by Ferraro, W
“Anything, baby, just ask, and it’s yours.” He smiled rubbing his thumb back and forth over her hand that rested against his chest.
With eyes still cast downward, her voice trembled. “Please, I’m begging you . . . please just leave me alone.”
The fire within him roared out of control, engulfing not only his heart but his soul as well.
With a tremor in his own voice, he whispered back, “You might as well ask me to cut off my own arm. I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”
Colby finally raised her head enough that her decadent chocolate orbs focused on him. The usual sparkle and joy that emanated out of them were no longer visible. “Why? Please. No one knows. I haven’t told anyone!”
Hoping the normal light would come back to her eyes, he held his gaze, wanting her to see straight through to his soul that he was speaking the truth. “Baby, I don’t care about that anymore. Do you hear me? I want the world to know what I’ve been foolish enough to want to hide. I want you—today, tomorrow, and forever.”
Tears, joy, hesitation, concern, confusion, any of these were emotions he expected, but when she looked at him with evident anger, he knew this was not the chance he had hoped for.
“Well, maybe I don’t.”
The malice in which she spoke didn’t suit her.
“You don’t mean that,” he spoke, willing her to take it back. When she didn’t, he pleaded, “Tell me why!”
Colby looked at the happy couples who surrounded them, confirming none of them had noticed Reed’s raised voice before turning her attention back to him. “Please, Reed.”
He squeezed their joined hands, hoping the contact would convey to her the truth in his words. “Tell me why we can’t be together. If you can do that, Colby, I will respect your wishes.”
They no longer moved in a well-versed dance step but rather were just swaying now.
“Reed . . .”
Hope blossomed inside him as the emotion tried to diminish the still ravaging flames.
He smiled. “See, you can’t come up with anything, which tells me that you don’t believe it. That being apart is not what you really want.”
Colby had had enough, pulling out of his embrace and moving to the side, where Reed immediately followed, crowding her between him and the wall. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dustin begin to make his way toward them. “Either you tell him to back off, or things will begin to get dirty real quick!”
Colby complied, shaking her head toward Dustin, offering him a smile and indication she was fine.
The moment Reed saw her smile at the other man, the minuscule amount of hope he felt evaporated and the internal flames once more roared out of control.
With anger no longer there, but an emotion that was as equally difficult for him to see, she looked at him and dejectedly explained, “It isn’t what I want . . . but it is what I’m asking.” She squeezed her eyes to calm herself, and when she opened them, there was no denying the tears which threatened to fall. “I fell in love with you, Reed, completely, without prejudice. However, I know now, I had absolutely no right to! I can’t go through that again! I was so close to being thoroughly broken when I left your house, that if I go through this again, I know I will never recover!”
The way her eyes pleaded with him had him unable to resist physical contact. He raised his hands, rested each one on the sides of her face, holding her so she couldn’t look anywhere but at him.
His blue eyes searched hers, as he too needed to swallow multiple times before he felt in control enough to speak. “I’m so sorry, baby! I am, but I’m telling you, you will never have to go through that again. I promise. I love you, Colby.”
He continued to keep his eyes trained on hers; hoping she saw the sincerity in which he spoke, but then these words passed her lips. “Don’t be cruel.”
Confused at her accusation, he couldn’t help but allow desperation to seep into his voice. “I would never lie to you about this.”
Placing her hands over his, she pulled his hands away from her face, bringing them down so they rested between their bodies; however, she didn’t let go.
“You don’t love me, Reed.”
The scream he wanted to release was at the back of his throat as he whispered fiercely, “I do! I love you, Colby, with everything I have. I’ve probably loved you since the first moment I saw you, if I’m being honest with myself.”
This was all my doing. I was the one who caused her to question my sincerity. I need her to give me the chance to show her just how wrong I led her to believe. How it will be my biggest regret in a life I promised I would never regret anything.
Letting go of his hands and wrapping hers around her middle, she gave him one more notice of sadness that his confession had caused before she asked, “I would really appreciate it if you left now.”
“No!”
A lone tear fell from her left eye, threatening to mar her perfect makeup. “Reed . . . please . . . don’t do this to me! I won’t survive!”
Moving his hands from his side, he once more reached up and cupped her face, rubbing his thumb over her lower lip. “Neither will I if you leave me.”
Angling her face away, despite his grip, her voice held more strength than moments ago. “I can’t leave someone that was never with me to begin with.”
This couldn’t be happening. It was as if I already lost her, and I couldn’t accept that.
“You don’t know what you are saying!”
For the last time, she stepped out of his hold, and with one hand on the wall, as if using it for support to keep her upright, she spoke clearly as she refused to look at him. “I know exactly what I’m saying! I have to have enough love for myself never to put myself through that again. I am the guilty one, not you. I allowed myself to become nothing more than an easy lay for you.” Finally, she turned back to face him, but what he saw in her eyes now was a sense of determination that was anything but in his favor. “I take responsibility, as I’m the one who approached you. But, goddamnit Reed, somewhere between the fucks, I fell in love with you!” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, and took a deep breath, before opening them up and saying the last part with renewed strength. “I can’t do that again. I can’t shut my feelings off and go back to being casual.”
He took a step forward, once more crowding her between him and the wall. He couldn’t allow any space to separate them, for if he did, it would be as if he was giving up. “Good! Because that isn’t what I want. I want everything!”
For the last time, she stepped away from him, putting the unwanted distance between them. “Why, so you can get the image of a true Prince Charming sweeping the lowly, poor, starving artist off her feet?”
The insult hit its target head-on. “It isn’t like that . . .”
She pointed a sturdy finger now and thrust it into his chest. “The hell it isn’t!” Nearby people began to take notice of their behavior.
A blinding, ripping pain began to bleed out of him, threatening to bring him to his knees.
He couldn’t speak above a whisper. “If you are trying to hurt me as a form of payback, it’s working.”
Colby crossed her arms over her chest and answered with a different sound to her voice, one Reed had never heard before. Her eyes finally showed a bit of life. “Trust me, I’m not trying to hurt you, but if my attempt at shielding you from how I really feel isn’t doing the trick, then by all means allow me to tell you the painful and cruel truth; the truth that I live with every day! You made me feel the only place I ever felt good enough for you was when I was on my back. No matter what I did or how I felt, I knew I was never going to be good enough to be on your arm. Ever!”
Her words were like a thousand knotted whips lashing at his body from every angle. Any pain before this moment felt like a pinprick in comparison.
Struck speechless by her admission, and seeing the truth of her words in her eyes, Reed knew it truly was over.
“Colby . . .”
&nbs
p; A hand grabbed him by the shoulder, a hand Reed threw off easy enough.
“Reed, I think it’s time you left,” Paige said firmly, placing herself between the two.
Mason placed one hand on Reed’s right arm while Casey did the same to his left.
“Come on, man,” Casey coaxed, as the twins pulled their brother away from the woman of his dreams.
When he was a few yards away, he pulled out of the twin’s hold, but he did not attempt to move back toward Colby. He had already ruined her night; he didn’t want to cause her any more embarrassment at her show. He conceded; he stood stock-still as every pore in his body perspired at the guilt and loss he felt, but he never pulled his eyes from Colby’s.
He would never forget the way she looked standing there behind Paige. Arms wrapped around herself like she was holding herself together; completely drained due to the cost of her confession. He was the danger, he was the enemy, and Colby needed protection from him.
That notion was the final driving nail in the door that would forever separate them.
Uncaring of who heard, of what they thought, or of the effect it would have on anything, he spoke with the last amount of strength he possessed. “I will regret my actions that led us here for the rest of my life. But know this, whether together or apart, you will forever be the only thing that has the power to destroy me. Power that I freely and willingly give.”
With every fiber of his body screaming for him not to, Reed turned away from her, flanked by his brothers, and made his way to the doors. Out of his peripheral vision, he noticed Dustin, who Jamie had apparently restrained throughout his conversation with Colby, staring at him, so he decided to change course. With a clear confidence that he did not feel, he strode up to the other man. Jamie remained between the two facing Dustin, able to put a restraining hand up if needed.
“Stay the fuck away from her, Poirier. That isn’t a request, but rather an order, or I will personally make you live to regret it. Understand me?” Reed seethed, stalking away before the younger man could respond.
However, Dustin refused to let Reed have the last word. “You’re the one who needs to stay away from her. I don’t take orders from you, especially when it comes to who I can be involved with.”
When the word “involved” left Dustin’s mouth, Reed lunged toward the other man. Needing to release everything he was feeling, Reed opted for it preferably to be on Dustin’s face.
However, Casey and Mason were faster, grabbing hold of Reed and pulling him backward. Jamie had already restrained Dustin, just as Gage and Hunter joined the pack.
“Problem?” Gage demanded, but his question went unanswered by both men.
Once a good distance away, Mason and Casey let go of Reed, satisfied when he continued on his journey to the door of the place. While he walked, he ran a hand through his hair and fixed the lay of his suit coat.
He needed to get out of here; he needed to put as much distance between him and the need to go to her on bended knees and beg her to change her mind.
He was well aware of the stares coming from all around, but he didn’t care. None of it mattered—nothing mattered now, and he doubted it ever would.
He was just passing the center display on his way to the doors when a familiar image registered out of the corner of his eye.
There, on display, side by side, were the two canvases he knew by heart. The dramatic slashing of blue and the mish-mosh of color impressions. His feet halted before his brain even sent the order.
He couldn’t pull his eyes away; the memories the vision invoked were enough to forever torture his soul, and that was when he knew. It was the penance he would forever owe her.
Delaney was there speaking with an older gentleman, filling out a form, as her end of the conversation seeped into Reed’s ears. “Yes, they are very unusual pieces, but both are available.”
Like a bull in a china shop, Reed stepped into the conversing two and interrupted. “I’ll be buying both these pieces.”
The man and Delaney looked at Reed after his abrupt declaration, as if he had gone mad.
The older man began by saying he was here first, but Reed cut him right off at the knees. “Unless you can beat my price of ten thousand dollars, then I believe you have just been out purchased.”
Delaney’s eyes widened at the large amount while the other man began to sputter.
Gage and Hunter stepped around Mason and Casey and said simultaneously, “Reed . . .”
But Reed wasn’t having any of it. With sound mind and for good measure, he added with his most intimidating look, “Each.”
Reed watched as Delaney looked at her husband, who was behind Reed, for advice, but Reed decided to advocate for himself, “Am I correct, Delaney, that he cannot match my price?”
Before his sister-in-law could even answer, the other man walked away spouting something about rudeness.
With well-practiced grace, Reed removed his wallet from his pocket, slipped out a credit card and handed it over to Delaney, who accepted the plastic card with confused eyes.
With a softer voice and a look that would convince her he knew what he was doing, he declared, “I’d like them wrapped and delivered to my home tonight; now, if you’ll excuse me.”
With sure feet and heaviness in his heart, he left the building, walked down the cement steps, and headed to his SUV.
He wasn’t surprised when he heard footsteps behind him, but it didn’t mean he wanted them there.
Without even turning to see who had followed him, Reed spoke, “Leave it. It’s done.”
“Just checking to make sure you are all right,” Hunter’s calm voice asked.
Forever the peacemaker.
Turning to face all his brothers and Jamie, Reed finally showed them him with no restraint. “Hardly, but I have no other choice.”
He stood before them with his head hung down and his hands on his hips. For too long, he had kept the most important part of his life from these men. It was the least he could do to show them the remnants of such costs.
“Anything we could do?” Gage asked.
Reed could not answer other than to shake his head back and forth.
Mason tried to ease the heavy feeling with his cocky question. “We could always go in there and drag Poirier out, and you can handle it like you want to, if you want?”
As tempting as the thought was and as much as Reed wanted to feel the pain of split knuckles after hammering them into something repeatedly, he knew it wasn’t the answer.
“I don’t think the sheriff here would appreciate it. Besides, I’m sure it isn’t the best idea. It will just drive her away further.”
“Since when do I ever recommend the best ideas?” Mason asked, earning a chuckle or two from everyone but Reed.
“I’m not anyone to talk about the right and wrong things to do when it comes to heavy feelings,” Gage answered honestly, earning grunts of understanding.
“This may seem like a feeble question, but why those two paintings specifically?” Hunter, the ever-analytical one, asked Reed.
Knowing what they were trying to do, but needing solitude to nurse his wounds, Reed removed his keys from his pocket, clicked the lock, and opened the driver’s door; never once looking to the group of men who hadn’t removed their eyes from him. When he was behind the wheel, and the motor purred to life, Reed answered. “We made them together.” He shut the door, put the SUV into gear, and drove off leaving the others to think what they would.
The remaining men stood and watched the taillights disappear, and as they turned to head back inside, Mason once more, broke the silence.
“Naked paint sex; I will have to remember that one.”
Paige watched as the brothers ushered Reed away from Dustin, and when they were out of sight, she turned to Colby.
“You all right?”
Colby didn’t answer; she just nodded her head slightly.
With a gentle hand around her waist, she guided her cousin into the l
adies’ room before locking the door to ensure privacy.
Paige watched as Colby dampened a paper towel and cleaned up her face, all the while taking deep breaths but never meeting Paige’s eyes in the mirror.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do? I heard what you said to him.”
Finally, Colby’s reddened eyes met Paige’s. “I told him the truth.”
Paige broke the distance between them, engulfing the smaller woman into a hug and not caring if she messed up either of their appearances. “It may have been the truth, but we both know it wasn’t the entire truth.”
Paige felt the wetness of Colby’s tears, and her heart broke for the pain she was going through.
“I told you. I can’t live with myself if I keep him from his dreams. I couldn’t bear to look at myself if I knew that I was the reason he didn’t get elected.”
Paige continued to just hold her, gently rubbing Colby’s back and offering comfort. “And what about that part about not being good enough to be on his arm.”
“That too was a truth but also my very real fear. I don’t feel I will ever be good enough for him. He deserves the best of everything, and I just don’t measure up.”
Colby continued to lean on Paige, unbelieving that her unfound fear was Reed’s desperately desired joy.
Morning sun seeped through the spread wide blinds of the sliding doors. One of the strong rays fell right across Reed’s face. He threw an arm over his eyes, but the brightness continued to assault his vision. Whether due to the heightened sense of his vision, he began to focus on his other senses; he became aware of the very hard surface on which he laid. A strong odor of alcohol assaulted him next and an equally unpleasant taste came to life in his mouth.
With eyes still closed, he moved his arms to feel around him, and when one came into contact with cold marble, and the other came into contact with hardwood, he deduced he was on his living room floor.
With strength he didn’t know he could muster, he opened one eye just enough to confirm he was, in fact, on his living room floor. Littered around him, he saw the empty bottles of scotch he had easily gone through last night.