by Kyanna Skye
Chad stood on a wooded pedestal and looked at himself in the mirror of old man Chalmers’ tuxedo rental. How he looked was the last thing on his mind. He had dressed almost mechanically, the movements of his hands automatic. He’d worn a tux for countless team and league functions before and contrary to the lies he’d told his sister, old man Chalmers had made him a suit with exact precision. He had actually been a little impressed by that, as no other tailor – who had been paid better – had been able to get his suit size down exactly on the first try.
But it’s not as comfortable as a pair of fairy wings, he thought to himself with a small tinge of regret. The very thought should have shocked him, he knew, but it didn’t. His mind kept coming back to that little girl he had seen sleeping in her bed last night. The same one that he played games with all morning… the thought of that sweet little girl kept coming up in his mind the same way a life-preserver floated on a rough tide.
Ellie…
The word stuck out in his mind like an iceberg. What he’d seen was only a little part of the mystery, but it seemed that there was a lot that he knew nothing about. And that mystery was prodding at his mind like it was attached to the tip of a drill bit. It kept swirling around and around in his brain, nearly causing him pain.
And Kelly, he supplemented.
Fuck it all, he just couldn’t figure her out. Last night had been… well, just as she had said, amazing. The passion… the warmth… the feeling of their bodies joined as they had been. It had felt like he had had a dose of some kind of a drug that he’d been without for years and had suddenly found again.
Kelly could have thrown him out any time she wanted. She had that right to and he knew it. But dammit, something had drawn him in and made him want to stay. It had to be Ellie. That sweet little girl who had laughed at the big guy that she had never met before as he donned a pair of fairy wings and a plastic tiara had been the biggest joy of her day.
Oddly, making that child happy stuck out in his mind even more than the sex did. But even so the thought of Kelly, letting her child grow up without a father? That didn’t seem like her. True, he hadn’t seen her or been aware of her movements or life events since the last time she had texted him and then outright ignored him. But still, that odd girl that he had known years before… she wouldn’t stand for raising a baby alone if she had the choice.
What is going on?
“Fuck,” he whispered.
“Pardon, sir?” asked old man Chalmers, distracting him from his thoughts.
He looked back down at the old man that was making a slight repair to a loose stitch at the hem of his pants. The old and wizened man with his bald head and wrinkled face looked up to him as if he had done something wrong… something that would give a rich man cause to disgrace this old man and his entire shop, ruining him.
“Nothing,” he said, giving the man a reassuring smile. “I was just thinking.”
“Anything I can help you with, sir?” the old man asked, his voice slightly nervous.
Chad shook his head. “No, that’s okay, but thank you for offering Mr. Chalmers.”
The old man continued to look tense, but he resumed his work.
Chad went back to his thoughts and they began with a question that he’d been asking himself ever since he had climbed into his truck as he’d left Kelly’s apartment.
Kelly… what are you hiding from me?
The answer was both obvious and still mysterious. The answer was of course, Ellie. He recalled Kelly’s parents… they didn’t stick out so greatly in his mind, but he did recall that they were at least decent people. But Kelly was living like she had not had anyone’s help for years… maybe even since before Ellie was born.
Why?
Kelly had refused to show Ellie to him and she had only shown him her daughter in an effort to get him to leave. What was so wrong about that? Why was Kelly so determined to keep Ellie a secret? Even though he had spent only a morning with the child it was clear that Kelly had done a great job with her. Why wouldn’t she want other people – like her best friend Susie, of all people – to know that?
That was the thing that stuck at him the most.
Kelly had a daughter. Alright, people have kids all the time, why not? It was plain enough to see that Ellie was the reason why Kelly had never left Holy Oaks. A kid changed everything; they changed plans, affected decisions, and clearly having Ellie had forced Kelly to make some drastic ones. Julliard… Susie… me…
The thought struck him as if he’d been brained with an anvil in a cartoon. And the simplicity of the realization was so overwhelming he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t thought of it before.
Ellie… four years old…
The math fit. He knew that it was incredibly difficult to make a liar out of simple arithmetic and he knew that his figures were spot on. Ellie was four years old… meaning that she would have been born just about the time that Kelly had graduated high school.
Less than a year after her and me… oh, shit!
He closed his fists tightly, anger surging inside of him. Following that anger was rage. He felt a new fire within him, and it was one that was kindled by Kelly… but for the wrong reasons.
He’d felt drawn to Kelly… and to her daughter. And now he knew the reason why. He would piss on any DNA test and shit on the lies that Kelly had obviously told him. He knew the truth, beyond any doubt, and he needed no proof to know otherwise. It was like lightning had just struck his brain and sent his thoughts into a raging boil.
The night of Susie’s party… the night that they had been together for the first time and hadn’t been together since. It fit so perfectly that he felt as dumb as a bucket of dog shit for not having realized it sooner.
Why didn’t she tell me?
That was an answer that continued to elude him and he knew that there was only one person that could answer it. And it was a conversation that he was looking forward to having… but still dreading it somehow.
When old man Chalmers had finished he hastily redressed into his street clothes, paid the old tailor for his work, gathered up his tux, and hastily drove away from the shop. He felt anger growing within him and his first instinct was to drive right over to Kelly’s apartment and demand the truth from her.
It wasn’t a far drive from the shop; he could be there in ten minutes. And the business that weighed on his mind seemed far too pressing to be delayed even for even another second. He wanted answers, he wanted the truth, and damned if he wasn’t going to get it.
As he came to the first red light between him and Kelly’s apartment something caught his eye. It was simple and yet it seemed as divine a sign as the burning bush in the Old Testament.
There in the street ahead of him, walking in the crosswalk was a small little family, oblivious to him and his rage and yet they had a profound impact upon him. There was a woman, pushing a stroller with a light haired little boy sitting within it. The woman herself was in her thirties or so, her hair matching that of the infant she pushed about. Beside her there was a man, who held a slightly older child in his arms. It was a young girl with dark hair that he carried, and she resembled the man as much as the boy resembled his mother.
And together they walked right on by, the man and the woman laughing about something that their children were oblivious to. Their laughter was so kind-hearted that they even spared a moment to give each other a quick and tender kiss as they walked before reaching the opposite curve and walking right on by.
As if it had been waved away by a magic wand, his rage evaporated. The simple sight of a family… happy and normal… it was like some kind of a pain-numbing balm had just been applied to a serious wound.
It was self-loathing that stabbed at him rather than shame as he realized how disastrous his current plan would have been had he gone through with it. What the fuck was I thinking? Of course he couldn’t go to Kelly’s apartment and demand answers. He couldn’t… not in front of Ellie.
He could almost see
the scene unfolding before his very eyes. He would come knocking at the door, angry and full of rage. And Ellie, sweet little Ellie, whom he had played hide and seek with… whom he had swallowed his pride and worn a princess’ tiara and fairy wings for… would see him angry and full of rage. Comparing that to the thought of her having only seen him, goofy and playful this morning…
The thought felt like a knife shoved into his temple.
The light turned green and without realizing it, he drove off, suddenly more calm than he had been thirty seconds before. Rather than driving in the direction of Kelly’s apartment, he changed lanes and headed for home.
That he needed the truth and that he would get it, he didn’t doubt. But not yet… he needed to think this out. This wasn’t some random play executed on the field when the circumstances dictated it. This was serious… this was life-altering serious. He needed to be smart about it.
He checked his watch. The rehearsal dinner was tonight. He’d already helped prepare for it and it would begin in just a few hours. Kelly was going to be his date… she would come down to meet him when he arrived to pick her up… she would put on a good show for the rehearsal dinner, he already knew that she could do that much. No! No, he couldn’t risk this on what Kelly might do. He had to wait until later. He had to wait until at least after the dinner tonight.
A new plan began to take shape in his mind.
Yes, he would get the truth. He just had to be patient… just for a little while longer.
Kelly’s mind had felt as weighted down as the anchor on a super tanker all day. She had carried the motions of getting ready for the rehearsal dinner, putting on one of her simplest dresses and even adding some makeup for effect. And though she thought she looked rather striking, she was dreading the evening. And the company that she would have to endure worried her more than anything other.
Susie… do you know what you’re doing to me?
She kept thinking of last night. She kept thinking of Chad and how right it had felt having him in her bed. She kept thinking of how good it felt to wake up and find that he had cooked breakfast for her – their – daughter. She couldn’t deny how wonderfully amazing it had been to watch the two of them play together. The bad boy that was suddenly reformed by his child into a more domestic role… she couldn’t get over it.
She felt like she was sweating bullets when Chad pulled up to the curb of her apartment building and she’d climbed in. He too had been wearing simple attire; a suit without a tie that made him look rather fetching. But what was even more fetching was the small smile on his face, like he held no grudge for having been readily dismissed from her home this afternoon.
“You look amazing,” he’d said as she had climbed in.
“Thanks,” she had replied, feeling a little awkward by the compliment, and more than a little guilty for the lies that had slipped over her mouth.
“How’s Ellie?” he’d asked.
She had swallowed a lump in her throat. “She’s fine. She was a little sad that you weren’t there when she woke up from her nap.” The words had felt like she was spitting up molten metal, they burned her so bad. They were true, but why they burned her at all was a reason that only she was aware of.
But to her relief, Chad spoke no more of it. She could sense that he was still slightly upset about something, likely her treatment of him last prior to their sex and this morning regarding she’d all but kicked him out of her apartment. But it turned out that politeness won out in him and he respected her desire to let the issue rest. It seemed, after all, that he had accepted the lies that she had told. That had made her feel even worse. And to boot she wasn’t looking forward to the events – and the other lies – that she would have to tell to get through tonight.
As it turned out, the rehearsal dinner wasn’t all bad.
She had gotten to talk with a few people that she hadn’t seen or talked to since high school and all of them seemed to have been under the impression that she had gone off to study music somewhere across the country. Some of them thought she had gone to some fancy college in Boston, others thought she’d gone away to California. And that had been flattering, until Susie corrected them, feeding the lie that she had told her best friend. Following that she learned that some of the girls had remained just as rooted here in Holy Oaks as she had been and hadn’t amounted to much.
Under normal circumstances, that would have made me feel better, she had thought listening to some of the other bridal party tell their stories.
Kelly, it turned out, was the focal point of their conversations as much as Susie was; two girls who got out of Holy Oaks and made something of their lives. They had praised her as being one of those people who had managed to break the shackles of their home town and gotten away from it. Their praises were false, she knew, and they had only managed to sink her spirits even lower. They all thought of her as something that she wasn’t… a false idol.
She writhed inside for it.
And Susie, true to her word, had insisted that she play something for them for the wedding and that tonight was a perfect night to practice. Kelly had thought to use not having brought her violin as an excuse for such a thing, but Susie – as vigilant a Hollywood mind as ever – had thought of that and gone out of her way to buy a violin and had brought it to the dinner for her to use. Francis, being somewhat familiar with classical pieces, had suggested a variety of them for her to play. And when her old friends, demanding to see what fancy lessons she had learned, had cornered her on the issue. She had finally caved in, her lies catching up with her at last.
Having found herself in the proverbial hard place – and with no excuse to get out of it – she picked one of the suggested pieces that Francis had named and played.
To her astonishment, the music had flowed freely from her bow arm and the violin tucked under her chin. She had chosen something soothing and calming at the start with both a powerful and soothing finish, one of her favorite pieces called “The Lark Ascending” by Vaughan Williams. It had been something that she had learned in her younger days and had learned to play it from memory. Though she hadn’t picked up a violin in years, her technique was flawless, the notes were perfect, and by the time she was finished nearly fifteen-minutes later she rewarded by an awe-inspired silence, followed closely by a round of tremendous applause.
It seemed that she hadn’t lost her touch. She actually felt quite good about it. Part of her even began to wonder if Ellie would enjoy the violin as much as she did. That might be something to ask her about, she thought.
As the evening progressed she did as she knew was expected of her. She laughed at jokes, told a few humorous anecdotes, made up stories about fun times she had at a music school that she never attended… there was no end to it.
All through the evening she played the respectful guest. It wasn’t until it was finally time to go home when her sense of dread became overwhelming. And that was only because she kept seeing Chad out of the corner of her eye throughout the night. Though he sat next to her, she could almost feel a strange heat brewing from within him. It had felt as though she were sitting next to a blast furnace, but only she was affected by the inferno building within.
She knew what some of that heat represented and why she was feeling it. She had the same feeling herself. It was a combination of anger and desire that he had to be feeling. Though she would have bet Touchy Turk’s weight in platinum that it was more anger than desire that he was feeling just now.
And when the dinner had finally concluded Chad, in a gentlemanly fashion, escorted her to his truck and even opened the door for her. She couldn’t escape the fact that she felt like she was being shown to the gallows to face her own execution. And when Chad climbed into the driver’s seat, he slammed the door with unusual fervor.
Oh, shit, she thought, suddenly feeling as though like she had just walked into a trap with a trick door that had just snapped shut.
Chad started his truck and as they drove off, she could hear h
is fingers tensing on the leather of the steering wheel. The leather seemed to be reacting to his rage, unable to withstand the stress that he was now putting upon it.
“Chad…?” she began, knowing that there was no point in pretending like she didn’t know that he was upset.
“You look gorgeous,” he replied, but the compliment was without its usual warmth. It was cold and unfeeling, almost as cold and unfeeling as she had been to him yesterday.
She couldn’t bring herself to say ‘thank you’. Instead, she folded her hands in her lap and almost looked down at her legs like a shamed child. He knows, she thought regretfully.
“I want you,” he said as he drove on, his foot pushing down on the gas pedal almost angrily. “I wanted you then… I wanted you last night… and I want you now.” Again, the words were meant to be endearing but she felt as if they would give her frost bite just hearing them. He blew an angry breath from his nostrils, reminding her of an angry bull about to charge and pawing the ground tauntingly.
“If you care for me at all… then… now… whatever, then I want the truth from you. And I promise that I won’t be angry.” His hands tensed, contradicting his words for his controlled anger. “Is Ellie mine?”
Kelly was quiet, feeling like she had just had her head stuffed into a vice and someone was twisting the jaws shut. A second vice was added to her chest and a third to her belly. All resolve to hide the truth was being squeezed out of her as if someone was pressing her body like grapes to make wine. But what was removed from her was the impurity of her body… the lies… the will to keep her life a secret… all of it seemed to be fleeing her like rats deserting a doomed ship.
“I can’t get her face out of my head, Kelly,” he said, his voice threatening to become sharp and hurtful but he managed to maintain his calm. “She looks just like you… but then it hit me. There was something familiar about her that I couldn’t quite recognize and then it hit me like a fucking meteorite. And I’m the dumb shit for not having realized it sooner.” He drew a sharp breath. “It was her eyes.” He looked at her and she was unable to keeping looking away from him, her head slowly turned to look and meet his gaze. “They’re mine.” He blew another angry burst of air from his nostrils. “So tell me the truth… she is mine, isn’t she?”