by June Hopkins
"Harry, get in please," I order him stiffly. He completely ignores my command as he turns away and leaves me standing like a Muppet with the door wide open, killing my indignant exit dead.
"I'm just going to say goodbye to dad first," he tells me as he flies back down the car park to Tom, who hasn't moved from where I left him; he is just staring at me. I watch as he picks up Harry, gives him a hug and then puts him down and ruffles his hair. Harry runs back to me and jumps in the car and straps in. I get in, temper at boiling point, and pull my seat belt round me, then look up to start the engine and jump slightly as I realise that Tom is standing by my window. He taps on it with one knuckle. I wind it down but don't speak; I just stare through the windscreen, avoiding his face.
"I'm sorry Annie; I do seem to keep putting my foot in it, don't I?" he tells me contritely. "I don't mean to you know, and you are right when you say that I don't know what it takes to bring up a child; and you are also right that I can hardly turn up here and criticise you. I let my embarrassment get the better of me, can you forgive me?" He asks me with that same look he had on Thursday night, just before the table incident.
I feel my indignation melting away, along with my temper and sigh deeply, "Tom it’s fine. I'm sorry for going off at you like that. Look I'm going home now, why don't you ring tomorrow? We'll sort something out for you to spend some time with Harry next week, ok?" He looks as if he's about to say something but thinks better of it, and instead smiles and says that he would like that. He steps back from the car and waves at Harry and I drive out of the car park and go home.
Chapter 14
At home I make Harry beans on toast, sort his bath and settle him into bed, maintaining my composure the entire time. However, by 7.30 all I want to do is cry; I feel such a complete and utter moron. I am so angry with myself; I can't believe the cock-ups I've made today and all in front of Tom. All I want is to make him see what a fabulous mother I am. I want him to be bowled over by my grace, charm and absolute perfectness. But no, instead he must think his son is being brought up by a complete lunatic, with zero brain cells. I am cringing with embarrassment. The poor bloke, no wonder he was pissed off with me, and to top it all off I go on the defensive and have a go at him as if the whole thing was his fault. God, I just want to scream, shout and throw things.
I can't stand it anymore. I pick up the phone, I need some straight talking. Mia answers on the second ring, "Yup!" she yells over the din of her music system, which I knew meant that she was in her room glamming it up ready for a night on the town.
"Mia it's me. You off out?"
"Hang on, I can't hear a word," I hear shuffling as she moves across the room and turns the music down. “That’s better. What's up? You don't normally phone on a Saturday night."
"Are you doing anything important tonight?" I ask her.
"Define important. I'm just going out with little sis and her mates because all of mine are boring old farts with kids," she laughs at me.
"Why what's up? You sound pissed off."
"Oh, I've just had a bad couple of weeks. I could just use an ear to bend, that's all."
"Blimey Annie what do you mean bad? Did you have to fish Denny's dentures out of the urinal again?"
"No nothing as bad as that. Let me see… I slept with James, twice. Harry's dad's come back and I nearly shagged him as well... Oh, and I've fallen out with Lissa." I state all this in a matter of fact tone of voice as if reading off a list. There is silence at the other end of the phone for about 30 seconds while she digests this startling confession. Given that my life is pretty boring most of the time, I can understand why she might be a little taken aback.
"Order the Chinese, tell them I'll be there in 20 minutes and I'll bring the wine." The phone goes dead and I smile at it. One thing Mia can't resist and that's gossip. She loves it. I grab the Chinese menu and phone through our normal order, and then have a quick tidy round while I wait for her to turn up.
Mia arrives with a flurry of wine bottles and takeaway; she gives me a quick peck on the cheek as she moves into the kitchen to deposit her wares. I have to smile at her; she obviously didn't hang about. She is wearing a scruffy tracksuit over her voluptuous frame, has her eye makeup on but no lippy, and her long black hair looks like it’s been wet brushed and left to dry. She clearly abandoned her glamming ritual halfway through in order to rush to my side. What a mate. Even given her dishevelled state, she would still have men following her, drooling down the street. Mia is a bit of a stunner; she has beautiful liquid brown eyes, a heart shaped face and full pouty lips. Her mother is Italian and Mia has definitely inherited her olive skin and flirty air. I love Mia, especially because she is not skinny. Mia is also a size 14 to 16, if a couple of inches shorter than me, and she has absolutely no problem with her weight, unlike me. She is completely comfortable in her own skin and because of that the men adore her. She quite simply smoulders. I am so envious of her, but she is also a lovely, kind, funny and loyal friend. There is no way that Lissa would drop a night out because I needed her: I would have to wait until the morning. The three of us have known each other since school, but Mia and I only became really close after I had Harry. Mia used to pop over to see us after he was born. She loves babies which helps considering she's a maternity nurse, and things sort of snowballed since then.
"Open that immediately," she tells me as she shoves a bottle of white wine at me. "This little lot can wait till later." She opens the oven door and shoves the food into it. I open the bottle and pour wine into the waiting glasses. Mia grabs the glasses and I take the bottle and fags, and we automatically head for the back door without speaking. She waits until we are sitting at the table before she pounces.
"Give! I want no stone unturned. Start at the beginning, and tell me all the gory details."
We light our fags and I begin. I tell her everything, answering her excited questions throughout. Two glasses and three fags later I'm spent, and she is stunned, as well she might be. I haven't got over it all yet and I've lived through it. It is a huge relief though to actually tell someone the whole story.
"Oh. My. God!" Mia says slowly emphasising each word. "Whoa… Annie... that's huge. Why the fuck didn't you phone me before?"
"Everything's just happened so fast. I haven't really had time to think. I feel like I'm rolling down a hill and I can't stop. Pretty much every other day something has happened. The whole thing’s mad. I'm living in a never ending nightmare."
Mia snorts suddenly. Next thing, she's laughing.
"Cheers mate, it's hardly funny," I admonish her.
"Sorry, but the whole Harry gate crashing a party is pretty funny, you have to admit," she snorts again as she giggles happily to herself.
"Oh God, don't. I can't believe I did that. I am such an idiot," I groan at her with feeling.
"Oh come on Annie, it's not that bad. Could have been worse; he could have dropped him off to a total stranger. At least all his mates were there and Harry doesn't know. She is a bitch though not inviting him. Who does that to a kid anyway? Serves her bloody well right. She's the one who should be embarrassed. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much."
I smile slightly at her, "Yea well, I suppose at least I won't see most of the mums for six weeks; hopefully they'll have forgotten by then and there is no way on this earth that I am taking him to the correct party tomorrow. Not bloody likely."
We both go quiet and sip our wine while we digest everything. Eventually Mia shakes her head. "Flippin’ ‘eck, I'm stunned. I can't believe Tom's the father. Lissa is always going on about him and what's her name? Melanie. If his photos are anything to go by he looks delicious. No wonder you fancy him rotten, I can't blame you. Although I'm not so sure of his motives..." she says thoughtfully.
"Oh God, don't you start. That's why I fell out with Lissa and my dad. You don't think they're right do you?" I ask worriedly.
"Hell, I don't know Annie. He sounds too good to be true, that's for sure and don't forget, he's got a
fiancée. Doesn't make him completely trustworthy does it? I mean he's just left her at the airport and he’s trying to get into your knickers within hours."
"Well yea, I suppose if you put it like that; but don't you think he was just overwhelmed by my beauty? Me in my dressing gown and jamas is a sight to behold, I'll have you know. Don't know many men who could resist," I tell her with a raised eyebrow and my best pout.
Mia snorts again, "Yea whateva. I've seen you in that get up more times than I care to remember. A sight to behold is certainly one description for it. What about James then? He's lush. I know he's not got the best track record for being faithful, but he thinks the world of you. I can't see him going out of his way to hurt you. How do you feel about him?"
I sigh deeply, "I don't know what I think or feel any more, I am sooo confused. Mia you have to help me; tell me what to do pleaseee.," I whine at her.
Mia snorts again, "Bloody hell. Can't you ask me one on sport instead? I haven't got a clue. I do know that you should make it up with Lissa though." Mia gives me a stern look and I sigh and roll my eyes at her. "Come on Annie, I know she can be pretty selfish at times but I can't believe she said that to hurt you. She must have had a good reason. She obviously doesn't trust him and to be fair she knows him better than you."
I resent that remark. I feel myself getting cross with Mia, and she is supposed to be on my side. "What's that supposed to mean? You've just said yourself she's selfish. Her only problem is she can't stand me getting any attention. If it’s not all about her she throws her toys out of the pram and you know it. I reckon she's jealous." I tell her fiercely.
Mia's eyes widen in surprise, "Whoa there girl." She puts her hands up in a surrender gesture. "I'm not having a go at you Annie, calm down. She's really got to you, hasn't she? Don't see you with your dander up very often. Look, I'm not sticking up for Lissa. I know what she's like but you haven't seen him in years. Lissa still has a lot to do with him. She and Ben have been out to stay with them, what? four or five times? Maybe she does know something you don't. People do change Annie. He's got a high powered job, he lives in America, the lifestyle is a million miles away from ours. I can't believe he's the naïve, nice bloke you think he is. He must have had to make some hard decisions to get where he is. Ambition is a wonderful trait, but I don't believe it's the sort of trait that wins you many friends. Remember he's had years to come and see you, and claim Harry. That takes a selfishness all its own to ignore your own child, don't you think?" She looks at me questioningly, her voice is quiet and steady and I feel my anger subsiding. I sigh deeply. She has a point; she definitely has a point.
"I'm sorry Mia, I seem to be getting in a temper at the drop of a hat lately. Maybe you’re right and I know I'm guilty of trying to see the best in him. I so want the fairytale, that's the problem. I can't see any wrong in him. I was so sure on Thursday night that he had come back to whisk us off into the sunset and I would have packed our bags and gone, probably still would. I thought that I was going to actually come out on top for once." I'm aware that I sound pathetically sorry for myself but I can't help it.
"Come on Annie, I know you haven't had the best luck in the men department, but look at you now. Two gorgeous hunks vying for your attention. Sounds like you’re pretty much on top from where I'm sitting," she informs me gleefully.
"Oh yea, I'm in a great position. One of them is a thousand miles away and has no idea that the other one is here and that I've lied to him, and who will probably get it on with the first beach babe he can get his hands on when I tell him. The other, well it seems that the only reason he wants to know me," I put my hands to my chest to emphasise my point, "is so that he can get close to my son and then what? What will happen after he and Harry get close? Am I going to be expected to send my son to New York for the summer and Christmas holidays? How are they supposed to have any sort of a relationship living so far apart? I'm going to have to share Harry, aren't I?" Oh God, that thought has only just occurred to me. I feel my eyes widen in shock as I voice this unsettling thought and I stare at Mia with fear written all over my face.
Mia reaches over and grabs my hand across the table pulling it to her, "Annie, stop. Look at me," she jerks my arm and I stare at her. “Stop. Ok, you're just working yourself up into a tizz. You don't have to send Harry anywhere. You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. Maybe when he's older, but that will be his decision and one that you and Harry will make together, but certainly not for a long, long time. If Tom wants contact he can bloody well come here to see Harry. It’s not as if he can't afford it. Don't go off half cocked, imagining the worst. It'll drive you insane, and you definitely don't have to rush into anything now." Mia's brown eyes gaze confidently into mine and I calm down slightly.
I take my hand back and take a sip of wine, "Ok, ok, you're right. I guess we'll have to talk about it at some point before he goes back. I'll deal with it then. Oh for crying out loud, this is going to be a lot more complicated than I thought, isn't it?" I ask her.
"Annie, it’s not going to be easy that's for sure, but you have your family and friends to support you and you are a strong independent woman. Just don't get bullied or charmed," she emphasises this word and I glance quickly at her. She spots my look and goes on quickly, "Don't get mad again. I'm just pointing out that where Tom is concerned you seem a little... umm… unhinged," she laughs and I raise an eyebrow and purse my lips at her. "You know what I mean. I'm getting the feeling that you would do just about anything to get into his good books and on a serious note, you do need to be very, very careful about doing that."
It's my turn to hold up my hands, "Alright, fair enough, I won't let him charm me" I make a couple of quote actions with my fingers, "into anything. Fair enough?"
Mia gives me an approving nod, "Good girl. Now let’s get another bottle and get down to the important juicy bits. I want to go over the sex scenes properly this time, and in much more detail." She gives me a lecherous look as she gets up to go inside for more wine.
Chapter 15
I pull up on mum and dad's drive at exactly 1.00 pm. Harry is out of the car and flying up the front steps, shoving at the front door and disappearing inside before I have even taken off my seat belt. I'm late; should have been here at 12.30 but Mia was particularly up for it last night. Due to my exciting revelations, we didn't actually get to sleep until gone 4 am and polished off the four bottles of wine that she had brought with her, along with the Chinese, which we messily heated up and drunkenly scoffed around about 2 am.
It has to be said that I'm not looking my best. Mia decided to sort my makeup for me before she left in an attempt to disguise the ravages to my skin from the excess booze and lack of sleep. To be fair, I did look like crap and I know she's overdone it. Mia likes to think of herself as an amateur beauty therapist on account of the fact that she completed half of a qualification once upon a time. She left the course after spectacularly cocking up a spray tan. The victim, an old friend of Mia's (now ex-friend) has never actually forgiven her and I have to say I have some sympathy. The poor thing couldn't leave the house for two weeks while she scrubbed and waited for the tango look to wear off. Luckily Mia is a much better nurse. I peer at myself in the rear mirror and it has to be said, I look like Jordan before a photo shoot; which is clearly fine for Jordan but not necessarily the right look to go for when having Sunday lunch with one's parents, but hey ho.
I check my face in the mirror, wipe some lipstick off my top tooth and drag my fingers through my messy hair which I couldn't be assed to straighten, hence the decidedly fluffy look. I am not as keen as Harry to rush inside and see mum and dad. I know they are not happy with me and I'm also well aware that I will spend the next couple of hours being interrogated, which is just great but there is no getting away with it and so I sigh, grab my bag and get out of the car. I'm wearing my sloppy old grey tracksuit and trainers and have every intention of eating my lunch and retiring to mum’s enormous couch to go back to sleep and
escape the inevitable nagging for a few hours while they entertain Harry for me. Crossing the gravel drive I look up at my childhood home. I love this house; three storeys made of red brick with white fascia boards and windows. It has six bedrooms, three of them in the attic with three dormer windows in the roof. The middle one was mine. The house stands in a row of eight, all similar, set back from the road with drives at the front; James's parents live four doors away. Dad extended the side of ours and had a small surgery built with two treatment rooms, a waiting room and an office.
The only annoying bit about living here was the seemingly constant stream of patients who believed that turning up unannounced in the middle of the night or at weekends with raging toothache, disturbing our family and banging on our front door was perfectly acceptable.
I walk up the steps and push open the heavy black wood door. Stepping into the hall I can hear Harry laughing somewhere at the back of the house. The hallway is lovely; big and airy with a beautiful sweeping staircase that sits flush against the left hand wall and curves round to the right half way up. The staircase has a whiff of the romantic about it. As kids we would slide down the banister. If we didn't get up enough speed we would get stuck on the curve and had to be especially careful not to hit the newel post at the bottom when the speed was right, but oh the fun we had. It drove mum and dad mad, but worth the telling’s off.
I shove my trainers off my feet and push them into the corner by the door. Padding across the length of the hall to the kitchen, I hear Harry laugh again. Sounds like he's in the dining room, probably with dad which is handy, and means that I have a few minutes to thaw out mum before I have to face him.
Shoving open the kitchen door, my "Sorry I'm late," dies on my lips as I come face to face with Tom who is casually leaning against the kitchen units opposite me, like he owns the place. My shock must be evident on my face and I feel the colour drain from me, not that he would notice under the trowel of makeup. Tom gives me a slight smile but I can tell from his face that he is uncomfortable, as well he might be. What the fuck is he doing in my parents’ house?