by Gun Brooke
“Dwyn?” Worried, Emeron crawled up alongside her. “Are you all right?”
“Go away,” she said quietly, but Emeron heard the forced indifference in her tone and knew what it meant.
“Dwyn, I’m sorry.” She was surprised how easily the words came out. “I can be such a bitch.”
“You meant what you said. You don’t have to apologize. It is what it is.” Dwyn didn’t move. Curled up, nearly in a fetal position, she still didn’t look at Emeron.
“The thing is, I didn’t. I mean, I was furious at what’s going on here—still am.” She shifted and sat down more comfortably next to Dwyn. “I guess it’s no secret that I resent certain aspects of my heritage.” She touched Dwyn’s hip outside the bedroll and let her hand remain there as she felt distinct tremors. “I shouldn’t have involved you. When Pri called you my hesiyeh sohl, my woman of the sun, I was angry.”
“Don’t worry. I got the message.”
“I know. But it wasn’t true. I mean, I’m not as indifferent to you as I sounded. And Pri called me on it. She gave me a piece of her mind after you left.”
“What do you mean, it wasn’t true?” Dwyn stirred and sat up, her blond hair mussed in a silver cloud around her. She had obviously jumped straight into her bedroll without using the portable sanitizer. The dark, vertical streaks down her cheeks showed where tears had revealed clean skin. She’s been crying. I made her cry.
“Yes, well. I gave the impression that I’m indifferent to you. That you don’t matter.” She studied the pattern of dust and stains on her uniform pants. “It wasn’t…isn’t, I mean…true. I do care about you. About your safety.”
“You do your job well, Commander.” Dwyn sighed, gesturing with her palms up. “I have no complaints. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Frustrated, she clenched her fists. “I do worry. I mean, I care.”
Dwyn looked into her eyes, apparently searching for something. “You care? How?”
Cornered, she wanted to retreat, but told herself she had never acted cowardly and this wasn’t a good time to start. “I care. About you, I mean. I told Pri you didn’t matter, but that’s a lie. I said it because I resented her being presumptuous. I never stopped to think how it would seem to you.”
“And what do you think now?” Dwyn’s voice didn’t give anything away.
“You would feel as if you were invisible and insignificant.” Emeron found it difficult to speak, and when the words were out, she sighed and shook her head. “Please, forgive me.”
“But you don’t know me. You don’t even like me. Why would it bother you how I feel?” Dwyn still sounded detached, but her trembling hands and the thin lines around her eyes gave her away.
“I don’t know everything about you, but I know a lot. You are courageous, passionate, heroic, and, more than that, you are dedicated and a believer. I envy you that.”
“A believer?”
“Yes. Someone who still believes in her cause, in her fight. You look at the universe through a completely different window than I do. You see other things, and you value them whereas I merely shrug.”
Dwyn rose onto her knees and squeezed Emeron gently. “I could almost think that you admire me, Commander.” Whereas Emeron’s title had sounded insulting before, Dwyn spoke it with a gentle tease in her voice now. “That’s quite a switch.”
“Still true.” Emeron licked her lips, at a loss suddenly on how to proceed. Dwyn’s proximity stole her breath, and she had to remind herself of what Pri had said about Dwyn’s innocence. Just how innocent are you? Innocent, period—or innocent when it comes to women? The thought of Dwyn in the arms of a male lover, any lover, disturbed her. Damn it, I have to stop this.
Dwyn traced Emeron’s jawline with light fingers. “I know what we should do,” she said huskily. “It’s way overdue.”
“It is?” Emeron swallowed.
“Yes.” Dwyn blushed faintly. “We both need to use the sanitizer. Clothes, skin, teeth. The lot.”
Relieved, and disappointed, she took Dwyn’s words literally and reached for her carrier that Noor had placed above her bedroll. “We can use mine.”
Dwyn’s smile showed relief as well, but somehow another, more contented kind. “Would you start with my hair? I have to harness it into a braid, and it’s much easier if it’s clean.”
The thought of touching the silky mass dried her mouth again, and she had to attempt to speak twice before she succeeded. “All right. Turn around.”
Dwyn pivoted and sat with her back to her. Her hair lay in long tassels, more gray than blond from the smoke.
“Wait.” Dwyn rummaged through the carrier, then handed her a small ampoule. “Here. I use this sometimes.”
Emeron regarded the tiny object under raised eyebrows. “Apple blossom?”
“Yes.” Dwyn shrugged, looking embarrassed. “It’s a childhood thing. The scent is comforting. Perhaps because Mom used to make me apple-cinnamon tea. I don’t know.” She shrugged again and sat still, a little hunched over.
A few days ago she would have scorned Dwyn. She would have mocked the use of perfume on an assignment without any regard for Dwyn’s reasons. Now, she slipped the ampoule into the little compartment in the handle of the sanitizer and ran it along Dwyn’s hair. “Mmm. Smells nice.”
“Really?” Dwyn’s hopeful tone tore at her.
“Really. Can I borrow some? If you’d do my hair?” Did I just ask to use perfume in the field? Mogghy’s never going to let me live that one down.
“Sure.”
She kept working on Dwyn’s hair and had to lift the silvery masses to reach all sides of it. It was like a live entity. Flowing and falling between her fingers, it twirled around them and pulled her in. Finally, it was clean and she had the daunting task of sorting out all the knots.
“What do you use, a comb?” She looked in her own carrier.
“No, that’d get stuck. I use this.” Dwyn pulled out a hairbrush unlike any she had ever seen. Its strands were white and soft, and the back and handle were made of silver. An intricate pattern of swirling flowers was engraved on the back, an alien monogram in the center of the pattern.
“This must be very old. It’s beautiful.”
“It’s a family heirloom. I’m probably more superstitious than I care to admit, but I never go on an assignment without it. My mother is a very prosaic woman, but the fact that she and all the women before her kept this, and used it, every day, means a lot to me. I believe it’s from the nineteenth century.”
“Really? Amazing.” She began to run the brush through Dwyn’s hair and found it easier to get rid of the knots if she started at the ends and worked her way up. She made sure she held on tight above the knots, so she wouldn’t yank Dwyn’s scalp. “Let me know if I hurt you.” She spoke before thinking and groaned inwardly at her words. She’d already done her best to hurt this woman today.
“You’re doing fine.” Dwyn leaned closer and the apple-blossom scent filled Emeron’s senses. “I remember crying sometimes while my mother brushed my hair when I was growing up. She wanted to cut it short, shorter than yours, for practical reasons, but I refused.”
“Have you ever? Cut it, I mean?” It was soothing to talk about everyday things in the middle of this disastrous situation. She couldn’t remember ever brushing anyone’s hair, not even when she’d tried to woo a woman when she was younger.
“Only the ends. Other than that, no. I know I’m not very feminine, but my hair is sort of a signature.”
“Hey, what do you mean? Not feminine? What are you talking about?” She pushed Dwyn sideways so she could meet her eyes.
“Well, I’m not girly. I never was. My profession has hardened me, I suppose.”
“But you’re the most beautiful and feminine woman I’ve ever seen,” Emeron blurted, momentarily shocked by her own words. It was too late to take them back.
Dwyn stared at her, her lips parted. “What? Are you blind? I
’m sitting here in dirty coveralls, and you think I’m feminine?”
“Very.” She smoothed the last tress. “And I think it’s time to clean up our act, coveralls and all. Want to go first? I can wait outside.”
“All right.” Dwyn regarded her shyly. “But you don’t have to leave.”
She had no reply, merely sat and watched Dwyn disrobe. She had slender, yet wiry, arms, narrow shoulders, and a boyish, thin torso. Tiny, bluish freckles covered the back of her neck and ran downward in an arrow shape. Inherited from her Iminestrian father, no doubt. Emeron couldn’t look away from Dwyn’s small breasts, so perfectly proportioned to her slight body. Her mouth wasn’t dry anymore. In fact, it watered instantly at the sight of Dwyn’s small, dark red nipples.
“Let me help you.” Emeron changed the setting on the sanitizer to skin and removed the ampoule. She ran it over Dwyn at a two-centimeter distance and watched the flesh come to life beneath it. The cleansing process made it almost impossible not to bury her face against Dwyn’s neck.
“Thanks.” Dwyn’s voice was hoarse, and she fumbled as she reached for a clean linen shirt.
“You’re welcome.” Emeron lowered the sanitizer and watched in horror-filled delight as Dwyn donned the garment, then slid off the lower part of the coveralls. Her hips were as slim as her chest, and still there was nothing boyish about her.
“I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?” Dwyn halted as she stuck her hands down the waistband of her underwear.
“No. No. Why do you ask?” She licked her lips.
“Because you’re staring.”
“Oh. Sorry. I…” She shifted her gaze and fiddled with the sanitizer.
“It’s all right. Just as long as I don’t freak you out. I’m used to a non-privacy kind of environment. I figured you’d be desensitized from all your years in law enforcement.”
“I am. Well, I mean, I was.” Furious at her own stuttering, she cleared her throat. “I didn’t mean to stare, but you’re just so damn beautiful.”
Dwyn had pulled her underwear down halfway and now she stopped, blushing faintly. “Oh.”
Emeron acted without thinking. She placed the sanitizer on her bedroll and covered Dwyn’s hands with her own. Slowly she slid the last items of clothing along Dwyn’s legs and off her feet. Grabbing the sanitizer, she ran it along Dwyn’s legs and around her hips. Dwyn accommodated her, trembling, her blush more saturated as she parted her legs. Emeron was sweating now, her hands shaking as she ran the device between Dwyn’s legs, not touching the skin, but right next to it. When she was done, Dwyn rose to her knees, her eyes narrow and dark, and began to unfasten Emeron’s coveralls.
“Your turn.” Her words came from a deep place in her throat, a guttural sound that barely resembled her normal speech.
Emeron tore off her clothes, so turned on it hurt to wear them. Dwyn ran the sanitizer along her, carefully cleaning her hair and not missing a spot. The hum from the device ignited fires along hundreds of thousands of nerve endings, and she knew she’d be buzzing soon too.
Dwyn placed the sanitizer back into Emeron’s carrier, then merely sat there, looking at her. “You’re stunning,” she said. “Absolutely stunning. Like a work of art.”
“Dwyn.” She touched Dwyn’s chin. “Have you forgiven me? For this evening?”
Dwyn blinked. “Oh.” She scooted closer. “The way you’ve touched me, or not touched me, rather, says more than any apology. So, yes. I have. I do believe you care.”
“Having you near me like this is something I never thought would happen.”
Dwyn smiled. A sweet, lopsided smile. “I never thought I’d be in this situation with you.”
“Pri said you’re an innocent when it comes to intimacy.”
Dwyn pulled back, only a few centimeters, but enough for Emeron to see the change in her demeanor. “Why would she say that?”
“Because she’s very perceptive.”
“And I’m clearly a totally clumsy fool, who—”
“No. You’re not. Not at all. But Pri told me to be careful. That you have little or no experience.”
“What did you say to make her warn you like that?” Dwyn didn’t avert her eyes, even if she spoke in a shaky voice.
Emeron felt a blush creep up her neck. “I really didn’t say anything.”
“But, as you said, she’s perceptive.”
“Eh, yes.” Emeron knew she was navigating a minefield and wondered, not for the first time, how she’d become caught up in this.
“And you have, of course, experienced physical intimacy,” Dwyn said casually. “Many times.”
“I’ve shared quite a few beds, that’s true. Until a few years ago, I was on the prowl at every opportunity.” Somehow, she knew if she was anything but honest with Dwyn right now, her words would come back and slap her in the face.
“What happened to change that?”
“I was unhappy.” She had never admitted that out loud, but knew it was true as soon as she said it. “I felt empty, and lonelier than when I was actually alone.”
Dwyn’s eyes softened. “So, I haven’t missed anything? Is that what you’re saying?”
“No, no, not at all.” Emeron tried to explain. “There’s nothing wrong with two people sharing a moment. For me, in the end, it was more like scratching an itch than sharing something wonderful with someone. The problem lay with me, not the women I was with.”
“I see.” Dwyn’s eyes took on a shade of shining silver. “And now, when you’ve recognized this problem, have you given up hope of ever finding a soul mate?”
Dwyn’s words startled her. Soul mate. “Eh, I’ve focused on the job, mostly. You know what I do for a living. If I don’t concentrate, people get killed.” Determined not to be the target of more difficult questions, she quickly said, “And why have you kept to yourself so much? You’re a beautiful, intriguing woman. You couldn’t have been without offers, so to speak.” Unable to resist the surge of desire that accompanied her words, she cupped Dwyn’s neck under the heavy hair.
“You making me one?” Dwyn’s smile was tremulous. “But no, I haven’t had that many offers. Apparently my job situation is like yours. So, same reason, pretty much.”
Emeron lost the last of her breath and, gasping, embraced Dwyn. She laced her fingers through Dwyn’s hair, guiding her head back. “Dwyn.” Hungrily, she pressed her lips onto Dwyn’s, and the soft sweetness was almost too much for her inflamed senses. She groaned and knew she had to taste Dwyn, devour her mouth and put this overwhelming desire to the test. She slid her tongue between Dwyn’s lips and expected her to reciprocate.
It took her a few seconds to realize that Dwyn was completely rigid and certainly didn’t return her kiss. She pulled back and let go, mortified and embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I’m so—”
“Don’t.” Dwyn was pale. “You don’t have to say anything.”
“I shouldn’t have…” She pulled the bedroll up, intending to cover herself, but looked at Dwyn, who sat shivering in her sleeveless shirt. She changed her mind and wrapped it around her instead. To her surprise, Dwyn sobbed once and rolled into her arms.
“I’m the one who’s sorry.” Dwyn buried her face against Emeron’s neck. “So stupid.”
She closed her arms around Dwyn, bedroll and all, and held her tight against her breasts. Damn, she’s an innocent, and I kiss her, for the first time, when she’s half-naked. “Shh.” She merely embraced Dwyn, not moving at all. “You’re all right.”
“Today has been too much for me.” Dwyn sighed. “I just can’t seem to respond as I want.”
“What do you mean?”
Dwyn pulled back and met her gaze. “When you kissed me, I wanted to respond. I really did. Somehow I’m stiff and frozen, and I have all these images in my mind—of the burned Disians, and the dead people…”
Cursing her own libido and lack of sensitivity, she groaned and hugged Dwyn. “You’re reacting in a much more natural way than I am. I’m too hardened.
” And too horny, obviously.
Dwyn felt wonderful in her arms, and even though Emeron desperately wanted to kiss her, she was content to simply sit like this for a while.
“Aren’t you cold?” Dwyn asked.
“You’re joking, right?”
“No? I… Oh.” Dwyn pressed her hot face back into Emeron’s neck. “I see.”
“Should we try to get some sleep? I have a feeling we’ll be very busy tomorrow.”
Dwyn nodded and they arranged the bedrolls and climbed into them. Emeron lay down, and before she could move onto her side, Dwyn slid up next to her.
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all. Come here.” She pulled Dwyn onto her shoulder. “There you go.”
“Thanks.”
“Try to get some rest.” Dwyn relaxed against her before she finished the short sentence, and she knew without checking that Dwyn was already asleep. Just before Emeron drifted off, she realized that, for the first time, she was content to merely hold someone as she slept.
Chapter Fifteen
Dwyn watched Emeron disengage the secure channel communicator. Her stark features gave nothing away, but it wasn’t hard for Dwyn to interpret the steely resolve in her eyes.
“We have new orders.” Emeron stepped into the circle of her unit. “Our headquarters is teaming up with the SC military installation. A unit of senior officers is en route to the nearest drop zone.”
“Drop zone?” Dwyn hadn’t thought there were any such things in the forest. “Are they big enough to actually land a ship in?”
“Yes, I believe so. They’re strictly for emergencies, of course, and are located in natural clearings.”
“Natural clearings? How can they stay open when you can’t even break off a twig in the forest?” Mogghy asked.