by Lucy Smoke
Levi shakes his head. "I'm not gay," he says. I don't say anything, I just wait for him to continue. He looks at me. "I'm not," he repeats. "I've had sex with girls before. I liked it. I still like it." His eyes lower until he's staring at my lips again. I lick them on instinct and fire flashes across his gaze. "I can't be gay."
"Does it matter if you are?" I ask.
He pauses for a moment, thinking. "I guess not. It's not like it's outlawed or anything. People aren't comfortable around it, but fuck 'em. I don't care."
"Then what's the problem? Are you scared to tell him?"
Levi turns his head, eyes gazing out the windows. "I don't know if he'll understand," he whispers. "I don't want him to treat me any differently."
"He won't," I assure him. He scoffs, and I roll my eyes. "I know he won't," I say more forcefully. His eyes snap to mine. "But you won't know until you talk to him and tell him."
"He's one of my best friends," Levi says. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
This I understand. So deeply, do I know what he’s going through. I only wish I could save him the pain of agonizing over his own feelings. But he’ll have to do that for himself. "You can't go through life depending on one person for your happiness," I say. "I don't think Aaron will turn you down if you tell him. But you'll never know unless you step up."
Levi holds my gaze for a moment more before groaning and slumping back into his seat. He looks at me from across the room. "This is all so messed up," he says.
I don't disagree.
The sun stretches across the floor as we sit in the small, quiet library. Levi watches me with unmasked curiosity. I scratch my leg and glance away. "What made you so upset?" I ask casually.
After a moment, he answers. "He started calling you 'Rocket’," he answers.
I lean forward, interested. I had noticed how surprised everyone had been when he called me that. "It's just a nickname,” I say. “Like you call me Troublemaker. Why is it such a big deal?" I ask.
Levi sighs. "Aaron's from a family of Sky Rovers," he begins. I nod, I figured as much. He matches their image completely from the tattoos to the badass look he has perfected. "Sky Rovers are often nomadic, Aaron's not. Not anymore. But he's kept to the culture more or less. He can be broody, quiet, and more than a little untrusting. I met him when I was sent here after getting caught… well, it doesn't matter what I was doing. But, yeah, I met him here and he and his uncle were both right fucking bastards."
Levi leans back, chuckling at some unseen, distant memory. "I started out in the fighting circuit and somehow Aaron's uncle bet on me. I was just a scrawny kid back then—well scrawnier." I don't have it in me to point out just how scrawny he isn’t. Forcing my gaze to remain on his face, I nod in acknowledgement.
"They wanted to talk to me after one fight and after finding out that I was rooming in a shithole with several other fighters, they offered me a couch with guaranteed quiet and a workout room to prepare for each fight for as long as I continued to win. I moved in, and I kept winning, so I stayed."
"Where's Aaron's uncle now?" I ask.
Levi's eyes dim, and he tilts his head to look at the floor. "He got sick not long after I moved in with them. He went downhill pretty quickly. Aaron was tough, but I could tell it was ripping him apart. I didn't really have a family on Basra. This was Aaron's second time losing his family. His parents died when he was really young, but he still remembers them."
"It was a good thing he had you," I say.
"I don't want to tell him," Levi replies. "I don't want him to lose another family member and I don't want him to hate me." I stiffen, thinking back to when I had first been with Kida. I understand his fear. He and Aaron had obviously been through a lot.
"You'll regret it," I say, "if you don't tell him then you'll always wonder, what if you had." It was easy to say and harder to do, I knew. "Aaron cares about you."
Levi shakes his head. "Not in this way. I know he doesn't."
My eyes narrow on him and I huff out a breath, crossing my arms. "How do you know?" I snap. "Have you asked him? Is it really that you're scared, because you don't understand what you're feeling, not that you're scared about what he might feel?"
Levi growls at me, low and foreboding before jerking up from his seat as if the damn thing is on fire. He paces the confines of the room, back and forth in front of me. "It's fucked up, what I feel. Why would he—no, he wouldn't. This is fucked up. You know what?" He turns abruptly, facing me. "I know I'm not into guys."
"Oh yeah?" I ask incredulously. "Well, Aaron's not just any guy for you, is he?" He has no clue that he's talking to someone who knows exactly what he's going through. I know the kind of hell he's facing and trying to back away from. But I also know that he can't back out of hell once he's crossed through the gates. He needs to just close his eyes and fight his way through to the other side.
Levi's face flinches at my question. He doesn't answer verbally, but I can see the truth right there on his face. "I'm not into guys," he repeats, taking a step closer to me.
I stand up, frowning at him. "You don't have to be 'into' guys to care about Aaron," I say.
"I'm not into guys," he says again, cinnamon eyes taking me in. "Because I'm into you."
"Wha–"
Levi takes one more step closer until I'm directly under him, looking up. His lips slam down on mine mid-word. His lips are rough and hard, yet at the same time, the skin over them is smooth and soft. They gently pry mine open and his tongue dips in. He tastes like orange juice.
I try to pull away, the back of my knees hit the couch I had been sitting on and I fall onto the cushions. I gasp when our lips are torn apart, great heaving breaths sucking into my chest. Levi drops over me, hovering, and his lips come back down. Even as I turn my head, his hand comes up to grip my chin and hold me steady. He licks my bottom lip before taking it between his teeth, biting down gently. My hands push against his chest, barely managing to break away.
"No," I say. "Levi, stop." He pauses above me, cheeks pink, breath heated and coming in pants. "We can't."
"You don't want me?" he asks.
My god, how can he ask that?
I take a breath, before pushing him back even more. My words shake when I start talking. "I think you're just confused. It's not that you're not..." I gulp. "It's not that I don't want you or that you're not attractive..." I avoid looking down where his shirt has ridden up a bit, showing clearly defined stomach muscles and the mouthwatering V that arrows my gaze even further downwards. "But I'm not...available and you're obviously in love with Aaron, even if you won't admit it to yourself."
"He likes you," Levi blurts. I blink at him in confusion.
"Who likes me?"
"Aaron likes you," Levi says. "That's what's obvious. He calls you 'Rocket' for God's sake!" Levi leaps off the couch and stands in front of it, chest heaving as he looks down at me.
"I don't know what that even means!" I huff. "You never finished explaining."
"It means you're important to him," he snaps. "Sky Rovers only call women they care about 'Rocket', like girlfriends or sisters or mothers."
"He might think of me as a sister then," I defend.
Levi glares at me. "No, he doesn't."
A sudden knock at the door has me quickly scrambling guiltily off the couch. When the knob turns and Noaz sticks his head in, he raises one brow at both of us before widening the door. "We need to go over the Tanks' pod complex blueprints," he says to me. "I want you to be aware of every exit you may need to use."
I nod, my cheeks flaming red, before walking towards him. Levi grabs my arm before I pass him completely. "He does care about you," he says quietly.
"We'll talk about it later," I say, pulling away.
Before I step into the hallway next to Noaz, Levi calls after us. "You did have one good point," he says. I turn, my hand on the door frame, to look over my shoulder. "You can't rely on one person for your happiness. Maybe you should think about that."
I don't rely on one person for my happiness. I'm responsible for my own happiness. I have friends. I have Kida. I rely on myself, but Kida makes me happy too. Even as I remind myself of this, I still can't help the horrible guilt eating me up. I touch my fingers to my still tingling lips. What Levi says sits in my mind even as Noaz opens the door to a room filled with beeping computer monitors and a metal slab table with a holographic projector in the middle.
Do I rely too much on Kida for my own happiness?
Ten
The Tanks
The ground under my booted feet is wet and slick from the rain the night before. Even in the District and even in the dead of night, it's not surprising that I can hear noises from the night owls of Tartarus only a block or two over. I'm surprised the Tanks would be somewhere so close to heavy foot traffic. It seems sloppy on their part, or desperate.
Noaz leans forward, brushing a strand of my hair that's fallen out of my ponytail back as he readjusts the minuscule sized comm unit lodged in my ear. I shiver as his hand trails down my neck before he grips my shoulder in an oddly affectionate and reassuring squeeze.
"You seem like you've done this before," I say.
We are in a bottom floor room in the building across the street with one window—currently occupied by Levi as he uses a hardly discernible camera device attached to the glass in the upper hand corner to scan the local area just outside. None of it feels real. Kida has been missing for what feels like years and knowing she's in a building no more than twenty feet from me is making me anxious.
"I have," Noaz finally answers. "But those are stories for another time. For now, what do you say we end this?"
I nod my head enthusiastically and he chuckles, a strange expression on his face, before turning back to the mound of computers and other technological equipment that had been brought in. Since we arrived, he's been more relaxed, as if this is the exact place he's always meant to be. Noaz is someone who thrives under pressure, I realize. He must have a hard time when there's nothing to do. He's not one to hold still for long without getting restless. I watch as he pulls on his headset and presses a few buttons until all the monitors light up. One displays a screen that is split between a basic blueprint and a more defined layout of the complex building we will be breaking into. A part of me wonders if the game plan is just to break in, get Kida, and get out or if we're there for more.
My main focus is Kida and I've been informed by Aaron and Vincent both that, in no uncertain terms, am I to be considered anything more than a pawn in tonight's game. I am merely here to be moved. I do not make decisions. The only decision I have the authority to make is deciding the best course of action to exit the building with Kida in tow. And that's under extreme circumstances. Ergo, if anything goes wrong and no one can tell me how to walk or breathe, I can make that decision for myself.
"Is everyone ready?" Vincent steps into the room, a hulking figure covered from head to toe in thin but strong black Kevlar. He's strapped down with an assortment of ammo and weapons from steel tipped blades to the two Glocks anchored on either side of his chest by the added chest harness.
It makes me feel underdressed in my black clothes. I have on a similar Kevlar vest, but it doesn't cover nearly as much as Vincent's that reaches from the base of his neck down to the crotch. He is also wearing added pads on his arms and over his thick bulging thighs. I'm not even going to ask how he got it on. He looks prepared to be used as a battering ram, by the two enforcers at his side, to break down the front door of the complex I’m about to wire climb to.
"Everything is green lighted." Noaz says from his station against the wall of monitors that consumes his attention.
Levi hops up from his seat by the blind covered window. "And green means go," he says. "That's one thing that hasn't changed in hundreds of years. Red equals stop, and green equals go."
"Yes," a new enforcer says as she barges past Vincent and her comrades. "So, let's go, go, go. Get a move on people."
"Tilde," Vincent growls. "This is an important operation. The life of my goddaughter is at stake. I cannot have you bulldozing–"
Tilde, the female enforcer, who's one of the tallest women I've ever met, and one of the most beautiful, waves her hand and flips the braid of blonde hair over her shoulder. "Don't worry, D. My men’ve got this," she says.
Vincent sighs before turning to us. "Don't let her fool you," he says. "She's one of the best commanders the department has ever had."
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. I have never even heard of a female enforcer, much less a commander. This woman, I realize, must be a lot more hardcore than she looks, to be so high up in Enforcement. She's just under the Vice Chief of the Enforcement Department. Above the head of infantry enforcers—one of the Lead Enforcers.
"That's right," Tilde sniffs. "And don't you forget it." She turns to the rest of us. "Now, which one of you is coming with me and my boys, and which of you is heading for the climb of death."
"That would be me," I say. "Climber of death, right here."
"Great," she says. "Glad it's not me. Good luck." With that, she motions for Levi to follow her and then heads back out into the hallway. The two enforcers who had followed Vincent in, turn to follow her as well.
I glance at Vincent when they are all out of sight. Vincent sighs and shakes his head. "It's difficult trying to control her," he says. "But she really is one of the best enforcers Tartarus has ever had."
"I never even knew women could apply to be enforcers. It's dangerous."
Vincent nods. "More so here. She's a hellion, though, Tilde. She and Penelope have become good friends, so there's no getting rid of her now, anyway."
At the mention of Penelope, I want to ask him what exactly got her exiled to Tartarus, but I suspect it's a touchy subject and I definitely don't want to piss off the man whose power reaches even above the Chief of Enforcement.
"Alright," Noaz says, turning around in his chair. He stands up grabbing a pebble sized, piece of dark colored tech from the table and hands it to me. "Thayer and Aaron are meeting up with Levi and Tilde. Haze is en route to pick you up. Put this in your ear."
I frown, but do as he says, wiggling the little piece of metal in my ear. Like headphones, it has an elastic, plastic piece that allows it to stay in. Noaz turns back to his desk and rummages through the piles of similar tech objects. He extracts a tiny square and peels a clear piece off the back of it.
"Raise your arms," he commands. I do, but when he goes to lift my shirt, I let out a startled yelp and yank them back down.
"What are you doing?!" I snap.
He sighs before waving the square in my face. "This is a tracking device. Everyone else already has one," he explains. "You need one too."
"Where are you going to put that thing?" I demand.
Noaz rolls his eyes before bending down to lift my shirt again. I squeal as he presses the sticky side of the metal tracking device against my hip. It's hidden by my underwear and pants.
"There, now," he says with a smirk. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
Vincent chuckles behind us as my cheeks heat. "Why didn't you just tell me where you were putting it?" I huff.
Noaz shrugs. "What would be the fun in that?"
"You two are lucky this room is insulated and soundproof," Vincent says as someone knocks on the door.
I continue to shoot daggers at Noaz when Haze steps into the room, clad in all black as well, with an equally inconspicuous colored backpack hanging over his shoulders. The loose sandy strands of his hair at the top are slicked back close to his head. His angular jaw tilts in my direction as he takes me in. He examines me and apparently finds me suitable because he turns to Vincent. "Tilde is waiting on your signal," he says. Vincent nods and leaves. Haze turns to Noaz. "Is she equipped with every
thing she needs?" he asks.
"I'm standing right here," I say.
Haze looks at me. "I can see that. I'm simply making sure he's given you everything you need."
"Oh." I thought he was ignoring me or something. He seems quiet, hyper-focused. I mistook it for irritation. Maybe this is how he always is on a mission.
"Ready to go?" he asks.
I take a deep breath, looking down at myself. Boots, check. Dark clothes, check. Soul crushing defeat and fear, double check. "Yep," I say. "Ready as I'll ever be."
"Then let's get over to the neighboring building and head up to the roof." Haze holds his hand out and I take it gratefully. If I'm to get through the rest of this night, I'll need his strength.
We head out and over to the building across the street next to the Tanks' pod complex. I suspect that Haze continues to hold my hand to give the illusion that we're a couple heading home. I worry over how obvious we must look in our dark clothes, but it doesn't matter because as we pass by the Tanks' pod complex there isn't a soul outside. I go to pull away from Haze's hand, but he grips mine harder, leaning down to whisper close to my ear—the one not blocked by Noaz's tech.
"They could have cameras watching the exterior," he warns.
Not wanting to give ourselves away, I don't reply or nod my understanding. We reach the front doors of the building next door and Haze swipes a card that I assume he got from Noaz. The light for the locking mechanism blinks green to let us in. Haze doesn't even look towards the elevators. We take the stairs two at a time. My phobia has given me one thing at least, killer legs.
When the top landing comes into view, Haze slows down and puts a hand out to stop me. I wait on the stairs as he creeps toward the door to the rooftop. He slides the card once along the side, waiting. The locking mechanism on this door doesn't so much as flicker red.
"Shit," I hear Haze curse under his breath. He leans down and presses something inside the collar of his shirt. I jump as static erupts in my ear.