by Lexie Ray
He talked about his job, and his hopes and fears regarding it. Well, mostly fears. There was hardly hopefulness in his wording, or in his tone for that matter. Haley was overrun by muddled thoughts. When she first met Preston his job was his life. He was focused on being the best of the best, and nothing could stop him or bring him down from the high that he felt every time his work was so much as even mentioned.
But that Preston seemed to be missing in action, at the moment. Instead, he spoke of negativity. “I’m getting this promotion, but I’m not really sure I want it...” he trailed. His head was down, and he looked at his fiddling hands. She watched him longingly, and sensing her misunderstanding, he continued, “I love business. I love making sales, and I love making money, but after so many years of working and missing out on so many things, I’m not sure it’s all worth it. Lucas is going to be a teenager soon, and I honestly couldn’t tell you the first thing about his personality. Sophie is gaining on age too – and all I know is she’s too old for a car seat now. When did all of this happen? I looked into the mirror a few months ago and I was no longer twenty-four years old. Is this promotion going to be worth it?”
“I have something for you,” she mustered up the courage to say as she reached out her arm to find the charm bracelet which dangled across her wrist. With a small amount of concentration and a whole lot of jingling of the silver clasp, she finally took it off. She fingered through the charms and finally removed one. A teddy bear.
“It’ll look beautiful on me,” he joked as she handed him the small silver bead.
“No, jackass. I’m giving it to you because it was my mother’s. I’m not giving it to you forever. It’s just to give you luck until you figure things out. Then, I want you to do me a favor.”
“Anything,” he whispered sweetly.
“Give it to Sophie. When she’s old enough,” she responded, a slight tear glistening in her eye.
“Give it to her yourself...” he trailed off, but was soon interrupted by her soft but direct rebuttal.
“We both know that I won’t be around when she’s older... We both know where this leads, and it’s nowhere. It can’t. You have a family – and guess what? It’s my family, too. How can you expect anyone to ever look at me again when they find out? And if they don’t – then what? I’m your mistress forever? Because we can’t just call it off now. I love you, you idiot. We have already crossed the point of no return. There’s no acting like it didn’t happen. It’s happened three times – and if you count this date – four.”
She was full on sobbing now. She knew it was all inevitable, the chaotic destruction of their lives as they knew them. She didn’t know how the cards would all fall just yet, but she knew that when they did – they wouldn’t be good. There was no winning this hand.
He sat up and pulled her with him. He grasped at her with everything he had, and she did the same. They held each other as she continued to cry the heaviest tears that she ever seemed to cry before; they were heavy with the burdening sadness that she felt with just the mention of losing the only family she had known for so many years.
~~~
“C’mon, we’ve been standing here for twenty minutes!” a male sounded throughout the crowded downtown bakery, his Bostonian roots prevalent in his speech as well as his demeanor. Spaces were nonexistent between bodies, as an uncountable amount of people swarmed the bakery’s ordering counter. People were everywhere and in no recognizable order. They were lined up at the beginning beside the register, but that small bit of order soon disappeared. People were crowded in between booths and tables, shoving against one another with every second that went by. No one could have left if they had wanted to. At least, not without having bumped into several bodies on the way.
“Thanks, have a great day!” Marissa yelled in a friendly manner, handing the scone to the first customer in line. “Where is Rachel?” she yelled to Joseph, who was rattling every pan in the kitchen. She breathed out in annoyance, her fears of losing it catching up to her.
She was losing her composure. Fast. She was used to busy days, but this was ridiculous. She didn’t really know why everyone and their mother seemed to pack in that morning like sardines in a can. Part of her was joyous, but a stronger part of her was stressed beyond every reality.
The Bostonian man reached the counter and began rattling off a large order. The frustration in his voice sounded through as he screamed over the lively crowd, and she could barely understand him. It wasn’t his accent that detoured her understanding, but rather the fact that he was incoherently screaming at her.
She asked him calmly to slow down, and then it was over. His rationale had left completely. He began to swear at her. Marissa wasn’t typically an emotional woman, but she felt her throat tighten as tears threatened to flow. Blame it on the stress, blame it on the crowd, blame the man if you will, but regardless, she was close to losing her equanimity.
Perhaps it was the man’s voice that bellowed through the shop and echoed to every crevice, or perhaps it was just intuition, but the next thing she knew Joseph had appeared. “I’ll take it from here,” he whispered, placing a caring hand on her shoulder. “What was your order, sir?” he asked the man, turning away from her.
She didn’t bother sticking around to listen. She walked away, which was at this very moment her best attempt at controlling her nerves and relaxing a bit. Flinging open the kitchen door, she took a deep breath, relieved that she was now divided by the chaos of the shop.
“Thank you, Joseph...” she breathed.
She wondered where her third set of hands was. Rachel. She worked most days with Marissa and was never late, so her absence was slightly worrisome, indeed. She began to make her way through the kitchen to the back office, ready to make a phone call to check in. A crash sounded suddenly the back exit, and there she was.
The full-bodied, voluptuous woman was quite a bit larger than Marissa, but in all other accounts she looked identical. Same flowing blonde hair, same blue eyes, same thick lips, and same pale skin. She was by all accounts, a perfect lookalike. But she supposed that made sense; they were sisters, after all.
“Sorry I’m late!” She was direct and hurried, grabbing her apron out of her over-sized tote quickly. She tossed the tote on the floor beside the exit door and threw on her apron before Marissa could even formulate words.
“I saw the line from the front, and I know – I know I’m the worst sister and employee ever! Hell, even Joseph is here! But I’m on it. I’ll get to baking!” She was almost panicked. Her mouth was running a mile a minute, and Marissa’s lips had opened and shut several times just trying to respond, but with every word Rachel spoke she realized it was unnecessary. Rachel was punishing herself more than she could ever punish her. So, shutting her mouth tightly, she let Rachel continue her apologetic rant.
“I woke up late this morning, and then that guy I’ve been telling you about texted me and asked to see me – and you know we’ve been hitting it off really well lately,” she began, completely frantic, “and I didn’t want to disappoint him...” she continued, trailing off, her guilt showing through.
“You’re fine, Rachel. Just get to work. And don’t let it happen again,” Marissa joked, extending her finger in a pointing fashion. She was feigning actually asserting the authority she had. No one took her seriously in that regard. They knew she couldn’t fire them. But they still respected her. They were the only two employees she had, besides herself, and they knew what that meant. It meant that they had to step up or she wouldn’t have to fire them. They would all be out of the job if they didn’t do their part.
Three employees were nothing compared to a lot of her competition, especially the chain bakeries. But they made it work. The three of them made a better team than six other teams combined. They had never taken on a Saturday this busy before, but they did it. As soon as Rachel made her way into the bakery, it went much smoother.
The line dwindled down in no time. Rachel baked while Marissa a
nd Joseph each took orders. It worked; they always made it work, so she wasn’t surprised. She was just happy to know that she had such a great team and that together they could accomplish anything, even the unexpected. Her bakery had done decently ever since opening it up thirteen years ago – but the last couple of years had been explosive. She wondered often if she might have to hire more people, but so far, they’d made it work.
The day began at noon and ended at 6:00. It was a short day, like every other Saturday, but it felt like longer. She was exhausted, and just ready to get home to her family and Haley. Saturday nights were always her favorite. After a short day and her bakery closed on Sunday, she was able to go home and enjoy her evening without a pending work day looming over her. She was able to relish family time with the four most amazing people in the world: her children, Preston, and Haley.
After Haley’s divorce, Marissa felt that all of them got even closer to her. They loved her before, but after she moved in with them four years ago it was like Marissa had inherited another sister, and what was even more convenient was that said sister cleaned, cooked, and cared for the kids, a luxury she surely didn’t receive from Rachel.
Marissa’s journey home was uneventful. She just wanted to get home. She wanted to see her family. But upon pulling into the garage, she noticed that Preston’s car was gone. She gently slid her gearshift into park, turned off the ignition, and opened the door, assuming that he had run out, eager to rid himself of the kids for a while.
She went inside through the garage, which opened to the mudroom, and noticed all the lights were off. The air was still; everything was calm. This was not the home of a family that had two preteens. If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought she crossed the threshold of another family’s home. But she quickly shrugged it off, threw her purse and keys on their respective hooks beside the door, and shouted in no particular direction and at no particular person. But no voices reciprocated her bellowing antics. No one was home. Not even Haley, whose car she was sure was still parked in the cul-de-sac drive.
Confused, she continued wandering through the house. She crossed through the kitchen and into the living room. She stopped quickly and suddenly, as if frozen in place. There was a slight must in the air; it was quite familiar, but she couldn’t place it. What was it? It wasn’t pleasant, but familiar...
Moments were spent trying to figure it out, but she soon gave up when she saw a pink note lying on the coffee table with a bottle of wine beside it. She squinted as she walked to it and pulled it up to her face so that she could read it through the dark.
Marissa,
Kids are at their friends.
I had to help Haley find a birthday present for Sophie, but we should be home soon. Here’s a bottle of your favorite red. Relax for a bit and we will be home shortly.
With all my love,
Preston
She was crestfallen. This was her favorite evening, and she was really looking forward to spending it with her family. She had to love Haley’s enthusiasm for the kids, though. She had never missed a holiday for them. It made it difficult for her, though, not only because she knew how much Haley made and really didn’t understand how she afforded the gifts, but also because the kids loved her so much.
She had to admit, a part of her was jealous that she got to spend more time with them than she had gotten to. But she was glad they loved her, because Marissa loved her too. In all honesty, she was their aunt. It didn’t matter if she was blood related or not; she was there, and she loved them.
But it wasn’t just the jealousy. It was also the fact that she knew that one day hearts would be broken. She never meant for Haley to become such a beloved aspect of her family; she never meant for Haley to become family at all. Because they knew that a nanny was a temporary position. The kids would be grown before long, and then what? Of course, Haley would still be Haley and they would still love her. But once she got employment elsewhere, would they really see her?
In fact, Marissa didn’t really know how Haley thought of them. Were they merely her employers and she their employee? Or was it something more? Now, Marissa knew that Haley loved her job and the kids. She could see it. It was etched across her face with every word she so lovingly uttered to them. It was in her eyes, in her hugs; it was in everything that she was. She loved those kids. But no one could blame her.
Marissa pitied Haley a little. She smiled. How could she envy as well as pity her? But she knew that despite the incredible love and devotion the kids felt towards Haley; she wasn’t their mother. Marissa was. Marissa was grateful for that, but sad for Haley – at the end of the day, she was their nanny, not their mother.
She wondered if Haley had ever wanted her own children. She also wondered if this job aided in the failure of her marriage and ultimately prevented her from having said children. She would never ask, but she felt so much for that young woman. At only twenty-two she had begun a career that she probably wasn’t ready for; the career of raising someone else’s children, but having no claim on them whatsoever.
She poured herself the wine, sat comfortably on the couch – and the smell hit her stronger than before. What was that? Still unable to place the smell, and assuming it was a mess the children had made, she made a mental note to have it cleaned and turned on the TV.
~~~~
"Fuck, Haley, we have to get back," he finally spoke as her mouth moved across his neck to nip at his flesh.
"You knew what would happen if you brought me out," she moaned when his hands finally started to wander. "I need it."
Preston's eyes protruded out of his head, and he groaned at her admission. “You just had it!” he yelled, trying to convince her to leave. She knew they had to leave soon. Marissa would be home by now, and it was a three hour drive home. But she really wanted it. If they were just secret lovers of the night, then she wanted to take full advantage of the time she had.
This evening had been magical. It had given her the opportunity to relive some of their closeness, their friendship. The last couple days had been pure lust, and now here they were, able to express the caring aspect. It was just like before the mistake happened. Only now, she wondered if it was really a mistake. She was being honest by allowing him to have his way with her. She was in love with him. She hadn’t known it until that night, but their passionate entanglement gave way to the boulder blockading the flood of emotions that she desperately hid within herself.
She was able to admit it now, and now that she was – she didn’t want to let it go. She wanted to feel it; she wanted to express it. Maybe it was because she knew they were on borrowed time that she felt desperate for it, or perhaps it was just that she hadn’t felt this way in so long and it was new and shiny. Whatever it was, Haley wasn’t ready to let go of it.
She grabbed his arms from her shoulders and with all her might pushed him backwards. She buried him in the mountain of pillows. In a bout of obvious reassessment, though not a logical one, Haley felt him loop his arms around her and tug her hips down so that they were flush with his own. Her blood soared at the shift in his eyes; they were now gleaming with passion and want. She grinned. “So you need it too, then?” she asked, amused.
"Oh, please tell me you're not teasing." Preston growled.
"Why don't you find out for yourself?"
He moaned viscerally as he surged his head upwards and latched onto her lips, tugging, teasing, and bruising just on the border of too much. She had to applaud his eagerness, though.
His zealous hands slid down her body, completely foregoing her shirt. He sped towards the zipper on her pants with vigor. He was obviously in a hurry, and truthfully, he should have been. He’d timed it so that they would only be gone for a couple of hours more after Marissa got home – and they were already behind schedule by over an hour. The realization brought her back to reality, and she climbed off of him. He groaned in protest, but when she looked sincerely into his eyes, she knew that he understood. He nodded, and together they
stood.
“So, you were teasing,” Preston joked, trying to soothe the blow they were each feeling. Time to go. Time to leave their world behind and enter into the real world. Their alternate universe was only borrowed time, after all, and it was likely – Haley thought with grief – that it always would be.
They hardly spoke on the drive home. They wanted to leave the evening in good standing, rather than talk about the issues that lay before them. They wanted to pretend it didn’t exist, but they knew as soon as they stepped into the threshold of the family’s home, it would become all too real.
And it was. It hit them like a ton of flaming bricks. As soon as they stepped in from the garage and crossed through the kitchen, they saw her. Asleep on the couch, the bottle of wine opened but only a small amount missing from it. Haley assumed that she must have conked out fairly early.
“Honey,” he whispered as he walked to her slumbering form.
Haley began to shake with nervous electricity. Seeing Marissa sleeping so soundly while they were off parading around together, lying and deceiving her while she worked all day, made her guilt rise again. She had to question her own morality. She consistently felt guilt ridden and then immediately forgot it all and continued committing the same wrongdoings that caused her guilt in the first place. She was a glutton for punishment, constantly repeating the same mistakes – it was a never-ending cycle.
“Hm?” she hummed, lingering between asleep and awake.
“Sorry we’re late. We lost track of time,” he explained, as he leaned over her and kissed her forehead.
Haley heard Marissa sigh in contentment, and she knew they were safe from suspicion. At least, as far as Marissa was concerned. Another day gone uncaught, but when would it end? Haley no longer had faith in herself around him; she knew that the cycle would continue on and on until something larger than both of them intervened. The question was, what was it going to be?