by SM Koz
“Do you actually want to be here?” I blurted out. I had hoped to broach the subject a little more tactfully, but the previous two days had stripped me of all tact.
“I have no choice. I might as well make the best of it.”
“Wouldn’t you rather be home with your family?”
“Of course. But that’s not an option.”
“Why not?”
“Long story. Let’s get this water back.”
I sighed. It looked like my plan to get kicked out would have to be seduction since I doubted he’d agree to it otherwise.
After we delivered our load to Chris, I sat on a rock near the fire and inspected my foot.
“Nice work,” she said to me.
I ignored her and started to pull off my wet, muddy sock. I held my breath when I got to the part where it was stuck to the blister, but it didn’t tug at the skin at all. In fact, the sock slipped right off. Apparently all that time in the river actually helped matters. I cleaned it with a little fresh water and then contemplated what to do about footwear.
“Let me see your blisters.”
I looked up and saw Chris walking towards me with the first-aid kit.
I wanted to tell her to leave me alone, but my foot ached and I was too tired to complain. I put my leg up on a rock and watched Neeky stumble out of his tent. Chris noticed him too, but merely shook her head. After a few minutes of applying ointments, gauzes, and bandages, my foot actually felt a little better.
“We’ll change the bandage in the morning,” she said. “Until then, keep a clean sock on top.”
I walked to my tent to get a new sock, but a commotion behind me caused me to pause.
Chris was calmly talking to Neeky, but he was yelling back at her with slurred speech.
“Where did you get the alcohol?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, collapsing against a tree.
“The alcohol you just drank.” She turned on her heel and marched to his tent, where she barged in without asking permission.
“Search all you want. You won’t find anything,” he slurred before dropping to the ground.
That’s when I realized why Neeky was there. Had I known his problem earlier, I would have picked a better nickname, maybe Lush, but it was too late, especially since I had already shared the names with JC.
A few minutes later, Chris exited Neeky’s tent with an armful of bottles. They looked like shampoo, conditioner, lotion, and mouthwash, which made me think he was much sneakier than me. It never even occurred to me to try and conceal a few blades.
The bottles went into the locked metal container and then Chris worked with Mia to start dinner. Once Mia had things under control, Chris stepped just beyond the group and whispered something to Jason. I couldn’t make out all her words, but it sounded like they were going to get permission to do a more thorough search. I felt like I should warn him, but then changed my mind when I remembered how he had called me weak earlier in the day.
The rest of the evening was uneventful. Dinner was okay, but Mia definitely needed more lessons from Chris. As a surprise, Chris brought out marshmallows for dessert, which was probably a mistake. Mia must have eaten half the bag and then she disappeared. We didn’t notice until she, red-faced and crying, was led from the woods to her tent by Chris. I imagined some wild animals were going to enjoy half-digested marshmallows that night.
We were pathetic. All of us. I was a little sad I wouldn’t be around to see what Bling eventually did when he finally melted down. That ought to be epic. I also couldn’t imagine why Chris would want to be part of this month after month. Why she would willingly submit herself to such torture was beyond me.
I stretched out my legs and thought about my plan again. Part of me felt a little guilty. JC didn’t want to leave. By doing this, I’d force him to leave, too. Despite his rude comments, he’d done nothing but help me since the trip started. Could I really do that to him? I continued going through the pros and cons in my head when I saw him walk to his tent. That was my chance. Chris was in Mia’s tent with her, which was right next to JC’s. I could go in there, seduce him, make sure we were nice and loud, and then Chris would come over to break things up.
I had to make a decision right then. Could I do it?
Chapter 5: August 24
I stop my recollection because I want to see what JC had to say about the events of that night first. He told me something right before I left his tent, but neither of us ever mentioned it again. The timing never seemed right and it would have been awkward. Plus, to this day, I don’t know if he meant it or if he was simply trying to help me. Well, I know he was trying to help me because that seemed to be his MO, but I don’t know if he also truly meant it. I doubt he could have. We had only known each other two days at that point.
I open up his journal and continue reading his words.
Day 3: Just when I thought Mal might be coming around on the concept of wilderness therapy, she goes and surprises me yet again. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s no limit to the level she’ll stoop to in an attempt to get her way. Not that I’m complaining about what happened last night. When I said Mal was hot earlier, that was an understatement, especially when she’s not fully clothed. Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that she was just using me to return to her “perfect” life that can’t be all that perfect if she chooses to cut. She obviously has friends and money, probably a boyfriend, so I wonder what her issues are. I doubt she’ll ever tell me because as soon as I bring up the topic, she completely shuts down. I suppose that’s Chris’s job anyway, not mine.
Speaking of Chris, when she reviewed my journal yesterday, she said I need to write more about myself and what I’m going through. Well, here goes… I’m angry. Angrier than I’ve ever been in my life. I can’t believe the events of that one day have changed everything. Jalen’s gone. There’s nothing I can do to fix that. I tried and it provided a fleeting sense of revenge that didn’t last. I want more. My mama and lawyer know that, which is one reason I won’t be returning home. Not only did Jalen’s life end that day, mine, for all practical purposes, did as well. Everything I know will be gone. I’ll have to start over in a new place. That makes me angry as hell.
“He sure hid his anger well,” I mumble, closing the journal and turning around to face Marta who is still seated at the kitchen island.
“What’s that, señorita?”
“How is it that everyone within a half-mile radius knew I was angry, but I had no clue JC was after two full days with him?”
“Some people keep their emotions inside for a while, but it never lasts. It will come out when least expected,” she says like an old sage. Or my shrink. “It’s lunchtime. Would you like a sandwich?”
Nodding, I stand up and stretch my arms over my head. I wander to the island and watch while Marta prepares lunch for both of us. The whole time, my fingers draw circles on the granite counter.
“Why was he angry?” she asks, piling lettuce on top of turkey slices.
“Jalen died.”
“Who’s Jalen?”
“His little brother,” I reply absently. Marta shakes her head and mutters something in Spanish that sounds like, “Qué triste.”
What I don’t understand is the part about him having to move. I continue my finger circling and try to remember if there were any clues I missed at the time. I start with the night I seduced him as that was the first time we opened up to each other.
Chapter 6: July 19 (Day Two Continued)
I stood up and marched to his tent. “JC, can I come in?” I asked loud enough for Chris to hear.
“Sure.”
I unzipped the door and he stared at me with raised eyebrows.
“What can I do for you, Mal?”
I gulped. I couldn’t believe I was doing this, but I needed to get out of the woods. I couldn’t spend another twenty-eight days in the middle of nowhere with Chris ordering us around and everyone hating me.
I k
nelt down and crawled into the tent before reaching up to unbutton my shirt. My hands were shaking. Why were they shaking? I had to stop that if he was going to take me seriously. The quizzical look on his face turned to amusement. That wasn’t good. I needed to do a better job. I walked closer to him.
“I thought we could have some fun tonight,” I said in low, sexy voice.
“Uh huh. What exactly did you have in mind?”
“I think you know what I have in mind,” I said, freeing the last button on my shirt. His eyes momentarily dropped to my chest, but quickly locked back onto mine.
I scooted closer to him and reached towards his face, but he grabbed both my wrists in one hand and lowered them to the ground. Amusement turned to concern.
“What are you doing? This isn’t you.”
Damn, damn, damn, I thought. This was supposed to be easy.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the connection today.” Come on, weren’t guys always thinking about sex?
“You mean when you were falling all over yourself in the woods? Or maybe when you had blood gushing down your face? Or perhaps when we were avoiding the topic of you cutting.”
That was it. I had had it with him. He was ruining my plan and bringing up personal stuff he knew was off limits. I needed to just get it over with. I leaned over and firmly planted my lips on his.
He pulled back. “Mal, no.”
“What’s your problem? Let’s do it already,” I said loud enough for Chris to hear.
“No. I can’t leave yet and I don’t want to be responsible for you going home. If you’re that desperate to get kicked out, you’ll have to find another way.”
I pushed away from him in disgust. “How did you know?”
“You think you’re the only one who’s heard the rumors?”
“You don’t understand. I need to get out of here. I need to get back home. I’m miserable. I can’t stand Chris. She’s controlling and demanding and wants to ruin our lives.”
“You’re right. How dare she tell you to eat lunch. She’s such a bitch.” A slight grin formed on his face.
“Oh, don’t even act all high and mighty. You’re such a hypocrite—you went against her orders today!”
“Yeah, because I wanted to help you. But I don’t hold her responsible and I’m not going to whine tomorrow when she gives me grunt work.”
I started crying. I couldn’t help it. The stress of the last two days was too much.
Loud sobs escaped and caused my entire body to shudder. “You don’t understand. I hate it here! I’m dirty. I smell. I haven’t had coffee in over thirty-six hours. I can’t even text anyone to tell them how miserable I am! And no one likes me here. No one talks to me. I just want to go home and have a normal summer,” I choked out between cries.
He reached his muscular arms around me and pulled my body to his chest. His warmth spread through me and I could feel his heart beat against my temple.
“I talk to you,” he said quietly, laying his chin on top of my head.
“Out of pity.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“Really. You don’t think I’m some overly dramatic, bratty, incapable, weak, little girl who keeps hurting herself out here?” I said with increasing anger. I pushed away so I could see his face.
“Not anymore. You impressed me today. You carried like 350 pounds up that hill. I don’t know many girls who could do that,” he said in a loud whisper. “Now your attitude could use a bit of an adjustment. Is it really that hard to thank someone when they do something nice for you? And is it really that bad to listen to Chris? She’s the one person in our group who actually knows how to survive out …”
He was interrupted by Chris leaning in the tent door saying, “Is everything all right in here?”
JC raised an eyebrow and looked at me. “Is everything all right, Mal?”
He was giving me the opportunity to be sent home. All I had to do was turn around so Chris could see my unbuttoned shirt. Surely that would be enough to kick us out. I hesitated for a moment. That’s what I wanted, right? I could be on a plane home tomorrow. I looked at JC’s expectant face. That gnawing guilty feeling returned in full force because he was right—he had helped me multiple times and I had treated him awfully. Had I really not thanked him? Not even once?
Without turning around, I said, “No, everything’s fine. We’re just talking.”
“It’s ten-thirty, lights out,” she said.
“I’m leaving right now.”
After Chris left, he smiled and said, “I knew you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly as I buttoned my shirt.
He rose next to me and gently brushed my arm as I turned to leave. Leaning in, barely touching his mouth to my ear, he whispered, “Somebody here likes you. Probably more than he should.”
Chapter 7: July 20 (Day Three)
That night, I replayed JC’s parting words in my mind, but didn’t know what to make of them. Yet again, I was a mess so I’m sure he was trying to make me feel better. It’s not like he really meant what he said. He couldn’t have. Even I didn’t like myself then.
In the morning, I woke to Chris pounding on her pot and the most delicious aroma filling the air. I quickly rinsed my face with water, applied a light coat of foundation, some mascara, and lip gloss, and then headed outside for coffee. When I exited my tent, I found the place empty other than Chris.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“In their tents. Here,” she said handing me an envelope and a cup of coffee. “This is a note your parents wanted you to have a few days into the trip. Please take it to your tent, read it, and think about what it says. Breakfast will be ready in ten minutes.”
I retreated to my tent and took a long sip of the hot coffee before dealing with the letter. I sighed as the warm liquid heated up my belly and offered some sense of normalcy and comfort in this otherwise foreign place. Did Chris hear my rant to JC last night? Is that why we suddenly had coffee? Or was that just a coincidence?
I took another gulp. Damn, it was good. Like rivalling Starbucks good. How did she do that in the middle of the woods?
After a few moments, the caffeine kicked in and I thought I was ready to read the note from my parents, but as soon as I unfolded the letter, my blood pressure rose. It was from Sheila, my stepmom, not my dad.
Kelsie,
By this point into the trip, I imagine you’ve wreaked some havoc and probably have the counselor at her wit’s end. Remember that your father and I expect you to successfully complete this program so that you can return home and act like a normal person again. If you do not complete the program, you will be sent to a military school for your senior year. Your father has already agreed. Hopefully, that’s the motivation you need.
Don’t disappoint us--
Sheila
I wadded the paper into a ball and threw it across the tent. “Bitch,” I mumbled. She couldn’t even sign it “Love, Sheila.” I was so sick of her. She didn’t understand. She had never understood me.
I peered outside the tent and saw that JC was already sitting at the fire pit. I grabbed the crumpled up piece of paper and joined him. Before lowering myself on the log, I tossed the paper onto the coals and truly smiled for the first time in three days as it went up in flames. Destroying something Sheila created was like destroying her. It was therapeutic. If only I could get her out of my life for real just as easily.
“Is that an actual smile?” JC asked, smirking in my direction.
I sat down next to him, stretching my legs out in front of me. “Yes, I’m imagining throwing my evil stepmom into the fire.”
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“Did you miss the word ‘evil’?”
“You also call Chris evil and I don’t really agree.”
“You’d agree if you knew Sheila.”
“What’s the worst thing she’s done?”
I rolled my eyes. “Sending me here ranks hi
gh on the list.”
“This program is probably good for you.”
“I don’t need to be here.”
“That’s debatable,” he said, running his fingers along the inside of my wrist, lifting the edge of the silver band to reveal one thin, white scar.
Embarrassed by him seeing what I had done to myself, I jerked my hand away so the bracelet fell back in place. “She uses my dad for his money and has never had any interest in being a mother to me.”
“That sucks.”
“You’re not going to tell me I’m wrong?”
“I only tell you you’re wrong when I see evidence to the contrary.”
At that point, Chris joined us at the fire and lifted a Dutch oven from the coals. When she opened the lid, the sweet aroma of cinnamon rolls wafted toward us. That drew Mia and Bling out of their tents, but Neeky was nowhere to be found.
While we ate, we signed up for chores and Chris informed me that I still had to collect three containers of water since the ones JC carried for me the day before didn’t count. As expected, JC was also assigned grunt work, but it wasn’t gathering water. I was about to tell Chris exactly how I felt about her plans, but better judgment won out. I couldn’t go to military school. That would be like this times ten for an entire year. There was no way I’d survive that. Which meant that I had to start doing whatever Chris said whenever she said it so I wouldn’t be kicked out. That didn’t stop the internal curses I had for her, though.
Luckily, the trips for water that day weren’t nearly as bad as the day before. Between the bandage on my foot, the blisters getting better, and knowing I only had to make three trips instead of twelve, I was able to keep a positive attitude the entire time.
When I finished, I found JC sitting on the ground surrounded by feathers, hooks, thread, beads, and some weird metal contraption clamped to a log.