by T. K. Leigh
“I’ve got to go,” he whispered.
“Wait! Charlie?”
The line went dead.
Mackenzie
THE CLOCK ON THE far wall of my bedroom struck eight as the alarm on my phone sounded, but I continued staring at the ceiling. I was at the point of exhaustion where I was wide awake. I wasn’t sure if I had actually slept or not. All night long, my eyes were glued to the national news, waiting for a breaking report that Charlie had been apprehended. Since he hung up on me, an unsettled feeling had grown more and more intense, leaving me with more questions than answers, and I needed to do something to ease my restless thoughts. There was only one thing that would give me the peace I needed. My routine.
Swinging my legs to the side of the bed, I padded to my dresser and pulled out some running shorts and a loose-fitting tank top that was no longer quite as loose-fitting. After lacing up my sneakers and eating a banana, I headed out of my condo to get to the gym.
“Have a nice workout, Miss Delano,” a formal voice said as I exited the elevator.
I looked over my shoulder to see the new security guard, who started a few months ago, sitting at the desk. He was easily in his early sixties and, from his tone and stature, I could only assume he was retired military. I expected him to start saluting the tenants of the building at any time now.
“Thanks, Wyatt.”
As I approached my car and was about to duck into the driver’s seat, I saw the same black sedan as the day before idling on the street, the sole occupant keeping his eyes trained forward. I wondered if it had some connection to Charlie. Or maybe it was it someone looking for my father. I immediately grew suspicious and recalled Charlie’s words from months ago, urging me to stray from my routine because it made me a predictable and easy target. As much as I cringed at the thought, I knew he was right.
Pulling my iPod out of my bag, I clipped it to my tank top and put in my earbuds, lowering the volume so I could hear the traffic around me. Feeling surprisingly composed with the break in my routine, I threw my bag in my car, locked it, then stored my keys in my pocket.
As I trotted through the parking lot and ran south along the beach, I noticed the dark sedan driving along the main drag of the island in the same direction I was heading. Trying to shake off my paranoia, I took several calming breaths, running through dozens of possible scenarios as to why the sedan that had mysteriously appeared in front of my building had left at the same time I did. I was on alert, perhaps more than necessary. It could have all been a coincidence, but I was beginning to learn there was no such thing.
Running at an easy pace, thanks to my doctor’s admonition that I not overexert myself and keep my body temperature low, I basked in the morning sun, the humidity causing sweat to drench my tank top after a mere five minutes. The beach was relatively empty, apart from a few people enjoying a morning walk or jog. A few dogs were chasing balls their owners threw and seagulls were flying overhead, looking for their next meal.
A smile crossed my face and my usually tense shoulders relaxed. It was invigorating to be outside and not in some stuffy gym. After everything with Tyler, I had become diligent to never stray from the safety of my routine, as I had with him. But perhaps a new, better routine was exactly what I needed to give myself a renewed outlook on life. Everywhere else on the island had been tainted with Tyler’s presence. My condo. The gym. The tapas bar. The restaurant. They all held memories of him. But the beach held none of that. Out here, I could have the new start I needed and deserved. Out here, I could sever the chains binding me to the lies he fed me to get what he wanted.
What was that anyway? I thought, slowing to a stop as a golden retriever darted past me, chasing after a ball his owner had thrown into the ocean. I closed my eyes, the ghost of Tyler dancing in my mind, replaying a scene I had suppressed the past few months.
“Hurt me! Hate me! I want you to! I deserve it! I deserve everything you can do to me, Mackenzie, but you need to know something… I didn’t say anything. When you found me last night at the dedication dinner and I was distant, that’s because my brother asked about your father. He asked me if I knew where he was, if you had told me. And you want to know what I said? I said nothing, even after he warned me I could face potential prison time, or worse, if I withheld that information. So you can hate me all you want. You can bleed me dry and I will still bleed for you.”
Feeling lightheaded, I lowered myself to the ground, lying on the sand. It was refreshing against my sweat-drenched back, temporarily cooling the heat running through me at the possibility I had been too stubborn to consider all the shades of gray that made up Tyler’s lies. Yes, he led me to believe he was genuinely interested in me, but at what point did I become a priority over his job, his mission? Or was his plea to me that day all part of the act? I ran my hand over my face, trying to make sense of it all. I didn’t know what to believe anymore, but I knew one thing…
“He really didn’t say anything,” I mumbled to myself. I told Tyler everything. How I knew my father was still alive. How I knew where he was. How I still saw him on a regular basis at the church I attended when I lived in San Antonio.
He knew exactly how to find my father, yet he was still a free man. Tyler continued to safeguard my secret, regardless of the possible repercussions to his own livelihood. I thought I did what was right, what anyone would do after learning the person they loved wasn’t who they said they were. But I was now more confused than ever, wondering whether my obstinacy had cost me the only man who would ever make me swoon.
~~~~~~~~~~
AFTER MAKING THE DECISION to cut my run short, I headed back to my condo to get ready for my day. I went through the usual motions…shower, dress, makeup…but Tyler was on my mind more than usual today. As I was preparing a cup of coffee, I couldn’t help but think there was a reason for this.
Lost in my thoughts, I jumped when there was a light knock on the door. My heels clicking as I made my way to the foyer, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as I pulled open the door, all the memories of the life I was trying to move past rushing forward.
“Mrs. Burnham…,” I said, unable to hide the surprise in my voice as I stared at the petite woman with short platinum hair.
“Please, dear.” She took off her large white sunglasses and put them in her purse. “Call me Colleen,” she said with a genuine smile.
Nodding and in a daze, I stepped back. “Won’t you come in, Colleen?”
Her eyes shot to my stomach as she took in my side view. Today would be the day I chose to wear something that showed off my figure, including the baby bump, instead of one of my flowing maxi dresses. The black sheath dress I wore made my stomach rather pronounced.
“I see,” she said, walking through the foyer and into the living area.
Nervous about why she was here, I headed toward the kitchen area of my open living space. “Can I get you anything? A coffee? Water?”
“I’m fine, dear.”
I nodded, grabbing the cup of coffee that had finished brewing. Adding a bit of sweetener and some milk, I tried to ignore the unsettled thoughts floating through my mind. This was the story of my life. Just when everything seemed to be back on track and I thought I’d get over my past, a reminder of what I had been through would show up on my doorstep. I didn’t know how many setbacks a person could possibly endure before it became too much.
I walked to the living room, noticing her eye the stack of bills on my kitchen table, a look of sympathy on her face. I didn’t want her empathy. It would just be another reminder of how naïve I was.
“Won’t you have a seat?” I gestured to the couch as I sat down in the spot that had always been mine.
“Thank you,” she said, sitting down on the opposite end. She glanced to my stomach again, a forlorn expression crossing her face. “Well, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing here.”
I laughed nervously at the light tone of her voice. “You could say that. In all honesty, I’m scared
to know.” Raising my cup to my lips, I took a much needed sip of my coffee, despite the fact it was decaffeinated.
“May I ask you a question?”
“Certainly,” I replied, my voice guarded. Placing my mug on the coffee table, I braced myself for whatever she was about to ask.
“How far along are you?”
“Seventeen weeks.” I glanced at my stomach, placing my hand over it. “Almost eighteen.”
“During those almost eighteen weeks, how many times have you tried to get in touch with Tyler?”
“I’ve lost track,” I admitted, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I didn’t want her to see how much her son’s actions affected me. “I told him to stay away, but I didn’t think he would.”
“I know, dear,” she said, scooting across the couch and grabbing my hand in hers. The contact was comforting and soothing.
“I started to think I made him up. I went to his house and…” I turned my gaze from her, the memory of that day still fresh, the feeling I was losing my mind resurfacing.
Placing her hand on my shoulder, she said, “I can imagine how difficult it is to see the reminders of him–”
I shot up. “No! It’s so much more than that. After I was home for a week, I finally stopped being stubborn and decided to go over there to talk to him about everything. You know who answered the door?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Who?” she asked cautiously.
“A man who knew my name, who tried to convince me he had been living in that house for years!” I began pacing in front of her, reliving that day from hell. “It was exactly as I remembered. The décor the same. The cars the same. Hell, anchored out back was the same yacht I remember! I was so confused. I was convinced I imagined everything between us! I searched for some sort of proof that what we had was real, that we did know each other, but there was nothing. Photos had been manipulated on my phone so he was no longer in any of them. Not one trace of his existence in my life was left. I couldn’t help but think I made it all up! Even after all the assurances my friends had given me that he was real, that he did exist, I still questioned it. Until…”
I stopped in my tracks, my hand settling on my stomach. “Until I found out I was pregnant. This is the only proof I have that I’m not fucking crazy and I hate it. I hate that he lied to me. I hate that he did this to me. But mostly…” I fell onto the couch, finding my way into her nurturing arms. “Mostly I hate that I miss him. I hate that I told him to stay away and he listened. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about him. And I hate that I think I still love him, even though I’ll never be able to trust him again.”
“Shhh,” she soothed, kissing the top of my head like my own mother used to do. “It’s going to be okay. He went after you, ya know.”
I pulled out of her arms and stared at her. “What do you mean?”
“He tried to stop you at the airport, but couldn’t get to you in time. Hours later, I found him sitting on a bench along the Charles River. I watched him for a good twenty minutes before I approached him. You know what he was doing the entire time?”
I studied her through the tears in my eyes. “What?” I asked, almost nervous to know the answer, fearful it would cause an overwhelming feeling of regret.
“He was staring at the most beautiful diamond ring I’ve ever seen.”
I gasped, the memory of that weekend rushing back. “He asked me to marry him right before the dedication dinner,” I whispered. “I said I didn’t want a ring…”
“I taught my boys better than that.” Colleen smiled, then sobered. “But I must confess, I feel partly responsible for why you haven’t heard from him.”
“Why is that?” I wiped at the tears on my cheeks.
“I’ve been where you are. I’ve been hurt by the one person I thought I loved. I told my own husband to get out and stay out of my life.”
“And did he?” I was desperate for advice from someone who’d been where I was and could sympathize with what I was going through.
“He did,” she recalled. “He gave me the space I needed in order to realize my life sucked without him.”
I laughed at her words.
“At first, Tyler didn’t want to give up without a fight, but he decided to give you the space you needed in order for your heart to heal. He took a humanitarian assignment in Sudan that was only supposed to last a few weeks. As far as I know, he’s still there, helping refugees have a better life, trying to dampen the pain he’s caused you.” She grabbed my hands in hers as I fought to control my emotions. “I know Tyler. He’s a bit of a lost soul. When he hurts someone, he physically feels that pain. He wears it. He carries it as he would his own. He’s probably struggling with his guilt and is taking this time to learn to find meaning in it.”
“I still don’t understand why he hasn’t called or anything.”
“And what would you do if he did? Is this really something that could be settled with a simple phone call?”
I shook my head slightly.
“Mackenzie, darling, his absence from your life right now is giving you space to figure out what you do want. Even though he’s my son and I will always support him, I also know he hurt you. That’s not something which can be easily forgotten. He’s working on forgiving himself right now. When he’s ready, he’ll be back. Just promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“When Tyler comes back, and he will come back for you, keep your heart open.” She raised herself from the couch and headed toward the front door.
“But how am I going to believe a word that comes out of his mouth after everything?” I asked, following her.
“Sometimes, Mackenzie,” she began, spinning around and grabbing my hands in hers, “the most meaningful thoughts can’t be communicated with words. Don’t listen to what comes out of his mouth. Listen to his heart. Then you’ll know.” She enveloped me in her arms once more and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. “Here’s my card, dear,” she said, pulling a business card out of her purse. “I expect regular updates on my grandbaby.” She winked. “Do you know the gender yet?”
“I find out Tuesday.”
“Perfect. I’ll await your phone call.”
She turned and opened the door.
“Colleen, you’re not going to tell…?”
“It’s not my place to say anything. This is your decision. However, remember how you felt when Tyler kept his secret from you.”
Mackenzie
“HEY, MACK,” JENNA SAID as I entered the kitchen of the restaurant later that morning. She was busy playing around with some new recipe. Her apron was covered in batter and frosting, and I could only assume the end result would taste amazing.
“Hey, Jenna. Do I even want to know what you’re up to over there?”
She scrunched her nose. “Probably not. But don’t worry. You’ll be the first to taste it when I’m done!”
Shaking my head and trying not to think about what Jenna’s experiments were costing, I made my way through the industrial kitchen, line cooks busy preparing orders for our customers.
The restaurant had been more successful than I could have imagined. Our business plan filled a gap in dining on the island. Instead of simply opening another seafood restaurant because of our proximity to the ocean and fresh fisheries, we strayed from the norm and certainly reaped the benefits. Although the restaurant was packed with a line out the door most nights, we were still in the red, trying to finally make back the substantial amount of money we had put into this place before it opened. After paying the loan, the lease, our staff’s salaries, and other overhead, there wasn’t much left. I desperately wanted to pay off that loan so Jenna and I could finally start making some money off our dream.
I climbed the stairs and unlocked my office, making my way through the somewhat cluttered space to my desk. It wasn’t untidy, but the small area was congested with my desk and loveseat.
I pulled my laptop out and began searching news reports for any more informa
tion on the murders of which Charlie was accused. I wanted to believe the story he told me last night, but a nagging voice was reminding me of Charlie’s background and the fact he was trained to get people to believe what he wanted them to. Was he just a pawn in a bigger scheme? Or was he simply saying that to get me to fall into his trap again? The more I learned about Charlie and his past, the more confused I was. I wondered whether I would have this problem had Charlie been honest with me from the beginning. His deceitfulness was always in the back of my mind, reminding me I couldn’t put all my faith in his words.
My thoughts wandered to Colleen’s visit earlier this morning, her words echoing in my mind, beseeching me to give Tyler another chance. How could I possibly forgive a man who had betrayed me? How could I ever trust him when I would always be wondering whether his words were true?
I slammed my laptop closed, groaning. For the past several months, I had been fighting to do everything to forget about Tyler. But a small part of me wanted him to come back, to be near me once more, to promise me everything would be okay…that we would be okay.
I buried my head on my desk, the cool metal of my laptop comforting against my forehead. I was frustrated, uncertain, and confused. I wished I could just write Tyler off. I considered whether I’d be able to do just that had I not gotten pregnant by him. Would I still think about him as much as I did? I knew I would. My pregnancy had nothing to do with it. My heart belonged to him and I needed to get it back. If I didn’t, I’d never truly be able to move on like I needed to.
“Mack? You okay?” Jenna’s soft voice cut through my thoughts and I raised my head to see her standing in the doorway.
“Just thinking.”
“About what?” she asked, walking into my office and sitting down on the loveseat, her face eager.