He was right, of course, but even though she was reassured about his motives, she still had doubts.
‘I don’t want him to know you’re thinking of buying it, Nick,’ she said slowly. ‘Not at first.’
He lifted his hands in a shrug. ‘Why not? I’m still his father, I still intend to be part of his life, and maybe it’s time to move on from the home I shared with Annabel. He can come and stay here with me. And if you move away, he’ll be staying for longer—weekends, weeks…’ He broke off and rammed his hands in his pockets.
‘I don’t know if I am,’ she said slowly. ‘Moving away.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘I thought you’d handed in your notice to the PCT?’
‘Not yet. I didn’t get round to posting it. And now—well, now, maybe I should stay. That depends on you, on your relationship with Jem, on how you get on once he knows you’re his father. We’ll have to see.’
‘But—’
‘Nick, don’t push it,’ she warned, too emotionally fraught to make sensible decisions about their future right then. ‘I need time to think this through, and I don’t want to feel under pressure.’
‘I know. And I want to give you that time. Please don’t feel pressured, Kate. I don’t want to do that. I’m just trying to give you all the options, and this might be one of them, if you think you’d like it to be.’
‘You obviously would,’ she murmured, watching his face, and he turned and gave her a crooked little smile.
‘I would. I love it here. The moment I stepped inside, I felt it wrap itself around me. I know it sounds crazy, Kate, but I felt as if I’d come home, for the first time in my adult life. And I want it—the whole package. All of it.’
The whole package? Did he mean them, too? Or was she reading things into his words that didn’t exist? Whatever he meant, when she searched his eyes she found nothing but a burning sincerity. For all his flaws, Nick Tremayne was nothing if not honest and honourable, and she knew he was only telling her the truth. If he said he’d give her time and not pressure her, he meant it. Whatever his ulterior motives.
And so she nodded. ‘OK. We’ll try. We’ll tell Jem it’s just rented, that it’s only till he’s better, so there are no carrots dangling in front of him, nothing to influence him in any way, and we’ll see how it goes. All right?’
His mouth quirked into a wry smile, and he nodded.
‘Sure. Sounds good. Let’s go and tell the agent he’s got a deal,’ he said, and she followed him, wondering if it would work, hoping that it would and that it wouldn’t all turn out to be the most hideous mistake…
Chapter Six
THEY shook hands on the deal, agreed they could take possession of it as early as the next day and went back to the hospital, Nick still with that air of suppressed excitement about him, Kate assailed by doubts.
Their track record wasn’t great. What if this was just another disaster in the making?
Think positive! she told herself, and walked with him up to the ward.
They found Lucy at her new-found brother’s bedside, Jem propped up a little, a games console in his hand and an intent expression on his face. Lucy looked up at them with a smile. ‘Hi.’
‘Hi. Everything all right?’
‘Fine.’
‘OK, I’ll see you in a few minutes, I’ve got some calls to make,’ Nick said, and headed for the door. ‘I won’t be long.’
Kate perched on the chair by the bed and leant over towards Jem. ‘So what’s this?’
He grinned at her. ‘Lucy’s lent it to me—it’s Ben’s, and it’s really cool. And I made her cry.’
Lucy looked a little sheepish. ‘He was so sweet—he said he’d wanted one for ages, and it just got to me.’
‘Oh, Lucy.’
She shrugged, smiled and carried on watching him as he got to grips with it, and moments later Nick came back in and sat on the chair beside her, perching on the arm with his hip against her side and the subtle scent of his cologne drifting over her, carried on the warmth of his body.
She thought of sharing the barn with him, and a little shiver of anticipation swept over her skin.
‘So what’s that?’ he asked, and she looked up at him and smiled.
‘Lucy brought him in a games console,’ she said softly. ‘He was so thrilled, he made her cry. He’s wanted one for ages and we just haven’t been able to afford it.’
Jem caught sight of Nick then and grinned excitedly. ‘Hey, look what Lucy’s lent me, Uncle Nick,’ he said.
‘I’m looking,’ he said, deeply touched that his son wanted to share his excitement, but—Uncle Nick? ‘That looks cool.’
‘It’s not just cool—it’s awesome,’ he said, stretching the word and making Nick’s lips twitch. ‘Absolutely epic! Lucy’s lent it to me. You can do all sorts of things with it.’
‘That’s kind of you, Lucy,’ Nick said, feeling a little choked and also inadequate because he’d been in such a hurry to get back yesterday he hadn’t brought him in anything, and today he’d been so preoccupied with the barn that a simple thing like a present for his child hadn’t even entered his head.
Lucy tutted. ‘Don’t be silly, Dad—it was lying around at home and we hardly ever use it, but don’t imagine you’re keeping it, half-pint, because it won’t happen.’
She ruffled his hair gently, and he grinned and ducked slightly out of her way as she bent to kiss him, but she followed him and blew a raspberry on his forehead and made him laugh and grimace.
‘You be good, and no giving the nurses trouble, or I’ll set Ben on you, OK?’
‘OK,’ he agreed, and smiled at her a little shyly. ‘Thank you for bringing it in. It’s really nice of you.’
‘My pleasure. You take care. I’ll see you soon.’ She hesitated by Nick, and then, going up on tiptoe, she kissed his cheek. ‘Bye, Dad. I’ll see you later. We need to talk,’ she added, and he gave a brief nod.
‘Yes, we do. Soon. Bye, Lucy. And thank you.’
‘I want to try the face thing later,’ Jem said as she went out. ‘It’s got a really cool thing where you can take pictures of people and it shows how they’re the same, like eyes and stuff. And Lucy says you look like Jack, so we’re going to try it when he comes to see me again.’
Nick swallowed. It wasn’t only he and Jack that looked alike, he realised now that he was able to admit it, and Lucy had obviously thought of that, too. ‘That sounds really interesting, I’ll have to have a look at it some time. You seem much better,’ he added, quickly changing the subject and relieved that he was sounding so much perkier, even though he could see he was beginning to flag now Lucy had gone.
‘It doesn’t hurt so much any more. They gave me some stronger painkillers just before Lucy came. My leg still aches a lot, though.’
‘I’m not surprised. It got thumped pretty hard.’
‘Is the car completely trashed?’ he asked Nick.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t seen it.’
Kate thought of the state it had been in by the time they’d cut the roof and the doors and the front wing off.
‘Completely,’ she said, shuddering inwardly. ‘The boot was full of stuff, and it all got wet when they cut the roof off.’ She laughed and felt herself colour. ‘The boot’s always full of stuff, but I’d sorted out all kinds of things for the charity shop, and I hadn’t got round to dropping them off. And it’ll be getting mouldy, it’s still in the back of your car in a bag, Nick. I ought to deal with it.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he told her, wondering how she could get worked up about something so incredibly trivial in the face of her son’s injuries. Or maybe it was because it was trivial that it was safe to worry about it. Safer than thinking about Jem? ‘We can sort it out tomorrow.’
She smiled at him and agreed, and then looked at her watch.
‘Have you had lunch, Jem?’
‘Yes, there was shepherd’s pie and peas and jelly and ice cream, but I could only have toast and jelly and ice cream, but
I’m having pasta bake tomorrow ’cos I can eat properly then, they said. The jelly and ice cream was nice, though.’
‘Good, I’m glad. And it’s good news you can eat properly tomorrow, but you should be resting now. Why don’t we leave you to sleep, and Uncle Nick and I—’
She broke off, hesitating over the Uncle Nick thing, and looked at him in mute distress, but he just smiled and said, ‘We’ll go and grab some food while you have a bit of a zizz, and we’ll be back. OK, Jem?’
‘OK,’ he said, and he held the game out to Kate, his eyelids drooping. ‘Can you stick that in my locker so it’s safe? I don’t want it to fall on the floor. I promised Lucy I’d look after it.’
‘Sure. Sleep well,’ she murmured, and bent over and brushed her lips over his forehead, her stumble over Nick’s name reminding her all too forcibly of the conversation that was to come.
‘I don’t care if you both still call me Uncle Nick,’ he said quietly as they walked down to the cafe. ‘I don’t care what he calls me. It’s not what matters.’
Kate felt a little stab of pain for him. ‘I know. I’m sorry, it’s just—you’ve been Uncle Nick for years, and—’
‘Kate, it’s all right,’ he said, squeezing her fingers with his free hand. ‘I don’t need to be anything else. I was happy being a surrogate uncle, and if that’s what he wants when we’ve told him, I’ll carry on. All I ask is the chance to be part of his life.’
‘You are part of his life, Nick. You always have been, I’ve made sure of it. And you always will be.’
She heard him sigh softly, and paused on the stairs, her hand on his arm. ‘Nick, it’ll be all right. We’ll get there.’
‘Will we?’ he asked doubtfully. ‘I hope you’re right, Kate, because I’ve suddenly realised how much I want it, and the thought of losing it all now is untenable.’
The day dragged slowly by.
Jem slept for most of it, still not allowed any visitors apart from family, and Jack and Ben came in turn during the afternoon, when they had a moment.
He was sleeping when Jack arrived, and Kate excused herself for a moment and left the men to talk. God knows, they had enough to say to each other, she thought.
‘I’ll be back in a few minutes, I just want to make a few phone calls,’ she said, and slipped out of the door, pulling it ßbehind her.
Jack met his father’s eyes, his own guarded, and Nick sighed quietly. It had taken him a while to rebuild his relationship with Jack once he’d returned to Cornwall, and he was desperately sad that it now seemed in peril again.
‘Jack, I—’
‘I’m not stopping. I’ve just come to tell you we want to see you. Tonight, Lucy’s house, eight o’clock. Be there—and no excuses.’
And without giving him a chance to argue, he walked out, and Nick sat down heavily on the awful pink vinyl armchair beside the bed and stared unseeingly at his son’s face until Kate came back.
‘He didn’t stay long.’
‘Long enough to say what he came for. I’ve been summoned,’ he told Kate softly, standing up again and giving her the chair. ‘Eight o’clock tonight, Lucy’s. Will you be all right if I leave you to go there?’
She smiled sadly. ‘Of course I’ll be all right. I’ve just heard Gemma’s been admitted. I might take a walk up there and see how she’s doing. You go and see them, Nick, and try and build some bridges.’
He nodded, wondering how he could be in two places at once and only really wanting to be here, by this injured child he was beginning to realise he loved more than life itself…
Ben came by on his way home after his shift finished, by which time Jem had woken up in pain again.
‘I’ve got the most amazing bruises,’ he told Ben, but although he was trying to sound as if he was showing off, Kate could tell he was frightened by them, and she wasn’t surprised. When he turned back the blankets and showed his side to Ben, she winced yet again, the sight making her curl up inside.
‘That’s impressive. I’m not surprised you’re hurting. I’ll go and find someone.’
He went out, coming back a few moments later with Megan Phillips. They consulted the chart together, and she chatted to Jem about his pain, and then she turned to Kate.
‘We want to get the pain under control because we don’t like him hurting, but also because we’d like to get him up soon. We might start sitting him up on the side of the bed tomorrow and see how it goes, and if he tolerates that we’ll move to the chair, and so on. It’ll be slow, but you’ll be in control of what you can manage, Jem. We’ll let you guide us. And Mr Bradley wants your physio to start properly from tomorrow, so all your muscles don’t forget how to work, but very gently at first, so nothing to worry about. Anyway, I’ll talk to you in the morning, and I’m on all night if you’re worried about anything, Mrs Althorp. Just get them to call me.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, smiling at the lovely young woman, her dark hair held back in a clip out of the way, the thick curls trying hard to escape. She was kindness itself, but there was something lurking in the back of her eyes today, Kate thought, that hadn’t been there yesterday. Something sad and desperate and a little lost. Her heart went out to her.
‘I’ll go and update your notes right now, Jem, and get someone to come and give you the extra pain relief shortly, OK? And if you’re still really uncomfortable, press the bell and they’ll get me and we’ll have another look at things.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, looking relieved, and after she’d gone out he looked up at Ben again. ‘Thanks for asking her, Ben.’
‘Any time. Right, I’d better go home. Apparently I’m cooking tonight. I’ll see you later, Nick?’
‘Yes. I’ll be there.’
Ben gave him a fleeting smile, murmured, ‘Don’t worry,’ and left them alone with their son.
‘Here you go, my gorgeous—jelly and ice cream,’ a nurse said, putting it down on his bed table with a smile and helping him sit up a little.
Nick glanced at his watch, and realised it was sup-pertime. He looked at Kate. ‘Why don’t you go and have a rest for an hour or so while I sit here with Jem?’ he suggested gently. ‘Or you could go and get something to eat, as I’m eating at Lucy’s.’
For a moment he thought she was going to argue, but then she smiled slightly and went out, and he settled himself on the edge of the pink chair and looked at the instructions for the games console while Jem ate the jelly and ice cream and told him how to work it.
‘I don’t know how you guys work these things out,’ Nick said, frowning at it, and Jem laughed and took it from him.
‘It’s easy, Uncle Nick, but don’t worry, Rob couldn’t work out how to use Matt’s, either. It’s because you’re too old for this kind of thing,’ he explained innocently.
‘Is that right?’ he asked, taking the machine back and having another go. So Rob couldn’t work it? He ignored the voice that mocked him for his childish urge to be better than the other man, and got Jem to show him once again. And finally, finally, he cracked it.
After that, dealing with Lucy and Jack didn’t seem nearly so daunting…
He left Jem’s bedside at seven-thirty, just after Kate came back to sit with him. She’d had a rest, and something to eat, and she looked more like herself.
‘I’ll come back later and update you,’ he promised. ‘And I could stay, if you like—take turns, like we did last night.’
‘We’ll see. Have a lovely time,’ she said, but her eyes were saying, Good luck, and he gave her a fleeting smile and left.
It took fifteen minutes to get there, and he parked the car outside and went in through the kitchen door, the way he’d always gone into his family home. He braced himself for the reception committee, but it was only Ben in the kitchen and he greeted him with a smile and a glass of wine. ‘Here—I thought you might need this.’
‘I’m driving.’
‘Not for a while, and it’s only a small glass. They’re in the sitting room, go on through. And,
Nick? Don’t worry. They aren’t going to skin you, they just want to understand.’
He nodded, and, taking the wine with him, he walked through the familiar house, feeling like a condemned man going to the gallows. Crazy, because in many ways this was none of their business, it was between him and Kate and Jem, and the only other person he owed an explanation to was Annabel, and she was dead.
But he supposed they felt they were acting as her representatives, and of course there were financial implications. Jeremiah, as his son, was entitled to an equal share of his estate, so each of them would lose a percentage of their stake. Maybe that was what they wanted to discuss. Although he doubted it. His children weren’t like that.
Shaking his head slowly, he straightened his shoulders and went through into the sitting room, and the conversation stopped dead.
‘Well, don’t mind me,’ he murmured, and Lucy coloured.
Not Jack. He stood up, looked his father in the eye and said, ‘You’d better sit down. We’ve got Ed on the webcam.’
He nodded, glad that he’d be able to talk to his other son at last, and sat down opposite the laptop on the coffee table, with Jack and Lucy across from him, visible over the top. So he could see them all, and they could all see him. It was like an interview panel, he thought. Or a jury.
I swear by Almighty God…
‘Dad.’
He glanced down at Edward, his face moving a little jerkily but still very recognisable.
‘I’ve been trying to ring you,’ Nick told him.
‘I know. I didn’t answer because I don’t know what to say to you,’ Ed told him, his voice puzzled and hurt. ‘I can’t believe it—what the hell were you thinking of?’
Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. ‘There’s nothing I can say or do to change what happened, and I’m not going to make excuses,’ he told them all, ‘but I meant my vows to your mother, Edward, and I swear it was the only time.’
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