Entire web pages (e.g. Fifty Shades of Abuse3 and ‘Fifty Abusive Moments in Fifty Shades of Grey’ on Rambling Curl4) are devoted to pinpointing and analysing the signs and symptoms of abuse depicted in this trilogy. Experts in abusive relationships, such as Clare Phillipson, director of Wearside Women in Need5 and service users who attend Bridgend Women’s Aid, have expressed concerns about the books.
E.L. James’ writing seems to excuse Christian’s coercion of Ana into sex acts by making her react in ludicrously idyllic and quite unbelievable ways. For example, despite having previously told Christian that she doesn’t want to try anal sex, her first anal experience is described as: ‘I’m suspended high—high above a wide, wide ravine, and I’m soaring then falling giddily at the same time, plunging to the Earth. I can hold on no more, and I scream as my body convulses and climaxes at the overwhelming fullness.’ Aside from the fact that the description is so vague that it could relate to any number of activities, it ignores the fact that trying anal sex for the first time is rarely poetic and in some cases can be painful and/or traumatic.
In many chapters, Ana’s lack of consent is quickly forgotten because she gets ‘so deliciously wet’. As Alexis points out in Fifty Shades of Abuse, arousal does not equal consent. This type of writing screams: ‘It’s fine to abuse, because she wants it really,’ which is one of the most dangerous fallacies underpinning rape and sexual assault.
The thing that angers me most about the trilogy is the happily-ever-after ending. Ana changes Christian. She ends up married to the man who doesn’t do girlfriends – married, pregnant and happy.
Feminist writer, Carey Purcell6 puts it very well: ‘The themes of the novel – that love alone can make someone change, that abuse from a spouse is acceptable as long as he’s great in bed … and the ridiculously antiquated, Victorian idea that the love of a pure virgin can save a wayward man from himself – are irrational, unbelievable and dangerous.’
Typically, when a person gets into an abusive relationship, the abuse starts small and gets a stronger hold as the relationship continues. The belief that the victim can change his or her partner leads many people to stay in relationships that are harmful to their emotional and sometimes physical wellbeing.
Domestic abuse charity, Women’s Aid7 states: ‘It’s possible for abusive people to change their behaviour. However, it’s very difficult to change and so isn’t very common. If your partner has promised to change before and then has resumed his abusive behaviour it’s likely that this pattern will continue to repeat itself.’
Whilst it might be unreasonable to profess that abusers never change, it’s important to realise that an abuser is unlikely to change without professional support. Bullies do not stop being bullies simply because they fall madly in love, or because their partners make good enough lovers. If anything, falling in love draws out obsessive and controlling traits.
I decided to take two characters similar to Christian and Ana and portray a more realistic progression for their relationship. Sex is not fantastic the first time. Willow doesn’t climax every time she tries something new. And having sex when she doesn’t want to is horrendous.
Fifty Shades of Grey has made many people more aware of some BDSM practises, including spanking, sex toys and orgasm denial. But it has neglected to promote necessary principles such as equality, respect, support, patience and strong communication.
Author and submissive, Sophie Morgan, writes8: ‘One of my big frustrations with the success of Fifty Shades of Grey is that there is so much of the main relationship that plays into the misconception that a sexual relationship based around BDSM is, at its core, an abusive one.’
I created Demi and Ross to portray a healthy Dom-sub relationship where respect is at the centre of everything they do. Ross doesn’t dominate because he’s fucked up. Demi doesn’t submit because she’s scared of losing him. They simply do what they enjoy doing.
It was never my intention to encapsulate the wide world of BDSM and the many different ways in which it is practised; I simply wanted to show one couple having a genuinely good time experimenting with domination and submission.
Obviously, abusive relationships do not generally end the way they do for Willow and Nat. The reality is often both more mundane, and more tragic.
Many victims remain trapped in a destructive abuse-relief loop because they don’t recognise that they’re being abused. Books like Fifty Shades of Grey normalise controlling behaviour and stalking, making it even harder for victims to identify the need to leave controlling partners.
What can be done? Censoring Fifty Shades or any of the other unhelpful alpha-male romances on the market would be neither ethical nor constructive. A better way to deal with the problem is to deliver additional information. Provoking people to consider the bigger picture gives individuals a wider range of perspectives from which to reach their own conclusions.
References
1. ‘Fifty Shades of Abuse Flier UK’
Protest Resources
protest-resources.tumblr.com/post/37044738301/50-shades-of-abuse-flyer-uk-use-redistribute
2. ‘Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.’
Earliest example of this widely shared post found at:
Commence Primary Ignition by ‘bonerack’
bonerack.tumblr.com/post/37093172631/princessnecrophilia-weeaboo-chan
3. ‘Fifty Shades of Grey condemned as “manual for sexual torture”’ – Alison Flood
The Guardian
theguardian.com/books/2012/aug/24/fifty-shades-grey-domestic-violence-campaigners
4. Fifty Shades of Abuse by Alexis Bee
50shadesofabuse.wordpress.com
5. ‘Fifty Abusive Moments in Fifty Shades of Grey’ by Emma Tofi
The Rambling Curl theramblingcurl.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/fifty-abusive-moments-in-fifty-shades.html
6. ‘Fifty Shades of Feminism – A Response to E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey’ by Carey Purcell
Huff Post Books
huffingtonpost.com/carey-purcell/fifty-shades-of-grey-feminism_b_2395932.html
7. Women’s Aid
womensaid.org.uk
8. ‘I like submissive sex but Fifty Shades is not about fun: it’s about abuse’ by Sophie Morgan
The Guardian
theguardian.com/society/2012/aug/25/fifty-shades-submissive-sophie-morgan
If you feel affected by any of the issues in this book, here are some links you may find helpful:
‘Domestic Violence and Abuse;
General advice from a non-profit organisation
www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
‘Warning Signs & The Cycle of Abuse’
Information with specific reference to the Fifty Shades trilogy
50shadesofabuse.wordpress.com/warning-signs/
And, if you fancy learning more about safe and consensual BDSM, you may like to try:
‘A Submissive’s Initiative’
asibdsm.com
Also by Rosen Trevithick ...
Collections
Seesaw (Volume I)
Seesaw (Volume II)
Novels
My Granny Writes Erotica - Threesome (Humour)
Pompomberry House (Humour)
Straight Out of University (Humour)
Novellas
The Ice Marathon (Psychological)
My Granny Writes Erotica (Humour)
My Granny Writes Erotica 2 (Humour)
My Granny Writes Erotica 3 (Humour)
Short Stories
London, the Doggy and Me (Humour)
Lipstick and Knickers (Humour)
A Royal Mess (Humour)
The Other Daughter (Psychological)
The Selfish Act (Psychological)
On the Rocks (Psychological)
Non-Fiction
How Not to Self-Publish
Children's Books
The Troll Trap (Smelly Trolls 1)
Mr Spl
endiferous and the Troublesome Trolls (Smelly Trolls 2)
Trolls on Ice (Smelly Trolls 3)
Gourmet Girl Burger (Short story)
The First Trollogy (Smelly Trolls 1-3)
My Granny Writes Erotica : Threesome
The original, critically acclaimed novella, locked in a saucy threesome with its hit sequel and a bonus bit on the side.
In need of a ‘get rich quick’ scheme, 65-year-old, straight-laced Betty tries her hand at writing an erotic novel. However, with little experience in matters of the libido, Betty finds herself ill-equipped to pursue her goal and seeks help in the most unexpected places.
When she finds her elderly mother-in-law with nipple clamps dangling from her earlobes, the suburban housewife realises she’s a corrupting influence and hangs up her pen. However, the demands of her greedy family force Betty to sell the film rights to her novel – on one condition: she has no part in the creation of such revolting cinematic filth.
And after courting her new beau for many months, Betty is finally ready to cement their love. However, everybody she knows seems to have an opinion on modern bedroom etiquette. Mistakenly believing she’s found the ideal setting for her romantic getaway, Betty books a night at the elusive Exotic Aristocrat Boutique.
View My Granny Writes Erotica - Threesome on the web
About Rosen Trevithick
Rosen was born in Cornwall and grew up on Restronguet Creek. She studied Experimental Psychology at St Catherine’s College, Oxford, before moving back to the West Country. She now lives in Falmouth with two imaginary cats, fantasising about getting a real one.
She has a variety of books in print including My Granny Writes Erotica - Threesome, Pompomberry House and two Seesaw collections, as well as over a dozen digital titles.
She founded the Smelly Troll series – children’s chapter books written by Rosen and illustrated by Katie W. Stewart. The series, which begins with The Troll Trap, has inspired hundreds of children to get involved in creative writing.
Rosen writes in a variety of genres with a strong leaning towards comedy. She has also dabbled in psychological fiction and mystery writing.
She loves wild swimming, interesting boots, quiffs, ‘sampling’ chocolate and cooking tasty treats. She dislikes house spiders, seagulls making a racket and doing laundry.
Two Shades of the Lilac Sunset Page 19