The sweet liquid caught in her throat as she suddenly realised there’d been only a numbing sorrow as she’d thought their names. Had she come through the darkness, as Jean had suggested this morning? Not really. Ethan found it so easy to believe in our baby. Her maternal feelings had died on a dusky country road.
She was definitely appreciative of the delicious specially prepared courses, making a mental note to send a written thank-you to the chef and his staff. Everyone in the know had been loyal and discreet—a tribute to the man by her side.
* * *
Ethan fiddled with his new gold ring. The sun had set. Hot drinks and handmade chocolates had been served. He was married—something he hadn’t envisaged in his foreseeable future. If he ever had, he would have imagined his choice would be one of his peers—a successful woman with interests they’d share, who had no desire to procreate.
Circumstances and his code of honour had dictated otherwise. Yet to his amazement he felt satisfied, content, as if he’d found a unique treasure he hadn’t realised he’d been searching for. The vows he’d made to her were real. Her vows had been defined and strong.
As if sensing his attention, Alina turned to meet his gaze. When she smiled shyly contentment morphed into something earthier, lustier. He’d never had the urge to swing any other woman round and then drag her into a mind-blowing kiss. Never had an impulse to sneak away at a family function for a kiss and a cuddle—maybe more. Now he stared into enticing violet eyes and imagined it all happening.
Tonight there were no shutters; her wide-eyed open expression raised the hairs on his nape. Tingled his spine. Flipped his heart. Alina James. The name rolled sweetly off his tongue.
‘Well, Alina James, do I call for the car or do you want more dessert?’
‘I’m full. It was all so delicious.’
The tip of her tongue licked her lip, as if searching for a final taste, sending a fiery jolt to his groin.
* * *
They were alone apart from the limousine driver. Ethan wrapped his arms around his bride and kissed her, slow and deep. His body responded with a sharp tug, low in his gut. She tasted sweet—pavlova-sweet. He craved more. He craved pure Alina taste.
His wife. They were legally one. She...
He was doused in a cold shower of reality. He could do nothing that might remind Alina of her first wedding night. Nothing she might regret in the morning.
He settled back holding her close, murmured, ‘We’ll soon be home, Mrs James,’ into her ear.
Home. The word echoed in Alina’s head. Her home—for as long as she chose to stay. Ethan had given the impression he meant every word of his vows. Only she knew he didn’t.
‘Tired, sweetheart?’ The tenderness in his eyes melted her misgivings.
‘Just thinking. Thank you for making tonight so wonderful, even if it’s n—’
His mouth cut off the rest. Powerful and firm. Punishing. ‘It’s as real as any other,’ he grated, tilting her face, his flashing dark eyes boring into hers. ‘Don’t ever forget that.’
Her body chilled, as if she’d dived into icy water. She’d offended him—the last thing she’d intended. Tears prickled in her eyes as she struggled for words to put it right.
Suddenly she was crushed against him and kissed, with a thoroughness that left her body alive and burning.
He looked dazed when he broke away, bemused and aroused. She knew he’d see the same in her. Complete obliviousness to their surroundings.
Ethan’s fingers shook as they cradled her cheek. ‘Alina, darling...’ He trembled as he drank her in. His reaction when she’d denied their marriage was real had astounded him. He’d endeavoured to show her how valid it was to him. Succeeded spectacularly. With a kiss like none he’d ever known.
He struggled to draw air into empty lungs, fought to clear his brain. He’d been lost in a fantasy world where the only reality was the taste of Alina on his tongue and the softness of her in his arms. Heaven.
Her stunning eyes were dark and bewildered. His stomach twisted. Bewitched by her beauty, and by her response to his kisses, he’d allowed his own ardour to override the need for restraint. Only noisy revelry out on the street as the vehicle stopped had thrown him back to reality.
He leant his forehead on hers and sucked in air scented with spring and his wife. ‘I’m the one who’s apologising now. Not for the kiss. Never for the kiss as long as I live. Not for anything we’ve shared—especially tonight. I have no right to be angry when you’ve complied so willingly with everything I’ve asked of you.’
He helped her from the car, thanked the driver and hugged her to his side as they walked to the elevator, squeezed tighter as they flew upward. When the ping announced the opening of the doors he scooped her into his arms—ignoring her protests—and stepped out.
‘This is for me, sweetheart.’
Her pupils dilated, making her eyes even more alluring.
‘This will be my once in a lifetime.’
He jiggled her body onto his chest as he used his key card, pushed open the door, and covered her lips with his as he carried her over the threshold. She slid her arm around his neck, her fingertips curling into his hair.
After kicking the door shut he continued the kiss, slowly letting her slide down until her feet were on the floor. Clasping her hands, he stepped back, imprinting her into his memory.
‘Tonight was special in so many ways, but this is the memory I’ll keep for ever. You—so incredibly beautiful, so enticingly sweet.’
Alina watched his Adam’s apple bounce as he swallowed his emotion. She’d been right in thinking their relationship might change—wrong to believe that it was a bad thing. Hormones or not, she couldn’t deny she cared about Ethan James.
‘You made it special, Ethan. I was... Oh, I don’t know how to explain. Then you were there, and everything was right.’
‘And now I have to let you go to bed.’
She heard the desire in his voice, saw it in his eyes. For a second she wondered why she wasn’t pulling away and running. Then she gave her answer without any qualms.
‘I’m your wife.’
She felt his tension flow out, even though their hands were their only contact. Heat flared in his eyes, quickly softening to concern.
‘And much more than I deserve, Alina James. Turn around.’
He unclasped her necklace and trailed light kisses across her neck. Slipped his arms around her and drew her close, his breath teasing her earlobe.
‘Go to bed, darling. While I can still let you leave. Tonight I want no regrets.’
Her cheeks burned. She’d refused to think of that other first night, and yet he’d understood how it might come flooding back. She’d blatantly offered herself, denying the possible—probable—consequences.
Twisting to face him, she touched her fingertips to his lips. ‘I’m sorry, Ethan, I’m being selfish. I thought if you held me it wouldn’t—’
‘It still might. But I’ll hold you in whichever bed you choose. Tonight we’ll sleep. Tomorrow we’ll start our honeymoon.’
She raised up onto her toes and pressed her lips to his, kept it brief.
‘Thank you, Ethan.’
Her final thought as sleep overtook her was I’m Mrs Alina Paulette James...
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ETHAN STOOD BY the lounge window, swirling his brandy in its glass, oblivious to one of Australia’s most iconic views. He was reliving the emotional rollercoaster he’d ridden since the elevator doors had opened to reveal his exquisite bride.
The moment she’d seen him her stunning eyes had seemed to fill her face. She’d stopped, giving him the chance to take in every gorgeous centimetre of her. His heart had hammered; his stomach had clenched. His brain had ceased to function logically.
Her tongue-tip had flicked nervously over her tempting lips. With her bouquet held defensively over her baby bump, she’d been like a frightened animal, captured in a hunter’s spotlight, unable to move. So adorable. So courageous.
He’d made no conscious decision; his movement towards her had been instinctive, as natural as breathing. Drawing her close and kissing her had eased the unaccustomed ache from being apart from her. The brightness in her eyes as they’d stood face to face, hands joined for the ceremony, had given him cause to hope.
Yet as she’d sworn, ‘’Till death do us part...’ her fingers had lain cool in his, her voice had been calm and steady, making him wonder if she still had no intention of honouring that vow. Then she’d returned his kiss with a fervour that had made his head spin.
His cognac was failing to have its usual satisfying effect. His complete focus was on Alina.
He rinsed the glass and went to find her. She lay on her side, in his bed, one hand tucked under her cheek. His wife—for as long as he could persuade her to stay.
Sliding in beside her, he cradled her into his body and splayed his hand on her belly. Alina James. Baby James. His family. Here in his arms where he could protect them. All was right with his world.
With a deep sigh of contentment, he fell asleep.
* * *
Inching carefully out of Ethan’s arms, Alina sat up, curbing the impulse to stroke his stubbled jaw. With his long dark lashes and tanned muscular body, plus a secret smile as if he were dreaming of hidden delights, he created a magazine picture that would have women lining up to buy it.
His brand-new gold ring caught her eye. She glanced down at hers, bright and shiny, a symbol of hope. She was married. Tendrils of the past crept into her head, were dismissed immediately. The future was unknown, not to be thought about. The now...
Her skin tingled. Lifting her head, she met Ethan’s wide-awake gaze and sensual smile.
‘I was looking forward to waking you with a kiss, Mrs James.’ Husky. Thick.
‘From your expression, whatever you were dreaming must have been better,’ she teased.
A second later, she was flat on her back, drowning in dark cobalt contemplation.
‘Nothing could be better than kissing my wife good morning.’
Appropriate action swiftly followed his declaration. She closed her mind, and surrendered to the ardour of his skilful lips. Everything was changing. Every day the fine line between role-playing and reality became more blurred. No longer a solitary entity, she was once again joined with someone.
‘I meant to wake earlier. We have a full day in front of us, Alina.’
His rough inflections as he gulped air while trying to talk amused and thrilled her.
‘Then you’d better let me go.’ Teasing, half hoping he wouldn’t.
He braced himself on his arms, blue eyes gleaming with suppressed delight. ‘Ultrasound, then lunch. Okay?’
She nodded, not quite sure where he was going with this.
‘After that my visit to tell my parents we are married will take a couple of hours. Which gives you plenty of time to pack. I’ve booked a holiday house in the Blue Mountains until Sunday.’ He grinned like a magician who’d pulled off an amazing trick.
If an open mouth and wide eyes was the reaction he’d hoped for, he got it. Alina’s heart pounded as she realised that their recent discussion on Australian tourist spots had been him info-gathering. He’d taken note of the places she’d never been to, ensuring his plans didn’t clash with her memories. Another chink in her armour widened.
‘Just the two of us, alone in the Blue Mountains. Time to get to know each other better without any distractions.’
‘What about work?’ He’d be getting calls all day.
‘All fixed. Emergencies only.’
* * *
The pavements were crowded. Alina stared through the tinted glass at people living normal lives, fiddled with her two rings. It wasn’t nerves. Heck, she’d been through this procedure three times. Truth was, she was scared she might begin to care for the life inside her once she’d seen an active image on the screen. Feared she wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure which would be worse.
‘Try to relax, Alina.’ Ethan covered her restless hands with his. ‘With new technology the imagery will be enhanced.’
So they’d see everything more clearly. She’d prefer vague and fuzzy.
‘This was meant to be a happy time...the three of us were supposed to be together at every stage.’ Her voice cracked. She bit her lip, refusing to cry.
‘Now you only have me,’ he remarked wryly. ‘A poor substitute, but I’ll do my best.’
Hearing the sorrow in his voice, she felt contrite. They were both in need of comfort.
‘I wish I could talk about them without being torn apart. About the way Leon’s face lit up when he saw the blue lines, their laughter when he picked Louise up and spun her round... It hurts that their happiness only lasted a few weeks.’
‘Happiness you gave them. For that alone I’ll always be in your debt.’
He let go of her hands, hugged her so close she felt his ragged breath rumble up his chest. She thanked her lucky stars—not that there’d been much evidence that she had any—that she’d made the decision to come to him earlier rather than wait until after the birth.
* * *
A short time later Alina lay on the examination table, gripping Ethan’s hand, staring at the blank monitor. He brushed his lips across her cheek.
‘Our baby, Alina. An individual person.’ His compelling dark eyes held her spellbound. ‘Created by Leon, Louise and you. Unique in its own right.’
The technician breezed in, all smiles and goodwill. Showing soon-to-be parents images of their babies must be one of the best jobs ever.
‘Hi. Alina and Ethan James, right? I’m Gary.’ He grinned as he sat on the stool, checking her chart. ‘Ready for some hi-tech wonder. Tuck your top up and brace yourself. Maybe one day they’ll develop a lotion we can apply warm.’
He squeezed the cold gel onto her abdomen, causing her to wince and screw up her nose. Making Ethan laugh.
‘Same reaction from all the dads,’ Gary mused. ‘Funnily enough they always refuse the offer to try it. Now, do you want to know the sex?’
‘No!’
Two voices in unison. Their eyes met: hers grateful, his in accord.
‘Thanks for asking,’ Ethan added, his thumb moving reassuringly over her knuckles. ‘We’d like to be surprised in October.’
‘Lots of people still would, myself included.’ He noted their refusal.
Alina watched avidly as images formed on the screen. Goosebumps peaked on her skin as she made out a moving shadowy form floating on a black background. From the dark recesses of her mind voices begged her to shut her eyes. She didn’t.
The picture became clearer, the image bigger, as Gary manipulated the mouse, mouthing quiet satisfactory grunts as he worked.
‘Okay, we have two arms, two legs, good proportion of head to body. Right size for fourteen weeks...’ He jiggled something, the clarity increased, and then the cursor pointed to a tiny pulsating blob. ‘There—can you see?—your baby’s good, strong heartbeat.’
Her breath caught in her throat. Tears for her friends who would never experience this wonder filled her eyes.
A strangled gasp resonated at her side.
She swung her head and her own heartbeat stilled. Ethan’s lips were parted, his eyes big and glowing with amazement. His body leant forward as far as the table permitted. His rapt expression rebooted her heartbeat into aching double time. A lifetime ago she’d seen the same wonder on another face.
She watched his Adam’s apple bounce as he tried to swallow, heard his deep indrawn breath and emotional gruff tone.
‘Our
baby. Gives a whole new meaning to the word “daddy”, doesn’t it?’
‘This is the moment it all becomes real,’ replied the technician.
‘Oh, yeah.’ Ethan’s smile could have lit up the city and then some. ‘Thank you, Alina.’
His misty eyes chipped at her defences. His next words, whispered by her ear, tugged at her heart.
‘Thank you for allowing me to be part of this incredible experience.’
She wiped a tear from his cheek and let her fingers rest on his skin. ‘It’s amazing, isn’t it? I know the baby’s there. I can see it moving. Yet I can’t feel anything.’
Her brain wouldn’t be forced into accepting ‘our’ or ‘my’. That was the plan. No caring. No bonding. The right to return to her solitary life with no past, only an uncertain future. The day she’d flown to Australia she’d had no doubts it was the best possible outcome.
Since meeting Ethan certainties were becoming cloudy and convictions ambiguous. Somewhere in the clump of wool that masqueraded as her decisive mind was the niggling certainty that this was being caused more by the man who was regarding her now as if she was all the treasures he’d ever dreamed of rolled into one than by her condition.
Ethan’s gaze swung from the monitor to Alina and back. He didn’t know whether to holler out loud or cry. That indistinct wriggling blur was his niece or nephew—living proof that he hadn’t totally lost the two people he loved most. Five weeks ago unpredictable and unbelievable. Now an almost touchable actuality.
In less than one of those rapid heartbeats he lost his heart. Utterly. Irrevocably. For ever. Our baby. Now he truly believed what he’d originally claimed for appearances’ sake. At that instant he became a father, silently vowing to become the kind of daddy his friend would have been.
His interest in the technology vanished. He was filled with reverent awe, seeing life as it began. In six months this tiny creature would emerge as a living, breathing person. His child, his responsibility for life. He wondered how he’d ever believed he was as unemotional as his parents. His heart had swelled fit to burst.
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