Now that dinner’s over, Chris and I are sitting in the lounge room while his folks get coffee and dessert.
Hopefully everything keeps going as smoothly as it has so far. Thank you, God. I knew you wouldn’t let me down and throw me to the wolves like a lamb to the slaughter at Easter.
‘Here you go, koritsi mou, your coffee.’ Wow, she called me koritsi mou: ‘my girl’. Why do I get the distinct feeling that I am being accepted into the clan? Why has Chris got such a smug look on his face?
‘Thanks.’ Oh, God, there’s mud cake on the table. Now my pants are ready to pop a button but it would be terribly rude of me not to at least try a small piece. This is delicious. Pure delight.
‘Now, Desi, you and Chris have been together for what – four months?’ Boy, she’s better at keeping track than me.
‘Yeah, about that.’
‘It’s so good, when two young people fall in love. So special.’ Now why couldn’t my mother be like this, instead of trying to put Chris through the wringer? ‘You know, Despina, when Chris made dinner for you that first time, I cooked all day for him.’ Hello, she cooked all day for him? And Chris took credit for it? He is so not going to live this down. ‘I’m so happy now I did.’
‘Ma! Please don’t give away all my secrets. I’d like Desi to stick around a little bit longer, you know.’ Oh, this is so cool.
‘I don’t know what you were worried about, Chris. Everything went fine.’ We’re finally back at Chris’s place, relaxing, while we really should be out jogging to work off all the food we ate today. I am not touching food for at least a week. I need to be on a liquid diet after today’s effort.
‘Who was worried? Who worked herself up into a panic so that she couldn’t breathe?’ I wish Chris’s selective memory would take a holiday or a break at least. I guess I will just have to distract it a little.
‘Chris, do we really need to recap on today?’ Hand on his chest, under his shirt, working my way up, other hand heading in the downward direction.
‘Are you trying to change the subject? Mmm?’ Bingo. Target found. Desired effect had. Where the hell did my top just go? I assume it’s probably in the same place as my bra.
‘Now would I try doing something so sneaky and underhanded?’ Lips on neck, hands on breasts, I think he’s almost fully distracted.
‘You would.’ Shallow breathing … I don’t think he’s going to argue with me about who was more worked up today. ‘Are you wearing what I think you are?’
‘Uh-ha. You gonna leave it sitting there or you gonna take it off?’ Oh, boy, that was bold. He brings out the best in me.
‘You wore a lace G-string to meet my mother?’ Edging down … edging down … oh, yeah, if he doesn’t hurry up I think I shall just orgasm right now. I have been waiting for him all day, wanting him all day. Sitting at lunch, sitting at the dinner table, all I could think of was how much I just want to be in Chris’s arms, always; to have him be a part of me, always; to have him within me, always. This is exactly where I want to be. Always.
‘You talk too much, honey. Make love to me, now.’ No more words needed.
‘Your wish is my command.’
Whose bloody mobile is that ringing? Go away, I’m busy.
‘Hmmm, you better answer that, babe.’
No, I do not want to answer that.
‘They’re not going to stop ringing.’
I am going to kill whoever is on the end of the line.
Absolutely kill them in a painful and torturous way.
‘What?’ So angry that I didn’t even check the screen to see who it is.
‘Hey, sis.’ If Tas is calling to recap on the day’s events I will kill him.
‘This better be good, Tas.’
‘Better than good, sis. I’m a daddy. Pops had the baby. We came to the hospital straight after lunch. Pops started to feel funny this morning but the doctor said she had ages to go, and you know we couldn’t miss you being tortured at lunch.’ He is making no sense at all and missing the most important information.
‘Boy or girl, Papa Tas?’ Chris is staring at me like I have lost my marbles for jumping around his bedroom naked.
‘Little girl. Get your arse to the hospital, Des.’ Click, he’s gone.
‘Chris we gotta go. Get your keys.’ I can’t drive; I’m too excited to be able to drive. ‘We’ll call a florist, order in pink. Pick it up on the way in. They’re at the Mercy Hospital.’ Why the hell is Chris just staring at me and not moving. ‘Come on, honey, get your keys, we gotta go!’ Got my bag, heading to the door.
‘Des.’ Why is he stopping me and slowing me down again?
‘What?’ I want to see my new niece.
‘Don’t you think we should get dressed first?’
Good point.
----------20----------
‘No, Ma.’ No way. That would be like making a grand announcement to the whole Greek community. It’s enough that Chris met my immediate family – I can’t believe that he actually survived it. There’s no way I’m going to unleash him on the rest of the clan.
I wish my mother would just shut up and let us enjoy ourselves. I swear, this is the last time Chris and I decide to watch a movie at my place. We can’t get any peace and quiet with Mum barging into my bedroom every five minutes and hissing in my ear. What if we were naked or something? Hey, that’s an idea. She’ll only have to walk in on us naked once and she won’t do it again.
Chris has already asked me three times what’s up. I can’t cover my mother’s true intentions for too much longer.
‘Ask him, Despina!’ Okay that was loud enough for Chris to hear clearly. Why does my mother love tormenting me so?
‘Ask me what?’ Great. Chris has now stopped focusing on the movie, giving his full attention to the war brewing between Mother and I.
‘Nothing.’
‘Ask him Despina or I will.’
Threats will not change my mind. My mother should know me better than that.
‘What is it, Thia?’ Good one Chris, grease up to my mother by using Greek terms of endearment. Lucky for me, I know he’ll have to decline her invitation. He already has plans.
‘Despina’s cousin Alexi get engaged.’ The bomb is dropping. ‘The party is Savato. We like you come, too.’ Kaboom! And now let’s wait for the nuclear fallout when Chris has to say no. Suffer, Mum, you thought you could beat me.
‘That would be great.’ Huh? Replay please. What the hell did Chris just say? Okay, I have to nip this in the bud.
‘You can’t come, sweetie. You have that work function on Saturday, remember?’ Sweet voice, dripping honey.
‘Actually, sweetie …’ Sarcastic smart arse. ‘It’s been postponed. I’m free on Saturday night.’
‘But, honey …’ I hope my tone of voice gets the message across. ‘When we RSVP’ed, we said four. That’s Mum, Dad, Yiayia and me. It’s too late to add anyone now.’ Problem fixed.
‘Is all right, Despina.’ Great. My mother to the rescue. ‘I call your Thia Aspasia last week, she say no worries. Is fix, okay.’
They’re trying to kill me. With my mother and my Thia Aspasia in cahoots I didn’t stand a chance. ‘You come, eh, Chris?’
‘Of course. I can’t wait.’
My mother is strutting out of my bedroom, triumphant, and Chris is giving me a big greasy grin. Who do I kill first?
Here we are outside the usual Wog reception centre. I can barely climb the stairs for the huge gift I’m carrying. Chris is all smiles; helping Yiayia out of the car, chatting to Dad. He’s got no idea what this evening is going to entail.
I already know who we’ll be sitting with: Sophia and her sleazeball husband, Spiro; Helen with her sidekick, George; and Roula with fiancé number fifty-three, or so it feels like, given that she has been engaged that many times.
I know just what is going to happen tonight. The focus of the evening will not be Alex and his fiancé – it will be Chris and I, with everyone trying to lay bets and pinpoin
t when we will be making an announcement. This is what I wanted to avoid.
‘Hi Thia. Congratulations for the children.’ Yeah, a long life to the kids but please make it a short evening. Shit, I better introduce Chris. How do I do this? As a friend? As my boyfriend? As my significant other? I think I might just run out of here now, cause a scene and be done with it. The pressure is too great.
‘Thank you, Despina. You next, eh?’ Hello Chris. How you?’ Well, who the hell needs introductions when my mother has been flapping her gums? The nerve of my aunty, wishing me my own wedding. I know it’s a standard thing with all wogs to wish all singles to be married soon, but does she have to be so blatantly obvious in front of Chris?
‘Good thanks. Thank you for inviting me. Congratulations for your children.’ Great, Chris the sweet talker is at it again. Does he have to be so nice to everyone he meets? He makes me look bad.
‘Lovely, lovely. Very nice.’ What the hell is Thia Aspasia talking about? If she wasn’t my dad’s sister I’d be seriously pissed off by now. ‘You two sit with other children, eh.’ Oh, great, she’s going to hug me, she’s going to whisper something in my ear. I hope she’s waxed her chin. ‘Bravo, Desi mou, bravo!’
I grab Chris. ‘Let’s go sit down.’ Let the torture begin. I can’t believe how everyone is staring at us – as if the goddamn Queen of England walked in. Maybe I should start waving while I’m at it. Okay, safe, made it to the table without interruptions. Maybe we’ll have a few minutes peace till someone snaps to attention.
‘Desi, how are you? Who’s this?’ Couldn’t Helen let us sit down before starting the attack?
‘Hey Helen, this is Chris.’ As if you didn’t already know you sneaky witch. The gossip would have spread like wildfire as soon as Mum told Thia Aspasia that he was coming. I reckon the deaf priest in my grandmother’s village in Greece knows about tonight.
‘Chris, this is my cousin Helen and her husband, George.’ Quick shake of hands and we sit down. I wonder where Sophia and sleazy Spiro are? This party might turn out to be more fun that I thought. I haven’t actually spoken to Sophia since her wedding. We’ve run into each other at family functions, but my dear cousin just couldn’t bring herself to talk to me. Poor love hasn’t looked too happy lately either. She’s put on heaps more weight, and as soon as she and hubby enter a room he goes off in another direction and leaves his wife on her own, at the mercy of the rest of the women.
Helen is leaning in close to me. Great, she wants to share moments or something.
‘This must be serious, Des, you have never bought a guy with you to a family do. And he’s a hottie.’
I can’t deny that – my baby is a hottie. I can’t help but feel a tinge of pride. And I suppose I understand everyone’s excitement tonight. I’ve never taken a guy with me to anything like this before. I just wish that the whole clan didn’t have to witness it. Deep down I know I’m worried for nothing. Hell, if meeting my family didn’t send Chris running in the other direction, nothing will. He survived that, so we can survive tonight.
‘Whatever, Helen.’ I have to be blasé about this whole thing; can’t give them too much rope to hang me with. All the relatives are probably taking punts on how much time will pass before we are all together again celebrating my engagement. I am not going to comply. I will not give them the satisfaction. If Chris and I do decide to get married, the engagement will be just him and me. No families, no big thing involving the whole clan, most of which irritates me anyway. No big function just so I can show off to them that I finally landed someone. Tonight should be enough to satisfy their morbid need to see me paired off with a suitable guy. God, I can’t believe I’m even thinking of the possibility of marriage.
‘Hey guys.’ Tom to the rescue. Thank you little cousin of mine, rescuing me from the interrogation that I am sure Helen was about to subject me to. ‘How’s it going?’ One of the remaining singles.
‘Hey Tom. Have you met Desi’s other half yet?’
It’s going to be a very long night.
So far, so good. Chris has gotten on well with everyone here. He and Helen’s husband have been having deep conversations about soccer and world politics. The introductions have even become easier. In fact, I think I have introduced Chris to just about everyone here. The look on Thia Maria’s face was priceless – almost made the whole night worthwhile. Darling cousin Sophia finally showed up and barely grunted a hello and her sleazy Spiro said even less.
I think it might be safe to even have a dance with Chris. The main couple have had their spin around the dance floor, the parents are being introduced onto the dance floor so that they can show us all what a waltz is supposed to look like, and any minute now the DJ will say those infamous words, ‘ We want to see everyone on the dance floor, all you lovely couples out there.’ So I think a dance is in order. I haven’t been able to really hold Chris close to me all night and I need my fix. Bingo, there’s the invitation for us all to join in. But maybe we should wait until a few more couples get up so that we’re not so obvious.
‘Let’s go dance, honey’ Can’t he wait just a little bit longer? There are only four couples on the dance floor. We’re going to stick out like sore thumbs. ‘I haven’t been able to hold you all night.’ Okay, so we’re on the same wavelength – that’s good. ‘I want to hold you tight.’ Okay, if he doesn’t stop whispering in my ear like this, I’m going to pash him right here, right now. Better dance instead.
Everyone is staring at us. All eyes are on the new couple of the moment. I guess everyone got bored with Alex and his fiancé, as there is no challenge left there –they all know how that is going to end. Chris and I are the next ones that they are going to take a book out on. But I don’t care. I’m dancing in Chris’s arms. The rest of the clan can just stare as much as they want. I bet none of them feel as wonderful as I do right now, none of them feel the magic that I feel when I’m in my honey’s arms. They can stare as much as they want.
‘You look fantastic, babe.’ I feel fantastic. I feel on top of the world.
‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ And he smells amazing. I could stay in this position all night.
‘Do you reckon they’ll notice if we slip out for a while?’ What is he suggesting? ‘You look good enough to eat.’ Oh my God. I don’t think so.
‘Behave yourself. Have you failed to notice that there are two hundred sets of eyes all watching us tonight?’ Watching our every move, analysing how close we are on the dance floor, wondering how long it will be before they receive the next invitation with intertwined hearts. ‘They’ll send out a search party if we disappear from their view for more than three minutes.’
‘Damn. I need more than three minutes for the things I want to do to you.’
Oh, Chris. Your timing is impeccable.
Thank God the music is changing to some oldies-style tunes. I think it’s the tango. Our queue to sit down and let the oldies loose on the dance floor, and give me a chance to recompose myself.
Okay, we’ve all pigged out on the buffet table, had a good dance, done all the traditional dances, worked off all the food, and still no one has caused me to commit murder in public, although if looks could kill, I’d be six feet under given some of the daggers that Sophia is sending my way. What the hell is her problem anyway? She got her ‘paid for’ husband – she got exactly what she wanted and deserved. I wish this night would end. I want to get back to Chris’s place and continue our own private celebrations. It’s ten-thirty, only a couple more hours to go. I hope.
‘So, Desi.’ Oh, my goodness, Sophia has finally spoken. ‘How long have you and Chris been together?’ Sophia is curious, is she? There’s no harm in answering her question.
‘Six months. We got together just after your wedding.’ Simple, this can’t be turned around on me.
‘So how long is this one going to last?’ Bitch. I’m going in for the kill now.
‘Let it go, sweetheart, it’s not worth it.’ Chris knows all about my hist
ory with Sophia, so if she thinks her snide little digs will cause me relationship problems, she’s fooling herself.
‘Probably longer than your marriage, Soph.’ Score one for Desi. The queen still reins supreme.
‘Just wondering whose man you’ll go after when you get bored again.’ That bitch. I never went after her sleazeball husband. He went after me, before he was even married. That bitch. She’s going to pay for this.
‘You know, Sophia …’ Ah-hah, Chris to the rescue! ‘Don’t you think you should be wondering when your husband is going to stray again instead of worrying about me and Desi?’ Go honey! I’m so glad he’s here tonight. It’s even better to see that he doesn’t have to be nice to absolutely everyone that crosses his path.
‘Besides, Soph,’ I can’t let Chris do all my talking for me, ‘I prefer my men to have balls so I’d say your hubby’s pretty safe given that you’ve got him strung up by his.’
I think I just went too far given the Sophia has run out of the reception at lightning speed. I’m surprised she can move that fast. Now that Sophia has caused a big scene, I’ve got no other option than to try and fix it. Why, after all these years, has my brain not caught up with the rest of me? Why do I always act first and think later? Especially given that I know it will end in disaster. I’m an idiot; there is just no other explanation for it. I just should have left it alone, but, no, I had to open my mouth after Chris has said more than enough. Why the hell do I let Sophia get to me so much? Why do I play straight into her hands? She set me up; she wanted a reaction and she got it. I just don’t think she was banking on it being as severe as it was. I better find her and fix this before it all goes to custard. I know what I have to do but it does not mean that I have to like it.
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