Dr. deSoyza, however, wondered if Karly was under too much stress. Maybe all these changes had created anxiety for Karly, causing her to act out. Anxiety in children can sometimes result in hair loss. Maybe Karly was displaying symptoms of trichotillomania.
Trichotillomania is a hair-pulling disorder, a mental disorder that creates an irresistible urge to yank out hair from the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or pubic area. Less than one percent of the nation’s population suffers from it. Most often hair is pulled from the scalp, causing unsightly bald patches, the kind observed in Karly during that visit. Anxiety, tension, loneliness, fatigue, and frustration are all common triggers.
Lots of little girls and even some big ones will sometimes chew on long strands of hair, or twirl a strand round and round as a nervous gesture. Sarah did this. Like people who bite their nails, they’ll unconsciously tug at their hair. Someone who suffers from trichotillomania will actually yank the hair out.
Dr. deSoyza told me she never intended trichotillomania to be a definitive diagnosis.
“There was never an official diagnosis,” deSoyza said. “It was just one of several possible causes for Karly’s hair loss that were discussed. I found it so bizarre that it was made into such a huge thing. Well, I didn’t even know it was a huge thing until I was testifying in court. I wondered why everyone kept asking about it and talking about it. Like I said, it was very strange to me that they made it a central thing when it never was an official diagnosis.”
Assumptions can be like poorly packed luggage, always in need of resorting. There was never any material evidence that Karly was yanking out her own hair. There were no reports of globs of hair found on pillows where Karly slept, or hairballs on any of the bathroom counters, or even in front of the television set. There was not indisputable physical proof that Karly was in any form or fashion harming herself. That opinion was all based upon false assumptions and a handful of lies.
Sarah was adamant that she wasn’t taking Karly around Shawn, wasn’t leaving her alone with him. Everyone assumed she was telling the truth. Why would a mother lie about such a thing? Dr. deSoyza asked.
Dr. deSoyza has a difficult time reconciling her image of Sarah with the woman who repeatedly put Karly in danger. “One of the reasons the state investigators didn’t pursue things further is because Sarah told us she observed Karly hurting herself. Sarah said she saw Karly hitting herself, pulling her own hair. You just don’t think a mother would lie about something like that,” deSoyza mused. “It was obvious that when Sarah was with her boyfriend Karly wasn’t tolerating the situation very well. When Sarah said she was moving out, we were all very pleased. It didn’t occur to me that she would go back to him. I don’t know who is responsible to check up, to make sure Sarah kept her word. I’m a doctor, not a policeman.”
And policemen aren’t doctors, either. If a child’s own doctor doesn’t suspect child abuse as the primary cause of deteriorating health, why should anyone else?
“When Sarah said she had moved out of her boyfriend’s place, I thought, ‘Finally a good decision. Shoosh! We dodged a bullet there!’” Dr. deSoyza said.
The relief Dr. deSoyza felt was short-lived.
Chapter Twenty
Karly loved the Christmas dress her daddy bought her. With its red-velvet bodice, white satin sash, and white organza skirt, this was a dress befitting a true princess. Karly got all dolled up and twirled around the room, repeatedly calling, “Look, Daddy, look!”
Then she perched on the couch, ankles crossed daintily, so David could take her picture to send to the family back in Ireland. Her blonde hair, cut in a long pixie style, framed her sweet face. She playfully put a shiny silver tiara, replete with fake jewels, atop her head. All the while Karly smiled coyly, like a girl who knows she’s pretty and oh so loved. Like a little girl who knows that as long as she’s with her daddy, she’s safe.
David noticed the gun as soon as he walked into Matt Stark’s office.
It was Monday, December 6, 2004, the same day that David and Sarah took Karly for a follow-up visit with Dr. deSoyza. Matt Stark asked David to come by his office for a little chat. David was unaware that Detective Karin Stauder was going to be there as well.
It was her gun David noticed right off the bat. The cop kept it holstered at her hip. The room was business bleak. Cheap chairs, a sturdy table, and a whiteboard.
From a purely physical standpoint, Detective Stauder wasn’t imposing—not particularly tall or broad of shoulder or hip, but with the tomboy look of a girl who played softball. Her dark brown hair was thick and cut efficiently short. Around kids, Stauder has an engaging and kind smile. Around adults, however, she could appear stone-faced. But it was the gun that put David on alert, gave him a chill.
David naïvely thought Stark wanted to meet with him privately to discuss the problems created by Sarah’s ongoing relationship with Shawn. Given the chance to tell investigators, David would say that though he had nothing specific to blame on Shawn, he had his suspicions. He would say it was evident to him that Karly’s emotional and physical deterioration could be traced back to the appearance of Shawn in Sarah’s life.
He would let detectives know that when he attempted to ask Karly anything about Shawn, the child would get visibly upset. David was sure something bad was going on. He hoped Stark and Stauder would be able to get to the bottom of it—they were the experts after all, right?
Stark offered David a chair and made it clear his position was to act as an advocate for Karly. He told David the reason he and Detective Stauder had called him in was that he was under investigation for child abuse.
Allegations of child abuse?
David wasn’t sure he’d heard them correctly. How could he be under investigation? Nobody loved or cared for Karly better than David. Everyone knew that, didn’t they?
David outwardly kept his cool but inside he was angry with both Stark and Stauder.
“I spent the next thirty or forty-five minutes defending myself, drawing diagrams on the whiteboard recounting recent travel dates, answering their every question,” David recalled. “I mentioned Sarah’s moving in with Shawn but Stauder quickly responded that she had talked with Shawn and he had insisted Sarah had not moved in. Later that afternoon, when I was driving back up to Portland, I remembered Sarah had told me herself she was paying Shawn’s rent. I called Stark and pointed out that discrepancy.”
But Stark remained wishy-washy. He told David that he and Detective Stauder were “on the fence” about him.
David didn’t have to ask a second time what that meant. He understood that as far as Stark and Stauder were concerned David was guilty of something; they simply lacked proof to charge him.
Following their visit with David, Detective Stauder wrote up the following report:
I asked David if he has any ideas to the reason why Karly suffered from hair loss. David told me he first thought it was from stress due to the change in her visitations with him and Sarah. David said Karly is very regimented with regards to her schedule and when things change, she has a difficult time. David gave me an example of when he was scheduled to pick up Karly up from daycare. David was unable to pick her up, so Sarah picked her up instead. Karly yelled and screamed, throwing a temper tantrum and wanted him instead of her mom. David told me since about mid to end of October 2004, Sarah has moved in with Shawn and that Karly has sporadically stayed the night. David believes this change in Karly’s routine has caused her stress. I asked David if he suspects Sarah is abusing Karly and he said absolutely not. I asked David about Shawn and he said he did not have any reason to believe Shawn was hurting Karly.
David takes issue with Detective Stauder’s report. “I would never have described Karly as being regimented. If anything she was quite the opposite, and was very easygoing.”
Detective Stauder’s report also bothered me. Why would David tell the investigating officers he didn’t suspect Shawn? David may not have known all the ways in which Shawn was terroriz
ing his daughter, but David was sure Shawn was the source of Karly’s distress. I asked David why he told Detective Stauder otherwise.
“I clearly remember answering the question,” David said. “And diplomacy definitely played a part. I’d spoken with a good friend the weekend prior to the interview and he told me I was coming across as very angry about the whole thing. He suggested I should tone down my rhetoric, because ‘they’ would pick up on it.”
Once Matt Stark told David at the beginning of the interview that he was under suspicion of child abuse, David immediately went on the defense. “I felt the interview changed from how to protect Karly to how to get me.”
David worried Detective Stauder and Matt Stark were setting a trap for him. He was not being paranoid. Detective Stauder did, indeed, ask Sarah the next day if she believed David was abusing Karly. But state’s investigators never singled Sarah out as a suspect for child abuse and neglect the way they did David.
If anything, the system granted more protection to Sarah than it did to Karly. Too many officials who implement family law in our states cling to an archaic belief that mothers are good, and any mother’s failure is more likely the result of ignorance than intent. Even when, as was the case with Karly, there is reason to warrant charges of willful negligence, if not downright abuse, many people in the system are loathe to recognize some women are unfit mothers.
David was guarded in speaking about his dealings with Sarah. It seemed to David that those charged with protecting Karly viewed Sarah more as a victim than as a perpetrator.
David entertained thoughts of taking Karly and running with her, perhaps back to Ireland. But he worried running would make it look like he had something to hide. And suppose law enforcement officials caught him? He risked being deported and losing Karly forever.
Believing he was trapped, David could only trust the system. It failed him—miserably. The state’s investigation did little to resolve the issues confronting Karly. On the other hand, it fueled David’s fear of deportation. He thought about it constantly. “Blithely saying ‘deportation crossed my mind’ downplays the reality of it for me. I was acutely aware of it,” he said. In truth, David was terrified of being sent away from Karly.
We usually associate the term “deportation” with illegal immigrants, dark-skinned people with dark eyes, not the blue-eyed blonds among us.
Yet, despite his whiteness and the fact that he was in this country legally, David was keenly aware that when it came to matters of the state, he was an immigrant, an outsider, a person of suspect.
“The authorities have significant leverage over immigrants,” David said. “I think being an immigrant diminished the fact that I was a law-abiding, taxpaying, economically active responsible parent. I was unlike Shawn in every way. I was the stability in Karly’s life. I was very concerned about never seeing Karly again. I could not bear to think of her growing up thousands of miles and a border away from me.”
Sarah had nothing to fear the following day, December 7, 2004, when she met with Matt Stark and Detective Stauder at the state offices in Albany. Stauder kept notes about that meeting as well:
I asked Sarah if she has any ideas to the reason why Karly suffered from hair loss. Sarah believed it was due to stress. Sarah told me that after she moved in full time with Shawn, Karly would ask her where “daddy” was and why he didn’t live with her. Sarah mentioned Karly was fine as long as they were just visiting at Shawn’s, but once she moved in full time it really seemed to bother Karly.
Sarah mentioned that Karly gets used to a set schedule and when it changes she has a difficult time coping. I asked Sarah if she thought David was abusing Karly and she told me no. Sarah told me David is a “terrific dad.” When I asked Sarah about Karly saying David hits her in the head she told me she did not know why Karly said that. She does not believe he does.
I told Sarah sometimes an abuser will pick the pulling of hair to abuse their victim because there are no visible signs of injury, just the complaint of the victim. Sarah told me she spoke with Karly’s doctor at length and she said the doctor told her about a disorder called “Trichotillomania”—the pulling of hair and that Karly may suffer from the disorder.
Sarah clearly said that the problems with Karly didn’t arise until after she moved in with Shawn. That should have been a red flag for investigators. Following the interview, Matt Stark filed the following report:
12.07.2004
Sarah indicated that Karly’s hair loss was due to stress around changes to her schedule and spending more time at Shawn’s house. Ms. Sheehan said Karly can’t accept that her mom and dad are not together and she is not happy sharing her mother with Shawn and Kate.
Karly was only three months old when her parents first separated. How could she not be adjusted to her parents living apart?
Stark made a similar record of the interview.
Ms. Sheehan does not suspect abuse by Shawn or David. She indicated that David is a good dad. She could not explain why Karly said her dad hits her head and does not believe it is true. Ms. Sheehan indicated that she talked with Karly’s doctor regarding a condition called Trichotillomania and that Karly may have suffered from the disorder. Ms. Sheehan agreed to contact the Old Mill Center to get Karly into counseling.
If Sarah believed David was a good dad, and not abusing Karly, why was she keeping a detailed journal to the contrary?
11.19.04. Friday
Karly woke up in a good mood, having had a good night sleep. She had a bath and breakfast. While helping me put laundry away, Karly began to cry & told me she did not like it when her daddy pulled her hair. I said, “Who pulls your hair Karly?” & she said, “Daddy David pulls my hair like this.” She then grabbed a small strand of hair & lifted up, but did not pull it out. I asked her to stop crying & told her it was okay. She stopped crying, but said she was scared of her daddy several times. Later this morning, again Karly saying she is scared of her daddy, that he pulls her hair. I ask why & she said, “It’s not fair, Mommy.”
This whole entry is a total fabrication that Sarah later admitted to in court. Karly wasn’t with Sarah that night or the next morning; she was with her father the entire time. Sarah said Shawn forced her to make these journal entries targeting David as Karly’s abuser.
Most every failure in this case is tethered to some lie, some deception, and some denial. The question must be asked: why would a woman who has only been in a relationship with a man for less than three months go to such great lengths to construct elaborate lies? What would compel Sarah to frame her ex while allowing her child to be abused by a man she barely knew?
Addressing Shawn before a crowded courtroom, Sarah identified who she considered responsible for Karly’s death: “I’m angry at God for allowing you into our lives, only so you could take hers.”
We blame God when children die as a way of deflecting the truth, a way to shift responsibility away from the real source: ourselves.
Chapter Twenty-One
Unfounded for abuse!
On December 7, 2004, upon the recommendation of Detective Karin Stauder and Matt Stark, the Oregon Department of Human Services ruled the case for abuse of Karly Sheehan closed.
Detective Stauder’s report stated:
Case Unfounded. Based on the information I learned in my investigation, I do not believe Sarah or David are physically abusing Karly; nor anyone else I identified. I believe the cause and start of Karly’s hair pulling is the result of her new living arrangement with her mother moving in with her boyfriend. According to Sarah, Karly was fine when she visited her at her boyfriend’s house, but when she actually moved in with her boyfriend it caused a great deal of stress for Karly.
Stauder did not reach this ruling in isolation. She depended upon the insights and input of Matt Stark. Tasked by the Oregon Department of Human Services with providing for the protection of minor children, it was Stark who decided “there was no reasonable cause to believe Karly was the victim of physical abuse. She d
id not provide a statement herself to indicate she had been.”
Ninety percent of the 1,500 children who die in this country every year as a result of child abuse are age three and under. Experts believe abusers choose their prey based upon a child’s very inability to tattle.
Experts in the field say fear is the most common reason children don’t report their abusers. Many victims recount stories of telling their mothers of abuse, only to be confronted with doubt and disbelief, or worse yet, to be accused of lying outright. Karly may have tried to tell her mother that Shawn was hurting her, only to be dismissed or reprimanded for it.
It is oddly coincidental that I sit typing this six years to the day since Detective Stauder and Matt Stark concluded three-year-old Karly was not the victim of child abuse. It’s a cold, rainy, dark day in Oregon. Over the random airwaves of Pandora, Celtic Woman, a female ensemble, is singing “Away in the Manger”: “Be near me, Lord Jesus, I ask you to stay close by me forever and love me I pray. Bless all the dear children in thy tender care and take us to heaven to live with you there.”
I am overcome with a sorrow darker than a starless midnight. As a woman of faith, I look for comfort in my beliefs, but if faith becomes our balm for such heinously wrong acts, doesn’t that serve to make us bystanders, if not participants, in such evils?
Up on the mountain where Karly’s maternal grandparents reside, the driving conditions are often dangerous during the winter. Years ago, the new head football coach from Pendleton, his wife and two daughters were killed there. The family had gone in search of a Christmas tree. They were headed back to town with it loaded onto their truck when angry winds bit off a chunk of an evergreen near the road and spit it out. The tree struck the truck’s windshield and killed them on impact.
Theirs was the only group funeral I’ve ever attended. I remember the younger girl’s casket best. It was shiny pink, and oh, so tiny. A bassinette crafted from cold metal, designed to deliver a child straight to God’s front door. The Bentley of coffins. A coffin not unlike the one that delivered Karly from evil. The “system” was supposed to do that, and keep her alive, but we all failed her. We are all guilty.
A Silence of Mockingbirds Page 10