“I’m going to the den.”
“Just be ready to talk after dinner,” he warned.
***
For the first time in forever solitaire wasn’t getting the job done. Usually it kept her brain occupied enough to block out all thought. Just work at getting the cards in place fast enough to beat her last best time. Faster and faster, just move the cards. Concentrate. Hearts, diamonds, spades and clubs. Red and black. A nice hazy blur. But it wasn’t working.
She kept hearing Slayer’s breathing. Finally she got up and put him out of the room and shut the door.
“There. That should do it.”
She went back to the computer screen and tried to get into the zone. But she kept hearing Zarek’s ominous words. She didn’t want to talk. She knew what that meant. It meant thinking and feeling.
Fish or cut bait.
It had been Old Man Ayers who had told her that saying. It was relevant now. Solitaire was getting boring. She looked down at her arm and knew that cutting was out of the question, so fishing was what she needed to do. But she didn’t know how. She had a freshly minted master’s degree in physical therapy. But she also had inherited a boatload of money, so she didn’t have to work for a few years, but that was stupid.
She was stupid.
So stupid.
The haze of the computer screen and the cards was even blurrier. That was when she realized she was crying.
Dammit. She needed to get her shit together. She shoved the keyboard away and rested her head against the desk. She needed to sleep, but the bedroom was too far away. Diamonds and hearts floated past her closed eyelids as she drifted off to sleep.
***
He didn’t want to wake her up. His instinct was to carry her to bed and let her go to sleep, but he couldn’t. Wednesday, he was going to a twenty-four-hour shift and he wanted to get her some coverage before he left her. Slayer wasn’t going to cut it.
She must have sensed his hand hovering over her shoulder because her eyes opened.
“Hi.” She gave a ghost of a smile.
“Hi. You ready for dinner? I’ve got cheese sauce for the broccoli.”
“You went to the station today, I should have made food,” she said as she pushed away from the desk.
“I didn’t ask you to come to Dallas so you could cook.” He followed her into the dining room, and noted that she wasn’t favoring her injured foot in the slightest.
“Thank God, cooking has never been my thing. Even when I was firing on all cylinders mac and cheese was usually as good as it got. Zoe was the chef.”
“I remember.”
It gave him hope to hear her talk about herself not firing on all cylinders. It was the most self-aware statement she’d made since he’d found her in bed back in Jasper Creek. Maybe this conversation would go better than he’d been thinking it would.
“How did you become such a good cook?” Chloe asked.
Another good sign, she was asking questions. “We take turns at the station. One of the older guys named Gus, he’s close to retirement, is a great cook. He made sure that when it wasn’t his turn to cook, that the rest of us could produce a good meal. The hard part is learning how to make something for just one or two people.”
“What do you mean?” Chloe asked as Zarek forked two slices of ham onto her plate.
“At the station I cook for fifteen grown men, here I’m just cooking for me. So I screwed up the first couple of times I tried to reduce the recipes. I ended up with enough spaghetti for five nights the first time I made it here at home.”
When he poured the cheese sauce on her broccoli, she motioned for him to scoop another spoonful. He laughed. “Like cheese much?”
“Hey, you’re the one who wanted me to eat.”
“Touché. But you’re still only eating half the calories your body needs.”
She set down her fork and looked at him with hurt eyes. “I’m better than I was.”
“You’re locked away in the den playing solitaire most of the day. You don’t talk. Your sisters call. Not just Trenda and Zoe, but Maddie, Evie, Piper and even Drake has called. You won’t talk to any of them.”
“I don’t have anything to say.” He could barely hear her. Dammit, she had just been interacting, now she had crawled back in her shell. So much for hope.
“Chloe. You need help. Real help.”
“You told Trenda that I needed time, space and care. I heard you.”
“Well I’ve given you time and space, now you need care.”
Her eyes flashed. “What are you going to do, drag me to a doctor?”
“You just admitted that you aren’t firing on all cylinders. Aren’t you getting tired of that?” She opened her mouth to lie to him. Before she could, he held up his hand and said a phrase from their childhood. “Answer me true, Chloe Rose.”
She closed her mouth.
“Answer me true. I’m asking you not to lie. Aren’t you sick and tired of being sick and tired?” He asked the question in the softest and gentlest tone that he had inside of himself.
“I…I…” Her head dropped, as if her neck was a broken stem. Slayer whined and Zarek was beside her in an instant.
He tilted her chin up so that their eyes met. “Chloe, answer me.”
“I don’t know what to do,” her eyes shimmered with tears.
“Do you trust me?” he whispered softly, his breath mingling with hers.
“So much more than myself. I’m broken Zarek.”
“No you’re not. You’re just dented,” he gave a soft smile.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. He was relieved at her admission. She was so brave to admit her fright. He was so proud of this woman.
“It’s going to be all right, Chloe. I promise.”
“No it’s not. It’s really bad. I haven’t told you. I can’t tell you.” He saw hell in her eyes. It wasn’t what she had gone through in that cabin, in was the day-to-day despair she had been living with every day since she had left the forest.
“In the last six days, little things have helped, haven’t they? Pecan log rolls? Slayer? Daffodils? Cheese?”
Her eyes shifted as she considered what he said. Finally she nodded. “A little.”
“Then there’s hope. I’ve made an appointment with Luke’s therapist tomorrow. He’ll see you at three o’clock.”
She stiffened in his arms. He stroked the hair back from her forehead, caressing the scar with his thumb.
“If this was me. If I told you it was really bad, and there were things I couldn’t tell you, wouldn’t you move heaven and earth to get my ass into a professional? Tell me true.”
“Yes,” she breathed out. “Yes I would.”
“Please give me this. Please let me help you.”
She clutched at his shirt, her nails digging into the skin below.
“Okay.”
He brushed his nose against hers. “You won’t regret this.”
“I hope not.”
***
God it felt good in his arms, she’d almost forgotten what good had felt like. His eyes darkened, and she felt his breath mingle with hers.
“Chloe?” He didn’t sound quite as sure of himself. Now what?
“Yes?”
“I have to do this.”
What was he talking about? His mouth was a hairsbreadth away from hers, and she could only hope.
No, she couldn’t be hoping.
But yes, she was.
Then she launched upwards.
And their lips met.
He groaned and pulled her close. Oh God, he tasted better than cheese. His lips were firm and soft, and he sipped and coaxed, and did everything she needed to send her into a maelstrom of want and desire.
His lips parted hers, his tongue seeking entry which she gladly granted, wanting to get so much closer to this man who had been her closest friend and confidant. But this was no friendly kiss, this was a dark lover who swept her up into the clouds.
Her nails du
g into the steel of his biceps, glorying in his strength.
This was hope.
As soon as she thought those words, doubt permeated her brain, and she arched away from Zarek.
“What Baby?”
“You can’t really want me. Not like I am now.”
He looked deep into her eyes. “You’re you.”
“I’m broken.”
“Chloe Rose Avery, you’re you. You might be down, but you’re not out.” His hand stroked down her arm, his fingers tangling with hers. “Come here.”
She looked up at him in confusion. He tugged, and she followed him into the kitchen. She spotted a pink bakery box.
“Open it.”
Inside were six gorgeous cupcakes, each one lovelier than the last.
“Each one is different, but not one of them is less incredible than the other. They’re just different flavors.”
She stared up at him.
“Do you get me?”
“I think so,” she said hesitantly.
“Every one of your flavors is beautiful to me. Now do you understand?”
She nodded.
“Let’s go eat cold broccoli and congealed cheese, and then you can have a cupcake or three.” He grinned down at her. “How does that sound?”
“Dreadful. Can we just have cupcakes?”
“Deal.”
Each of the man’s smiles were more beautiful than the last.
Chapter Nine
“Six things?”
“I beg your pardon?” Zarek turned to look at Chloe in the small waiting room. They were the only two people in small area, but she was still whispering.
“There are six things that are making me feel better.”
Zarek grinned. “Let me guess, Skye’s cupcakes have now made the list.” She had one for breakfast this morning.
Chloe nodded. “Yep.”
“Okay, so what’s number six?”
“You are.”
The door to the therapist’s office opened and a small man came out. “Hi, I’m Dr. Michaels. You must be Ms. Avery. Would you like to come in?”
Chloe stood up, and they looked to be the same height. Zarek imagined how Luke must tower over the doctor. As if he could read his mind, Dr. Michaels looked over at him, his eyes twinkling. “You must be Mr. Post. Mr. Larkin speaks highly of you. Are you going to be waiting for Ms. Avery?”
“I am.”
“Follow me, Ms. Avery.”
“Thank you,” she mumbled as she followed him into the office. Then the door shut.
Zarek picked up a magazine and thought about what Chloe said. He was one of the six things that made her feel good. That was huge. Thank God she felt that way. Luke’s comment the other day had hit home.
The last relationship that Zarek had had lasted four months, and that was two years ago. When they finally parted ways, he’d been relieved. After a few beers, he admitted to Luke that the woman hadn’t measured up. When Luke pressed him to explain that comment, he couldn’t. Luke had just laughed and made some remark about him having his head up his ass.
Now he realized that he had been measuring women against Chloe Rose for years. He stretched back in the small office chair, and let his head rest against the wall and thought about what that meant. He felt a grin form on his face. For one thing, it meant that Luke was right and he’d had his head up his ass. For another, it meant that he had to figure out a way to find out if Chloe might be on the same page. Him being the sixth thing was a good sign.
He felt his phone vibrate, and he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the group text that was on his phone. The Avery’s were a pushy lot. They demanded daily updates. Up until today, he hadn’t had anything significant to report. Seeing Zoe’s request, he realized he wasn’t going to tell them about Chloe’s appointment. It just felt wrong to basically go behind Chloe’s back about this step.
She’s eating more. I see improvement.
He pressed send.
Drake was the first one to reply. He was always the first to reply.
What else do you have to report?
Zarek ignored it.
His phone buzzed.
It was Drake.
He let it go to voicemail.
***
Chloe felt drained. She stared out the window watching the traffic go by on the toll road. It was taking forever to get back to Zarek’s house. It felt cold. She looked at her purse that held the vile slip of paper. She hadn’t realized that the therapist had actually been a psychiatrist. He had prescribed medication. Avery’s didn’t need fucking pills. They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.
She needed to get back to the house so she could get to the guest bedroom and tear the paper into tiny little pieces. Tiny, tiny little scraps.
“Chloe, are you okay? You’re shivering.”
“I hate him.”
“Luke said you’d say that.” She noted that Zarek turned up the heat in the truck. Logically she knew that it was probably eighty degrees out, and what’s more the truck had been parked outside for over an hour so it was hotter inside, but he was doing that for her. Damn him.
“I’m going back for three more weeks because he tricked me. But after that I’m never going to see him again.” She didn’t look at him when she delivered the news. She just stared out the window.
“Tricked you how?” He asked the question softly. She hated how he was treating her with kid gloves. Like she was fragile. But she felt like she was going to shatter. The doctor hadn’t made her feel better, he’d made her feel worse.
“He said if he could describe how I was feeling, I had to agree to coming to see him three more times. He made me promise on my honor that I would tell the truth if he got it right. He got it right, the bastard.”
“Luke said he was smart. He likes him.”
“Well I don’t. But I made a promise, so I’ll keep it.” She knew she was sounding bitter, but it was a bitter pill to swallow, that someone could rummage around her head so easily.
Fuck, did she have to think that phrase? She didn’t want to think about pills. That was another thing she’d promised the doctor. On her honor, she’d agreed to take the damn pills for as long as she saw the doctor. He said it would help her. She didn’t believe him. But part of her did. She so desperately hoped that it would help, and that just made it worse.
When she’d talked to him, he made really good points. She thought back to what he’d said.
“Ms. Avery, you have a master’s degree in physical therapy, you know more about how the body works than most people.” Dr. Michaels smiled easily. “You’ve studied the connection between how pain manifests in the body and the connection to the brain. You know how powerful the brain is.”
“You’re saying I’m crazy.”
“I’m saying that at the moment, there are some chemicals that are out of balance. What is the harm in taking a pill each day to put those chemicals back to a normal level?”
Chloe hated how reasonable this little tiny doctor was sounding.
“Because that confirms I’m crazy,” she said vehemently.
“You just told me you’re not eating, you’re sleeping over sixteen hours a day, and the rest of the day you’re doing your damndest to zone out and not think. How is that living a productive life? You’re not a harm to yourself or others, which is the definition of crazy, but you’re definitely depressed. You can’t think clearly. You’re not the person you were eight weeks ago. Don’t you want to be that person again?”
Damn it, did the man have to sound so reasonable?
“I can never be that Chloe again. Didn’t you hear what happened? I was abandoned and tortured by a sick bastard who wanted my sister to supply information that she didn’t have. I’ll never get over that. Never!”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“You want me to take a pill to forget,” she cried out.
“It won’t make you forget. It will help you see things with more clarity, without as much pai
n.”
“It should hurt! You don’t know what it was like. Everything changed that day.”
“We’ll talk about it. You’ll come back next week and we’ll talk about it. But you’ll take your medicine because you promised.”
“We’ll see.” Chloe got up from her chair and stood over the little man. “What time do I have to be here next week?”
“Will the same time work for you?”
“I guess.”
Chloe left, and here she was in Zarek’s truck with a purse containing a prescription she couldn’t tear up.
“Zarek, I need you to stop by a pharmacy.”
“Okay Cupcake, whatever you need.”
Chapter Ten
“What do you normally do with Slayer when you work a twenty-four-hour shift?” she asked.
“Sheryl from next door comes over and walks him and feeds him.”
Chloe had an immediate picture of Sheryl and she didn’t like it. She would be tall, blonde and endowed. Therefore, everything that Chloe wasn’t.
“Why haven’t I met her?”
“You didn’t seem in the mood for company. She’s a doll. She’s wanted to come over and meet you, plus she’s missed Slayer. Would you mind if she came over for a visit tomorrow after school while I’m on shift?”
“After school?”
“Yeah, she’s in ninth grade. She’s been babysitting Slayer since he was a puppy. They’re great friends.”
Great, now she was jealous that the teenager was best friends with the dog. She needed to keep her shit together.
“Chloe, are you okay? You have a funny look on your face.”
“I’m fine. You’re probably right, I’m just nervous about meeting someone.”
Zarek stepped close. “You look like you need a hug.”
So why was he hesitating? Did she have cooties? Oh yeah, she was crazy. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do,” she said sarcastically.
“Come here, you.” He wrapped her up in his big arms, and she smelled the fresh scent of fabric softener and man. She inhaled, wanting to take him in deeper, wanting this moment to never end. She felt his chin rubbing against the top of her head.
Dallas Fire & Rescue: Tempting Fire (Kindle Worlds Novella) Page 6