I scrub my hand across my face, moving farther away from her. “I’m sorry. I thought I was clear with you. I told you nothing would ever come of this. We’ve never made love,” I say, wincing that she thought we did. “It was just sex.” Her face falls. Shit, I don’t want to hurt her. “I love her. There’ll never be anyone else for me. It was always and will always be her. Love’s unconditional, but it’s not perfect. I’m not perfect, and neither is she. We’ve made our mistakes, but she’s my heart. She’s in my blood. I need her on a level that you can’t understand. Fuck, I can’t even understand it.”
“I know you love her. I’m not saying you don’t,” she whispers. “I saw it, I heard it. Don’t think I didn’t feel her hovering in the background while we were together. But it’s dysfunctional, unhealthy, and it’s going to destroy you, Cooper. It almost did.” She walks up to me and lays her palm on my cheek. “Look at me.”
My heart beats erratically. I promised Kylie I wouldn’t let her touch me, that I would keep my distance. I shoot my eyes to hers. They look soft, sorrowful. The anger between us is gone. This has gone from hot to too close, too quickly.
“I’m sorry,” I say, stepping back. “Nothing you or I could say from this point on is going to get us anywhere. It’s over. You need to let it go. I think its best we keep our distance, and that means that I can’t have you working here as my assistant anymore.”
A tear spills down her cheek, and I feel like an asshole. I didn’t think she’d feel as strongly as she does. Opening myself to her was a mistake. It created a closeness that wasn’t meant to happen. I crossed a boundary with Layla.
“So this is it?” she whispers.
“Yeah, this is it.”
“Are you a hundred percent sure she’s what you want, Coop?” She searches my face almost desperately, trying to find some hope.
“I’m a hundred and fifty percent sure.”
She shakes her head. “Okay. That’s it then. Go back to your wife.”
“I’m still going to pay you and I’ll make things available to you so you can find another job.” I’m not a complete piece of shit. I’ve just imploded her life, where she works, her heart.
“I don’t care about the money, Cooper,” she says quietly. “I have plenty of that.”
“I’m sorry, Layla.”
Tears and heartache paint her face. I feel so much remorse for getting involved with her. “Yeah, me too.” For a moment, the silence is awkward, both of us unsure of what to say. “Well, I guess I’m going.”
I nod, not sure what else to do.
Her shoulders tremble, and she offers me a weak smile. She lays her hand on my face, and I try not to flinch away. I’ve hurt this girl enough. “Be careful with her. Guard your heart, Cooper.” She plants a tender kiss on my cheek and strokes my jaw as if memorizing me.
My hands itch to offer her some comfort. I don’t dare move, though. There’s no way I’ll betray my wife more than I already have. She looks at me one last time then turns and walks out. When the door shuts, I blow out a sigh of relief. That was hard. Really fucking hard. Thank God it’s over.
Grayson’s next.
An hour later, I’m still sitting at my desk and trying to get Layla out of my head. What she said about Kylie and Grayson has been playing in my mind. The fact that she honed in on that unnerves me. I planned to spend the evening with Kylie, but I can’t go the night with this hanging over my head. I have to face him. I need to get to the bottom of this. It’s time Gray stepped out of our lives and gave us space.
My nagging fears are turning into a paranoid rage. He and I barely talk, and when we do, it almost always ends with one of us telling the other to fuck off. He warned me, time and time again, that he wouldn’t let me hurt Kylie anymore. I didn’t take his threats seriously. Grayson doesn’t know who I am anymore, and in truth, I’ve done nothing over the last two years to deserve his loyalty. I shoot him a text, asking him to meet me at his house tonight. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable, and there are some things my friend needs to be clued in on. He messages back, saying he’ll meet me at eight. I go with it.
The only thing left to do is figure out how to keep Ky busy. I’m sure she won’t be thrilled at the idea of spending the night alone while I’m off dealing with this bullshit. After a few brainstorming texts with Cali, and a couple of calls and internet searches, I secure tickets for Kylie and Cali to see Justin Timberlake and Jay Z. It wasn’t easy and the tickets cost me quite a bit, but it’ll be worth it if it helps keep her mind off what I’m doing. I arrange for a car to bring them back and forth and dinner reservations for them before they go out.
I leave my office in search of Kylie, knowing I’ll find her with Calia. Together, the two of them are trouble. I round the corner to Kylie’s office, and the sound of laughter trickles through her door. I enter and see her smiling face. Warmth travels from her in my direction, causing my lips to tip up at the corners. I look into the eyes I’ve sold my soul to, and my insides heat when I see her gaze lick my skin. It’s as if I can feel her eyes like the stroke of fingertips as she soothes my stress. God, I love the way she looks at me. It makes me feel like a fucking king.
“Hey, baby,” I murmur, my body coming to life at the sight of her sensuous curves and angel face.
“Hi.” She smiles, flipping her eyes briefly back to mine.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” The world around me falls away.
“Of course,” she says with a sexy rasp.
I keep my eyes trained on hers. She stands and comes around her desk to meet me. The air thickens as I wrap my arms around her. The need to feel her floods my veins like heated whiskey snaking its way down my body. She slides her arms around my neck and looks up, those eyes melting me.
I crush my lips to hers and thrust my tongue in her mouth. I stroke her eagerly, wanting her so damn bad. I want to drown my fears in her and wash my mind of Gray and Layla with her heat. She goes limp in my arms, her nipples hardening against my chest. A possessive growl barrels through me. I’m desperate to drag her across the desk and bury myself inside her. I want to forget about all the bullshit and love the fuck out of her.
She drags her hands through my hair. I pick her up, gripping her firm ass. It feels so good to have her soft flesh against mine. I kiss her with fervor, hunger. I’m desperate to remind her that two years apart were a mistake. It’s created a cesspool of pure sexual, carnal and primal need. I’m about to drag her across the desk when I hear someone clear their throat with a laugh. I pull away and swing my head toward the sound.
Cali laughs, her eyes twinkling. “Jesus Christ, please don’t stop on my behalf.” She waves as if to say ‘continue.’ “I mean, I don’t mind stepping out for a minute while you two gorilla-fuck the crap out of each other.” She chuckles, fanning herself. “Whew, I’m damp over here.”
“Oh my God. Fuck off, Cali,” Kylie says, laughing as a blush stains her cheeks.
“Shit,” I mutter, setting her down.
“Uh, uh, uh, wrong word there, Hulk. More like ‘Holy fucking shit, tiger.’ I’m still tingling over here, and my nips are on fire. Come tend to me, Ky,” she whispers, her eyes rolling back as if she’s going to faint.
A chuckle pulls from my chest as I take a good look at Cali. I swear that girl’s nuts, but Kylie loves her.
Cali raises her brows. “Didn’t you see my sexy self sitting here when you swung open the door, you big broody man?” She giggles. “Seriously, you guys are hot together. I’m burning up over here.”
“Jesus, Cali! Stop already,” Kylie blurts, unable to stop laughing. “What happened to your club guy? Is he no longer doing it for you?”
Cali groans, her head tipping back. “I can’t go there right now. Not with that”—she points at me—“grizzly bear in the room. Apparently he came for some honey.” She smirks at Kylie.
“You’re one crazy chick,” I say with a laugh. I look at Kylie and smirk. “I didn’t mean to come in and maul you
in front of your friend.” She blushes, and I turn to Cali. “You tell her about tonight?”
“Nope, not yet.”
“What’s going on tonight?” Kylie asks.
“Your Sex God got us tickets to see JT and Jay Z last minute,” Cali squeals. “It’s girls’ night, Coco.”
“What?” Kylie’s voice gets quiet. “Why would you do that?”
I glance at Kylie, noticing the unease that settles across her body. I turn back to Cali. “Can you give us a minute?”
“Yeah, of course.” She looks at Ky. “It’s going to be fun, love. Don’t worry, okay?”
Kylie says nothing. The door closes, and the air tenses. “You don’t want to spend the night with me?” she asks.
“No, that’s not it. I need to take care of something, and I wanted to keep you busy. I didn’t want you sitting at home worrying.”
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I’m meeting Gray. We have some stuff we need to work out.” I keep my eyes on hers to gauge her reaction.
Shock punches from her face. “And I can’t come with you?”
“You said you’d stay out of it,” I remind her.
“I did, but maybe I changed my mind.”
“I’m sorry, Ky, but that’s not happening.”
She huffs an annoyed breath, and my insides burn again. I try to stay calm. “When was the last time you talked to him?” I ask, trying to keep jealousy at bay and my tone non-threatening.
Her eyes narrow for just for a second, and I know she’s talked to him today. I see it all over her face. My senses reel, nearly catching on fire.
“You mean, talk to him in person?” she asks, fidgeting.
“In person. On the phone. Through text. When was the last time you talked to him?”
I watch her carefully for signs that she’s lying. Layla’s words burn through me, twisting my stomach.
“The night I left the condo was the last I saw him.” Her voice comes out soft. “He’s texted me a bit, and I’ve answered, but we haven’t said much.”
“When was the last text he sent you?”
She looks out the window, and her body stiffens. “This morning. He sent me a quick message to say hi.”
Fucking bastard. “Can I see them?”
“Why?” She turns back to look at me.
Why do I want to see them? Because I need to know what game the fucker’s playing. He’s in love with Kylie. His sights are set on her, and I’m about to lay fucking claim to something that’s already mine. “Let me see them, Kylie!”
“Cooper, they’re nothing bad. Nothing has happened between us. Can’t you just believe me?”
“I’m sorry. Trust has to be earned. It isn’t something I can give out like pieces of candy anymore. I have to earn yours like you do mine.”
She looks at me with sadness and grabs her phone. She hands it to me, her hands trembling. I look at her, wishing we didn’t have to have discussions like this.
“Hey, eyes to mine,” I say, my voice gentle. “Everything’s okay, all right? I’m just trying to figure this out. I’m not upset. I love you.”
Her gaze drops from mine as she sits in her chair. I open the texts and see numerous ones from Grayson. What hits me is the way Ky has him labeled on her phone: My G Man. It’s like she’s put a stamp on him as hers. Hurt and betrayal surge through me, but I stop the destructive feelings blazing through my chest and scroll through the texts. I see one dated this morning.
G: Hey, sweet cheeks. I miss you. Come see me, please? I know you’re figuring things out. I won’t pressure you. I just need to touch your face, see you and make sure you’re okay.
K: G, I miss you, too. But it’s not a good time right now. I’ll fill you in later.
G: What’s going on? Where have you been? I haven’t seen you at all.
K: I’m trying to work my life out, Gray. I need time.
G: I’ll give you time. I’d give you the world, if you’d let me. I’m always here. You know that. You don’t have to do this alone, Ky.
K: I’m not doing it alone.
G: Are you back with Cooper?
K: Yes. I hope.
G: Kylie…
K: You know I love him.
G: I know you do and it kills me. He’s going to hurt you. I’ve seen it too many times and I’m sick of it. He doesn’t deserve you, sweet cheeks.
K: Just give us space.
G: I don’t think I can do that anymore.
K: I know you don’t want to, but it’s what we need.
G: He doesn’t deserve you.
K: That’s not true. I don’t deserve him.
G: You deserve better.
K: Why are you telling me this?
G: Why do you think, Kylie?
K: Idk. That’s why I’m asking.
G: You know why.
K: Cooper says you’re in love with me…
G: He’s right. I am and I want you, but you know that…
K: I can’t
G: Give me a chance
K: Gray…
G: Kylie, please…I can make you happy.
My hand trembles as I read his last text. Betrayal—thick, hot, and as dark as molasses—bleeds from me. Kylie stares at me intently, tears welling in her eyes. Her shoulders are quivering. I’m so fucking angry.
“I don’t want him like that,” she whispers. “I don’t know why he’s doing this. It’s not like him.”
“He’s in love with you. I told you that this morning. I also asked you to let me handle him,” I breathe, pissed at this whole situation. “Why did you message him back?”
“I don’t know… I guess I felt bad.” She answers, nervously.
“Do you have feelings for him?” I’m being crazy, but I can’t tap down this overwhelming urge to know the truth. I can’t close this subject in my head. It’s overtaking me.
Her throat moves as she swallows, her chest heaving as she weighs her response. My heart surges in rapid spurts, and adrenaline saturates every ounce of my body. I feel as if I can’t breathe. Something tells me she’s lying.
“Cooper…” A tear trickles down her cheek.
“Answer the fucking question, Kylie,” I whisper, desperately trying to keep myself from slamming her against the wall so I can fuck him out of her system.
“Of course I do,” she says, her eyes turned down. “He’s my best friend. He was there for me every day you weren’t. He’s helped me when I wanted to die. It’s been two long years, Cooper.” Her face begs for understanding. “When we left the hospital, he didn’t leave my side. He’s made an effort to be there for me, and I took that from him because I needed it. I know you don’t want to hear this, and I really don’t want to say it, because I just got you back.”
Her eyes lower to the hands she has tangled in her lap. “I know everything about Grayson. I’ve opened up to him, told him some of my darkest secrets, things I couldn’t carry on my own. It’s hard to just cut him off.” She lifts her eyes to mine. The look behind them snatches the air from my lungs. “Do I have feelings for him? What do you think? Honestly, what do you think? You’re setting me up. You know I have feelings for him. How can I not? The thing is… the feelings I have for Gray pale in comparison to the ones I have for you.”
She trembles and stands in front of me. “I love you. I’m addicted to you. Sometimes that love borders on toxic. I require you like blood, like air. It’s not normal, and it hasn’t been since the moment you hit me with those emerald eyes that have infiltrated every part of my body.” She lays her shaky hand on my cheek. “You-you make me want to live, but you’ve made me want to die too. You’ve hurt me, Cooper. There have been times where that hurt was so powerful I felt it everywhere. Gray’s been there. He held me and listened to me cry. Do you really want me to be honest?” she whispers, her eyes drowning with raw pain. “Have I fallen for him? Do I have feelings for him? Yes. But Cooper, this is not a competition. I love you more than anything in the world. You have to
know that. Please, please don’t make this something it’s not. I beg of you.”
My heart wrenches in pain, every artery severing in my chest. I feel raw, exposed, and vulnerable. I know she loves me, but I’m infected with a sickening venom. I’m stained by the blood of my child and a guilt so deep-seated that it’s transformed into self-loathing. I’m so fucking mad that our lives were stolen from us by my immature decisions. My choices are responsible for tearing apart my marriage.
I’m angry I couldn’t perform and Kylie couldn’t wait, that I couldn’t talk it out. It’s killing me that I couldn’t bring my child back from the dead. I’m pissed that I hurt her so deeply that she turned to someone else. I’m tormented that I bruised her with my words, tore through her defenses with my actions, and crippled her with my silence. I’m enraged, and I don’t know where to put these volcanic, destructive thoughts. How do I do this? God help me, how do I respond without damaging her further? How do I contain the monster growing within me, ensnaring the man I used to be?
“Kylie, I’m sorry. I’m going to fix us. I swear.” I grab her face, pleading with her. “I don’t know where to put him in our lives, and I don’t know how to accept that he’s been there and I haven’t. I don’t know how to take in the fact that you feel anything for him. That somewhere inside of you, you could actually…” I close my eyes, my blood rushing like tremors before an earthquake. My thoughts are swallowing me. “That you could actually love him.”
I open my eyes and gaze at my wife. She lifts a shaky hand and places it on my cheek. Her warmth does nothing to take away the chill infiltrating my bones.
“Don’t do this to yourself,” she whispers. “What I feel for him is nothing like what I feel for you. He could never, ever take your place.” She drags her hand from my cheek and grips my hair. “Do you feel this? You have to feel this.” She places my palm of over her heart and lays hers on top of mine. “This right here? It’s yours. Only yours. I’ve shared my body, I’ve shared parts of my mind, but I have never, not once, shared my heart with another man. You, only you, have owned it. Do you hear me?”
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