by Lucy Smoke
Kida doesn't reply. That's okay. I didn't expect her to. I gaze up at the sky. Vaguely, I can just see the outline of the cities far above. They're set so far apart, it's difficult to fit them all in my field of vision. They look worlds apart rather than a simple few hours ride by airship.
"You're not coming back here again, are you?" Kida asks.
I shake my head. I don't think I'll need to after this. I have the guys—whether she meant to or not, she brought them to me in a way. Or rather, in a roundabout way, her godfather brought them to me. Maybe if I had been alone at the time of Kida's death, I wouldn't still be alive. I thought about it—about ending my life. I wanted to. I imagined a dozen different ways to do it. Some more violent than others. But now I know that would have been useless, a waste. I have more to do.
When I finally do look at Kida fully, her eyes are soft and a bit sad. She smiles at me even though I can tell she wants to cry. I really hope she doesn't cry. I've never been able to handle her tears. I had only ever seen her cry once, over a nightmare about her parents. That had been enough for me.
"I love you," she whispers.
I close my eyes and when I open them again, this time I see the inside of my bedroom in Vincent Diamond's penthouse suite in the middle of Tartarus, the city of criminals, and I know peace. I know peace because I know my grief has a place inside me that might never heal, but that doesn't mean I can't live with it.
“I love you, too,” I whisper.
I strap on my boots and buckle the belt at my waist. My hair is pulled back into a long ponytail at the back of my head. Looking into the bathroom mirror, I finger the single feather earring that dangles from my left ear, marking me as a messenger. Pressing a kiss to two of my fingers, I slide those same fingers over the etching in the surface of the earring.
Remembrance starts with living.
"Cass?" A hard knock on my bedroom door echoes across the room. I turn at the sound of Haze's voice.
"I'm coming," I call.
"Alright," he calls through the closed door. "We'll be waiting, but you should hurry it along. Vincent wants us down at the docks to check the ship."
"We're not leaving for another few days," I call back.
"Yes, I know, but–"
"Oh, leave it alone, man, she's coming. Give it a rest," I hear Thayer's voice in the background and don't resist the smile that comes to my lips. Of all the distractions in the whole of humanity, these guys are the best.
I finish getting ready and then hurry out to meet the guys as they wait by the elevator. Aaron takes one hand as I step inside, Levi takes the other. I still have to close my eyes on occasion or I find my chest caving in. But if I close my eyes, I can pretend I'm somewhere better. Somewhere where the world isn't falling apart—literally falling apart, in our case—and I'm not terrified of something as simple as a damn elevator ride.
When the elevator chimes and we step into the lobby, Aaron pulls me towards the front doors and out into the streets. Thayer, Levi, Haze, and Noaz all move towards a hover vehicle.
Aaron tugs me toward a rover parked in front of it. "You ride with me," he says. I smile. Yeah, best distraction a girl could ask for.
“You got it, Hercules.”
Grief is one part love, one part fear, and both parts what we do to ourselves. Often what we do is painful, but that, too, can be overcome. It can heal. I just have to let it. Maybe Kida really did bring me the guys. I was using her identity, after all, when I first met them. Maybe the universe did it. Maybe it knew that I was going to lose the first and only person who ever truly cared about me. And maybe… maybe it was all coincidence.
I remember our conversation, the night she told me the story of Cassandra and Apollo—the story of my namesake. I remember, too, the promise she asked me to make after.
"You have to promise me something, Cassie. No matter what happens, you'll keep trying. If something ever happens to me, you can't just lay down and give up. Promise me you'll keep trying."
And so, I’ll try. For Kida, but also for me, because who knows what the future can hold?
Also by Lucy Smoke
The Iris Boys Series
Now or Never
Power & Choice
Leap of Faith
The Nerys Newblood Series
DAIMON
NECROSIS (Coming Soon)
The Winthrope Five Novellas
Study Break
Tough Break
The Expressions Series
Expressionate