by Ash, Nikki
“Yes, sorry, please come in.” I open the door wider and she steps inside.
“Grammy!” Zane squeals, running over to her. He wraps his arms around her legs and she picks him up.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“You wanna watch SpongeBob with me?”
“Aww, I would love to, but I need to talk to your mom.”
“O-kay,” he says. She sets him on the floor and he runs back to the couch.
“We can talk at the table.” I can’t leave the area because of Zane, but as long as we keep our voices down, he shouldn’t hear. “Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?”
“No, I’m okay.”
We sit at the table, and I wait for her to speak. She’s the one who came over after all.
“I need to apologize to you,” she says. “I’m sorry for hurting you. Keegan told me everything that transpired, and one of the things he mentioned was how hurt you were by our entire family.” Her hand comes out and lands over the top of mine. “I love you, Blakely, and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. I hope you can one day forgive me for my part in all of this. You and Zane and Sierra are part of our family, no matter what.”
Her apology is so simple yet sincere. I try to think back to my childhood. Every time my parents would miss a recital or show. When they would be out of town and miss a birthday because my father would drag my mother away on a business trip. Not a single time did they even bother to apologize. Dad would make excuses, and Mom would always come home with gifts to make up for it, but neither of them ever looked us in the eyes and apologized. And I realize now it’s because they were cowards. It takes a strong person to be able to face someone they hurt and apologize.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me,” I tell her honestly.
She smiles and nods. I expect her to then defend Keegan and her family’s decision to lie and deceive me, so I’m a bit surprised when instead, she says, “I know it’s going to take some time to get through you feeling betrayed, so I won’t push, but I want you to know you’re welcome at my home anytime.”
She must notice the confused look on my face because she says, “Did I say something wrong? If you aren’t comfortable coming over, I will understand. I just—”
“No, it’s not that.” I shake my head. “I guess I expected you to follow up your apology by defending everyone’s choice to lie to me and keep the truth from me.”
Dad lied and deceived everyone until his dying breath with zero apologies, and my mom, until the day Dad took her life with his own, allowed him to do so.
The corners of her lips turn down. “I can’t speak for my family, but I can speak for myself, so that’s what I’ll do. Keegan and his father are police officers. It’s their job to serve and protect. When you came into our lives, he was in the middle of a job that was very important to him. He never imagined his personal and professional life would collide like it did. But they did. When he came to me, all I was told was that nobody could know he and his father were police officers. I’ve been married to my husband for over thirty years, and the entire time he’s been in law enforcement. I’ve learned over the years not to ask questions. It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell me; he’s not allowed.
“I’ve become so desensitized over the years, it didn’t cross my mind just how hurt and betrayed you would feel. I can’t apologize for lying because telling you could’ve cost them the case, and that case wasn’t just important to Keegan, it was important to our entire family. And while you may not understand it now, you are actually how Keegan was able to break the case. So, in a roundabout way, I have you to thank.”
“I’m not really understanding. Why was this case so important?”
Her smile is sad. “I think Keegan should be the one to explain it to you, and once you’re ready, he will. Just know that nobody’s actions were malicious or vindictive.”
I nod in understanding. “Thank you for coming by. I don’t understand it all, but it means a lot that you would come over and apologize and explain what you can. I was really hurt. I still am. But I would never keep Zane from any of you.”
“And I appreciate that,” she says, “but my coming over isn’t about that. You are our family, Blakely, and you’re hurting. My apology was only for you.”
We stand, and Larissa envelops her arms around me in a motherly hug. “I love you, sweetie, and I hope to see you soon.”
Shortly after she leaves, there’s another knock on the door. I half expect it to be Keegan, so I’m surprised when I open the door to a delivery guy holding a large bouquet of flowers.
“Blakely Jacobs?”
“Yes, thank you.” I sign for them and bring them inside. I open the card and read it:
Blakely, I would prefer delivering these in person, but I’m giving you your space. Please know that I’m sorry and I love you. Even if you can’t ever forgive me, I would appreciate it if you let me explain.
Xo Keegan
I know I’m being a coward, but I’m not ready to talk to him yet. So instead I text him: Thank you for the flowers, but I’m not ready to talk yet.
A minute later a text comes through from him: You’re welcome. I’m here when you’re ready.
The next morning, I drop Zane off at daycare and, as I’m walking to my first class of the day, I spot Brenton standing against the sidewall of the building, his foot propped up. I glance around nervously. Why is he here? He must’ve gotten out on bail. Is he going to hurt me?
Walking quickly, I keep my head down, hoping he won’t notice me, but of course he does. “Blakely, wait,” he yells. It’s loud enough that there’s no way I wouldn’t hear him, so I stop, figuring it’s best to get this over with. My eyes dart around the courtyard, secretly hoping for Keegan to pop out, but he doesn’t.
“What?” I ask, making sure he knows just how angry I am.
“I know what I did was fucked up, and I’m sorry.” He stops in front of me.
“Fucked up? Yeah, Brenton, it was definitely fucked up! You sold drugs while you were around me and my son.”
“You were never in danger,” he says, as if that will make it all better. “I’m cooperating with the police, and I probably won’t even be serving any jail time. I shouldn’t have brought you to Miguel’s place, but I didn’t know the cops were looking for him.”
“Brenton, do you hear yourself?” I exclaim, my hands fisting at my sides. “You can’t seriously be defending and justifying what you did. This entire situation is beyond messed up and as far as I’m concerned you’re no longer my friend or a part of my life. You lied to me, you—”
“Keegan lied too!” he argues, and it takes everything in me not to smack the stupid out of him.
“And I’m not speaking to Keegan either. But he lied about being a cop. You lied about selling drugs.”
“So, what, you’re just going to forgive him for lying, but you’re forcing me out of your life? I messed up. I know that, but I’m still the same guy I’ve always been. I know you’re mad right now, but you’re going to forgive me…”
“No, I’m not going to forgive you,” I tell him point blank. “You most definitely are not the man I thought you were, and I never want to see or speak to you again.”
I turn to walk away and see Kolton stalking over. His face full of fury. “You need to get the hell away from her right fucking now,” he yells at Brenton.
“I was just talking to her,” Brenton says.
“And now you’re not.” Kolton steps between us. “Walk away.”
“The only place I’m walking to is class,” Brenton points out.
“Actually, you’re not. You obviously haven’t checked your email. You’ve been withdrawn from your classes and disenrolled from this university.”
“You can’t fucking do that!” Brenton roars, and I jump back in fear.
Kolton, on the other hand, doesn’t seem the least bit afraid. “It’s already been done. If you want to argue about it, speak to the dean.”
&
nbsp; Kolton takes my hand. “Let’s go,” he murmurs. I follow behind him, and once we turn the corner, I spot Keegan and a couple of the officers standing there.
“You were here the whole time?” I ask dumbly.
“Of course,” Keegan says. “But I know you want your space.” He shrugs. “I told you you’d be safe no matter what and that someone would be on you.”
“Thank you.”
I leave everyone standing outside and enter the classroom, unsure how I feel about everything. Being hurt is such a complicated feeling, especially when I’m hurt over him doing his job. Over him doing something good like catching a drug dealer. I know his lies aren’t the same as my dad’s. But they still cut deep.
During the lecture, I find my mind wandering to my conversation with Keegan’s mom yesterday. She said it was Keegan’s story to tell. While I’m hurt by everything that went down, I think I should at least hear Keegan out.
When Zane and I get home, I find Sierra sitting on the couch in her sweatpants and hoodie, reading a book on her iPad. “Off work today?”
“Yeah, I spoke to Kolton. He said Brenton approached you. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” Before I continue, though, I tell Zane to go potty and get ready for his nap.
“Okay, Mommy!” He runs down the hallway.
“I can’t believe he actually thought he’d apologize and I’d forgive him.”
“I can’t believe he was doing that shit right under our noses.” Sierra huffs. “I feel as stupid as you do. You know he used to sell when we were in high school?”
“What? No, I didn’t know that.”
“Yep, but I just thought it was him being a stupid teenager. I never thought he would continue.”
“He thinks I’m going to come around, but it’s not happening.”
“Kolton mentioned you and Zane moving in with Keegan. He said it would be safer.”
“What else did he say?”
“That’s it. He wanted to explain the entire story, but he said he can’t until Keegan speaks to you. They feel you deserve to know the truth first.”
“I was thinking about talking to him. To at least hear him out.”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think that would be a good idea.”
“And if we moved into Keegan’s place, would you move with us?”
Sierra traps her bottom lip between her teeth.
“S?”
“I was…” She shoots me a guilt-filled half-smile. “I was actually thinking I could move in with Kolton.”
“He asked you to move in with him?”
“He did. He said the only reason he couldn’t ask sooner was because of everything going on, but now that it’s done, he wants me to move in. But I told him I had to speak to you first.”
“I would never keep you from moving in with him,” I tell her, suddenly feeling a rush of sadness.
“Are you upset?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I guess I’m just a little sad. It seems like everything is changing. I just learned Keegan is a cop and now you’re talking about moving in with your boyfriend. Brenton was my best friend for years and now he’s being cut out of my life. It’s just a lot to take in, you know?”
“I know.”
“Mommy! I’m ready for bed,” Zane yells, and Sierra and I laugh.
“I wonder if all kids love to nap the way Zane does.”
“I doubt it,” Sierra says. “Watch, you’ll have another kid one day, and he or she will despise naptime and you’ll never have a moment to yourself.”
“Wow, you’re not only knocking me up, but you’re cursing me. Thanks.” I stand to go tuck Zane into bed, and there’s a knock on the door.
“I’ll grab it while you tuck him in,” Sierra offers.
After giving Zane and Bear a kiss, I turn his light off and head back out to the living room. “Who was it?”
“Brenton.”
“What? He came here?” My eyes dart around the room as if he’s still here.
“Yeah, but he only made it to knock on the door, when a police officer stopped him and made him leave.”
Damn Brenton. Something tells me he’s not going to stop any time soon. “I think maybe I should take Keegan up on his offer to move in there with Zane.” At least living at Keegan’s will mean a gated community, plus, Brenton doesn’t know where he lives. He could always follow me back, but I think we’d be a lot safer there.
“I think so too,” Sierra agrees.
“I’m going to speak to Keegan today. Let him explain. I don’t know where we’ll stand afterward, but at least that way you and Kolton can move forward.”
I head into my room and lie down on my bed. I pull up my text messages and send one to Keegan asking when we can meet to talk. He responds almost instantly that he’ll be off in a couple hours and he can come by.
“Hey, S!” I whisper-yell, “Would you mind watching Zane tonight? I don’t want to talk with him around.”
“Of course.”
Me: Can we meet somewhere else? Sierra can watch Zane. I don’t want him to hear anything.
Keegan: I’ll pick you up at 6. Is that okay?
Me: Yes.
Keegan
I’ve spent the last few weeks getting everything ready for the day when I would be able to tell Blakely the entire truth and be able to ask her to move in with me. When she asked if we could talk somewhere else, I knew this would be the perfect place. A fresh start for us. It’s exactly what we need. I purchased this home when I moved here, but I’ve yet to actually live here. If all goes well, the three of us will be living here together.
When I picked up Blakely, she was quiet, but no longer angry. When my mom said she spoke to her, she could see how hurt she was. And I don’t blame her. She doesn’t know the entire story. All she knows is that everyone around her kept important details from her. I’m hoping once she knows everything, she’ll be more understanding.
We pull up to a guard gate and the gate opens automatically. “There’s a sticker on my window,” I tell her. “Without one, you can’t get in.”
She nods in understanding. I drive a few more blocks then make a right onto my street and then a left into my driveway. The house isn’t huge, but it’s a decent size single family home. Three bedrooms, family room, living room, and two and a half baths. It also has a pool in the backyard. When I purchased it, I didn’t know about Blakely and Zane. My only thought was that the market was low and I might as well buy a home instead of renting. Now, I’m really glad I did.
When we enter the home, the aroma of Italian food wafts in the air, and Blakely finally speaks. “Did you cook?”
“I did. I’m not the best cook, but Mom showed me years ago how to make her famous lasagna.”
“Your home is beautiful,” she says softly, looking around at the minimally furnished living room.
“I’ve yet to live in it,” I admit.
“What? Why?”
“Why don’t we eat and then talk, and then afterward I can show you around?”
“Okay.”
I get us each a plate of lasagna, a bowl of salad, and a roll, and set them on the table. “Wine?” I ask.
“I’ll have water, please. I need to be clear-headed.”
While we eat, we keep our conversation in shallow waters, focusing on easy topics like Zane and school. She doesn’t mention anything about me not really being a student and therefore no longer pretending to attend classes. After we’re done, we work together to clean up and then sit on the couch.
“Before you begin, I think you should know a little background about me,” she says. “Growing up, Sierra and I were more often than not left to our own devices. I know my mother loved us, but she came from foster care and felt she owed my father everything. He was very wealthy and traveled a lot, and he would take our mom with him, leaving us with a nanny.”
As I listen to her describe her family life, I can’t help but compare it to my own. They’re li
ke night and day.
“No matter where our mom was, she would read us stories before bed.” She smiles, probably recalling a memory.
“That’s why you read to Zane.”
“Yeah, it was one of the few things my mom passed down.” She frowns, and I find myself reaching for her, but I stop myself.
“I don’t know how much my mom knew about my dad’s work, but the last day they were alive, she implied he had been lying to her for years. He did a bunch of shady business and it led to his destruction, and like always, he couldn’t let my mom go on her own. He ran our vehicle off the road, killing them both.”
“Jail—Blakely…” This time I do take her hand in mine. “Where were you when this happened?”
“Sierra and I were in the car,” she admits. “He was trying to kill us all.” A single tear slides down her cheek. “The thing is, the lies he was telling eventually caught up with him, and he turned to drinking. The drinking made him reckless. He was drunk that day.”
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, unsure of what else to say. Your parents are supposed to protect you, not be the ones to harm you. I can’t even imagine what she and her sister went through.
“When I found out you lied, everything from my past came back,” Blakely says. “I can handle anything, but I can’t handle being lied to.”
When I open my mouth to speak, she raises her palm to stop me. “I get your lies were necessary, but moving forward, if there’s something you can’t tell me, I need to know that. No more lying, Keegan. I can’t be made a fool of again. I believe my mother let my father lie to her because she loved him and depended on him and would rather be happy and ignorant with the lies than be hurt with the truth. I can’t become my mother.”
Blakely shoots me the most heartbreaking, pleading look. “Promise me… no more lies.”
“I promise you. No more lies. I never set out to make you feel like a fool. I swear.”
“Thank you.” She squeezes my hand. “Now, it’s your turn. I’m ready to listen.”