I’m too shocked to respond. In fact, my thoughts race as I search for possible motives or hidden meanings behind his words, but I find none. Cade’s face is resigned and almost even friendly. The muscles in my shoulders relax a fraction.
“I was here the day she fell,” he says, gently kicking my rear tire with his boot. He turns and rests his back against the frame. “We were damn lucky that it was only a wrist fracture. But I’d never seen Peyton so devastated.” His throat strains with a swallow. “About a year later, I asked her why she pushed so hard that day. Why she went against what her therapists told her and rode Oakley.”
I don’t like where this is going. Warning signs are blaring but I ask anyway, “And what did she say?”
Cade looks at me. “That you two had broken up.” He lifts an eyebrow. “I hadn’t even known you were together.”
I scrub a hand over my face as my world crashes to a halt. “No one did,” I manage to croak. “Faith knew, but…”
“That girl knows everything,” he finishes for me, and I nod once, feeling the bile rise up my throat.
God, I’m a schmuck.
It doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together. Peyton fell and broke her wrist the same day I broke her heart. It was almost poetic in its utter shittiness.
I bang my head against the window and Cade glances back at Peyton.
“It probably would’ve happened anyway,” he continues. “She’s always been a spitfire. Stubborn as hell. If y’all breaking up hadn’t pushed her, it would’ve been something else.”
“Maybe,” I admit. “But it wasn’t something else, was it?”
Cade turns, leaning his shoulder against the Jeep so he can face me. “Look, I’m not here to start anything or make you feel like shit. I just thought you deserved to know the full story. CC and I may not be together anymore, but I’ll never stop being her friend. I’ll never stop looking out for her.”
“What are you getting at, man?”
“I want to know what your plans are,” he tells me. “The draft is next week and I still don’t know where your head is. Are you going pro or are you headed to college? Do you want to be with Peyton or not? I know it’s none of my business, I get that, but the girl’s been through enough. For the last three years, she’s been locked in a shell, and I’d hoped to be the one to get her out. But it’s not me… it’s you. It’s always been you. Just look at that smile on her face.”
I follow his gaze to Peyton riding and, sure enough, her huge smile is back.
As if he’s reading my thoughts he says, “It’s not just her smile, either. She’s back on a horse, too. Hell, she’s back. I don’t want to lose her again or see you break her.”
He doesn’t say, “like you did before,” but I get the point, and the implication hits me like a two-by-four. “That’s the last thing I want to do,” I tell him, my legs suddenly weak. My head falls back against the Jeep and what feels like the weight of the world presses down on my shoulders.
Cade studies me for a beat, then pushes away from the door and adjusts his hat. “Good,” he says. “Then I guess we’re on the same page.” Glancing back at the main house he asks, “You coming inside?”
I swallow past the lump of terror in my throat and shake my head. “Nah. I better get going. Need to clear my head, you know?”
Cade nods slowly and taps the hood of my Jeep. “See you around, Justin.”
SATURDAY, JUNE 7TH
Freedom!
♥Senior Year
JUSTIN
FAIRFIELD ACADEMY BASEBALL FIELD 12:42 P.M.
“Damn, it’s good to have you back, kid.” Carlos falls onto the open spot of the bench next to me and smiles his cornball grin. “Playing without you sucks, straight up, so don’t even think about using that big old head of yours to stop a run today, you hear me?”
“I hear you, dumbass.”
I elbow him in the ribs, but really, I’m stoked to be back.
It’s not the first championship game we’ve played together, but it could be the last if I decide not to go to A&M. I don’t want to forget a single second. Not the sun’s scorching rays seeping through my cap, or the sting of sunblock in my eyes. The smell of dirt, grass, and hotdogs—a scent combination forever linked with Fairfield—and the crazy cheers of our frenzied home crowd.
The only thing missing today? Peyton screaming insults after a bad call.
I understand why she’s not here. Today’s the exhibition ride at the Round Rock rodeo and that’s where she should be. If I’m honest, as much as I love this game, I can’t help wishing that’s where I was, too.
Out of habit, I glance at her usual spot in the stands, and spy my father seated there instead.
“Holy shit.”
I blink, unable to believe my eyes, but he’s here. He made it. He actually got off his ass and came out to a game. Of course, my brother is here, seated on Rosalyn’s lap, but I never would’ve expected my dad to show. A well of emotion builds in my chest, surprise and happiness, even affection… an emotion made even more pathetic once I notice who’s sitting beside him. The area scout for the Toronto team that’s been showing so much interest.
“Got a bird in the stands?” Alan Richard teases, taking a load off on my other side. He’s a former Fairfield player now in the pros, and Coach asked him to come out today for inspiration. He lifts his chin toward the bleachers. “You’re staring awfully hard over there. Either it’s a chick or someone who owes you money.”
“My dad,” I reply, watching as Carlos does a double-take in my peripheral. “Chatting up a Toronto scout.”
“Ah.” Alan nods sagely. “I heard you got a lot of buzz going. You shouldn’t be too shocked to see a scout hanging around.”
“Not shocked at all.” My voice is tight, even I can hear it. “Just… an observation.”
Despite what I said, it sort of is hard to believe that I have this much attention on me. I mean, I’m grateful. Having options is amazing, and I’m in a position every player wants to be in. But I can’t help feeling annoyed.
“Can I ask you something?” When he looks at me, giving me the go-ahead, I say, “You ever have any regrets about your choice?”
Alan sits back and sighs. “No. I weighed every option I had, thought it through, and in the end, chose the best path for me. There’s no right or wrong answer here. It’s about following what your gut tells you. For me, it was a farm team, working my way up. I got damn lucky. I have friends who are still back there.” He takes off his cap, shoves his hair back, and then replaces it. “What about you? Where’s your head on the whole thing right now?”
I shrug. “Torn, I guess. With the draft, I know about the shitty salary after the signing bonus, but I have a trust fund from my grandparents, so I’m not sweating that. It’s not really about the money for me.”
“So what is it about?”
I plant my cleat in the dirt, unsure how to answer that. Honestly, it’s about tons of things. Making Coach proud and not disappointing my teammates. Wondering if Peyton and I have what it takes to last. It’s deciding between getting an education now, or striking while the iron’s hot, and hell, it’s even about my dad, and what he’s always expected from me. No way am I pouring all that shit on Alan.
So, Carlos answers for me. “It’s about a girl.”
I elbow him in the ribs and he smirks. Alan chuckles next to me.
“Something tells me it’s a bit more than that,” he says, turning to face me. “Listen, Carter, I’m not gonna tell you what you should do. But I wish someone had been around when I was in your place, someone who’d been in the same predicament, so if you want some advice, I’ll give it to you.”
Right about now, I’m dying for someone to tell me what to do, to make the decision for me. I look at him and say, “Dude, I’m all ears.”
“Get a college education.” He says it straight out, shocking the shit out of me. “Get your experience that way, and skip out on the low A and Rookie Ball crap. No o
ne prepares you for that, man. The long bus rides to small towns, the bad food, and shittier fields. The completely empty stands. Some people get lucky. They draft high and advance quick, but for many, that’s simply not reality.”
Carlos leans forward. “What if he gets hurt, though? What if he blows his knee out in college and tanks his career.”
“It’s a risk you run, getting injured and missing your shot in the draft,” Alan admits. “But it doesn’t mean you’ll never play professional ball. You’ll heal up and earn your shot another way. Better to blow your knee in college, and have that education to fall back on, than out on a crap field with no one watching.”
Carlos and I exchange a look. I know what he’s thinking. He’s headed to A&M, the same place Peyton is, and the same place I already signed my letter of intent. He’d love it if I stayed in state, and I admit, the pull to play more with my best friend is huge.
“For me,” Alan says, “I was drafted high and the bonus money was life changing. My family needed that money, and it was impossible to say no. But if money’s not an issue for you, and you can play ball either way, you’re in a totally different position. The love of the game comes with either option, man, so it boils down to one question.”
I can’t help but smirk at the theatrics. “Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”
“What are you chasing?”
What are you chasing?
The question rattles in my head. It shakes loose memories and thoughts I didn’t even remember having. What am I chasing? I glance back at the crowd and lock eyes with my dad.
I can answer that.
PEYTON
ROUND ROCK EXHIBITION 4:15 P.M.
“Welcome to the Round Rock Kick-off to Summer Rodeo!”
The announcer’s voice is tinny as it cracks over the loud speaker, but the crowd goes berserk regardless. The energy ripples through me, bringing chills in its wake, and I beam so wide my face hurts.
“I’m proud of you, CC.” Cade squeezes my left hand, Faith does the same to my right, and together, we take in the insanity unfolding around us.
“I have to go check in for my event,” he says, “but I’ll be back as soon as I can. Faith knows to record your ride if I miss it, or I’ll eat all the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in the doghouse kitchen.”
Faith extends a pink, sparkly fingernail. “You wouldn’t dare. You mess with a girl’s candy, you mess with the girl. And duh, of course I’m recording it. My bestie is a real life cowgirl. I have an entire vlog dedicated to rodeo fashion and terminology.”
“Dear God, your poor viewers,” I tease, winking at Cade. “Don’t you worry about me, just go kick some saddle bronc ass.”
My exhibition ride is part of the opening kickoff, but the day is jam-packed with other events, too. While we were dating, Cade put his own rodeo career on hold, only doing the occasional local event even though he loved it as much as I did. I never asked him to give it up—he decided to step back on his own, saying he knew how hard it was for me to be around this world. And I let him. It only goes to show how much better we truly are as friends than a couple. He deserves to be out here, chasing his dreams, so it makes me happy to see him getting back in the saddle. Like, literally.
Grinning at my cheesy pun, I release Faith’s hand so I can throw both arms around Cade. It’s only awkward for a second before he closes his arms around me and hugs me tight.
“Good luck, Donovan.”
“Same to you, Williams.”
We’re both smiling when we step back and say goodbye, still us even if we’re not together. Our friendship was always the best part of us anyway, and if we lost that, I’d be devastated.
Faith and I stand around, checking out the potential competition, when a tall brunette with a clipboard walks up to us. “Peyton Williams?”
My heart jolts but I somehow manage to find my voice. “Yup. That’s me.”
“Time to come on back and get ready.” The woman smiles kindly and winks in a motherly sort of way, then heads off to find her next rider. I turn to Faith, already in the midst of a mini-freak out.
“Oh, crap, am I really about to do this?” Blowing out hard, I concentrate on my breathing and attempt to calm my racing heartbeat. It’s currently pounding in a rhythm to match the stampede happening in the center arena.
“Girl, you were born to do this,” Faith replies, bumping my hip. “And you look freaking amazing.”
Knowing this is the ultimate compliment my friend can bestow, I check my laugh and say, “Thanks. If the crowd awards style points, I’ll be sure to mention you in my thank you speech.”
The brunette catches my eye again as she nears the gate and I release another breath.
“Time to get my ride on.”
It helps that Faith and Mama will be in the stands cheering for me. It’d be nice if Dad was here, too, but today’s the championship, and I told him there was no way he was missing it—he couldn’t miss it anyway, but I didn’t want guilt eating him up.
Only one face is absent that I really wished were here, but he’s with Dad, and I haven’t heard from him in days. I have no clue where things stand with Justin. We cleared the air, we apologized, we scored an A as a married couple, and survived a weekend of pseudo-parenting. But the future remains one big blur.
I go to close the gate behind me, and Mama appears, running up with a strange smile twitching her lips. She yanks my phone out of her bag and says, “I felt it vibrate and thought you might like to see the message.”
I take it from her hand, curious what could make her look so weird. When I glance down, I get it.
It’s a text from Justin.
Ride it fast and ride it well. Go on pretty girl and give ‘em hell.
My chest swells with emotion and I close my eyes, suddenly in love with technology. No, he didn’t say the words, but I feel his love anyway. He thought of me, in the middle of the big game, and that means everything.
But… what does it mean to him?
Gah. Why couldn’t we do this years ago? Hash things out, discover the truth. Maybe then a future together wouldn’t seem so impossible.
When I open my eyes, I find Mama watching me with a knowing expression. “Go,” she says, lifting her chin in the direction the brunette disappeared. “They’re waiting for you.”
I hand over the phone and close the gate, hiding my blush behind the slats. Justin’s text didn’t exactly reveal anything. Lately, I get misty-eyed over cereal commercials. Graduation, reclaiming a lost passion, and breaking up with your boyfriend tend to do that to a girl. Mama’s probably chalking my reaction up to that.
It’s not until my back is turned and I’m halfway down the tunnel that she calls out, “Don’t think you’re not spilling everything when the ride’s over, missy!”
I laugh and twist around, busted but happy, and blow her a kiss. Then, I head off to get my horse.
SATURDAY, JUNE 7TH
New Beginnings
♥Senior Year
PEYTON
ROUND ROCK EXHIBITION 4:32 P.M.
My pride over my impending exhibition ride sours when I spot the girls hanging around out back. Girls I used to compete against, like Lexi Greene, waiting to go out and ride for real. They’re here for the main events of the day: barrel-racing, breakaway roping, pole bending, and girls cutting, just to name a few. All events I used to compete (and kick ass) in. Seeing them again, smiling as they catch me up on all their successes, is a bitter pill to swallow… but I do it.
I do it because I’m here, I’m back in the arena, and they haven’t seen the last of me.
The same brunette from before, a woman I’ve since realized is Ty Reynolds, an amazing rider on the circuit, comes up and tells me it’s my turn. “Have fun out there,” she says, and I smile at the simplicity of that. Have fun.
“Thanks,” I reply. “I think I will.”
Ty walks with me as the announcer talks about Sweet Serenity Ranch, our new rodeo school, and goes over my prior stats in
the circuit. As he does, I lock eyes with Lexi, who’s standing near the entrance.
The two of us used to be rivals. Every event, we seemed to trade who was the best. Secretly, I enjoyed the extra push she gave me, used it to fuel me in training, but I liked it even better when I beat her on a run.
Lexi narrows her eyes, her lips pursed, and as she curls a long strand of blonde hair around her finger, I wonder what she’s thinking. Is she glad I’m back? Does she wish I’d stayed away? It’s not until she lifts her chin and her lips twitch the slightest bit that I know.
That almost smile gives me the extra shot of confidence I need, and it acts like a boost of adrenaline.
This exhibition ride isn’t about impressing anyone with my speed. I don’t have to go fast. The other riders haven’t, adding flare in the way of showmanship and personality, rather than hard riding.
But that’s not me.
Ty nods me on, and I take a deep breath. Then… I take off.
Oakley’s with me from the start. She remembers every movement, every cue. As we enter the arena, we’re fully in synch, sharing one mind, moving our bodies as one. The sunbaked dirt and popcorn scent welcome me home as the dust circles around the air, coating my tongue. A brief moment of panic comes as we approach the first barrel, but we fly around it, easy as breathing.
Triumph courses through my veins as we circle the second barrel and I throw my head back in a laugh.
How could I have waited so long to feel this again? The rush is indescribable. The joy, uncontainable. I hear Mama and Faith screaming my name as I thunder past the front row of the stands at the completion of the course, the wind catching my vest emblazoned with Sweet Serenity’s logo.
I think I did us proud.
Oakley and I make our way to the alleyway, and I lean over to whisper, “I love you, girl.” The perk of her ears says she loves me, too.
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