“Why?” I ask as my mind flips through possible reasons.
He swallows another sip of his beer. “I have business up there.”
“So is this temporary?”
“No, probably not,” he answers, sadness behind his words. “I sold the condo and shipped all my stuff up there. I’m leaving in a couple days.”
My face falls, and my shoulders turn tight. I clench my fist around the Heineken bottle. Is he running from us? I don’t want him around Kylie, but I don’t want him gone either. I’ve hoped this animosity between us wouldn’t last forever.
“Tell me the real reason you’re moving.”
He sets his beer on the counter and takes a seat on the barstool in front of him. He scrubs a hand over his face. “I need to get out of here for a while, take care of some things.”
“Is this because of Kylie? Or because you need to ‘take care of things’?”
“A little of both.”
He’s lying. I know him too well. This is about Kylie, and he’s trying to bullshit me. I feel the burn of anger stir inside me, wanting to know the truth. I’m so sick of all the miscommunication. I just want everything laid on the table. No more bullshit.
“I know you better than that,” I murmur.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Tell me the truth,” I demand. “You don’t have to candycoat shit for me.”
His eyes flare, and I see his walls crumble. “You want the truth?”
I nod.
“I need to get away from here. From her and from you. I need a fresh start. You’re moving, starting new. I need the same damn thing. I need to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I need to settle down and recharge, and I can’t do it here. Not with you and her flaunting your happy lives. It’s—” He holds up a hand to silence me as I try to cut in.
We’re not flaunting shit in his face. I don’t know where he gets that. I frown, hating this conversation.
“It’s fucked up, Cooper. I know she’s yours. I know she’s always been yours. I get it, and I’m not arguing it. But you asked for the truth, right? The flat truth, Cooper.” His voice drops to a haunted level. “I want her. Every moment of the day, I think about her. For some demented reason, I feel like I need her. She’s all around me, and every day, my feelings get stronger. Seeing her at the ER today was more than I can take. I need out. I need space. Trust me, I’m getting out of here for the sake of all of us.”
My shoulders tense as I set down my beer. This is worse than I expected. “Jesus Christ, Grayson.”
“I know. I know it’s fucked up. This isn’t me,” he admits, his eyes closing.
The way he’s holding himself up hurts me. We’re all suffering. All of us. Kylie and I are doing well, but it’s hasn’t been easy. We’re taking it day by day, and Gray is dealing with the aftermath of all the shit we put him through. He didn’t cause this; I did.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” I say, my voice quiet but intense. “Part of me wants to beat your ass, but the other gets it and wants to beat my own ass for causing this.”
He laughs. He knows it’s screwed up. “What’s happened to all of us?”
I pick up my beer, finish it off, and turn to the fridge for another for each of us. I run a hand through my hair, feeling guilt for involving him like I did. “You got pulled into something bigger than Kylie and I could deal with. You were the closest person to us, and I put you in the middle. I don’t know what else to say to you. Sorry will never be good enough, but I hope over time we can move on. Right now though… I hate to say this, but I don’t want you around her.”
“Why?” Hurt laces his voice. “You don’t trust me?”
“How can I?” I ask, anger flaring that he’s questioning me. “You want her. You love her. Ask yourself what kind of a dumbass I would be if let you keep up a friendship with her when you’re in love with her.” I wince at the thought of him around her. “It can’t happen.”
“I’ve had a friendship with her, and I didn’t touch her. I still have a friendship with her. The fact that Kylie and I aren’t communicating right now doesn’t change anything.”
“Come on, Gray. I can’t take any more chances with my wife. You have to understand that,” I say, looking at him for understanding. He gives me no response, his eyes blank and I feel my protective streak flare. “I’m not trying to be an asshole. I know you’ve done a lot for her, but you’re forgetting something. She’s mine, and she’s having my kid. I’m not letting you near her.”
His face peaks in a painful wince, his chest taking two labored breathes. He drags a palm across his jaw, averting his eyes from mine. He’s battling with himself. I know him well, and this is killing him.
“Do you see why I need space right now?” he asks. “Do you even realize how fucked up this conversation is, Cooper?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, picking at the label of my beer bottle. “Trust me, I get it. As hard as it is to accept that you’re going, and as much as I miss my best friend, I’m good with it. I need to protect my marriage.”
I ache when I think of him leaving. We’ve been together since we were kids. The last two years I’ve alienated myself from him, and it’s created a huge crevice in our friendship.
“I hate that things are so messed up between us. Maybe one day we can get over this and move on,” he says.
“Maybe, but do me a favor.” My lips turn up in a grin as I try to lighten the situation. “Bring your own girl with you when you come back.” I take a swig of my drink.
His mouth dances in amusement, and he snickers. “Fuck you.”
“Yeah, you too, bud.” I laugh, knowing I’m going to miss him. No matter what, he was there for Kylie when I wasn’t. Without him, who knows where we’d be.
“I’m gonna miss you guys,” he whispers, his eyes dropping to his hands. “The last four months have been brutal.”
The moment sobers us both. Our friendship might be over. A lifetime of friendship destroyed over two intense, destructive years.
“I don’t want this to last forever, Grayson. Despite all this shit, I’m thankful she had someone there for her.”
He glances at me and nods. We’re at an impasse, and we both know it. We all need time apart. Our faces wear the same mask of pain. We’re all struggling with how things have turned out.
“I don’t regret being there for her,” he whispers. “I want to see her happy. I want to see her alive and living the way she deserves. She’s important to me, Cooper. I hope you’re fixing your shit and doing right by her.”
“Don’t you worry about us,” I say defensively. “I can take care of my girl without any advice from you. I know I fucked up. I’ve got my shit together.”
“Well, it’s about damn time,” he mumbles, bringing his drink to his mouth.
“I’m gonna ignore that,” I reply. “So when are you leaving?”
“I fly out in three days.”
“Three days?” My brows rise. I feel everything in me bristle. “If I hadn’t called today, would you have even bothered to tell us?”
His face is blank, telling me more than he wants me to know.
“Nice.” I grimace, feeling as if he’s struck me. I scrub a hand over my face. “That’s fucked up, Gray.”
“Give me a break. It’s not easy to talk to you guys. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Yeah, I get that, but to move out of state without a word?” I shake my head and walk over to the trash can to discard our empty bottles. Once I toss them, I grab another beer. “Jesus, we’re still family. You don’t owe us a thing, but shit, Grayson, I still care about you. You taking off without a word—”
“What?” I hear the faint whisper of a sinfully sweet voice rap through the air, making my heart pound. We both turn to see Kylie, her eyes filling with tears, her posture stiff, and her fists clenched. Everything in me burns at the look of distress on her face.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“Hey, bab
y,” I coo, placing my beer down and heading toward her. “What are you doing up?”
She ignores me and walks to Gray. Her eyes flash with pain and betrayal. “Answer me,” she demands. “Where are you going?”
Gray twists to face her and takes a deep breath. “I’m heading out of town for a while.”
“Where to?”
I tense, my insides constricting as I take in their proximity.
“Colorado,” he answers, skipping his eyes to mine and back to her.
“Why?”
“Work.”
“Bullshit,” she breathes, calling him out.
I stand like a bystander watching a train wreck. My pulse thrums as I try to hold myself back. They haven’t had closure. I haven’t allowed it, and Kylie’s respected that. Maybe this is what they need to end this thing between them. I’m trying to stand in the shadows and let Gray say what he needs to. Kylie loves him, and as much as I hate, loathe, and despise that, I know it’s not the same love she has for me. But I haven’t accepted it.
“It’s time to move on,” he whispers, sorrow bleeding through his words.
“Because of me?” she asks quietly.
“Partly,” he admits, sending my senses barreling. I strain to keep myself back.
“I don’t want you to go. I’ve missed you,” she whispers.
I can’t contain the low rumble that spills from my throat. I feel my tolerance slipping. Gray’s eyes flick to mine, his forehead creasing in worry. I watch him swallow and redirect his attention to her.
He smiles softly at her. “I’ve missed you too, sweet cheeks.”
“Please don’t leave. We can work all this out.”
“Kylie,” I whisper, unable to stop myself. I know this is hard for her, but I don’t want this getting out of control.
She jerks her head to mine and looks at me for the first time since entering the room. “Cooper, please tell him.” Her tear-filled eyes widen. “Please tell him we can get past this. There’s no need for him to leave. He’s part of our family. It’s been months since we’ve seen him, and things are better between us. I love you, you know that. Please tell him he doesn’t need to leave.”
My heart breaks at the determination in her voice. She really doesn’t understand that Grayson is all-out in love with her. She knows he has feelings for her, but she doesn’t understand the intensity of them. She’s in denial and has been for a while.
“Kylie,” Gray says, pulling her attention back to him. “I need to do this.”
Her face falls as tears drip down her cheeks. “Why? I know it’s been hard. God, I hurt you, but I didn’t mean to. We need you. I need you. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you. I’m sorry I never responded to your texts. I hated cutting you off, but I had to do it. I just needed to focus on Cooper and our marriage. I never wanted to push you away and make you feel like we didn’t love you. You’re important to us. To me.”
My body trembles as I work hard to rein myself in. I don’t like her upset like this. I hate her this close to him. I hate everything about this.
Grayson’s face pulls tight, his blue eyes bathed in distress as he battles to keep himself in check as well. “I need this.”
“No, you don’t,” she counters, her voice achingly soft. “We never meant to hurt you. Gray, we love you. Things were rough, I know they were, but we’re getting it together. We can all recover from this. Even you.” She lays her palm on his cheek, and my heart surges in rapid spurts.
“Kylie,” he whispers as his eyes close.
“Kylie!” My voice is sharp and vibrates through the room, commanding her attention. As soon as it’s out, I know it’s too rough, but I can’t take any more.
She drops her hand, turning to me. “Cooper, please. Please, please tell him he doesn’t have to leave because of us. We can’t go out like this. It can’t happen.”
“Stop,” I urge, fighting to stay calm.
“Cooper, please,” she pleads, desperation dripping from her entire body.
“Kylie,” I repeat, my voice rising slightly in frustration. “You have to listen to him. I know this is hard on you, but he needs to do what’s right for him. That may not be what you want or what we think is right, but he needs this, and you need to stop putting him in the middle.”
Her spine stiffens, and she twists to look at Gray. I release a breath, holding still.
“Just listen, okay?” he says delicately. “I need to get my head right. I have to figure some stuff out, and I need space to do it.” As she sobs, Gray’s eyes travel quickly to mine. He blinks twice, and the next thing I know, she’s wrapped securely in his arms. Possessiveness surges inside me as he strokes her hair. “You’ve done nothing wrong, sweet cheeks. You haven’t chased me away. You could never, ever do that.” He pulls back and looks into her eyes. “You don’t understand.”
“Yes, I do,” she says.
“No, you don’t,” he whispers.
My throat tightens in pain. I have a feeling I know where this conversation is headed, and I don’t like it.
“Then make me understand,” she says, wiping her cheeks.
“I love you, Kylie.”
My gut churns. He’s telling her that in my home… I can’t breathe…
“I love you too,” she replies.
Jesus Christ…
“No.” He shakes his head. “I’m in love with you.”
“Grayson…” she breathes, her face pinching in pain.
I’m about to lose my fucking mind. The whirlwind inside me churns into a tornado.
“You don’t get it,” he says. “It’s killing me. The way I feel for you is strong, Ky.”
I let out a breath, needing to hear her response. She can’t discount his feelings now, and this conversation has one minute left before I kick this asshole out of my house.
She stills, staring at him. “You think you love me, but you don’t, Gray. You’re confusing your feelings for me with love. You’ve taken care of me at my lowest and you do love me, but you can’t love me in that way. The lines are blurred in your head. You’re confused. Don’t let this chase you away from us. You can work through those feelings. Please just take time and think about what you’re saying.”
“I’m sorry, Kylie. I can’t right now.” Gray runs a hand jaggedly through his hair. “I need to do what’s right for us. You and me, we need space. The way I feel is real, Ky. It’s not in my head. I feel it in my bones. I want you so bad I can taste you, smell you even when you’re not with me. I can’t escape it. I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t know why you don’t want to accept it, but I can’t fight these feelings. Leaving is the only way to protect you.”
“That’s enough,” I say, my tone fierce and lethal. My hands tremble in anger at the way he said that to her. It might be true, but that ass forgets he’s in my home in front of my wife. He’s done.
He steps back from her, his face glimmering with remorse. Kylie looks shattered, and my heart aches for her. She’s in the middle. I thought we’d made good progress, but this is too much. Her blue eyes meet mine, and her face scrunches up in pain as she rushes to me. I pull her into my arms and grip her tightly, my heart raging in anger. Gray’s going to get it as soon as I can clear her from the room. I stroke her back.
“I should go,” he mumbles.
“No,” she says, turning toward him. “God, don’t leave like this. Not with all this animosity. Please.”
“There’s nothing more for us to say,” he exhales.
Her face drops as she reaches for my hand. I grip it tightly as she struggles to go on. “I’m sorry, Grayson. I didn’t mean to lead you on. I knew that you liked me, were attracted to me, and I thought that maybe your feelings were deeper than they should be, but I never thought it was something on this level. You were my best friend. You knew how things were with Cooper. I tried to make that clear. He’s my life, my everything. I thought you understood that. I’m sorry if I led you on or made you think that there could be anything more bet
ween us. I never meant to do that.”
“No, you didn’t lead me on,” he says, his eyes locked on hers. “I did that all by myself.”
Her face is filled with remorse. “Are you going to come back?”
“Eventually,” he answers, glancing at me for a second.
My face pulls in a scowl. What the fuck was that look for?
“What if I need you?” she asks, slicing my heart open.
We’re still building trust, and this shows just how shaky our relationship is.
“Just call.”
“She won’t need you,” I say, unable to take another minute of this situation.
Kylie looks at me and shakes her head. “Get a grip. He needs us too. It’s more than you and me.”
I try to listen, but at this point, I don’t care. We need space from him.
She shifts her attention to him. “Will you come visit once the baby’s here?”
I see his face fill with anguish. His shoulders tremble as his eyes flash with a decision. He wants out.
“No.” His voice is resigned with an eerie numbness to it.
“Grayson, we’re family,” she reminds him.
I feel my sanity split. “Damn it, Kylie, look at me.” She does, and I continue, no longer okay with this. Consider this closure because that’s all she’s getting. “Stop this right now. He needs time, and clearly we all do, too. You’re acting like you have feelings for him. This is the exact reason he needs to get out of here. Please, stop.”
Her eyes search mine. My heart thumps like a maniac, hoping she gets it. She turns to Gray and nods.
“Focus on the baby,” he says. “Focus on your marriage. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you,” she whispers. “I don’t want you gone forever, Gray. I understand you need time. I’m sorry. I hate hurting you, but you know I don’t feel that way for you. Maybe you’re right. Maybe we do need space. I… I miss you, our friendship. But I get it. Please remember that we’re always here for you. Always.”
He nods.
She turns to me, her eyes swirling with remorse. “I’m sorry, Cooper.” She leans in and gives me a quick kiss.
Against All Odds Page 28