by Kay Moser
“Do you indeed?” her mother snapped. “And can you really be so stupid as to imagine that I shall have a moment’s peace until Amelia is married?”
“Well, we best be off,” Hayden abruptly interrupted. “No time to waste!”
When they were gone, Victoria leaned against the closed door and buried her face in her hands.
Sarah rushed to her side. “Can I do anything to help? Anything at all?
Victoria could not trust herself to speak. She shook her head and gratefully accepted Sarah’s hug.
CHAPTER 25
In spite of the swirl of pre-wedding activity caused by Amelia’s engagement, Sarah kept her focus on her upcoming exams, a mere six weeks away. Her greatest concern was her continued weakness in mathematics, a subject she couldn’t conquer simply by reading later into the night. Fortunately, Easter was approaching the first weekend of April, and Maude was coming. She arrived on Wednesday night, and Sarah raced down to breakfast on Thursday, eager to begin a day of intensive study.
Miss Victoria joined them, and the three were just finishing when Delphie stuck her head in the dining room door.
“’Scuse me, Miz Victoria, but Ada’s in the kitchen, and she want to talk to Sarah.”
“Ada? Who’s Ada?” Miss Victoria asked.
“Mrs. Bellows’ cook,” Sarah answered. “Something must be wrong with Mrs. Bellows.”
Delphie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, Miz Sarah, but she’s powerful upset.”
Miss Victoria exchanged a quick glance with Maude, and they all hurried to the kitchen.
***
Fifteen minutes later, they were next door, leaning over Mrs. Bellows’ bed, trying to comfort her. The woman was weeping uncontrollably.
“Leave me alone,” Mrs. Bellows pleaded. “I just want to die!”
“I found her this way when I come in this morning,” Ada reported. “Mr. Bellows been yelling at her.”
“And now you’ve shamed me before the whole town,” Mrs. Bellows cried. “Oh, Ada, how could you?”
“Ada was right to fetch us,” Maude insisted.
“And we’re going to help you,” Miss Victoria added. “Not gossip about you. Let’s get you propped up. Sarah, help me here.” She began tugging Mrs. Bellows up against the headboard. “Bring some coffee, Ada.”
“She ain’t drunk, Miz Hodges. She just got a bad case of the blues.”
“Get a basin of cool water and a cloth, Ada,” Miss Victoria ordered. “Then bring up hot tea and toast.” She stroked Mrs. Bellows’ head. “Calm yourself, Mrs. Bellows. Together I’m sure we can make things better.”
Mrs. Bellows quieted as she stared at Miss Victoria in amazement. “Why are you being so kind to me?”
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Because I’ve treated you so bad. You have no reason to befriend me.”
“Nonsense! I have the best reason of all. You’re a child of God. Now, tell me what’s happened.”
“He said he’s never loved me,” Mrs. Bellows wailed. “He just married me because he wanted sons, but I’m barren. I just want to die! I never wanted to marry him, but my parents insisted, and I couldn’t fight them. All these years, I kept telling myself that I’d done the best I could, but when you came into town, I knew I could have done more. I could have been stronger, more like you, but I was a coward.”
“Mrs. Bellows, you must not judge yourself so harshly. Everyone’s circumstances are different.”
“But you’re strong! I heard all about how you lived an independent life in England and became a great painter. I hated you because you got away. You escaped!”
Deep lines of pain etched themselves on Miss Victoria’s face, and her eyes filled with tears. “Things are not always as good as they look.” She leaned closer to Mrs. Bellows’ face as she spoke. “My mother, for example, has always been bitterly disappointed in me.”
“How could she possibly be disappointed in you? You’re beautiful and so successful.”
“Not by her standards. That’s the point, Mrs. Bellows. My mother disapproves of me, but she’s just one person. An important person to me, but still, she’s just one. Others do approve and even admire me.”
“I admire you. I really do. I wish I could be just like you.”
“What you want to be is the very best Edith, and we’re going to help you do just that.”
“It’s too late for me.”
“No, Edith. It’s not over unless you make it over. There’s still time for you to make your life what you want it to be.”
“I’m not beautiful like you are or talented. I’m not worth anything to anybody. Ask Mr. Bellows. Those were his very words. ‘You’re an absolutely worthless creature, Edith. You can’t even make a place in society. Nobody would notice if you died.’”
“I would notice!” Miss Victoria countered.
“You would?”
“Yes, I would. So you have to fight, Edith. I refuse to let you go under without a fight. Now, let’s get going.”
“What are we going to do?” Mrs. Bellows asked.
“We’re going to get you cleaned up, dressed, and down to the doctor.”
“But I’ve already seen the doctor. He came here and gave me this for my nerves.” She fumbled for a bottle on the nightstand, which Maude retrieved.
“Heavens to Betsy!” Maude declared as she unscrewed the top and sniffed. “No wonder she’s depressed. This is laudanum!”
Miss Victoria’s eyes blazed. “Standard procedure! A woman is upset; give her laudanum.”
“You don’t need laudanum,” Maude declared. “Laudanum deadens you. You need to feel, so you’ll make different choices.”
“Exactly,” Miss Victoria agreed. “I see that we’re going to have a little talk with Dr. Shockley.” She turned as Ada entered, the tea service clinking on the tray. “Good, here’s Ada. Sarah, pour Mrs. Bellows a strong cup of tea. Ada, go draw a bath.”
“Mr. Bellows will have an absolute fit!” Mrs. Bellows cried. “He’ll say I’ve shamed him in public.”
“He may do just that, but you can’t go on this way, Edith,” Miss Victoria warned. “You must help yourself. You are not alone. We will face him together.”
“He’ll have me locked up! He told me he would. He said I belong in an asylum for the insane, and that if he had his way, I’d die behind a barred window.”
Sarah gasped.
“We’ll see about that!” Maude declared.
“But we can’t fight him. He really will lock me up!”
“Can he do that?” Sarah demanded.
“With the help of a doctor, yes he can,” Maude answered. “Better slow down, Tory. There’s got to be another way.”
“You’re right, Maude. What we need is a correct diagnosis from a reputable doctor who will then suggest proper treatment. Sarah, is there another doctor in this town?”
“There’s a new doctor, Dr. Fanning.”
“Good. Now this is what I want each of you to do. Sarah, see to it that Mrs. Bellows eats, then you and Maude help her get bathed and dressed. I have to arrange things, and I’ll be back in an hour in the buggy. We’re going to see a decent doctor, Mrs. Bellows.” She picked up the bottle of laudanum. “And we’re taking this with us.”
***
When Miss Victoria returned, she was accompanied by Christine Boyd.
“My poor Edith,” Christine hurried to her side. “Don’t worry about a thing. It’s a lovely, sunny day, and I am going to take you for a carriage ride in my new carriage. We will casually stop in to see Dr. Fanning so that I can consult him on a small matter.”
“No one will suspect that you are the patient,” Miss Victoria added. “Now, are you all dressed and ready?”
“I can’t go, Christine. I’m too scared. Mr. Bellows is going to throw a screaming fit when he finds out!”
“Not if we keep this situation totally private,” Christine assured her. “If he does find out you visited the new doctor for treatment,
he won’t be happy, but his anger is sure to be directed at Mrs. Hodges and me for interfering.”
When Mrs. Bellows was dressed, Sarah followed the ladies downstairs and was joined by Ada to watch them exit the hall and hear them intentionally strike up a gay chatter when they reached the porch.
“That Miz Hodges be somebody special,” Ada observed. “I ain’t never seen nobody be that loving after they’s been treated so bad. How do she do that?”
“I think she knows just how bad it hurts when someone is mean to you.”
“Most people just gets mean theyself when they’s been hurt.”
“I know,” Sarah agreed. “I hope I can be just like her.” She turned to Ada. “You won’t give us away, will you, Ada? Maybe the new doctor can help Mrs. Bellows, and wouldn’t that make your life better?”
“I’s sticking with ya’ll. Mr. Bellows ain’t no friend of mine.” Ada turned and shuffled away to the kitchen, and Sarah left.
***
Safely back home several hours later, Miss Victoria collapsed onto the settee. “Nothing like a new crisis to make one forget one’s troubles. I can hardly remember what Amelia has been up to.”
“It’ll all come back to you,” Maude commented dryly, “but it’ll be easier to put into perspective. And as much as I wish I didn’t have to say it, Mrs. Bellows is far from being out of the woods. I wish she could leave town and go to a sanitarium.”
“She would certainly be better off away from Mr. Bellows. It’s going to be touch and go if she remains at home.”
“A sanitarium sounds so serious,” Sarah said.
“Alcoholism is serious,” Maude said. “A sanitarium is the fastest way to recover. It isolates you from the source of your trouble, in this case that husband of hers who is clearly despicable.”
“Maude!” Miss Victoria cried. “The less we discuss details, the better.”
“Might as well call a spade a spade, Tory. The woman’s an alcoholic because of her husband, and she’s not the first or the last woman to use alcohol to escape a painful situation. The whole idea of her having to sneak off to a new doctor galls me.”
“What other choice does she have, Maude?”
“None, I suppose. She’s already made the choice that determined her fate. She married.”
“She married him! That’s the point,” Miss Victoria added, then turned to Sarah. “I don’t want this incident to prejudice you against marriage, Sarah. It doesn’t have to turn out like the Bellows marriage.”
Sarah sighed. “Honestly, I don’t know what to think. I don’t want my mother’s life; I decided that long ago. And I sure don’t want Mrs. Bellows’ life. Are you sure he could put her in a mental institution?”
“With the help of a doctor, yes, he could,” Maude answered.
“Can’t she leave him? I know it would cause scandal, but if she really can’t stand it. If it’s driving her to alcohol—”
“What would she live on?” Maude asked. “Even if she came into the marriage with money, Mr. Bellows has control of it now.”
“What if he’s beating her or something like that?”
“Family intervention is her only hope.”
“But what if her family won’t help her?”
Miss Victoria and Maude fell silent.
“Well, I refuse to put myself in that situation. I’ll never marry!”
“Choice,” Maude declared, “is the key, Sarah. Make sure you have the ability to support yourself and then take your time and choose carefully.”
“Maude is right. You may want to marry one day. Family gives life meaning. You may want to create your own—”
“No! I won’t. All this just makes me determined to be a teacher!” Sarah exploded. “I’ve seen enough of babies to last me a lifetime! I’ve seen how mother has suffered with all the pregnancies and lost babies.” She bit her lip to stop her flood of angry words. “Oh, I’m sorry, Miss Victoria, it’s just that ... well, I don’t know if you or Maude has ever actually had to deal with the miseries of all that.”
“We haven’t,” Maude admitted as she cast a look at Miss Victoria. “Tory and I have lived outside of woman’s usual domestic domain. Not by choice. We wanted to marry our sweethearts, but the War intervened.”
“And death can intervene in any woman’s life,” Miss Victoria added. “That’s why women need to be educated—for their own good and the security of their children. All we’re saying, Sarah, is don’t slam the door on any of your options.”
“All I know is I want an education so I can teach. Then—and only then—will I even consider marriage. I don’t care what Pa says.”
“Your father loves you, Sarah, and thinks he’s doing the right thing by you.”
“Well, he’s not! He keeps pushing Havel Sykora into my face, and the truth is he wouldn’t let me be here right now if he wasn’t getting paid.” Sarah stood abruptly. “I’m going to go study unless you need me to do something.”
“You go ahead.” Miss Victoria waved her toward the door.
“I’ll be in presently to check your geometry,” Maude promised.
Once in the library, Sarah flung herself into the desk chair and, snatching up her math book, struggled to turn the pages. Her fingers had stiffened like frozen leather, and her hands shook with the palsy of old age. Flinging the book down, she buried her head in her hands. “I have to make it! I just have to!”
CHAPTER 26
The next morning, Maude came flying down the staircase shortly after dawn looking for Sarah. “You’re up!” she exclaimed when she found her student poring over her books in the library.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“What you need is some exercise. Gets the brain going. Catch me if you can!”
Sarah grinned, threw the book down, and raced after Maude. She flew out the front door, across the verandah, and down the walk. By the time she rounded the fountain, she was able to tag her, and they both burst out laughing.
“Let’s outrage the neighborhood by running to town and back,” Maude suggested as she bounded toward the gate. “Are you up for it?”
Sarah laughed as she followed. “I’m up for it, but I don’t know about the neighbors.”
“They need shaking up,” Maude called over her shoulder as they reached the corner. “Far too complaisant and—” She rounded the bend and startled a horse so much it whinnied in fear.
“Norbert!” Sarah exclaimed as she spotted the rider and skittered to a stop. “What on earth are you doing here?”
“Pa sent me. Mama’s having pains, and we need you to come home.”
“It’s way too early for the baby to come!”
Norbert shrugged. “Happens all the time, don’t it?”
Maude glared at him. “Let’s go back and get the buggy. I’ll drive you out.”
“Ain’t no need for that,” Norbert said. “Sally knows how to ride. Or at least she used to ’fore she got so fancy. Hitch up that fine skirt of yours, girl, and get behind me.”
“Shall I send the doctor out?” Maude asked.
“Ain’t no need. Pa’s called the midwife over. Come on, girl!” Norbert reached down, and, when Sarah grasped his hand, he swung her up behind him and kicked the horse into action.
“We’ll be praying, Sarah!” Maude called after her.
***
When Sarah reached her mother’s bedside, she was overcome with sickening fear and guilt. This is my fault! If only I’d been here to help her. Oh God! Please help her!
“I know what ... you’re ... thinking.” Mama’s voice was raspy between pants. “And I won’t have ... you thinking like that. This ain’t your fault.”
“If I’d been here to help—”
“Wouldn’t have made a bit of difference. You were right here when I lost those three before Kazi.”
“But those were always earlier—”
Her mother gasped and flung her arm up to grab the spindled headboard. “Promise me!”
Sarah leaned in close
r. “Anything, Mama. Anything.”
Her mother groaned as her face contorted.
Oh God! Please! Please ... Sarah could not even formulate a sentence.
“Don’t ... let ... nothing ... stop you! I ain’t gonna get another chance.”
Sarah’s heart jolted, and bile rose into her throat. “Don’t say—”
“Promise me!”
Sarah sobbed. “I promise!” She threw herself onto her mother’s chest and lifted her into her arms. “But you can’t leave me. I won’t let you!”
“The baby! It’s coming.”
Sarah scrambled to the end of the bed as her mother bent her knees and wailed. In less than a minute, Sarah caught the emerging child and held it as it sucked in breath. And then the tiny form went limp.
“Pa!” Sarah yelled, and when he bolted into the room, she held out the still form to him. “Do something!”
Pa just shook his head and turned back to the door. “Midwife’s getting out of her buggy right now.”
“Get her!” Sarah screamed at his back.
“Ain’t no hurry.”
Volcanic fury exploded in Sarah. “This can’t happen!” She sat on the edge of the bed, lay the bluish baby in her lap, and frantically massaged its chest. “Breathe! Oh, please, breathe!”
The midwife lumbered in and stared at the child. “That one ain’t gonna breathe,” she pronounced. “It’s come too early. Just wrap it in something.”
Sarah stared down at the limp body, her quivering hands still hovering over the tiny form. A perfectly formed, tiny girl lay in her lap. Her sister. She took one breath, just one breath. That’s all the life she got.
From somewhere far in the distance, Sarah heard a wail. Someone, something was expressing such anguish she could not bear to hear it. She clapped her bloody hands over her ears, and it was only then when the sound refused to diminish, that she knew she was listening to the wail of her own voice, the cry of her own soul.
“Sally!” Her mother shook her. “Sally, honey, don’t cry like that. I can’t bear it! Please, Sally.”
“It’s a girl,” Sarah’s wail turned to a sob. “Oh, Mama, it’s a girl.”