by Rye Curtis
You can’t do what you’re goddamn doin up here, she said. You can’t drink alcohol or smoke whatever it is you’re smokin here. This’s a protected region. Past that old sign back there it’s the wilderness. I’m the goddamn law out here. I’m the adult here. Go on home, goddamn it, go on home.
No response came.
If I don’t see you goofballs comin down in a hurry, I swear to God I won’t be happy. I got the license plates on those outfits down there.
She faced about to leave and saw crouched in an alcove between two pornographically defaced boulders a teenaged girl with white hair and an overbite. The girl wore nothing save a brassiere and did not blink. She watched Lewis and palmed her small breasts, her bony ribs working fast. Her face was dirty and her forehead marked in soot like that of a supplicant on Ash Wednesday. Lewis was thirty-seven and figured the girl for at least twenty years younger than her. She looked once in the girl’s eyes and returned to the trailhead where she sat in the Wagoneer and drank from the thermos of merlot until the lithe figures of cackling teenagers swept two by two from the woods like mythical waifs and left in their pickups as the sun fell behind distant peaks.
Lewis drove back in the direction of the small pinewood cabin she had lived in for the past eleven years. It sat off a mountain road in an alpine forest near vacation homes left vacant. She drank again from the thermos and listened to the only clear radio broadcast to reach up the mountain.
You’re listening to Ask Dr. Howe How, I’m Dr. Howe, and it’s time for our last caller until I’m back on tonight. Thank you for joining us today. What can I do for you, Sam?
A tired and dolorous voice belonging neither distinctly to a man nor a woman asked how it was that people could so resolutely misunderstand one another.
Before Dr. Howe could respond, Lewis swerved out of respect to miss a roadkill and spilled the thermos over her uniform. She took the Lord’s name in vain and the radio signal went to static and Dr. Howe’s answer was lost.
All was quiet. Then I heard a whistle that could have been a kettle. I opened my eyes. I am not certain that I was ever unconscious, but it is my understanding that it is often hard to know about that sort of thing. A bright red suitcase, not one I recognized, pinned my shoulder. My guess was that it was Terry’s. I heaved it off. Where my window had been there was now a wide gash in the fuselage, as if someone had pried open a can of peas. I undid my seatbelt.
I had come to the end of a world in that little airplane, and in such a terrible calm I climbed through that gash and was born again into another. The airplane had stopped on an escarpment of granite up near the peak of a high rocky mountain, the nose not three yards from the edge where a jungle of tall conifers rose from below, nodding. All about were mountains. Two big ones flanked ours and farther out a snow-capped range repeated into the blue distance like all there were and all there had ever been in the history of the world were mountains.
I touched my forehead. Blood. My face was covered with it and in a piece of broken glass I saw that I had a small cut over my eyebrow. I looked like an Indian brave in warpaint. I hollered for Richard loud as I could. I only ever used Mr. Waldrip’s Christian name when addressing him directly, a habit I learned from Mother.
The sun was out and the day was warm. It is a strange thing that such a pleasant and beautiful place can seem so mean-spirited. The mountain was high up, but no snow was on the ground and all about hairy plants with mighty pretty scarlet flowers grew from the rock. I later learned they are called mountainside paintbrushes. The airplane had been halved down the middle. The tail of it was gone.
I looked back at Mr. Waldrip’s empty seat. I hollered for him again. My eyes returned to the treetops below the escarpment. One of Mr. Waldrip’s alligator-skin boots was right side up at the edge. I started for it. As I went I looked back at the little airplane and saw the nose of the cockpit had been shorn away. Most of the flight controls were gone and Terry sat there in the open air still in his seatbelt. He was slumped over. I was sure he had passed.
When I reached the edge of the escarpment Mr. Waldrip was some half a dozen yards down, splayed out prone across the top of a large spruce. He was mighty high up off the ground. I hollered at him if he was all right but I ought to have already had the answer to that. He did not move and I could see blood was welling in the seat of his blue jeans. I hollered his name again. I worried he was hung there paralyzed and could not answer me. There was not a thing in the world I could do. I could not reach him, and if I had been able to reach him, what good would it have done? That was when it first occurred to me to pray. I knelt down at the edge of that escarpment and looked out over an immense valley and I prayed: Our Father, who art in heaven, Mr. Waldrip is down there in a tree, and he is badly hurt. Please help us, please help us, please save us, Lord…Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he shall pluck my feet from out the net.
I prayed that way for some time until Mr. Waldrip’s blue jeans had gone plum-colored. I doubtless would still be knelt there in prayer had it not been that behind me there was such a scream like I had never heard before. It was a high-pitched sort of cry, very wet and moronic. Best way I know to describe it, and it is a distasteful notion for which I hope to be forgiven, is that it was how I imagine a simple person would holler if they were immolated.
Well, I hollered too and threw my hands up over my face. Finally I turned and lowered my fingers. My dear! Terry had come to and was chewing the blood in his mouth, screeching that awful way in repeat. One of the residents in my building here at River Bend Assisted Living in Brattleboro, Vermont, has a son, Jacob, who is in a wheelchair and cannot move his body, not even his eyelids. It is awful. His eyes must be shut at night and opened come morning by a caretaker, who is a stout large-headed woman in white with a little squirt bottle of saline on her belt that she uses to mist his eyeballs at two-minute intervals throughout the day. Jacob might not blink, but he sure can scream. That is about all he can do. When I hear him in the halls I am reminded of Terry.
I took some steps forward. Terry was not in a good way at all. He had spit up a segment of his jaw which yet held several of his teeth in it and it had dropped into his shirt collar. One of his blue eyes was black entirely. He did not act like he could see out of either of them. He kept up his crazed screaming, and I matched each one. My hands shook and my heart jumped like a jackrabbit. There we were, just hollering at each other. In some better world the whole performance might have been comical.
Terry was upright some several feet off the ground, belted in his chair, exalted like a terrible overseer of terrible doings. I stood before him, continuing to holler myself silly, without the wildest notion as to what to do. I could just have about reached his shins to comfort him, but I did not want to touch him, and I sure felt bad about that. My whole family were Methodists and I was taught to keep charity and compassion in my heart, but there was not a thing in the world I could have done for that man.
After an awful spell, like a baby he calmed on his own accord and was cooing. He raised up his arm such as to issue an edict and said sweet as can be: Is it over?
Pardon? I said.
Excuse me, I’ve always been honest with my dentist. Am I at the dentist? Just a minute. Are we dead yet?
My husband is in a tree, I said, pointing behind.
Good for him, Terry said. He was always climbing that tree.
After that he said the word waitress some twenty times and soiled himself. Then he bawled and asked for his mailman so that he could post a letter to a relative for whom he had forgotten the name and address. He was carrying on like he believed he was having a tooth pulled on gas at his dentist’s office. I took a notion to ask him what we ought to do but decided against it. Poor man.
He said: Waitress, bathtime, waitress, bathtime for Samantha. I’ve carried a torch for my mailman for years, but it was never going to work out. He’s late. Late. Pull the tooth already, this gas is making me sick. I want to go home.
The r
est of the day I sat bewildered with my back to a wall of limestone and my legs stretched out in a place of sun, turning my wedding ring on my finger. Mr. Waldrip’s grandmother Sarah Louise Waldrip had bequeathed him the ring, and she used to tell a mighty tall story about how her husband had traded it off a gypsy for a sack of flour and a flintlock pistol. The story goes that the gypsy came back in the night and shot to death the sheepdog they had and stole every other single thing in the house, even the curtains, but left the ring. If I had been a superstitious person I might have been worried some about that.
I was not injured in any serious way far as I could tell. I had the cut on my forehead and the arthritis in my knees was acting up. I had wet myself and was mighty embarrassed about that, but this account should tell the whole of the story, even the unpleasant parts I would rather leave out. Perhaps especially the unpleasant parts. I could not see Terry from where I sat behind the little airplane, but bless you, I listened to him holler and jabber all day about people I did not know doing things I could not reconcile with logic. Often I looked down the escarpment at Mr. Waldrip’s boot. I endeavored to will myself back to the edge where his body lay in the treetop below, but I could not.
How did I not shed a single tear then? I do not know. It is funny the way our minds put themselves at ease in times of distress. I do not recall having a complete thought for some time. Different physicians have offered the same opinion that I was in shock. They may be right. Could be I still am.
When the mountains began to go dark I appealed to the heavens. Dear Lord, I said, please do not let me die on this mountain in the dark. Please save me, Lord.
Gracious, was there ever a more selfish woman born?
Then Terry lowered his voice and said, You? Yes! A boy? I don’t think so. There are two of me in every bathtub. Pardon me, excuse me, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. Are you finished, Dr. Kessler? This gas is scary. I can’t move. I’m tripping that I’m on a mountain.
I went to the airplane and kept around the side so I would not have to look at Terry. I could only see his legs dangling from the seat and I could smell him. I asked him how he was feeling.
Grown up, he said. I’m feeling grown up. I’m too big for my britches.
Good, I said. I spoke calmly so he would not holler anymore. I asked him what we should do.
My head hurts, he said. Do I have cavities? Bathwater! Waitress!
The sun was partly down past the far mountains. They were a grand shade of purple. It all looked the way Mr. Waldrip’s mother used to watercolor when she got old and as loony as a bullfrog and decided that painting was her vocation and got to wearing her slippers on her hands. All of her paint would run together and it was unlikely anyone could guess what she had meant anything to be.
I rounded the airplane to get a better look at Terry. He had his eyes open. They were vacant and gleaming like the marble eyes in the trophies that Mr. Waldrip’s hunting friends had all hung up on their walls to their wives’ dismay. I never let Mr. Waldrip keep any of his own in the house. I have always had the opinion it was macabre to hang heads on a wall.
Terry was chewing on that broken piece of jaw. I shuddered at the sight of him. I had never before witnessed such a helping of violence. Mr. Waldrip and I did not go to the kinds of pictures that had it. I had seen people pass away, but not like that. Father had gone at peace in a goose-down bed five years before, and Mother shortly thereafter in a similar manner at the age of ninety-three. Davy got the ague and died sleeping in his bed when he was eleven years old. God rest his soul.
There was a hole over Terry’s right ear. I say a hole, but what I ought to say is that a good portion of his head was missing. It had gotten scooped away somehow or another and some of it was on his shoulder like an epaulet of melon pulp. He had started singing quietly in falsetto a song called “Time After Time,” which I have since learned was made popular a couple years before by a young lesbian named Cyndi Lauper. Dear Mrs. Squime later informed me that Terry had never mentioned the song nor would it have been the kind of music she would have expected him to enjoy and she could not fathom why it appeared on his lips before his death.
I sat on the ground in front of him. I suppose I did not want to be alone, even if he was not particularly good company. He sang that song over and over again until I had learned all the words. The last of the sun was gone and above us shone a bright full moon. Terry got quiet after a while. His marred face did not move anymore. His eyes were stuck wide open yet they no longer looked about unseeingly and the blue in them had grayed. I was then sure he had finally passed. I had never seen a thing like it and I hoped then that I never would again. It haunts me yet.
I climbed back into my seat in the little airplane. It was colder now. My coat had been in my bag and that was missing with the other half of the airplane, which officials found some weeks later scattered across the north side of the peak in nearly the shape of a hexagram. In the bright red suitcase that had fallen on me during the crash I found a wool sweater with a colorful zigzag pattern such as I had seen some young people wearing on television. It is mighty fine luck that Terry was a large man, for his clothing yielded a wealth of fabric and proved very useful against the cold. I wrapped myself in the sweater and sat back again in my seat.
It was terribly quiet then, save for the memory of Terry’s song yet warbling in my ears. I endeavored not to worry on my situation, or worry that Mr. Waldrip was still in that spruce. And I made an effort not to stare at the back of Terry’s head. From where I sat it looked eerily the same to how it had before we had fallen out of the sky, such as if some pieces of the world had halted in time and others had gone on.
After it was plenty dark and I could not guess what time it was, I climbed ahead to the cockpit where a small yellow light blinked in what remained of the controls by Terry’s legs. It was a radio. My heart leapt! I grabbed the receiver and held it to my mouth. I recall shaking wildly and warming up around my neck and behind my ears. I held down the button on the side of the receiver and said, many times, My name is Cloris Waldrip, help, my name is Cloris Waldrip, help, is anyone there? My name is Cloris.
Lewis, eyes bloodshot and lips purpled, scrubbed a dark stain from her uniform. She rinsed the olivedrab shirt and held it to the light over the kitchen sink. She sank it back into the water and took up a brass badge and washed it under the faucet. She passed a thumb over the relief of a conifer and set the badge aside and looked out the window above the sink. The small pinewood cabin overlooked a dim and narrow wooded ravine and the mountain range beyond.
She left the uniform to soak and went to the living room with a glass of merlot. She sat on the couch and turned on the transistor radio on the end table, but there was no signal. Over the fireplace was mounted the head of a runt doe her ex-husband had shot when he was a boy. She watched a wasp land on the dusty black nose. She heard voices out front. Lewis turned down the static on the radio. Boots thumped on the steps to the porch. She finished the glass of merlot and switched off the radio and went to the door. She opened it to the screen.
Ranger Claude Paulson leaned on the frame. He had a nose the color of gunmetal after a bad bout of frostbite, but Lewis figured his face was handsome otherwise. He lifted from clean dark hair a campaign hat and held it at his waist. Hey, Debs, he said, sorry to bother after nine like this on a Sunday. Saw your light on.
That’s all right, Lewis said.
Claude lived next door in a small blue-washed cabin with an old golden retriever he called Charlie. He had no curtains to his bedroom window and Lewis often saw him in bed reading or asleep, mouth agape. Most mornings she had a cup of coffee and merlot and watched him iron his uniform. Once she had seen him awake past midnight naked at the foot of his bed weeping into the dog’s coat.
Lewis opened the screen door and a man staggered up the steps behind Claude, struggling with a video camera as if it were a cinder block. Pigeonchested, the man propped himself against a post, jaundiced there under th
e porch light. He swung the video camera off his shoulder and trembled a hand over his skinny neck. He scratched at the red stubble down past his shirt collar. Evenin, ma’am.
Claude jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and introduced the man as Pete and said that he was an old friend from high school. He’s goin to be stayin with me and Charlie for a little while.
My old lady left me, Pete said.
Goddamn sorry to hear that.
I’ll be all right, ma’am, thank you. Claudey’s agreed to put me up while I’m hurtin.
Claude told Lewis the plan was for Pete to help him finally get the ghost of Cornelia Åkersson on tape with his new video camera. He said that it would also do Pete some good to volunteer in the Friends of the Forest program and get some fresh air.
Pete glanced behind him at the dark mountain road. So it’s just you and Claude the only rangers up here? Maybe I’ll be some help, then, while I’m hurtin.
Pete’s had some ciders.
We been out lookin for that one-eyed ghost you got up here, Pete said. He retied a meager auburn ponytail and adjusted the strap to the video camera. Claudey here wants me to get a picture of her, but I told him I ain’t any good at takin pictures. He’s always had more faith in me than what I got in myself. I know Claudey since we’re in high school back in Big Timber. It sure is good to be with old friends while you’re hurtin.
Lewis nodded and looked to Claude. The porch light showed the dog hair on his uniform. He turned in his hands the campaign hat like he were steering a car.
So what is it, Claude?
I’d say that’s a hard one to say.
We got a distress call over the radio, Pete said.
Claude put up a hand. I’ll give her the information, Petey. We can’t say we know it was a distress call. All we can say is we heard a humanoidal voice say cloris. Thrice it said it. Cloris, cloris, cloris. Like that. It was garbled.