“I hadn’t considered that as a possibility.”
“Maybe you should. After all, the guy has made it clear he wants to get serious with you and you’ve kind of put him on the back burner. He knows about James, I presume?”
“Yes, he does. He’s known since almost the beginning.”
“Well, okay. You’ve put him at arm’s distance, and he knows you’re seeing another guy to boot. Maybe he is just trying to get a sense of your feelings for him. What have you told him besides not being ready to get serious?”
“He knows I love him dearly. I also told him that I was afraid our friendship would be negatively affected if things don’t work out. He also knows I don’t want to be put in a situation where I feel like I have to choose between him and James. I’ve been stewing over how fair it all is to either of them. I’ve been trying to take it day by day and not overthink things, but my own innate sense of justice keeps me from ignoring it all together. I just can’t be that selfish, especially not to Justin. He hasn’t pressured me at all. In fact, it’s been a couple months since he made his declaration, and we really haven’t talked about it since.”
“I hate to say this Mimi, but you are being incredibly selfish. You need to get your head on straight. If it were any person other than Justin, I’d say you’ve been handling it correctly and not to feel guilty in any way. But we are talking about Justin. You owe him more than you would a guy you just met and started dating. He’s not some random, he’s more. You know that no matter what, his heart is involved. It has to be. You aren’t just some girl to him, either. What you have goes deeper than that. If you ask me, you shouldn’t carry on with him other than friendship if you can’t be certain that you want more.”
I put my fork down and leaned back in my seat. What I had been fearing in the back of my head and why I was so uncomfortable with the situation, Laurel had just given voice to. I had to hand it to this girl, she always gave it to me straight and had keen insight to any problem I was having. The last thing I wanted to do was string Justin along, and that was precisely what I was doing by engaging only partially with him on a more intimate level. He deserved better, he deserved more. If he were dating some other girl and he told me she was behaving the way I had been, I’d have told him to cut her loose.
The question then became how was I to put a halt to anything without it affecting our friendship? Would I lose him? I know if the situation were reversed and I felt rejected, I wouldn’t want to spend as much time with him. Not for a while, anyway. I supposed that not only would I have to accept it, I deserved it for allowing his hope to grow while I remained non-committal and indecisive. After all, I’d only dug my own hole.
“Thank you for putting it in such black and white terms, Laurel. I’ve had a hard time sorting it out in my mind because I do have feelings for him and didn’t want to lose him entirely if I rejected him at all. That said, I am interested in exploring more, I just am not ready for it. I don’t know how to tell him that though.”
“Say it just like that. Don’t mince words, but be sensitive. Tell him that you care and the only reason you don’t want to go further is because you wouldn’t be able to stand it if you hurt him.”
I wanted to reach across the table and hug her. As always, she had brought everything into focus so clearly. I didn’t know what I’d ever do without her. She’d straightened my ass out on more than one occasion. I was sure this wouldn’t be the last time either.
We finished our food and walked out with overly full bellies. It was a short trip home from the restaurant and by the time we reached my house, we were both sluggish and sleepy. We hugged goodnight in the hallway. I thanked her again for her uncanny wisdom, and we both stumbled off to our rooms.
I barely made it into my pajamas and into the bed before falling asleep. As I drifted off, I felt lighter than I had in months. I was still worried about how my friendship with Justin would fare once I said what I had to say, but at least I was back on track. The best I could give him was my honesty. Frankly, I was thinking he deserved better than I could ever be after the way I’d been treating him. Before I could spiral down that line of thinking into self-loathing, I snuggled up to my pillow and allowed sleep to overtake me.
Eleven
I climbed out of bed somewhere around ten the following morning. Since I hadn’t had much to drink the night before, I felt well rested. After the requisite amount of coffee, I was ready to face the day. It took Laurel a little bit longer to drag herself from the clutches of the Sandman, but she was up shortly after me. She sleepily wished me a Happy Birthday before making a beeline to the coffee machine. While she was getting her caffeine fix, I sent James a text message apologizing for not contacting him the day before and suggesting he drive down whenever he was available. I almost immediately received a message back informing me he would leave within the hour, putting him at my place around three o’clock in the afternoon.
While Laurel had her head in her coffee mug, I explained that James would be arriving in a few hours. She immediately perked up.
“Tell me more about this guy. You didn’t say very much last night,” she said, eager for information.
Still with my mobile phone in hand, I opened my picture gallery and showed her one of the pictures we’d taken in Lake Havasu.
“That’s James,” I said. “I didn’t like him much at all when I first met him.” I explained our chance meeting and my initial impression of him. “Somewhere in the course of the night, he grew on me with his taunting humor and playfulness. He is nothing at all like I thought he would be.”
“Okay, so you thought he was an ass, and now you don’t. What do you think?” she asked, taking another big slug of her coffee.
“He is…different. Cocky down to the bone and super-sure of himself, but underneath all that, he is sweet and thoughtful. When we go out, he puts time and energy into planning things that will be new and unusual for me. He’s adventurous and thinks I have been too sheltered. He’s determined to correct that.”
I blushed a little bit as I went on. “He’s also fantastic in bed. I feel consumed when we’re together that way, but also empowered. He brings out a side of me I didn’t even know was there.”
“Like how?” Leave it to Laurel to make me tell her my innermost thoughts.
“Well, it’s all very wild and physical. Carnal, even. Fast and furious comes to mind, although I don’t mean he’s a minute man,” I said, swallowing hard at just the thought of him. “He’s just very…um…passionate I guess is the best way to put it.”
“I can see how you’ve been torn then. You haven’t had a physical relationship in years, and if it’s good, it can be addictive. He also sounds like a great guy for your first foray back into the dating world. More than superficial, but not necessarily serious.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. He’s also made it clear he thinks he’s the guy for me. When I told him about Justin, he was very upset, and I thought I’d never see him again. A few days later however, he called and insisted we talk. He drove all the way down here from Central Cali just to talk to me face-to-face for an hour.”
“You’re shitting me,” she said, dumbfounded.
“Nope. He is that serious about us. He told me he would prove that he is the guy for me.”
“That definitely ups the stakes, I’d say,” she remarked.
“You don’t even know. When I imagined dating again, I don’t know what I was really expecting. Obviously, I didn’t think I’d find the love of my life since I don’t think anyone will ever compare to Vance. I had hoped to find someone whom I could spend time with, enjoy their company and if it developed into something more, then that would be okay. I sure didn’t expect to end up in some kind of love triangle with two guys hell-bent on making me their one and only. I thought men were supposed to have commitment issues. Instead, it’s me!”
Laurel laughed. “There are women who would envy your problem. I, of course, am not one of them. Last night, I urged you to c
onsider Justin’s feelings, but now I also want you to think about your own. I know you, and you’re not comfortable in such a tug-of-war for your affections.”
“That’s true, but you’ve made me see that I’ve been trying to have my cake and eat it, too. That’s not who I am, or at least not who I want to be. I’ve been worried about jeopardizing my friendship with Justin, but I’ve been doing just that.”
She nodded in agreement. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“The only thing I can do. Have a serious conversation with Justin. Even if I were to cut James loose, I don’t know if I’d feel any different about a serious thing with Justin. Sure, I wouldn’t feel the same kind of guilt, but being honest with myself, I’d still have the sense that he deserved more, deserved better. Besides, I worry that my feelings for Justin are also tied to my love for Vance. He will always be a connection to that part of my past. I’d have to work that out too before proceeding with anything serious.”
“It’s good that you realize that. Like I said last night, Mimi, if it’s meant to be, it will be eventually. It’s not like Justin is going to stop being your friend altogether just because you’re putting on the brakes. He will understand.”
I really hoped she was right.
After we’d showered and dressed, we sat down to discuss our plans for the rest of the day.
“It’s your day,” Laurel said. “We can do whatever you want to do.”
“You know, I have an idea. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving, but as you know, I’m a bit of a chicken. I read something online the other day about a simulator over at the Universal City Walk. Why don’t we try that? That’s adventurous, right?”
“For you, yes.” She laughed. “Will James be game for it?”
“Oh my God, James is game for anything. I’m sure he’s already done the real thing more than once so this will be tame to him in comparison.”
“Then he can tell us whether or not it accurately mimics actual skydiving. If we like it, we can try it for real.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, Laurel,” I said, raising both hands like a stop signal. She just giggled in return. “I’m going to go online and see if I can make reservations for us all.”
I went to Vance’s office and looked up the website for iFly. It turned out they were open until eleven p.m. on Saturdays. The actual chamber was visible to the outdoors so I thought a sunset session would be amazing. Luckily, I was able to book us all flights at eight o’clock. We could spend the evening enjoying the sights and sounds of the City Walk and have dinner there. I chose the smallest package just in case my nerves got the best of me. We’d get to take two flights in our session, after having some pre-flight instruction. I was super excited to try something new and maybe impress James a little bit in the process.
After informing Laurel of our plans, we decided we’d wait until James arrived to go grab lunch, figuring we’d have a late dinner since neither one of us was keen on flying on a full stomach. You know, just in case it didn’t agree with us.
James arrived a little after two p.m. Stepping out onto the porch I didn’t see his rust-bucket car anywhere around. However a Toyota Camry was parked out at the curb. After making introductions between him and Laurel, I asked about Nelly. He just gave me a sly smile.
“I left Nelly at home today. This one is a rental,” he said.
“Are you having car trouble?” I asked as we walked out to the curb.
“No. I just have plans for tomorrow and needed a different vehicle for it.” He grinned at me.
“I suppose you’re not going to tell me what your plans are.”
“Once again, you surprise me with your deductive powers, Kitten.”
“Don’t call me Kitten,” I chastised. He just laughed, of course.
We all piled in his car, and I instructed him on how to get to City Walk. “I have a surprise of my own,” I informed him.
“You’re going to be very impressed with her,” Laurel chimed in. “It’s very out of character for our Mimi, here.”
“I can’t wait to see what she has up her sleeve then.”
Once there, we had a late lunch at the Hard Rock Café. Afterward, we decided to take the studio tour since James had never seen it. Having spent our youth in Southern California, Laurel and I had been a few times, but there were some attractions we hadn’t seen so we were more than happy to agree. James was like a kid, into all the sights around him. As we would move through the lot, he would scan around looking for movie stars. Living in Los Angeles my whole life, celebrity spottings were not unusual for me so I hadn’t even bothered to notice. It dawned on me that he, having grown up in such a small town, might find that alone to be interesting. Of course, he informed us the first time he saw a celebrity, he was going to jump off the tram to take a selfie with him or her. Fortunately for the tram driver, we didn’t happen upon anyone noteworthy. James, however, was extremely disappointed.
“What kind of movie studio doesn’t have celebrities crawling all over it?” he asked.
“There are so many other background people, lighting, prop people, assistants, and extras that I’m sure they get lost in the mix. What did you expect, they’d come running up to the tram to sign autographs?” I asked.
“Well no, but I thought I’d spot at least one,” he grumbled.
“You never know,” I continued. “We might still see one yet. Don’t be too upset.”
After our tour was over, we ambled back to the City Walk and did some shopping until just before our flight time.
As we walked toward iFly, James turned and grinned at me. “Is this what we’re doing? Indoor skydiving?”
I nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! We figured that even though you’ve probably done the real thing more than once, you could tell us how it compares to the experience.”
“I have done a few jumps, but I’ve always wanted to try this, too. Was this your idea or Laurel’s?”
“This is all her doing,” Laurel said. “I would never have thought of this in a million years, even though I’m dying to get in there.”
Once inside, we checked in, and then met with the instructor, Glen, who provided us with all our gear: a helmet, goggles, and a flight suit. We did a pre-flight instruction course where Glen gave us a run down on rules, safety procedures, what to do if we needed to stop our flight prematurely, etc. After that, we were good to go.
I was nervous as everyone in our flight group jumped into the tube. Of course, I opted to go last. I very nearly backed out but with some gentle persuasion from one of the staff, I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer, and then jumped.
I didn’t know what I had been worried about. The experience was amazing. I had always loved the feeling of being out in the open, like in a convertible or on a motorcycle, with the wind rushing against my face. It was such a liberating experience. To be simply flying without any kind of harness this time and with the tube consisting of windows overlooking the City Walk, it was unreal to me. The evening sky was a breathtaking scene filled with blues, purples, and fiery orange. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for booking our flight at the time I did.
I laughed and squealed as our instructor did a few tricks. I wasn’t courageous enough to try anything so daring, but James did some flipping around of his own. He was such show off, but I adored him for it. He made me feel like I could do anything.
I pondered the notion that so many of the things I’d recently done had the underlying theme of flight, including my zip-line tour with Justin. I wondered if it was some kind of metaphor for me finally spreading my wings after so many years of living a quiet life. The fact that James was a pilot only made the notion more ironic.
After our second turn in the tube was over, we all filed out of the place loaded with adrenaline. We were high-fiving each other and hooting like little kids. It had been a blast, and like with the trapeze school, I couldn’t wait to do it again.
We settled on dinner at Samba Brazilian Ste
ak House. We loaded up on all kinds of Brazilian barbecued meats called churrasco. The waiters, called gauchos, would bring large skewers to each table and slice it directly onto our plates. It was absolutely delicious.
As an added bonus, samba dancers roamed through the dining room entertaining us with their fast, sexy moves and skimpy, colorful outfits. Since James was driving, Laurel and I indulged in several traditional Brazilian drinks call Caipirinha. They reminded me of a mojito, not in flavor but in how they are prepared with lime being mashed with sugar before the alcohol is added. It was another fantastic experience. Turning thirty didn’t feel too bad by the time the night was over.
James drove us back to my house where Laurel promptly stumbled off to bed. She claimed she was just too intoxicated to stay up any longer and her flight time would come far too early the next day, but I suspected she wanted to give us some alone time.
We settled on my living room sofa where I curled up next to James’ side. We hadn’t been particularly affectionate during our time out, not wanting Laurel to feel like the proverbial third wheel. As I snuggled against him, I found that I had sorely missed his touch.
“Did you want to spend the night?” I asked. “You’re more than welcome to. It’s late, and I doubt you want to get back on the road. Besides, I was hoping we’d spend some time together tomorrow, just the two of us.”
“I planned on taking you out tomorrow, but didn’t want to invite myself to stay over so I booked a hotel room. Besides, if I stay over, you’re not going to get any sleep, and I want you well rested for tomorrow.” He winked at me.
“That wink just scared me.” I said with no little amount of trepidation.
“Don’t be scared, darlin’. After today, what I have planned will be a piece of cake.”
“Dear Lord, please don’t tell me you’re taking me skydiving for real.”
He chuckled. “No, Kitten. I’m not, but you’re not too far off from the truth.”
Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) Page 18