“Uh huh. I’ll bet you jumped out about as quick as you jumped in.”
“It wasn’t a long swim,” he conceded. “So…”
“Mmm. So.”
“We haven’t really had a chance to talk about my letter,” Owen said quietly.
“I know. And I’ve wanted to talk to you about it, believe me. I don’t suppose you’ve written me another letter, have you?”
“Maybe.”
She poked him in the belly, and he jumped. “Where is it? Can I have it?”
“I don’t know. I think I need a letter back from you first.”
“I sent you a letter!”
“You did. And I keep it with me all the time. But I’d like something a little longer.”
“You… you stinker.” With a growl, she started tickling him.
Owen’s eyes flared with surprise, and he grabbed her hands. Pulling her close, he tucked a hand behind her head and rolled so that she was underneath him. “Oh, you’ve done it now.” Without warning, he ducked his head into the curve of her neck and blew against the bare skin of her shoulder, making a rude noise. At the same time, he started tickling her ribs. Within seconds, Sarah was shrieking with laughter, begging him to stop. He did, hovering over her with a grin. Her hands captured in his, he drew her arms up over her head. The movement brought their bodies more firmly into contact. “I have you now.”
“So you do. What are you going to do with me?”
He lowered his head, rubbing her cheek with his. “I figured I’d love you.”
Sarah’s heart melted. He lifted his head enough to kiss her, and his grip around her hands loosened. The kiss, which started out slow and gentle, quickly picked up in heat and intensity. Before long, they were both breathing hard.
When Owen again buried his face in the curve of her neck, it was to let out a deep groan. “Sarah, you destroy me.”
She turned her head so she could kiss his ear. “You do the same thing to me.” She ran her hand through his hair. Owen shuddered, and she did it again.
“Okay, this is not a good idea,” he said. Before Sarah could stop him, he levered himself up and stood. “I’m going to take a cold swim. You stay here.”
Blinking with surprise, Sarah sat up. “Owen?”
“Unless you want to find yourself in front of a preacher today, stay up here.” He took the path down to the pool, and after several seconds, there was a splash. Sarah moved to the edge of the rock to look down into the pool. Owen surfaced as she settled down to watch. His clothes were in a pile on the rock alongside the water.
“Cold?” Sarah called down to him, her heart racing at the picture he made. The water was clear enough that she could see the tops of his shoulders and part of his chest, and her hands itched with wanting.
He shook his hair out of his eyes. “Not cold enough,” he replied, and ducked back down under the water.
Sarah tried, she really did, but the temptation was too strong. Before she could let herself think, she stood and stripped off the sundress, then ran down the path. Owen resurfaced just as she jumped into the pool.
“What the hell? Sarah!” When she came back up, he was glaring at her. “Get out! I’m not strong enough to turn you away right now.”
Instead, Sarah swam over to him, her teeth chattering. Her toes barely brushed the bottom of the pool, but Owen was standing, and she used his shoulders to hold herself up. “If you want me out, you’ll have to put me out.”
She closed the distance and kissed him.
Chapter Thirty-Three
OWEN WAS ANGRY AND AROUSED. He’d thought she understood the danger, but apparently not. Still, he had to try again. Pulling back, he gasped for breath. His heart raced, and his lungs struggled as though he’d run a mile. “Sarah, I mean it. I want you too much right now.” He grasped her arms, intending to pull them from around his neck, but he couldn’t find the willpower to do it. She was too close at hand and too close to naked.
“Please don’t make me go,” she whispered.
As though they had a mind of their own, his hands slid from her arms and down her back, pulling her hips closer to his. Sarah wrapped her legs around his waist. The movement brought her into full contact with his arousal, and they both gasped.
“Oh, God. Sarah, we can’t do this.”
“I know, but I want… Owen, please. Do something. I need you to do something. Make the ache go away.”
She moved her hips against his, and Owen almost exploded on the spot. The rush of pleasure was so intense, the need to be inside her nearly drove him to his knees. With the last ounce of willpower he possessed, he managed to disentangle her limbs from around him and gently push her away. He was so aroused, he was surprised the pool wasn’t boiling. From the Sarah’s panting, he figured she was in the same state he was.
“Look, we have to think about this.” He spoke more to himself than to her, and when she started back toward him, he held out his hands. “Just stop. Give me a minute.” His thoughts racing, Owen tried to figure out what to do. He wanted Sarah, of that there was no doubt, but he knew she was particularly vulnerable at the moment. They had options, he knew. They didn’t have to have actual sex in order for both of them to obtain satisfaction. If they didn’t do something to take the edge off the desire, though, they were liable to tear each other apart trying to stop it.
Sarah went to the edge of the pool and boosted herself out, then hurried up to the top of the rock. With a curse, Owen followed.
“Wait. Sarah, hang on a second here.”
“No. I can’t… I shouldn’t have been so forward. I’m sorry.” Her voice was choked with tears, and after a brief struggle, she managed to get back into her dress.
Frustration and fear caused his temper to flare. Owen started to yell, but stopped himself just in time. Instead, he lowered his voice, and carefully modulated his words. “I’m not saying no. Please, please listen to me.”
She gathered up the blankets and started to shove them into the bag. Owen stepped closer to her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. They went rigid, but she didn’t move away.
“We can’t make love, Sarah. Not like this, all in a rush. And as much as I would kill to be inside you right now, we have to wait for that. But there are things we can do. Things that will make the ache better. It’s not full lovemaking, but I think it will be enough. For now.”
Her shoulders drooped under his hands, and she let him turn her around to face him. The misery on her face sent a guilty lance through him. Cupping her face, he whispered kisses over her eyebrows, nose, and cheeks, finally settling on her mouth. It took a moment, but Sarah finally responded and kissed him back. Owen kept the kiss light. When he lifted his head, she didn’t look as upset as she had before.
“What exactly do you have in mind?”
“Let’s go back to the house,” he said. “We’ll need privacy.”
He thought she was going to refuse, but then she closed her eyes and nodded. “Okay.”
Sarah was so nervous as they went back to the house, wondering what was going to happen, that Owen had to guide her like a child. Her behavior, her eagerness despite his best attempts to ward her off, mortified her. She’d jumped on him like a shameless hussy, not the proper young woman her parents had raised her to be.
Once they reached the back door, she turned to face him, unable to meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t have come on to you like I did. I’m so sorry; I can’t tell you how much. I forced myself on you, and that was wrong. I don’t expect you to come in.”
He took the key from her hand and unlocked the door. “Go inside.”
Eyes downcast, Sarah turned and went into the kitchen, keeping her back to the door. She didn’t want to see him leave, and she waited for him to shut the door behind her and go, but instead, he followed her. He
locked the door and laid the key on the kitchen table. When his arms came up and pulled her back into him, she shut her eyes, a hot tear escaping down her cheek. It landed on his arm.
“Tears? Oh, Sarah, no.” Turning her, Owen wiped the wetness away with his thumbs. “Look at me.”
He forced her to meet his gaze, and he took her hands, sliding them up and around his neck. “Hold on.”
Before Sarah could react, he stooped and lifted her into his arms, then started toward the stairs. “Owen?”
He stopped at the foot of the stairs, and the heat in his eyes kindled an answering flame in her. “If you want me to stop, you have to tell me. Tell me in plain words. Because otherwise, I’m taking you upstairs, and I’m laying you down on that bed. Then I’m going to show you exactly how much I want you.”
Sarah could hardly believe her ears. In answer, she leaned up and kissed him. Owen’s arms tightened around her, and he started climbing.
Once they were in her bedroom, he stood her on her feet and closed the door. “I know no one else is here right now, but I don’t feel right leaving the door open.”
The room was stuffy, and Sarah opened a window halfway, while Owen did the same to the other one. He kicked off his shoes, came back around the foot of the bed, and held out his hand. Trembling, Sarah walked to him. He drew her in, holding her tighter than he’d ever held her. Even as innocent as she was, his arousal was obvious.
“I need to ask you some things,” he murmured, his lips moving against her temple. “I need to know how much you know about this. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to frighten you.”
“I don’t understand,” Sarah answered, dazed by the heat of him, the solidness of the muscles pressed so firmly against her.
He gave a faint groan, and flags of color appeared across his cheeks. “Have you ever… how far have you… how much experience do you have?”
“Um, I don’t have any. I’ve only ever been kissed. I’ve read books, and Mama was very frank.” She blushed, remembering the contents of her nightstand. “As a matter of fact, she gave me a box of condoms before she left.”
Owen’s eyebrows shot up, and he swallowed. “She did?”
Sarah nodded. Moving a step away from him, she got the box out and handed it to him, then hid her face against his chest.
“I’ll be damned.” He rubbed his chin on her hair and ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “Remember those secrets I told you I have?”
“Of course.”
“I think it’s time for me to let you know one of them.”
Drawing back, she frowned. “Just one?”
Owen placed the box on the nightstand and sank down on the edge of the bed. “For now. One’s about all I can handle.”
Her desire muted somewhat by concern, Sarah sat beside him. “Okay. I’m listening.”
He cleared his throat and coughed. He picked up an empty glass from the nightstand. “Could I have some water?”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.” Hurrying down the hall, Sarah filled the glass. When she returned to her bedroom, Owen was hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, his hands laced behind his head. He thanked her when she handed him the water and downed most of it in one swallow. Sarah sat back down and waited.
“There’s no easy way to say this. I’m not a virgin.”
“I’m sorry?”
He sent her an unreadable look. “I’m not a virgin. I wanted you to know, especially considering that enlightening conversation at the dinner table between Kathy and Jack a few weeks ago. I thought it was something you needed to know before we... we…” He gestured to her, then the bed.
A sharp sense of disappointment went through her. She knew men were held to a more lenient moral standard than women, but she had never considered that Owen might have been intimate with someone. He was so reticent, so reserved, the revelation was a tremendous shock.
“Do you mind explaining?” she stammered.
He moved restlessly. “After my mother died, I gave some serious thought to moving to Laurel County. There wasn’t much here for me, just the land, and I have family there. So I went down for a few months, stayed with Eli and Amy. It was summer, hotter than Hell itself, and I was hurting. There was a woman, a widow, who Eli knew from the community. She had a farm near his, and he sent me to help her out. We ended up being intimate.”
Sarah was dumbstruck. “Oh. I see.”
“Do you?” His smile was sad. “It lasted a couple months, and it was two people helping one another through a bad time. She was lonely, and I was trying to find my footing. You have to understand, Sarah,” he said, looking down at his hands. “From the time I was thirteen years old, I was convinced I’d never know that sort of affection. I never thought I’d be able to marry, to have children. So when we came together that summer, sex was all it was.”
Sarah had wrapped her arms around her middle. “But did you love her?”
Owen shook his head. “No. I truly cared for her, wished her nothing but happiness, but we were using each other, and we both knew that. After that summer, I’ve not seen her except in passing. I came back here, back to the mountain, and I’ve been celibate since.” He blew out a deep breath. “I had to tell you before we went any further. You have the right to know.”
Unsure of what she felt, Sarah turned her head and studied him. He didn’t look proud of what he’d confessed, but he didn’t seem ashamed, either. She wasn’t sure if she was more comforted by the fact that he hadn’t loved the woman, or not. “And she was the only one?”
Owen met her gaze squarely. “She was the only one.”
Satisfied he was telling the truth, Sarah dropped her gaze to her feet. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Are you angry?”
“No. I’m disappointed, I guess. And jealous. Though that’s ridiculous. I should be grateful you had someone when you needed her.”
“I don’t think it’s ridiculous.”
“No?”
He shook his head. “No. If our situations were reversed, I’d have a very hard time dealing with that, I think. Just thinking about it upsets me, so I can imagine you’re not thrilled.”
Sarah gave a little snort. “No, I’m not thrilled.” She picked at the hem of the sundress. “Did you ever tell her you loved her?” She felt as much as saw the start go through him, and then he was on his knees in front of her.
“No. Sarah, look at me.” When she met his eyes, he told her again, “I never told her I loved her. You are the only woman I have ever said those words to, and you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. And I never told her about my writing, either. It wasn’t that kind of relationship. Please believe me.”
Though certain her sister would call her all kinds of a fool for doing so, Sarah did believe him. One of his hands was resting above her knee, and she put her hand on his. “I do.”
Owen closed his eyes and laid his head in her lap. Only then did Sarah notice he was trembling. With her free hand, she brushed his hair back off his face.
“I love you so much,” he rasped. “And I’d give anything to go back and not have been with her. But I can’t. All I can do is promise you that I’ll never look at another woman as long as I live, Sarah.”
“How experienced was she?” Sarah hated herself for asking the question, but she needed to know. If the woman turned out to be a modern sophisticate, she didn’t know how she’d handle the revelation. Sarah was forward thinking, but she wasn’t sophisticated, and certainly wasn’t experienced. The only reason she’d let Owen so close was because she was in love with him. If it turned out he didn’t feel the same, the pain that would cause didn’t bear thinking about. Needing to be closer to him, Sarah slid off the bed and onto the floor. Her skirt pooled around her, draping over Owen’s thighs.
Sarah’s stomach fluttered. “Why would you think you’d never marry or have a family?”
He played with her fingers and shrugged. “You know about my father, how things were between us. After I moved out to the barn, I let go of the idea that I’d ever have a normal life. It was easier than deluding myself.”
Tightening her grip on his hands, Sarah kissed one, then the other. “And now?”
Owen swallowed. “Now, I’m finding that maybe I’ve been somewhat ridiculous about the whole thing.”
“No, not ridiculous. Maybe misguided. Reasonably so, given what you went through.” Cautiously, she laid her palms flat against his chest. “So how does this work? How do we…?”
He slid a hand into her loosened hair and pulled her close for a lingering kiss. Sarah’s hands curled against his shirt, and she moaned in protest when he broke the contact.
“There aren’t any rules,” he said in a husky voice. “You tell me what you like, what feels good, what doesn’t. If you want to stop, all you have to do is say so.”
“But I don’t know what I like.” Sarah’s eyes fluttered closed as Owen kissed his way along her jaw to her ear. When he lightly nipped her earlobe and tugged with his teeth, she arched toward him with a gasp.
“Do you like that?”
She nodded. “Mmm, yes.”
He brought his mouth back to hers. “Open your mouth. Let me in.” When she complied, he tightened the grip his hand had on her hair and tilted her head back. What followed was an erotic dance, with Owen leading with his lips and tongue. The intensity was almost too much, and Sarah pulled back, gasping for breath. Undeterred, he trailed his open mouth down her throat to lick at the pulse beating frantically in her neck.
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