by L Chapman
Rich sighs.
“Do you still want to get married, Rich?” I feel the stinging in my eyes.
“Yes. Well, I think I do,” he states.
“You need to know for sure, Rich.” I look down at my legs. I definitely don’t want this to be happening right now.
“I love you.” He adds, placing his hand on my back.
“Are you sure? Or do you want Chad?” I ask, moving slightly away from him.
“No, I want you!” He yells.
“Okay, what’s wrong with work?” I quickly change the subject to the second item at hand.
“Just a bad day,” he states with anger in his voice.
“Okay, Luke?” I question. Luke is another one of Rich’s friends. He is such a sweet man. I have never connected with someone as easily as I did with him. I met him a month after Rich and I got together when he was just himself, not the big actor he is today. To me, he is still the same sweet man. He is always there if Rich and I ever need him. I know he loves to act. I just hope he can find his personal happily ever after like the characters he plays in his films.
“He wants me to go away with him for a few days. To get away from the wedding stress,” he replies, smiling.
It is nice to see him smiling for a change. “Then go,” I state. Maybe the time away will help him.
Rich turns and faces me, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, where are you going?” I ask.
“Vegas, for three days,” he says with excitement in his voice.
“Have fun.” I give Rich a kiss on the cheek.
He jumps up from the bed and rushes to his wardrobe. Very quickly, he pulls out his suitcase and begins to pack his things. I decide not to ask if he wants any help. I will have to repack the suitcase anyway so it is neat and everything fits properly. I lie back on the pillows and watch him pull out things from drawers and throw them into the suitcase. He’s taking all his favourite clothes. I let my mind race as I sit there observing his strange behaviour. Everything is off with us. When we have sex, he just rushes it as quickly as he can. Rich does not cuddle up with me or anything. He will not allow me to touch him, scrape my fingernails down his back, play with his hair, or suck him. None of the things he has loved before now. He will not even let me go on top. It’s all the normal way, me on my back with him over me. He will not even let me wrap my legs around him. I think he needs time away. Maybe that will fix our sex life as well as everything else. I want him here with me. I grab my mobile.
Megan, can I come stay at yours tonight? Rich is going away. Xx
Of course you can, Jen. Xx
I’m feeling all low and sad, and I really don’t want to be alone tonight. I just want to cry. I need to come clean, so I plan to tell Megan everything tonight. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have to work tomorrow, so I will have something to keep my mind busy. Also, it is Alison’s leaving do after work, and I need to choose something to take with me.
It only takes Rich fifteen minutes to get ready.
“That’s me off,” he states as he fastens his case.
“Okay. Have fun,” I say, smiling at him.
“Bye,” he says, walking out the door. No kiss or anything.
I quickly grab my clothes and fold everything neatly into my purple overnight bag to prevent creases. I’m ready to head over to Megan’s.
Chapter Nine
“Megan,” I say as I walk through the door.
“In the kitchen, honey,” she replies.
I place my bag on the hallway floor, close the front door quietly so as not to wake Lucy and head straight into the kitchen. Tears pool in my eyes to the point I’m unable to see anything. I lower myself to the floor against one of her cupboards.
“Jenny, what’s wrong?” I hear her say as her footsteps get closer.
I sit there with my head resting on my knees and tears now rolling down my face. I’m unable to speak then I feel Megan’s arm wrap around me.
“Shhh, it will be okay,” she whispers in my ear.
“Jenny, come into the front room.” She pauses. “We can talk in there.”
I don’t move. Questions begin plaguing my thoughts. How can I tell her? Is she going to be mad at me? Have I ended our friendship over some secrets? Will she ever trust me again? Is she going to be mad at Rich? I shouldn’t be here; I should have stayed home where I can’t hurt anyone else or lose people from my life. I feel safe around Megan, though. I don’t understand how she makes me feel safe. She just does. She will do anything for me.
I hear Lucy crying in the background. “Shhh, Jenny.” She pauses. “I’ll be two minutes.” I hear her footsteps move towards the stairs. Over the baby monitor, I hear her with Lucy.
“Shhh, Lucy, what’s all this noise about?” She pauses. “Shall we go find Auntie Jenny? Give her some special cuddles?” Please don’t bring Lucy with you. I take a deep breath; I can’t look like a mess, not around Lucy. I don’t want her thinking the world is all bad.
“Hey, Jen,” she says in a soft delicate manner.
I stand up slowly and turn to Megan. “Hey, beautiful Lucy,” I say, fighting back tears and rubbing under my eyes.
“Come sit down,” she states.
I go ahead of them, taking a seat on Megan’s black fabric corner sofa. She always said she was going to get a corner sofa. She never had plans for this one, but it’s easier to clean with a new baby in the house.
“What happened?” She questions.
“Rich,” I state.
“What happened?” She repeats herself.
“He’s changed.” I look down at my lap and fidget with my fingers. I need the distraction if I am really going to go through with telling her.
After placing Lucy in her baby bouncer, Megan sits on the sofa and looks at me, waiting for details.
“He just rushes sex, no cuddles, no kisses, no anything.” I blurt out.
“Do you think it could be wedding nerves?” She questions, placing her hand on top of mine.
“No idea. He kissed you,” I state while looking directly at her.
“Please don’t remind me.” Megan pulls a face of disgust.
“It was all over the fact he thought he might have feelings for Chad.”
“Chad!” She yells.
“Yes, Chad.” I nod.
“What?” She covers her mouth in shock.
“There was a fight, and they got close,” I add.
“Oh my.” She shakes her head.
“I just don’t know what’s going on, Meg,” I state.
“Do you love him?” She asks.
“I think I do. I just don’t want to get hurt.” I tilt my head back down to my knees.
“Place the wedding off then,” she firmly states.
“What? And waste all the money?”
“It’s only money.” She kindly points out.
“True.” I agree with her because she is right. Money is only money. I don’t need the money from the wedding.
“You don’t want to be standing there on your wedding day with Rich deciding he doesn’t want to go through with it,” she adds.
“Megan, I just don’t know.” A tear rolls down my check.
She places her arms around me, giving me a big hug. “I love you, sis.”
A little later, she settles Lucy in bed while I take a nice warm shower. It’s much needed time alone with my thoughts. I turn on the water while looking through Megan’s collection of toiletries. This woman has it all. I choose a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and some strawberry body wash. I love the smell of strawberries. I slowly stand in the shower, letting the water wash away my tears as they fall.
Chapter Ten
19 Days to Go
I slowly wake up the next morning in Megan’s bed. I could not stand the thought of being alone last night, so I crashed in here. Megan is with Lucy. I can hear her over the monitor. Megan is such an amazing mum. I feel jealous sometimes. It’s been just over seventeen months since I had a miscarriage
. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Rich and I were in a car accident when I was thirteen weeks pregnant. I was crushed against the dash while Rich was thrown from the car. I lost the baby. Our baby. It was like my entire world fell apart that day. It took us a while to regain the spark in our relationship. We did try to have another baby, but after no luck and some routine tests, we received the news we didn’t want to hear. Rich was infertile due to the pelvic injuries he sustained during the wreck.
I sit up in bed and shake my head. Stop thinking about it, Jenny. I have four hours till I’m needed at work. I need to get on with my day, so I slide out of the cotton sheets and sit on the side of the bed.
“Morning, honey,” Megan says in a cheerful manner as she walks into the room with Lucy.
“Morning,” I reply.
“I was just going to grab some clothes to get dressed,” Megan states. “Now that you’re awake, let’s have breakfast in our jammies.”
“Deal.”
Megan passes me a baby pink cotton dressing gown from behind her bedroom door. I stand up and slide it over my purple winter pyjamas. I didn’t think when I packed last night. These were the first ones I found, and it’s really too warm for them. As I tie the dressing gown, I look down. On the right side of the lapel, there is a small purple embroidered butterfly. I can’t help but smile. Megan heads downstairs to get sorted while I do what I need to do. I head to the bathroom to pee and brush my hair and teeth. Hopefully, I will begin to feel more like a human now. I take a deep breath before descending down the stairs. Megan’s house is very big with plenty of space. It’s the house she wanted from day one of house hunting. I love walking down her stairs. On one side, you can see what’s below; on the other side, she has pictures. There is a couple of us, some of Lucy, and my favourite one— the one of Megan and Mark when Lucy was born. Anyone can see how much he loves them in that picture. He is looking down at Lucy with a twinkle in his eyes. At the bottom step, the first drawing Mark did of Megan is hanging on the wall. Megan had a fight on her hands to get that off him. It has only been hanging a couple of weeks, but looks like it’s been there forever.
“What’s for breakfast?” I question as I walk into the kitchen, yet another big, spacious room complete with one large window on both sides. She had this dream kitchen designed for her. She always wanted to have a breakfast bar. As I walk towards the bar, I see Lucy sitting in her pink highchair.
“Whatever you would like,” Megan states.
“Fried egg sandwich, please,” I reply.
“I should have guessed. Do you just eat them at mine?” She laughs, walking over to the fridge.
“Of course, or I would burn myself like I did last time.” I take a seat at the breakfast bar with Lucy.
“Hey, Lucy Doo, who is such a cutie?” I ask.
I stand up and take Lucy out of her high chair, sitting back down with her on my knee. I take hold of the pink baby rattle and give it to her. I love watching Lucy. I’m always offering to babysit for Megan so she can have some time to do as she wishes. The problem is she has only taken me up on the offer once when she attended the funeral of a work colleague who died in a terrible car accident. Ally was only twenty-six years old. Megan and she had been working together for six years, so her death shocked Megan. I worked with Ally, but was not as close to her as Megan. Mark stood by Megan’s side the entire time. He would not leave her for anything. Ally was due to get married the day of her funeral. It stunned everyone. That day is the only time I have gotten to babysit Lucy. Even with sadness all around, I enjoyed my time with her.
“One fried egg sandwich,” Megan says, placing it on the breakfast bar, followed by a cup of coffee and some fresh orange juice. She looks after me well. I love her to bits.
“Thanks, hun,” I say, pulling the plate closer. “Your mummy’s so clever, Lucy. She makes Auntie Jenny happy.”
The next five minutes are heaven. I love fried egg sandwiches. Oh my. It’s like the world stopped. Megan is sitting on the other side of the bar eating cereal. She is still on a health kick to ensure she fits into her maid of honour dress. She does not need to lose anything at all. She is perfect as she is, but she will not listen to anyone.
“What are you two going to do today?” I question.
“Nothing much. Go to town, get a couple of things, and then wait for Mark and Mia to come.”
“Oh, I forgot they were coming today.”
“Remember, Mark is going to come to the venue tomorrow,” Megan says.
“Yes, I remember now. I hope Mia does, too. Is she going to come to the wedding?” I met Mia in passing once before today. Megan gets on well with Mia, and I would love to get to know her some more. I might have to suggest that Mark babysits and we girlies go out one night.
”I don’t know; I haven’t asked her.”
“Ask her, will ya?”
“Okay, okay.” She laughs.
“Time for Auntie Jenny to get dressed, Lucy Doo,” I state.
“Time for Lucy to get dressed, too,” Megan says while shaking Lucy’s rattle in front of her.
“Can I get her ready?” I ask.
“You can if you want.” Megan smiles.
“Of course, I want to. I want lots of time with Lucy.”
“Go on then.” Megan waves us off using the back of her hand. I stand up and walk to the door with Lucy on my hip.
“What is she wearing today?” I ask because some mums are fussy about what clothes their children wear.
“Whatever you want her to.” Megan smiles and collects the pots off the bar.
I run up the stairs with Lucy. “Lucy Doo, you need to get changed. I bet we can find a pretty little dress for you to wear.”
*****
“There you two are,” Megan says, standing in Lucy’s bedroom doorway. She’s wearing black leggings and a white strappy top that seems longer than the ones she normally wears. It has a little purple three-dimensional flower on the chest. As usual, her feet are bare.
“Yes, sorry. We were having a girly chat,” I state, sitting in the rocking chair in Lucy’s room with her lying in the crook of my arm.
“It’s okay.” She pauses. “I’m off downstairs to do some housework. Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I keep thinking about Rich and what to do, but I can’t do anything with him away with Luke.”
“You will figure it out.”
“I know, hun.” I nod.
“What time are you at work?”
I look down at the watch Megan bought me. “I need to leave in an hour. I also need to run home for some nail polish because I forgot it with all the rushing I did.”
“I have loads, so use some of mine.”
“Thank you.” I look down at Lucy. “What colour shall I paint them, Lucy?”
“What are you wearing for the leaving do?” Megan asks.
“A red halter neck dress that comes just above my knees.” I point to show her the length. “It doesn’t cling too badly, and I have some black heels to go with it.”
“So, red it is. I have a beautiful shade of red.” She smiles. “All of my polishes are in the normal place. Shall I leave you girlies to it?”
“You can if you want, then I can teach my goddaughter how to paint nails.”
“Sounds like a plan. Oh, that reminds me. I need to ring about the venue later.”
Megan leaves Lucy and me, and we head into her room to find a nice red nail polish for my toes. She definitely won’t mind me borrowing it. I can’t polish my fingers till later. I’m not at all sure I want to go out tonight, but I really need a drink.
Chapter Eleven
I’m so happy that my shift is over. It was stressful, and I’m in dire need of a drink now more than ever. A big, stiff drink. I walk upstairs to the staff changing area and take my mobile out of my locker. I notice a text from Megan.
Have an amazing night out tonight, Jen. We love ya. Xx
Thank you, Megan. Love you too Xx
I head
off into the side rooms and give myself a little wash in the showers. I do not like public showers, but there is no way I am going out tonight smelling like the hospital. Just the thought of being watched in the shower by someone that I do not know makes me cringe, so I make it quick when I use public facilities. I do want to look good though since it’s a night out with the staff. I slip on my dress, add heels, and brush through my hair leaving it down the way it naturally falls. I take a seat in the green bucket chair near the window and grab the red polish to finish off my nails.
Go shake your bum. Xx
Haha, I will do. I need to de-stress. Xx
Any news from Rich? Xx
No, nothing hun. Xx
Oh well, get a move on. Xx
With that response, I separate everything in my bag that I don’t need for the night, keeping just the items I do need. Walking down to put my things into the car, I turn around to see Lori, one of the new girls at work. She seems very quiet, but I don’t think she will be like that for a long time.
“Lori.” I wave.
“Hi Jenny, how are you?” She asks.
“I’m good. Are you going over to Alison’s leaving do?” I question.
“Yeah, just for a couple,” she replies.
“I’ll walk over with you then,” I add.
Lori, a newly qualified nurse, has beautiful long brown hair clipped back with a little flower hair clasp. She has mesmerising blue eyes; she is like a dark angel. She is wearing a long pink top with a little tie around the middle over some cute jeans. Lori’s topped off her outfit with black heels. She looks amazing.
“I hate walking into events alone,” Lori states.
“Me too,” I agree.
As we approach the bar door, I take a deep breath. I do not really want to be here, but I promised Alison I would see her before she left for Australia. She plans to continue doing the same job, just in a place she really wants to live and work. She will be close to her best and oldest friend Kristy. I think she will be a lot happier once she gets settled in there.
“Jenny! Lori!” Alison yells as we walk into the room.