by SM Koz
“Sí, Señora Sullivan.”
“I’ve got to go. Make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.”
“Of course.”
I peek my head around the shower curtain and find Marta standing awkwardly in the bathroom. “Buenos días, cariño.”
“You said cariño yesterday, too. What’s it mean?”
“It’s a term of affection. Like dear.”
I slip my head back in the shower and smile. Sheila’s never called me any term of affection and I don’t have grandparents or aunts who might. I realize Marta is just my nanny, but it still feels nice.
“I’m not going to cut myself,” I say as I rinse the shampoo from my hair.
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
She must leave because I hear the bathroom door close. Even if I wanted to cut, I don’t have anything sharp in my bathroom anymore. In fact, I don’t have much of anything at all. Sheila emptied all my drawers and cabinets other than one bottle of shampoo, one of conditioner, a bar of soap, toothpaste, a toothbrush, deodorant, and a towel. I have fewer toiletries now than I had in the woods.
Once I’m showered and dressed, I walk to the great room. Marta is at the stove making omelets.
“Hungry?”
“Sure.”
I take a seat at the island and watch her add chopped ham and cheese to the frying pan.
“Did you read any more of JC’s journal last night?”
“No. I figured I’d wait until you got back. Didn’t want you to miss anything.” That and I didn’t want to test the limit of my drugs with just Sheila at home. She wouldn’t respond to a meltdown as graciously as Marta.
She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. “Thank you. I want to see what else he said about you. It’s like a romance novel, but in real life.”
“Hmm…” I murmur, not quite sure about the romance part of it. Not that it matters, the ending sucks regardless. “It would be better if it had a happy ending.”
“Endings can change.”
“Not this one.”
“Your pills are on the counter.”
I frown, but pad to the refrigerator and, after pouring myself a glass of orange juice, swallow the handful of pills that will keep me suitably numb. After yesterday, I know I need them, but it doesn’t mean I like it.
Once we finish breakfast, I pull out the journal and rest it on the counter between us, opening to where we left off.
Day 10: I almost kissed her tonight. I couldn’t help it. After the stress of what happened, we were lying next to each other in her tent and she looked so sweet and peaceful. I almost convinced myself this could actually work. With the way she flirts and touches me, she must feel it, too.
I know I have to tell her what I did, but I’m nervous. What if that changes her opinion of me? Will she accept me knowing what kind of person I really am? I should have told her the first day when it wouldn’t have mattered as much. The stakes are too high now. What will I do if she turns her back on me?
“Well …” I say, pushing myself away from the counter, wondering again what he did and feeling surprised by his words. I never thought I was flirting with him, but I guess that’s how he saw it.
“Not what you expected?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t realize he thought I was flirting with him. I considered him a good friend so I was just …” I’m about to say “act like I do with all my friends,” but that’s not entirely true. I never had such a close guy friend before. I suppose some of my comments could have been seen as flirtatious. Jenna and I talked about stuff like that all the time, but with a guy, it could be taken a different way. “Anyway,” I say, “I can’t believe that’s what he wrote about that day. Something much more memorable happened. It scared the shit out of him.”
“What was it?”
I take a drink of my orange juice and then start telling her what I remember.
Chapter 15: July 28 (Day 10)
“You’re following me, aren’t you?” I asked without turning around. JC and I were both sent out on an orienteering mission at the same time. I exited our campsite towards the north while he went south, in the completely wrong direction, but after less than ten minutes, I heard his heavy footfalls behind me. I tried to ignore him, assuming he’d take another trail any moment, but he ended up staying with me for a long while, stopping every couple of minutes as I re-adjusted my route and then plodding on behind me when I started hiking again.
“You’re the best one at this,” he said. “There’s no sense for me to pretend I can do it when I can just follow you.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be learning some life lesson about self-reliance?”
“I think I’ve learned it. When someone is better at something than you, accept their offer to help.”
“I didn’t offer.”
“You didn’t tell me to get lost either.”
“Do you even know how to use your compass?” I asked, turning around for the first time. He had neither the map nor the compass out which meant he wasn’t even trying.
“Of course. I put it on the map and turn it until it lines up correctly.”
“Lines up with what?”
He pulled his compass out of his pocket and studied it. “North?” he finally asked.
Jason fully explained this to us so I wasn’t sure why he was having trouble, although he did seem distracted during the lesson. Perhaps whatever was on his mind was more important than learning a skill that had absolutely no use in the real world with GPS-equipped phones and Google Maps.
“Do you want me to teach you how to do it or would you prefer to follow along blindly?”
“Blindly,” he said, stuffing his compass back in his pocket. “It’s not like I’m ever going to have to do this again.”
I turned around and aligned the north arrow on the compass with north on the map. Then I twisted the orienting arrow towards the target on the map and saw that we had to veer slightly to the left. “This way,” I said, following the arrow.
We were quiet the next five minutes as I led us to the point on the map where Jason had drawn a big red “X.” It was in a clearing with tall grasses along a quiet creek that was barely flowing.
We knew we were in the right spot when we noticed a metal box with a padlock, much like the containers we find at each of our campsites, although a significantly smaller version.
“What’s the combination?” I asked after pushing the button on the radio.
Jason’s voice interrupted the silent wilderness as he rattled off a list of three numbers.
I bent over, turned the dial, and then tugged down, freeing the lock. When I opened the box, I couldn’t hide the smile that the contents brought out.
“Jackpot,” I said, looking behind me, but JC’s eyes weren’t on the box.
“You’re looking at my ass,” I said, turning around and trying to get a better view myself. “It’s looking good, isn’t it? I think all this hiking is making it more muscular.”
His gaze drifted up to my face. “I plead the fifth.”
I rolled my eyes. “You can’t tell me my ass doesn’t look a hundred times better than the first day.”
“Again, I’m not touching that subject with a ten foot pole.”
“Why not?”
“Nothing good will come of it.”
“If you want to be my second best friend, you have to be honest with me. Jenna would’ve told me if my ass was looking better or not.”
“She’s a girl; she’s allowed to. I’m a guy and anything I say will get me in trouble.”
I scoffed at him and reached into the box, pulling out the most tempting object inside. Just as I was about to tear off the wrapper, JC grabbed it from my hands.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Snickers is my favorite candy bar.”
“Mine, too,” I said, reaching for it.
“Have a Baby Ruth,” he said, tossing me one from the box. “It’s almost the same thing.”
“Uh oh. What is it?”
“Give me the candy.”
He reluctantly handed it over and I marched it to a boulder about thirty feet from us. When I returned I said, “We’ll play a game. Whoever wins gets the Snickers.”
“What kind of game?”
“Truth or dare. Answer honestly or do the dare and you get to take a step closer. First one there gets it.”
He shook his head, but said, “Fine. You first.”
“Does my ass look better today than the first day here?”
A deep laugh escaped from his lips, bringing energy to the quiet meadow and causing a nearby bird to take flight. “You seriously want me to answer that? Honestly?”
“Yes!”
“Fine. Your ass is amazing today. It was also amazing our first day here. I, however, cannot tell if it’s more amazing today. If I happened to have a view of it without clothes on both occasions, then maybe I could make that determination. Unfortunately for you, you opted to show me your naked boobs, not your naked ass when we first met.”
My jaw dropped at his honesty. I certainly didn’t expect that answer. When I finally collected myself, I said, “I wasn’t naked. I had a bra on.”
“Yeah and that purple lace left absolutely nothing to the imagination.”
I rolled my eyes again and said, “Okay, take your step.”
He moved forward in what was more of a leap than a step. With the differences in our strides, I was at a serious disadvantage and wished I had better thought through the rules.
“What’s the least attractive thing about me?” he asked.
I tapped my lips with my finger and then circled around him, taking in every angle. After a little longer than necessary, I said, “Your hair.” I reached up and tried to pluck a leaf from the back of it, but it was firmly stuck. “You’re collecting nature in it.” I tried again, but had to use one hand to separate the dark curls before I could remove the debris. “It’s like Velcro.”
Running his fingers from front to back, he said, “Yeah, I don’t normally wear it this long, but I didn’t have a chance to shave it before I came here. Since we aren’t allowed to have razors because one of our fellow campers might carve up her own body like a Thanksgiving turkey, I have no choice but to let it grow. Take your step.”
I leaped like he did, but was about six inches short of him. “What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?”
When he bit his lip, I thought this might be my chance to move ahead. I just needed him to pass on a few questions so I could get a lead. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
Looking between me and the Snickers, he finally sighed and said, “I was around twelve, I think. I don’t really remember, but it was at the peak of puberty. Anyway, I was …” He looked to the ground and I was once again hopeful he might pass, but he continued. “… trying to figure things out and Nana opened the bedroom door with a basket of laundry. She dropped the basket with barely a glance in my direction and told me that I needed to do that in the bathroom.”
“Wait. You were—“
He nodded and then started laughing. “I was mortified, but she didn’t even bat an eye. I guess she was used to that raising seven kids, five of them boys.”
“What did you do after she left?”
“I moved to the bathroom like she told me.”
I clap my hands over my mouth to try and hide the laughter. “Omigod! That has to be one of the best stories I’ve ever heard!”
He took his leap and then asked, “Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows. Not even Jenna.”
I wrinkled my forehead in response. There wasn’t much Jenna didn’t know about me. After a moment, I came up with something, but I was hesitant to tell him. “You can’t laugh,” I said.
He smiled, but nodded.
“Why are you smiling?”
“Because this ought to be good.”
“No laughing!” I pointed at him with a stern look.
He tried to put on a serious face, but the grin was still there.
With a sigh, I said, “When I was younger, I had a recurrent nightmare. I’d wake up in the nightmare and go to my bathroom where I’d see that my face was green.” I stopped and watched his reaction.
The smile grew infinitesimally, but, to his credit, he didn’t laugh, so I continued. “It was awful. I’d wake up for real drenched in sweat, breathing hard, scared to death. I always ran straight to my bathroom, but obviously, my face was fine.”
“Why didn’t you tell Jenna?”
“Because it’s stupid! I know it’s stupid and I know it never should have scared me so much, but it did.”
“Do you still have that dream?”
“Nightmare,” I corrected him. “And no. It stopped when I was thirteen, right around the time I started rebelling against Sheila.”
“Interesting. Take your step.”
That was all he said in response.
I took a giant leap and then asked, “What’s your biggest regret?”
Without hesitation, he said, “Sleeping with Sherice.”
My eyebrows arched as I considered his answer. “Was she that bad? Or did you get her pregnant? … Or catch something?” I asked, scrunching up my nose.
He shook his head as a light breeze whipped past us, bending the grass forward like waves in the ocean.
“No. None of those. She was at my house after school one day when I had to watch Jalen. I really wanted to be alone with her so I told him to visit his friend next door. That was the day he was killed. If I had just played video games with him like usual, he’d still be alive.”
“That sucks,” I murmured, not sure what else to say. I knew too well how something like that would eat away at you and there’s nothing anyone else could say to make you feel better.
He took a smaller step than he’s been taking and asked, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“You’re supposed to ask difficult questions. That’s one you could ask me any day and I’d answer you.”
“I’m beginning to think you might answer any question I ask any day. You don’t seem too secretive now that we’re friends.” He nudged a rock with his shoe and repeated his question, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No. Guys aren’t interested in me as girlfriend material.”
“What are they interested in?”
I gave him a small smile. “I think you know the answer to that.”
“How many guys have you slept with?”
“More than I should have.”
I took two leaps since I answered two questions and asked, “You?”
“Same … well girls, that is.”
He took another step and then asked, “Biggest turn on?”
“A guy who can dance.” After another step, I said the one thing I was sure he’d not agree to so I could catch up with him. “I dare you to jump in the river.”
“No.” His response was immediate. Standing still, he asked, “Biggest turn off?”
“Selfishness.” I took another leap and was finally at his side, but one more step and he’d be at the candy. I needed to come up with something else that I knew he wouldn’t do. “I dare you to take off all your clothes.”
He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted it over his head, revealing a smooth chest and rippling abs. Then he reached for the button on his shorts, quickly undoing it and dropping them to the ground. When his thumbs slid under the waistband of his boxers, I held up my hands in defeat. “Okay, you win!” I said, covering up my eyes. I was completely surprised by his willingness to undress in front of me. “You can have the Snickers,” I said, spreading my fingers a little to peek through, but his boxers were still in place. Way in the back of my mind, there was a tiny part of me that was disappointed, but I certa
inly didn’t need to start thinking about JC’s body. That was only going to get both of us into trouble.
I trudged back to the metal box, pulled out an Almond Joy, and then joined JC on the rock where he was now fully dressed and unwrapping his prize. After a few minutes of silence, he rocked his shoulder into mine and held out half of the uneaten candy. “Here.”
“No, you won it fair and square. It’s yours.”
“Take the damn candy.”
I glanced at his face and saw that he was smiling. I removed half of the Almond Joy and gave it to him in exchange.
“Was it a bright alien green or more of a muted, you’re-going-to-be-sick green?” he asked, referring to my recurrent nightmare.
“Bright, kelly green.”
“Well, I’m sure you were still beau—“
“JC?” Chris’ voice crackled through the radio, interrupting him. “My computer’s showing that you and Mal have been together at the target for a long time. What are you doing?”
He pushed the button and answered her. “We were fighting over the candy, but we’re eating it now. We’ll head back shortly.”
“Make it now. I still need to send out the others.”
Chapter 16: July 28 (Day 10 Continued)
Everyone else finished their orienteering missions by early evening. Neeky had dinner duty that night, which meant it would be at least an hour before we’d eat. While we waited, JC gathered wood and I piled it in a pyramid in our pit, using small kindling underneath to start the fire. Once it was blazing, we backed away from the heat and leaned against a large oak tree.
“I stink,” I said.
“You smell better than me.”
“I need to bathe.”
“You can go back to the creek.”
I jumped up and grabbed his hand. “Come on.”
He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive way, but I just rolled my eyes at him. “You need to be my lookout. I don’t want anyone sneaking up on me while I’m naked.”
His eyes grew a little wider and he bit his lip before saying, “Chris isn’t going to let us wander alone that far away again. I think she’s already worried about what took us so long earlier.”