I was worried about him to boot. My pregnancy hormones were kicking in, and I felt arousal when I was alone and playing back the memory of our night together. The news revolved more around his injury now and less around his dating life, and I hoped that someone was taking care of him. A part of me wanted to go back and see how he was really doing, but that was impossible with the way my stomach was starting to round now. I couldn’t hide it much longer, and I couldn’t wait to find out the baby’s gender a week from now.
Chapter Ten
I was out for the season. The doctors didn’t think surgery yet, but there was a lot of rest and ice in my future. I hung around the house and took care of myself until I couldn’t stand it any longer. A few friends reached out, and I left town to visit them in their home cities. We went out, and I tried to find peace in myself as I struggled missing everything that I’d lived for. It was tough to stomach the team on television fighting for the championship and I felt the intense guilt at not being there for them.
My injury slowed me down with the women, but I wasn’t in the mood for that anyway. I still missed Jennifer, and there was something inside of me that told me to reach out to her right now. I had never known her number and didn’t want to ask Coach, with all of his stress. I found myself visiting Pennsylvania, Maryland and finally Boston as I remembered that she’d moved back there. All it took was a little research to know that she was working
for the pro hockey team. My friend Chad scored us some tickets to see a game, and I took my seat in the front seats with my arm in a sling as I looked around the arena.
Hockey was different than football, but I had a hell of a lot of respect for the guys. They were dealing with speed and ice as well as some of the same factors that I faced on a daily basis. I watched them practice for the crowd and appreciated their skill. Seeing their closeness in their conversations and the way that they worked together made me miss my team immensely. Nothing was like being on a team unless it was Jennifer. She was the one thing that I’d wanted as much as football, and I turned my head to look at the home bench with heavy eyes. Some of the players were gathered around the two well-dressed men that I assumed were the coaches, and it took me a moment to find a light redhead sitting on the bench and talking closely with a player. I straightened up to see more of her and my heart pounded when I saw her beautiful smile cross her face. Something was different about her, and I growled when I saw the player slip an arm around her shoulders and pull her in for a light hug. Her hair was longer, pulled up into a smooth ponytail and her face seemed to be glowing. Her eyes were tired but bright. She stood and took a deep breath as she slipped her hands over her rounded stomach.
Fuck me. Jennifer was pregnant and fairly far along by the looks of things. My mind was racing, flashing back to our night together and the way it had felt to come inside of her tight pussy. I stood and made my way to the glass behind the bench. I vaguely heard my friend call my name. Jennifer looked out to the ice and laughed as I stared through the back of her head for several moments. She was so fucking beautiful, and I wanted to claim her as mine right here and now.
She finally turned and said something to the coach before her eyes searched the crowd with a frown. She met my eyes and her face paled as she pressed her lips together and said something to the man beside her. She stared at me, and I saw raw emotion pass through her eyes as she pointed to the top and left the bench.