by Ash, Nikki
“Move in with me,” I blurt out, and he stills. I don’t even know what’s gotten into me. One second I’m thinking about what it would be like to get to be with him every night and morning, and the next thing I know, I’m spouting shit out of my mouth. When he doesn’t say anything, I consider taking it back, telling him I was just kidding. But then it hits me, I don’t want to. I wasn’t kidding. So instead, I turn in his arms to face him and explain. “If you lived with me, you could be with Zane and me every day. We could go to bed and wake up together. We could be a family.”
When he still doesn’t say anything, nerves overtake me, and I start rambling. “If you don’t want to, I understand. I know it’s probably too soon. I just wanted to throw it out there. I know my place isn’t big, and Sierra lives there too. But… I don’t know. I just thought it would be nice for the three of us to live under one roof.”
Keegan’s brows are pinched together in what looks like pain, and I know without him even saying a word, he’s going to turn my idea down. “Jailbird.” He exhales. “I—” He opens his mouth then closes it. It’s as if he’s warring with himself, but I don’t understand why. Is it because of Kolton? Does he not want to leave his brother to live on his own? I know they’re close, but surely they aren’t planning to live together forever. Which can only mean he doesn’t want to live with me and is trying to figure out how to let me down nicely.
“What?” I ask, needing to hear the words one way or another. My heart is slowly cracking. I shouldn’t have put myself out there. “Tell me, please.”
“I want to live with you,” he begins, but I can tell a ‘but’ is coming. “I just…” He shakes his head and curses under his breath. I’m so confused right now. He’s frustrated and mad, and I don’t understand why. But then several reasons come to mind that have me freaking out. Maybe he is in a relationship with someone else. Maybe he lied at the time because he was in shock and now he’s backed himself into a corner he needs to get out of. Oh God, what if he already lives with someone? He said he lives with Kolton, but I’ve never been over there. He always comes over to my place because he said his place is small and doesn’t have any of Zane’s things. He’s never even asked to take Zane for the night.
“You just what?” I prompt, needing him to either shoot down my thoughts or put me out of my misery.
“I want to live with you,” he repeats. His hands cradle my face lovingly while his words break my heart. “But I can’t. Not yet.”
“What does that mean?”
He sighs and swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple pushing out slightly. “I need time. It’s not that I don’t want to live with you, I do. I swear to you that I do. I just… I need you to trust me, please.” His eyes and words plead with me, but he’s said nothing to tamper down the scenarios whirling around in my head.
“I think we should go home,” I tell him, not wanting to be this close to him anymore. My heart hurts, and if I’m honest, I’m also embarrassed at his rejection.
“No, please. I’m not saying no. Just not yet.” His eyes implore into mine, begging me to understand.
“I understand,” I tell him, even though I don’t. “But I want to get home to Zane, if that’s okay.”
His eyes flicker back and forth between mine, and I can tell he wants to argue, but whatever he sees in my eyes stops him, and he nods. “Okay.”
Without eating any of the food we ordered, we head inside and get dressed. I don’t bother showering, just wanting to pack and get out of here.
The drive home is silent. It’s completely different from how things were between us before I was stupid and asked Keegan to move in with me. When we pull up, he asks if he can come in so he can see Zane and, even though the last thing I want is to be around Keegan right now, I agree. I told myself I would never stop him from seeing his son, and I meant it.
He carries my bag upstairs, and when we enter the apartment, Zane comes running out and straight into his daddy’s arms. My heart, for the second time today, breaks. I can’t quench my jealousy. At one time, it would’ve been my arms he ran right into. I push down the negative thoughts, glad that Zane now has a father. He deserves this. He deserves the world.
“You’re back early?” Sierra asks, walking out of Zane’s room with Kolton trailing behind. Interesting…
“I didn’t spend the night,” Kolton says, wrapping his arm around Sierra. “Just brought breakfast over. I hope that’s okay.”
“This is just as much Sierra’s home as it is mine,” I tell him. “Of course you’re welcome here.”
There’s a knock at the door and, since Keegan is the closest, he opens it. “Yeah?” he asks, his voice sounding cold and angry.
“I’m here for Zane,” I hear the voice say on the other side of the door. It’s Brenton.
Keegan’s entire body goes rigid. “For what?”
Not wanting them to get into it right here in my front entranceway, especially with Zane here, I lightly push Keegan out of the way and open the door farther.
Brenton smiles when he sees me. “It’s the last Sunday of the month.” When I give him a look, trying to figure out what he’s implying, he adds, “Home Depot day.” Oh, shit! I completely forgot.
Zane must hear him, because he yells, “Yes! Home Depot day!” He runs to his room and, a second later, comes out with his bright orange apron. “I’m ready!”
“Ready for what?” Keegan asks, confused.
“The last Sunday of every month, Brenton takes Zane to Home Depot for their craft day. They make stuff out of wood. Sierra and I usually go get our nails done.”
“Like hell he is,” Keegan hisses, then turns to Brenton. “You’re not taking my fucking kid anywhere.”
Whoa…
“Daddy, you said a bad word!” Zane giggles, completely unaware of the high tension in the room.
“Sorry, bud,” Keegan says. “Why don’t you go play in your room while Mommy and I talk?”
Zane frowns, but does as he says.
Once he’s gone, I say what I’ve been thinking since Keegan spoke. “Your kid?” I’m trying to keep calm, but who the hell does he think he is? He might not like Brenton, but that doesn’t give him the right to tell me how to make decisions for our son.
“You know what I mean.” He hits me with a glare that if I were a weaker woman would have me cowering, but I’m not, and I’m not going to let him intimidate me. “He”—he jabs a finger toward Brenton—“isn’t taking our son anywhere.”
“Yes, he is,” I argue, refusing to back down. “He’s been taking him every month for who knows how long. Zane looks forward to it.”
“Then I’ll take him,” Keegan says.
“No,” I volley back. “Brenton has been in Zane’s life for the last three years, since he was born, and I’m not going to just cut him out because you two are at odds. Unless you have some legitimate reason why Brenton shouldn’t be allowed to take him, then he is. Do you?”
Keegan’s jaw is ticking, his lips pursed together so tightly they’re turning white. He glares at me then at Brenton, but doesn’t say a word.
“Is there a reason why Brenton shouldn’t be allowed to take Zane to Home Depot?” I ask again.
“Fuck this!” Keegan yells. He gets in Brenton’s face, and I’m scared he’s going to hit him. I glance at Kolton and Sierra, who are both watching silently. I try to tell Kolton to do something, but he’s only looking at Keegan and, for some reason, he looks almost as mad as his brother does. His fists are clenched, and his jaw, which identical to Keegan’s, is ticking in the same way.
“Anything happens to Zane, and I’m going to hunt you down and kill you,” Keegan warns.
“Keegan!” I yell. “Stop it!” This is getting out of hand. He can’t seriously be threatening to kill Brenton over taking our son to Home Depot.
Without another word, Keegan pushes past Brenton, knocking his shoulder on his way, and stalks out the door.
I have no clue what the hell just happened
here. My first instinct is to chase after Keegan, but before my feet move, Kolton’s hand is on my shoulder. “Let him go. He just needs to calm down.”
I nod once and then head to Zane’s room to let him know he can go with Brenton.
“Daddy was yelling,” he says, looking up from his Legos.
“He was mad,” I tell him honestly. “Sometimes adults yell when they’re mad.”
“Is he mad at me?”
Oh my heart. Keegan and I are going to have to have a chat. He’s never been around a child before, and this is a learning curve for him, but he’s going to need to learn that it’s not okay to behave that way in front of our son.
“No, sweetie, he’s not mad at you. Do you want to go to Home Depot with Brenton?”
“Yes.”
“Then you better get going. He’s waiting for you.”
Zane runs out of his room and straight to the front door where Brenton is waiting. “I’m ready.”
Brenton looks at me. “You sure?”
“Yes, I trust you.”
“All right, little man, let’s go.”
After they leave, Kolton says, “I better go find Keegan.” He kisses Sierra’s cheek and leaves.
“Was I wrong?” I ask her once we’re alone.
She nibbles on her bottom lip, not answering right away.
“S?” I push. “Was I wrong? You’re my sister. Talk to me.”
“I just think Keegan wouldn’t have done that unless there was a reason.”
“I asked him if he has a reason, but he couldn’t give me one.”
“I know.” She nods several times. “Maybe it was just jealousy…” She lets her words linger as I fill in the blanks: but what if it wasn’t.
Keegan
I stay behind his vehicle at a distance. Close enough to not lose him, but far enough away that he won’t see me tailing him. If he stops anywhere, it’s game fucking over. Lucky for him, he doesn’t. He goes straight to Home Depot. I watch from a few aisles over while he helps Zane make some wooden car thing. There are about thirty other kids here with their parents, all making the same thing. Zane laughs and runs around, and Brenton stays with him. He shows Zane how to hammer the nails, and Zane is all smiles the entire time. When they’re done, Zane gets an award and a pin for finishing, and Brenton takes a picture, telling Zane he’s going to send it to his mom.
“Send to Daddy too!” Zane says.
Brenton smiles, but it’s now fake. “I don’t know his number,” he tells him honestly. “But I’m sure your mom will.” Fucker. He better eat this all up because there’s no way he’ll be bringing Zane to the next one. I’m going to make sure of it.
When they leave, I follow them the entire way home, only leaving once I see Blakely open the door and Zane go inside.
As I drive back to Kolton’s place, I call my dad. He picks up on the first ring. “Keegan? Everything okay?”
“No, we need to talk.”
Blakely
It’s been two days since Keegan stormed out of here. No texts. No phone calls. He hasn’t even stopped by to see Zane. When Brenton brought Zane back, he tried to talk to me about Keegan, but I put a halt to it immediately. The two of them want to participate in some ridiculous pissing contest, fine. Piss away, but neither of them will be doing it on my damn leg. I’m dating Keegan—at least I think I still am. And I’m friends with Brenton. They’re both going to have to get used to having each other around. I point blank asked Brenton if he wants to stay friends, and he said he does. So, until he says otherwise, he will be in my life. I made it clear to him that I’m dating Keegan and he said he understood.
And Keegan needs to understand that Brenton has been around for a long time now. He was there when I delivered Zane. He’s been my friend and there for Zane his entire life. I’m not going to rip Brenton away just because Keegan is jealous.
“I need to stop by my brother’s shop,” Brenton says on our way to meet up with our group from our Child Psychology class. We had to create a group of four to complete a project to present to the class. Our topic is nature versus nurture. Since the other two students, Brianne and Willa, live together off campus, we agreed to meet them at their place. Sierra worked the lunch shift, so she’s able to watch Zane for me.
“No problem,” I tell him, checking my phone for the umpteenth time to see if Keegan has called or texted, even though it’s on loud and I would hear it if he did.
“Everything okay?” Brenton asks.
“Yeah,” I tell him, not wanting to give him room to talk shit about Keegan. Maybe I should just text him first. He might be worried I’m mad and he’s giving us both time to cool down. I type out a text, then backspace it. I type out another one, read it several times, then delete it as well. I’m typing my third text, when my phone dings with a text from the man himself.
Keegan: I’m sorry for the way I acted. I should’ve called or texted sooner, but I was being a wuss. Even now I’m texting instead of calling. I’m a wuss. Can I come by so we can talk?
I smile at his text. He was thinking the same thing I was.
Me: I was being a wuss too ;) I would love for you to come over, but I’m not home. I’m with Brenton. We’re going to work on our group project for our Child Psych class. Tomorrow?
Keegan: See you tomorrow.
I stare at his short text, knowing it’s because I mentioned Brenton. I don’t really understand what his deal is, but hopefully we can talk it all out tomorrow.
Me: Okay, miss you xo
I wait for him to text back, but it never comes.
Brenton stops by his brother’s shop, and then says he needs to swing by a customer’s house real quick since it’s on the way. I check a couple emails from my professors and respond to a few online messages on one of the forum boards for a class where the professor requires us to post our written responses online and respond to a minimum of three other students.
Thirty minutes later, we arrive at Brianne and Willa’s house. We spend the next few hours planning and outlining our presentation, assigning parts to each member of the group. By the time we leave, we all know what we need to do and have agreed to meet again next week to check in and hopefully tie up any loose ends before we put it all together.
On our way home, Brenton stops by one other customer’s house, and then we head home. It’s late when I get home, and the house is dark and quiet. I check on Zane, who is sleeping soundly and cuddling with Bear. Since my bedroom is the master with the bathroom—Sierra insisted on it because I had Zane bunking with me for the first several months after he was born and I was breastfeeding—I go straight inside to grab a change of clothes so I can shower. It’s dark in my room, so I flip the switch on. And then I let out a loud screech when I spot a sleeping man in my bed.
Keegan—who I now realize is the sleeping man—jumps out of bed. “What’s going on?” He flies across the room as if he’s going to protect me. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” I inhale and exhale. “I thought you were an intruder.”
He takes a deep breath. “Jesus, woman. You scared the shit out of me.”
“Me? You scared the crap out of me! A little heads-up would’ve been nice.”
Keegan looks at me sheepishly. “I was afraid if I told you, you’d tell me to go home.”
“You’re the one who was being short with me after I mentioned I was with Brenton.” I give him a knowing look.
“I know,” he says, taking my hands in his and bringing them up to his lips to kiss the tops of my knuckles. “That’s actually why I came over. I didn’t want to wait until tomorrow. I hate what’s happening between us.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way. I’m dating you. I’m only friends with Brenton.”
“I know,” he repeats.
“Do you trust me?”
He closes his eyes briefly then opens them back up. “I do trust you,” he says with complete seriousness in his tone. “It’s him I don’t trust.” He swallows roughly.
Keegan nods once and drops my hands, gripping my hips. “Can I stay the night? I really fucking miss you.”
Tilting my head to the side and up, I place a finger to my chin and tap dramatically, pretending like I have to think about it for a long moment. Keegan looks nervous for a good second, until my smile cracks, and he realizes I’m only joking.
“You think you’re funny,” he deadpans. “I’ll show you funny.” He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.
“Wait!” I whisper-yell, not wanting to wake up Zane. I’m surprised he slept through my screaming earlier. “I need to take a shower.”
“Sounds good to me.” He turns around and heads in the direction of the bathroom instead of the bed. “I can’t wait to get you all wet.” He smacks my ass playfully, and I yelp.
After we’re both undressed, we step into my shower. It’s not big at all, and there’s no way we could have sex in here or do anything like I’ve read in romance books, but I love being naked and close to Keegan. He washes my body, making it a point to pay extra special attention to my private areas, and in return I wash his. After I shampoo and condition my hair, we get out. I hand him a towel and we both dry off.
“Can you see if I left any clean clothes here?” he asks, wrapping the towel around his waist. “I think I left a couple things.”
“You did. For sure some boxers, and I think a shirt too.”
Since I never grabbed my clothes, I wrap myself up in my towel and knot it at the front so it stays in place. I walk over to my dresser to search for his clothes, while Keegan goes to my door and closes it.