by Kay Moser
***
Jana scrubbed the farmhouse floors.
***
Lee Logan paced.
***
Only General Gibbes, the seasoned soldier who had led thousands of men into battle, was at peace. He had long ago recognized the warrior in Sarah.
***
Sarah closed the last examination booklet a full minute before the prompter called time and demanded that all pencils be put down. She stroked the front cover, her fingers lingering over the title, Entrance Exam, Travis College, Mathematics, before continuing down to her own name neatly printed at the bottom. Sarah Novak. Her name. It was her name! In spite of all the months of hoping and studying and fighting her way here, it seemed unreal that her name could be on an entrance examination. She focused on the title and smiled at the word “mathematics.” Dear Maude ... she had saved her in this, her weakest subject. In Latin, history ... in so much. And Miss Victoria. Was there any way to overestimate the part she had played? And Mrs. Boyd, with her quiet confidence, the joy that flashed across her face at the sight of Sarah. Mama ... Sarah’s thoughts rested on her mother’s sacrifices. There was no way to measure such devotion.
“Your booklet, please!” A stern voice at Sarah’s side jerked her back to the present.
“Results will be posted on Wednesday at noon on the bulletin board outside the entry of Brooks Hall,” the proctor announced. “Those who achieve a composite score of eighty or above will be invited to enter the Teacher Training Course of 1896. Those who fall below the requisite score of eighty may take the exam again next May. No doubt you know that one of you, the top-scoring applicant, will be offered a full scholarship. Best wishes to you all. You are dismissed.”
A general hubbub of excited conversation erupted around Sarah, but she silently gathered her things and hurried to the door. She had a desperate need to fill her lungs with fresh air and to feel the sunshine on her face. Much to her surprise, when she descended the steps of the impressive building, she was met by Miss Victoria. The lady looked as tired as Sarah felt.
“You’ve done it!”
“I have. It was difficult and oh, so long! But I think I passed.”
Miss Victoria grabbed and hugged her. “Let’s celebrate! We’ll have the grandest tea ever. I’ll send a note to Christine and General Gibbes. Hayden is most likely waiting for us right now; after all, it is past five.” She hustled Sarah toward the waiting carriage. “Take us home, Sam,” Miss Victoria ordered. “We have some celebrating to do.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Sam beamed as he jumped down to help Miss Victoria, but when he turned to Sarah, she stepped back.
Her chest tightened, and tears of memory stung her eyes as a silent voice called her. With all her heart she wanted to go home. Mama ... Yes, she must celebrate with Mama, her first and most enduring advocate. With Mama ... and Rose.
“I’m sorry, Miss Victoria.” She looked up into her mentor’s sparkling eyes and stammered, “I—I must go home.”
Miss Victoria studied her a few seconds, then a knowing smile lifted her lips. “Of course, you must. Climb in, and we’ll take you.”
Sarah shook her head. “I need to walk.”
Miss Victoria held out her hand to Sarah. “We’ll take you halfway.” When Sarah still hung back, Miss Victoria added, “You’ll always be your mother’s daughter, Sarah, but there’s no longer any need for you to travel the entire distance between her and town on foot.”
Miss Victoria’s allusion to Sarah’s life-altering progress deflated the pressure in Sarah’s chest. “That’s true, isn’t it?”
Miss Victoria laughed. “It is. Come on.”
Halfway to the farm, Miss Victoria ordered Sam to stop, and she gave Sarah a hug. As Sarah climbed down from the carriage, Miss Victoria said, “Give my love to your mother. I know she’s twice as proud of you as I am, and that’s more than either of us could express.”
Sarah watched as Sam turned the team around, and she waved as they headed back to town. Then she was alone in the band of ancient pine forest that separated the hills overlooking the river from the cleared fields of cotton land. Dusk had already come to this deeply shaded area, and the birds were feeding one last time before night. Sarah stood perfectly still and watched and listened. The tiny chickadees, sparrows, and finches chattered as they swooped in on graceful arcs and foraged among the pine needles. The ever-present Texas mockingbirds stubbornly retained their thrones on the highest points in the forest and arrogantly sang their varied repertoire. But it was the crimson flash of the cardinal that momentarily stopped Sarah’s breath. Overcome with awe, she watched as he glided past her in a glorious sweep of color and swooped to the top of the blooming white dogwood. His dramatic entry into the commonplace woodland scene reminded her of Miss Victoria’s victory over the drabness of Riverford and the stunning changes in her own life. Here in this forest, she recognized her place halfway between the opportunities of the town and the needs of those who desired and deserved to rise above the drudgery of the farm. Here she was content.
Sarah hurried on, and when she had left the woods behind and stood on the hilltop overlooking the farm, she was not surprised to find her mother climbing that hill toward her, holding out her arms. Quite naturally, without a word between them, they met halfway and turned toward Rose’s grave. They knelt next to the small mound and watched the sun set. In the farmhouse below, Pa and the boys ate.
***
On Wednesday at noon, Sarah stood at the bottom of the stone steps and stared up at the bulletin board that had been placed on the portico of Brooks Hall, the massive administration building of Travis University. Long, agonizing minutes ticked away as other students milled around her, joking about their nervousness and guessing who would surely make the top score. Their voices were like the annoying whine of mosquitoes to Sarah, for the dominant sound she heard was the heavy, rapid thump of her own pulse. What if I don’t—she stopped her thought and turned to seek out the encouraging face of Miss Victoria, who had seated herself on a bench down the promenade. Oh, dear God, please ... I can’t let her down. I just can’t.
Sarah’s breathing became shallow; nausea flared. Frantically, she sought a pacifying object to focus on and chose the gleaming white flowers of a nearby magnolia. I’ll count the flowers! Very slowly ... yes. One, two, three ... She scanned the giant tree, moving her eyes from top to bottom, pausing to reflect on each blossom. But still her anxiety grew. The sun became unbearably hot, her mind grew hazy, but she counted on. Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty—Lee! Sarah’s mouth fell open. Lee Logan stood at the base of the tree. Tall, tanned, and immaculately groomed in his white shirt and banker’s black suit, he was smiling at her.
Sarah’s anxiety evaporated. She smiled back at him as she sensed a rush of eager people flash past her and up the steps. She was still smiling at Lee when she heard a young man demand, “Who in tarnation is Sarah Novak?”
“That girl down there,” a female voice answered.
“Her? You can’t be serious.”
Another young man protested, “But isn’t she one of those immigrant farm girls from across the river?”
“She is, but I hear she’s been tutored all year by Mrs. Hodges.”
“No girl’s ever made the top score ’cause we all know girls can’t learn mathematics.”
“This means she’ll get the scholarship!” another girl shouted.
Sarah whirled and viewed the steps, which were filled with those who had taken the exams, staring down at her. Her leaden legs struggled as she made her way to the notice board. There it was. Her name, Sarah Novak, at the top of the list. She had earned the highest score! She gasped and wheeled around, a radiant smile on her face, seeking Miss Victoria. That lady sprang to her feet. In Sarah’s peripheral vision, she saw Lee step forward and hold his clasped hands above his head in a sign of victory.
“Well, at least I made it in,” a girl said, “but I sure could have used that scholarship.”
A young m
an snorted. “Give a scholarship to a girl? Don’t be ridiculous.”
Sarah fought her temptation to tear the list of test scores off the bulletin board and kiss it. More than anything, she wanted to take it home to her mother. Before temptation could overcome her, she was jostled by the other students as they descended the steps, carrying her along with them. Miss Victoria flew forward and enclosed her in a tight hug.
“You did it! Oh, Sarah, you did it. We must telegraph Maude at once. She’ll be waiting to hear.”
“Mama …”
“Oh, of course! She must be the first to hear the news, but then we’ll race back into town and spread the news. We’ll telegraph Maude and then drop by to see Christine and General Gibbes, and of course, we must tell Lavinia—”
“She’ll already know. Lee was here.”
“Here? When?”
“Just now. Standing over there by the magnolia.”
Miss Victoria smiled. “I see. And how do you feel about that?”
Sarah shook her head. “Glad, I think. Yes, glad and honored.”
Miss Victoria grinned and hugged her. “Someday, Sarah ...”
Sarah laughed at her. “No, not now. Don’t worry.”
***
When the Hodges carriage drew up to the farmhouse, Sarah’s mother was waiting on the porch. “I heard you coming. Oh, Sally! Just look at your face. You passed!”
Sarah tumbled out of the carriage and into her mother’s arms. “Oh, Mama! I made the highest score. I won the scholarship!”
“The highest score?” Mama pushed Sarah back and stared into her excited face. “You won the scholarship?”
“Yes! Can you believe it?”
Mama pulled her close again. “Oh yes, my precious girl. I can believe it. All your work. All our prayers …” She turned her face toward the house. “Kazimir! Sally’s here. She won the scholarship! Isn’t it wonderful?”
Pa stepped out of the door, his work hat in his hand.
“Isn’t it wonderful, Kazimir? Sally’s gonna be a teacher!”
Pa stared down at Sarah, the crease in his forehead deepening. “Appears to me you got a heap of work ’head of you, girl.”
“But it’s work that prepares her to use her gifts!” Miss Victoria protested.
Pa’s face reddened, and Sarah held her breath as he met Miss Victoria’s eyes. “All comes out in the wash, don’t it? In the end, she’ll be running a house and raising kids.”
“If she chooses to, but she will now have a choice!”
“That choice was made when she was born a girl.” Pa clapped his straw hat on his head. “Just like mine was, and I gotta get on with running this farm, so as I can feed my family.” He strode off the porch.
“Please don’t be offended, Mrs. Hodges,” Mama whispered. “He can’t see beyond the normal way of things.”
Miss Victoria smiled. “I understand. Believe me, I’ve known many men and women who think as he does. Well, now, on to the celebration. Will you join us for tea this afternoon, Mrs. Novak?”
Mama ducked her head. “I best stay here and keep things running as normal.”
“Yes, of course. No doubt that is the best way to help Sarah.”
Sarah took her mother’s rough hands in hers. “I’ll stay with you, Mama.”
Mama’s head popped up. “No, you won’t, young lady! You’ll go and celebrate your victory. Lord knows, there’s few enough of them in life. Enjoy this one!”
Miss Victoria beamed. “A woman after my own heart.”
CHAPTER 28
As she slipped into her dressing gown, Victoria watched Hayden sleepily flip open the morning paper that Frances had put on her tea tray. Seconds later, he abruptly sat up straight and thrust the front page at her.
“Victoria! Look at this!”
Yawning, she reached for the teapot. “Hayden, not now. You know I need my tea before I can—”
“Look!” He stuck the paper under her nose.
She sighed and, in a voice still raspy from sleep, read the headline aloud, “‘Warren Oates Wins Scholarship.’ What?” She ripped the paper from Hayden’s hands and continued reading. “Travis Normal School has awarded its one-year scholarship to Warren Oates Jr., a recent graduate of Riverford High School. According to Mr. Jacob Ousley, Superintendent of Travis Normal School, ‘The purpose of our teacher training program is to produce future leaders in education for Riverford County and the great state of Texas. Consequently, Travis Normal School annually chooses the young man who demonstrates the most superior gifts of scholarship, integrity, and leadership.’”
Victoria crushed the newspaper in her hands.
“Try to keep calm, Victoria.” Hayden reached out to her, but she shoved his hand away.
“Calm? You expect me to be calm?” Victoria sprang from her chair. “They have stolen Sarah’s scholarship! She earned it fair and square by making the highest score on that exam.”
“Apparently, they passed her over because—”
“I don’t need you to tell me why they passed her over! She is a girl and considered to be of no use to this society except as a brood mare. Say something, Hayden! How can you be so calm?”
“Victoria, please, keep your voice down. You’ll have Sarah in here before—”
“Oh, dear God! Poor Sarah!”
“We have to think this through carefully, Victoria.” Hayden walked toward the window.
“There’s nothing to think through. We’re going to fight this! Sarah won fair and square, and we’re not going to allow her to be cheated out of her future.” Victoria paused and ran her hands through her hair. “Oh, Hayden! How on earth are we going to tell her?”
“We may not have to.”
“What?”
“Her father is coming in the gate.”
“Now?”
“Now. I’ll go meet him on the verandah.” Hayden hurried to the door. “You stay here.”
“Not on your life. I’ll be down in two minutes.” Victoria dashed to the wardrobe.
When she raced down the stairs moments later, she found Hayden and Mr. Novak in the main hall. Hayden was utilizing his strongest diplomatic skills, but failing in his attempt to calm Sarah’s father.
“I assure you there has been a mistake,” Hayden insisted.
“Ain’t no mistake. I’s at the general store and saw the newspaper. Sally’s coming home with me before she becomes the laughingstock of this town.”
“If you could just give me today, I give you my word that I—”
“I ain’t doubting your word, Mr. Hodges, but the fact is that college don’t want Sally, and she ain’t gonna make a fool of herself any longer. We Novaks may be just farmers, but we got our pride just like anybody else.”
“But Sarah made the highest score on the exam, Mr. Novak,” Victoria intervened. “Surely she deserves a chance to get an education, and my husband and I will—”
“I said it from the beginning, and I’m saying it again. She don’t need no education. She’s got a fine man waiting to marry her.”
“Pa!” Sarah cried as she raced down the staircase. “What’s wrong? Is it Mama?”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with your mama. You just ain’t going to no teacher school, that’s all. I come to get you and take you home where you belong.”
“But ... but.” Sarah turned to Victoria. “I don’t understand.”
“They gave the scholarship to a boy,” Victoria muttered. “But this is not over—”
“It’s over!” Mr. Novak insisted. “I’m Sally’s pa, and I say what she’s gonna do, and she’s coming back to the farm.”
“But, Pa—”
“Weren’t meant to be, Sally. I told you and your mama, but would you listen? No. Now, go put on your own clothes. You won’t be needing those fancy things.”
Sarah froze.
“Get a move on!” He shoved her toward the staircase. “We got work to do. The Sykora women are coming to can and preserve today with your mama. Now get on! I’ll
wait for you in the wagon.”
As Sarah trudged up the stairs, Victoria stepped forward. “Mr. Novak—”
“I’ll be taking my girl home now, Mrs. Hodges. Good day to you!” He turned on his heel and stalked out.
Victoria raced after him, but Hayden caught her. “Let it go, Victoria.”
She glared up at him.
“Sometimes you just have to let it go.”
Victoria shook his arms away, turned and raced toward the stairs.
“Victoria! We’ve done everything we can do. We lost. Now let it go.”
She wheeled around to face him. “Never!”
***
As the wagon rocked its way up the hillside, leaving Riverford behind, Sarah slumped next to her pa, but her physical posture belied the battle inside her. A whirlwind of voices screeched through her mind, whipping her emotions into feuding tornadoes that fought to rule her reality.
You was born a girl, Sally. Ain’t nothing gonna change that.
My daughter’s gonna have more!
You can make a difference in the world, Sarah. But not up here by this grave. Not on this farm.
Give a scholarship to a girl? Don’t be ridiculous!
I will not forget you, Rose. I will fight harder because you can’t fight at all. I will change this world!
They gave the scholarship to a boy.
Never underestimate God’s power to bring about what He intends.
Exhausted by the onslaught of contradictory messages, Sarah leaned her head into her hands, but the voices sharpened and became more virulent, darting at her like hornets.
“Born a girl ... make a difference ... gonna have more ... will not forget ... never underestimate God ...” The phrases buzzed and dove in her brain until she jerked up straight and flung her arms in the air to bat them away.
“What’s wrong with you, girl?” Pa demanded.
She stared at him, her lips pinched shut to prevent her thoughts from bursting forth as words. After months of hard work, wrenching doubts, and tantalizing rays of hope, I finally made it. Now it’s all swept away! And you ask what’s wrong with me?
She turned away from him, watching the town disappear as they progressed over the hill. They entered the pine forest. Bushes waved their new spring leaves in the breeze. Sunlight filtered lazily through the pines, and squirrels scampered and leaped. All going on as it always had. Even the birds were singing their morning praises. Nothing had changed. The rhythms of life continued as if Sarah’s newly created hope-filled world had not just been obliterated. She shook her muddled head. I earned the highest score, but here I am in the wagon, returning to the farm. How has this happened?