by Sam Lollar
“Granddad, that must have been so hard for you. Didn’t you have anyone to talk to about this when you were growing up?”
“Number Three, it wasn’t like it is now. If I had told anybody about it, I would have been sent to a psychiatrist. One of my friends ended up getting shock treatment when he told his mom that he was gay. It was not a good or safe time to embrace one’s sexuality, believe me.”
“Dad, it just makes me sad to think of how unhappy you must have been. I know you always say the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but at least it’s gotten easier for gay people.”
*
Oh my God. I suddenly remembered that I really got off looking at bodybuilder magazines. I had never given that conscious thought before that moment, but I bought them all the time. I suddenly realized I must be queer.
“Come and get it, guys,” Rick hollered from the doors to the kitchen area. “The food’s on the counter. Just grab a plate and get whatever you want.”
It was quite a feast, lots and lots of good foods to choose from. Several wines, soft drinks, and bottles of beer lined the counter. Desserts were on a table in the dining room between the counter and French doors leading to the patio. There was a huge cake covered in coconut, and a chocolate mousse, which I had never heard of at the time. I had no idea what it was until someone told me.
Everyone ate heartily. The food was superb. “This is great, Rick,” one of the men said, and everyone agreed with him.
“The best.”
“I want the recipe for these rolls.”
“I want one for that coconut cake.”
Finally, the food was gone and just beer bottles or glasses of wine were on the tables with seven very contented men sitting around it. I made the eighth, I suppose. But I was anything but comfortable. I had begun to feel overdressed, as I was the only one whose body and legs were covered.
Much to my horror and delight, several of the men took off their trunks and jumped into the pool. They whooped and screamed that it was too cold, but obviously they were enjoying themselves immensely. I noticed Scott had not joined them. “Are you going in, Scott?” I asked him.
“Are you?” he asked in response.
“Um, I’m not sure.”
“There’s no need to be shy, Aaron. Your body is as perfect as anyone’s here. Come on, why don’t you go in or at least put your trunks on?”
“Scott, I didn’t bring any trunks,” I admitted. “I had decided that I would not change clothes under any circumstances.”
“Rick has a ton of trunks for his guests. You could wear one of those,” he said, nodding to Rick, who was sitting next to me.
“Of course. I always keep a dozen or so in different sizes in case someone comes over and wants to swim. Of course, they always have the option of going naked. But if you want some trunks, then I’ll get you some. I generally don’t go naked at my own parties. Somehow it doesn’t seem appropriate to me. If you want to wear trunks, since Scott and I are already wearing some, you needn’t feel so alone.”
I noticed that some of the guys were kissing in the pool, while others engaged in horseplay, splashing all over the place.
“I have an idea,” Rick said. “Aaron, why don’t you change into some trunks and you and I can get in the hot tub.”
I had run out of excuses and finally acquiesced. “Okay, Rick, show me what you’ve got.”
“Now that’s the spirit. I’ll show you what I’ve got all right, if you show me what you’ve got,” he said, laughter in his voice. “Just kidding, Aaron. Come on, I have several suits that might fit you. I’m guessing you wear a small.”
We went into his bedroom, where he opened a drawer of his bureau and pulled out two or three pairs of trunks in different colors. The one thing they all had in common was that they were just as brief as the ones he wore himself. Yielding to the inevitable, I selected a blue pair and went to change in the bathroom.
I debated for what seemed like hours before I left the bathroom. Should I do this? Should I expose this scrawny body? Would they stare at me? Or worse, would they not notice me at all?
“Come on, Aaron, I’m getting cold standing here. What’s taking you so long?”
I decided it was time to leave the bathroom, and so I did. I must have looked pretty good, because Rick gasped. “Babe, I knew you had a good body, but you look fantastic. Let’s get in the hot tub before some of these other perverts try to get a hold of you.”
We dashed to the hot tub, and I was climbing in when I noticed Scott staring at me from the patio table. Rick got in first, and then I let myself into the hot water. It was glorious as I sat on the bench in the tub. I wasn’t really near Rick, so I began to feel rather calm, particularly since I realized no one could see much of me when I was in the water. It was one of those old redwood jobs with the seats about three feet from the rim.
After a few minutes adjusting to the hot water, Rick let out a sigh and said, “Man, this feels good, don’t you think? I do this every evening when I have time. When I’m working at the bar, I make it a habit to do this when I get home. It might be three or four in the morning, but this always feels like heaven.”
After a bit, we got out of the tub and dried off. I wrapped a towel over my shoulders to cover as much of me as possible. Many of the others were out of the pool, playing cards and generally having a great time. I just couldn’t get over the idea that I was seeing so many men completely undressed. Eventually, Rick announced that he needed help in the kitchen to clean up. “Evangelina will have a stroke if she sees this mess.” So two or three of the guys got up to help.
The other guys began changing clothes and heading out to their cars. I said good-bye to them, then continued to help with the kitchen cleaning, my towel securely around my body. In short order, the place was clean, and the rest of the men got dressed and left. I decided it was late and time to go, so I went to change clothes. Before I could, however, I noticed Scott was no longer there. I was scared to death. I was also stranded. I dashed through the house and through the courtyard to the front gate. I could just see Scott’s Jaguar rounding a corner of the roadway. I couldn’t possibly catch up with him by running, certainly not barefooted and in very brief swim trunks.
Rick was at the front door. He began walking toward me when I commanded him to stop. “Don’t get a step closer to me. I need to get my clothes and shoes so I can get back to the motel. Just stay away from me.”
“Aaron, I’m not going to hurt you. If you want to go home, I’ll drive you back now. You can change clothes, and we can leave immediately.”
“Good.” As I started back into the house, I steered clear of Rick, making sure not to make physical contact with him. I entered the bedroom, and he was right behind me.
“I put your clothes in the bathroom. You can change in there if you really want to.”
I dashed into the bathroom and became frozen in place. Did I want to leave? Did I want to stay? Did I want Rick to hold me? What did I want? After twenty minutes, Rick finally knocked on the door. “Aaron? What’s taking so long? Are you all right?”
“Yes, yes, I’m all right,” I said as forcefully as I could.
“Well, come on out. I’ve changed clothes and am ready to take you back to the motel.”
Without allowing myself to stop me, I swung the bathroom door open, standing in my trunks and said, “Rick, I really don’t want to go.”
He beamed. His smile seemed to light up the room. “That’s great, sweetheart. I’m going to put some fresh trunks on, and we can go back out to the hot tub again.”
We sat in the tub, me on one side and Rick on the other. I was feeling all right with my decision to stay. Rick said, “I don’t want to spook you, Aaron, but these trunks are pinching the hell out of me. I’m serious. I’ve got to take them off.” With that, I realized he meant he was going to take them off right there. He pulled them out of the water and threw them onto the patio. “Ah. Much better.”
Wow. He was naked, and
all my fantasies were coming true. I realized that I had fantasized about situations like this for years. I had never been able to recall my sexual fantasies after masturbating. I guess I was still repressing my fear of being homosexual, but now they all came flooding back into reality. I smiled at Rick.
He smiled back at me and slowly rose out of the water. “Come on, sweetheart, why don’t you take your trunks off, too?”
I stared at him in open wonder. He was so beautiful. “Can I sit by you? I’d really like to hold you in my arms,” he said.
I just continued smiling at him and he sat next to me, embracing me at the same time. This time, I returned the gesture, embracing him as well. We kissed, deeply and continuously, for several minutes. “Why not take your trunks off, Aaron?”
I finally decided I wanted to, and reached down to pull them off.
“Let’s go in the bedroom.” Did I say that or did he?
Either way, we exited the tub, grabbed some fresh towels, and dried each other off. I reveled in rubbing the towel over his hard body. We walked hand in hand to the bedroom. Rick took a moment to take the bedspread off and pull the sheets back before we lay down. It was dusk, and the light from the late sun brushed the tops of the trees in the backyard. The pool lights had come on, and the blueness of the water was gorgeous. But what I mostly felt was his hands on my body. He lay on top of me. I took the opportunity to tell him, “Rick, I don’t want anything done with my butthole.”
He held my head in his hands as he kissed me deeply and more passionately than I had ever been kissed. “No problem, sweetheart. We’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”
*
“Well?” Number Three asked. “What happened?”
“Ah, some things I’ll keep locked away in my memories, guys. Obviously, we had sex—the first time I had had sex with a man. It was something special.”
*
Eventually, we went into the shower together and cleaned ourselves off. The night continued pretty much the same way. We had sex several times. We were exhausted. We slept side by side in his bed. I slept like a rock, as did he. The sun was fully up when we awoke.
Chapter Eighteen
A Mid-1950s Cadillac
“What time is it?” I asked.
“About eight, why?”
“I have a ten o’clock class, that’s why. I’ve got to get dressed and on campus.”
“Let’s have a light breakfast, then I’ll take you back to the motel.”
“Sounds great. I think I’ll take a shower.”
“Well, let no man say I’m a poor host. I’ll shower with you.”
Of course, one thing led to another and you can guess what happened.
I went to class, unable to concentrate on anything. I read back through my notes when I was studying for an exam a few weeks later and could make no sense out of them. All I was thinking about that Monday morning was my time with Rick. I knew I’d eventually have to go to the motel and face everyone. After all, I was scheduled to work that afternoon. I caught the city bus and got back around two thirty and changed into my work clothes. As I was combing my hair, I noticed some purple blotches on my neck and shoulders. Today, we might think of KS, but back then, all I could think was, So this is what hickeys look like.
With my tie on, my shirt covered most of the evidence of the night’s passions, but one was still quite visible. Resigning myself to the inevitable, I left my room and headed toward the lobby. I had stopped to glance at a 1955 Cadillac Coupe de Ville, when Miss LuLu spied me as she was leaving the lobby. She took one look at me and said, “Oh my. You look like you’ve been in a bar fight. Let’s go get some makeup to cover those fang marks.” She took me in tow and we walked back to her room, where I was able to do a pretty reasonable job of covering the hickeys with her help.
Of course, everyone was there as Miss LuLu walked me back to the lobby. They were all sitting with very self-satisfied smiles on their faces. I said good afternoon to everyone and, trying to maintain some dignity, grabbed the clipboard to go check on the TVs.
“Not so fast, bub,” Bob said. “We want to know what happened last night. Details.”
“Not now, please. I’m exhausted.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because everyone hooted with laughter. Someone said, “I’ll bet,” and more laughter followed. I turned red and left the lobby as quickly as I could.
I was in the back of the motel near Miss LuLu’s suite, when Scott caught up with me.
“Okay, spill it. What happened?”
I tried to be noncommittal in my recital, so I mentioned nothing of our several sexual romps. I mentioned enjoying the hot tub and some other vagaries when he snapped, “Oh, I don’t care about that. Did you fuck?”
“Well, we had sex, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“How was it? Was it better than with that whore?”
“I have to say yes. Oh, Scott. I’m so horrified. It was fantastic.”
“See, I told you. There’s nothing to feel bad about. Now you know what you’ve been missing. Maybe you’ll be more agreeable to getting to know me better.”
“Scott, you are so calculating and transparent, I don’t know if I should be worried or just laugh about it all. Why are you so determined to go to bed with me? All those men yesterday were beautiful. Why not go with one of them?”
“Well, they don’t really like me much. Not many of the men in town seem to. I’m just not a bar type person, and that’s the only way to get to meet people around here.”
“So, it’s not so much that they don’t like you as it is they don’t know you.”
“Yeah, you could say that. Everyone just says I’m too aloof, that no one can get near me. But you, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be near you.”
“Scott, you’re going to embarrass me again. I just don’t understand why you want me so much. I’m so ordinary. I think all I want now is just to hide somewhere and think things over. Please give me some space.”
“Okay, but know that it’s only for a short while. Why don’t you go back to your room and rest? I’ll come back and we can go to dinner.”
“Scott, I don’t think I’ve worked a full day in weeks. Don’t you and Mrs. Schuster worry about that? I mean, you pay me a salary and I don’t do anything.”
“Don’t worry about it, Aaron. From our perspective, it’s not that much money. We enjoy having you as part of the family. It’s like you’re a paid companion for everybody at the rancho.”
I turned to go back to my room, when I felt his hand on my arm, turning me around. He quite unexpectedly kissed me, which I didn’t find all that unpleasant. Thank God we’re in the back of the motel where no one can see us, I thought as I continued on my way back to my room.
I watched a little TV and did my homework. Then I took a nice hot bath, remembering how wonderful it was in Rick’s hot tub. I lay down about four and dozed a bit. I was up by five thirty when Scott came by to see if I wanted to go to dinner. I got dressed and joined him by the Lincoln. Miss LuLu and Mrs. Schuster were there as well. We went to a nice place downtown known for its Tex-Mex cooking. It didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to me and the night before. To my delight, Scott jumped to my defense and said, “Maybe Aaron doesn’t want to talk about this right now. Why don’t we find another topic?”
I was pleased that he intervened, and I was able to enjoy my meal. We talked about Miss LuLu’s scandalous adventures in the movies and on Broadway, and Mrs. Schuster and Scott’s experiences in the Chicago motel business.
Miss LuLu then asked about my life in El Paso. I told her my dull tale of growing up on the border, going to school, and dating the few girls I went out with. She asked whatever had happened to Pat, the girl I had talked about so much back at the beginning of summer. I explained that I had stopped seeing her. I finally admitted to myself I really didn’t like her in any sort of romantic way. We had parted amiably, as I told everyone. In fact, she had a new boyfriend.<
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Dinner ended about eight thirty and we headed back to the motel in the Lincoln. When I got back to my room, I noticed the red message light was blinking on my phone. I called the desk and Bob told me Rick had called three times and wanted me to call him as soon as I got in. He gave me the phone number and, after changing my clothes and getting comfortable, I called Rick.
“Where were you?” he asked in a tranquil tone. “I was thinking about you all day. Did you think about me?”
“I went to dinner with everyone. And yes, I did think about you all day. I couldn’t even concentrate in my classes. I think I dissected a shark this morning but can’t remember a thing about it except for the formaldehyde smell.”
“Can you remember how I smell?”
“Oh, yes. I remember how you smell, and how you feel, and taste, and look and sound. You’re a sensual delight.”
“Can I see you again?”
“Sure,” I said, “when?”
“How about now? Do you have class tomorrow morning?”
“No, but I have one in the afternoon. I would like to see you.”
“Me too. Could you drive over? Or would you rather I come for you?”
“Maybe you should come and get me, because I don’t think I could ever find your house.”
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes. You’ll have to learn how to get to my place. I intend on having you around for a long time.”
I wondered if he was serious. He didn’t sound like a good-time Charlie to me, but Scott knew the guy. I didn’t. I was only fooling myself, I guessed, if I was thinking we would spend eternity together. In less than twenty minutes, he arrived. I brought a change of clothes and toiletries in a small bag.
“Oh, do you think you’re going to spend the night with me?”