by June Hopkins
"I'm sorry darling. I’m just so pleased to see you, you have no idea."
James has wandered over along with Alex. So that was the big emergency. I give James the biggest smile and mouth hello at him. He is looking a little confused but gives me a big smile back. I turn my attention back to Harry, "I'm going on holiday with dad mum, but I saw James. Look, he's back and I was talking to him and now I don't know where dad's gone. He's going to be cross with me for wandering off. Oh it's ok, there he is," Harry states as he points his finger at a place behind me.
I feel Ben turn as I do, keeping a tight hold on Harry.
Tom is indeed behind us, looking harassed and sheepish, "Thank God," he says, gesturing at Harry, "I've been looking for him everywhere; I thought I'd lost him."
I glare at him in disbelief, "You and me both," I say with feeling.
He flicks a look at me and then Ben and clearly remembers what we are all doing here; he has obviously grown to love Harry very much if fear for his safety drags everything else from his mind. Ben takes the few strides necessary to reach Tom and punches him beautifully in the face; Tom flies off his feet, hits the deck and slides along the floor to the wall where he lies in a crumpled heap.
"Whoa," Harry says in awe, "Ben just hit dad."
People scurry away in different directions and James moves to Ben and puts a hand on his arm to stop him going in for the kill. I don't think it's necessary though as Ben just turns and walks back to me. "Seeing as James is here, can I leave you to get a lift?" he asks me. I assure him that I will be fine and James backs me up. Ben gives us a weak smile, nods at Alex who is watching proceedings with a puzzled look on his face, turns and leaves the building.
I watch him go and then glance back at Tom who is now sitting up rubbing his chin, "Annie, please," he begs me as I catch his eye. I glare at him, turn and taking Harry by the hand march to the exit and away from him. James and Alex gather the bags and follow me outside where they find me shaking, having a fag and trying to answer Harry's one hundred and one quick-fire questions on why Ben hit his dad, why I'm here, why he's not going on holiday, when's dad taking him out again, and on it goes. Alex ruffles Harry's hair and tells him that he knows a special place where you can see the planes taking off and landing and that if he stops keeping on, he'll take him there to show him. Harry agrees immediately and after giving James the keys, telling us where the car is, where to pick him and Harry up and assuring me that he won't let him out of his sight, he leaves us to it.
"Well, that was interesting," James says with a half smile, "I've pretty much got the gist of some of it, but it looks like my instincts were right and I got back in the nick of time wouldn't you say?"
I haven't had time to give any thought as to why he's here two days early or the timing, or anything in fact, other than Harry being alright. But now that my heart has slowed to the required beat and my brain has unscrambled itself I am so relieved to see him that I throw myself into his arms and hug him for all I'm worth. I can tell for the first few seconds he doesn't know what to do but eventually his arms tighten around me and he gives me a lovely bear hug back.
"I missed you," I tell him sincerely. I don't think I realised how much until this moment, but I have got an awful lot of making up to do.
"I missed you too," he tells me and I smile into his neck.
I pull back from him slightly, keeping a firm hold on his waist and with relief gaze up into his beautiful, kind face. "What are you doing here? Why are you back early and how the hell did you find Harry?"
He smiles his lovely smile and his eyes crinkle at the corners, "I've been trying to get back since Friday. This is the first flight I could get. I spent Saturday night at the airport. I hope you're suitably grateful? I wasn't sure that you could be trusted to be left any longer; thought I'd better hightail it back here, show you what you're missing. Alex came to get me and I asked him not to say anything; I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought he'd double bluffed me when I saw Harry wandering about. I thought you'd both come to get me with Alex. Of course after having a quick word with Harry I realised something wasn't right. I didn't think you would have agreed to him going to America on holiday, not after our phone call on Thursday, so I decided to grab him and make a run for it while Tom was out of the way. I was on my way out here to phone you and find out what the hell was going on."
I sigh deeply, "Oh James you have no idea how grateful I am. I suppose you've gathered that Tom was kidnapping him," I inform him dramatically.
He sighs, "Look I'm going to get a cup of tea; I'm gagging for an English tea. I expect you could do with one as well, and then we'll sit down and you can fill me in on exactly what has happened, ok? Stay here, I'll be back in a bit." He kisses me softly on the end of my nose and wanders back to the doors.
I stay with the bags and try to digest the last few hours. I am still shaking with adrenalin, and take out a second fag and light it while I wait. At this rate I'll be on 40 a day. "I didn't know you smoked?" Tom says from the side of me. My heart jumps in my chest but I don't show it. I turn slowly and stare at him hatefully as I blow out a stream of smoke into his face.
"And what the fuck has it got to do with you?" I hiss at him. "You have got a hell of a nerve coming to talk to me. You’re lucky I don't have you arrested for kidnapping." He looks uncomfortable. His face is swelling to the left of his mouth. There’s blood on his swollen lip and he doesn't look quite so handsome any more.
"I wanted to try and explain, to say sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"You weren't thinking about anything, apart from Lissa, were you? All of this has been about her. You wanted to take her back to America, rip Ben's family apart and mine, and take my son away from me. You are truly contemptible. You even tried to seduce me to make sure I behaved myself. I did what you wanted and I have to say I nearly fell for it. You are a liar Tom; a complete and utter bastard and I would be happy if I never laid eyes on you again. I hate you."
"I'm sorry, ok? I can't give you any excuses other than the fact that I have been hopelessly in love with Lissa from the first moment I saw her at your parent's house. I can't help it, and I didn't set out to hurt you. You just got caught in the crossfire."
"You used me. You used me back then the night Harry was conceived and ever since you've been back. That's not crossfire, that's convenience; I was a handy willing victim. You knew how I felt about you; you knew that by getting it on with me you would make her jealous. And what about Ben? He's supposed to be your best friend for God’s sake. What sort of man are you, apart from a very sick, twisted one?" I feel the bile rising in my throat choking me as the realisation of his actions hit home. The only thing out of the whole sordid mess that I can't and won't regret is Harry.
"I just wanted to see my son," he pleads with me.
"Ha, you've never wanted to know him. The only reason you do now is that you thought you would kill two birds with one stone: stop Lissa from getting married and meet your son at the same time, as you happened to be in the area. But you didn't bank on falling in love with Harry, did you? That muddied the waters somewhat, didn't it?" I spit at him with loathing. What the hell was I thinking? I must be clinically insane to have allowed him to do this to me.
He bows his head sorrowfully, "I know I've behaved horribly. I’m ashamed of myself, but I still want to see my son."
"What?" I shout at him, "You have got to be kidding! I am getting a court order slammed on you the minute I get back and you will never see him again if I have anything to do with it. You are not the only lawyer you know. Ben will be more than willing to help, and don't forget my brother," I threaten.
He sucks in a breath, "Annie please, you can't do that, and it’s not fair on Harry or my parents, not now that we've met."
"My God, you've got a nerve! How dare you bring them into this? Do you really think I would be that heartless to keep him from them? They’re not to blame for your actions. How do you think they’re going to feel when they find
out what you've been up to?“ A sob escapes from him and tears well in his eyes; eyes which are more of a cold blue now that I come to think of it.
"Please, I will do anything you want; I'll see him on supervised visits only when you say. I swear to you nothing like this will ever happen again. I’ve been in a bad place; work, Lissa and then Harry. It's all been too much. I think I just snapped, got desperate. I would have brought him back the moment I'd come to my senses. I'm not a bad man Annie, really. Please just at least allow me to keep in contact. I'll go back to America today and then we'll see how it goes. Please at least say you'll think about it?" His tears are running unchecked down his face but after all the stunts he's played on me I am unmoved.
"No. Get on your plane and piss off back to where you came from," I hiss at him. I am actually getting a lot of satisfaction in seeing him squirm.
"Annie," James's voice comes from the side of me and I turn to see him standing there. I have no idea how long he's been there. "I'm not taking his side or condoning what he's done, but can't you see the bloke is broken? Give him a break. Hey, it's not like you to stick the knife in."
I turn on him viciously, "Stick the knife in?" I hiss at him, "You have no idea what this bastard has put me through or Ben. He deserves everything he gets."
James doesn't react at all to my anger, "I have a pretty good idea now. I've been standing here long enough and as he said he just fell in love. Hard, by the sounds of it and you and I both know what it feels like to love like that, in that twisted blind way; when all reason deserts you and you can only see one goal, where nothing else matters apart from that one person. And when that person does not love you back it can send you stark raving psycho, can't it?"
He looks meaningfully into my eyes. I squirm under his scrutiny. Is he trying to describe me? Perhaps? I can't really argue with him. After all, I have spent the last ten years or so feeling like that over Tom; maybe not as intense but the emotions have been there all the same and look how I've acted over the last couple of weeks. Hardly the actions of a reasonably normal person. I know James has been there over Elkie, which is why he understands more than most.
I glance over at Tom who is actually sobbing like a baby. Blimey, he has got it bad. That's the trouble with unrequited love; the intensity is like an adrenalin rush that never ends. When realisation eventually kicks in, it leaves you feeling numb, worthless and empty, shaking your head in wonder at the lengths you were prepared to go to. I suppose that's where he is right now, and surely where I should be over him but weirdly I'm not. That great love for him that I thought I would feel until my dying day has upped and left as quickly as it arrived. Years later, but gone it has.
What a revelation! I can honestly say I have no feelings towards him whatsoever, apart from anger at his behaviour and maybe, creeping in, a little sympathy for his plight. I sigh deeply and take a good look at him, damaged before me and I do feel sorry for him. As long as I have Harry and, hopefully James, is it actually any skin off my nose if I allow him to have access to his son?
"Ok, Tom, thanks to James I will allow you to see Harry from time to time, but not for a while. He needs to adjust and he can't do that if he sees you in this state. Go back to the States and we will arrange for you to come and see him in a month or so, but I want his passport back," I tell him as I hold out my hand. James reaches out and squeezes my arm. As I glance up at him he is smiling at me and mouths, “Good girl”. I smile slightly back.
Tom shudders with relief. He rummages shakily in his pockets and brings out the passport which he hands over. He then tells me that he is grateful to me. He shakes James by the hand and leans in to give me a tense kiss on the cheek, which I begrudgingly accept. Then he turns and leaves, walking dejectedly into the airport with shoulders hunched and head down, a shadow of the man I thought I loved. I have a feeling that his flight home is going to be a long one.
Chapter 23
One year down the line and I can't believe that I’m standing in this fabulous New York apartment, staring out of the huge floor to ceiling windows at a panoramic view of the harbour before me. The Statue of Liberty stands majestically in the distance. During the last week I've visited all the sights, been ferried around in yellow cabs, eaten in the most famous of restaurants, shopped in Bloomingdales and ridden in a horse drawn carriage through Central Park. After everything that happened back then I find it hard to get my head round being here and loving it. Harry is stretched out on the enormous sofa watching the cinema sized TV and munching happily on popcorn. Tom is sitting next to him, Harry's legs thrown carelessly over his lap, the two of them like peas in a pod. I turn from the window and wander over to the state of the art kitchen at the far side of the room. Tom glances up and laughs at my waddle, as waddle it is. I am six months’ pregnant and don't I know it! Unlike most of my friends I am the size of a whale, anyone would think I'm having twins.
"Oh very funny," I smirk at him.
"Were you this big with Harry?" he asks with a smile.
"Yes, bigger in fact. Thank you for pointing that out; you really have a way of making me feel better."
"You look lovely. I'm only joking, you look all motherly and radiant."
I snort at him, “I don't feel it I can tell you! It's all swollen ankles, hands and feet, not to mention the weak bladder, piles..."
"Bloody hell, too much info, thank you! There are some things I don't need to know," he tells me as he holds his hands up to ward off my list of ailments.
I laugh loudly which makes the baby kick. “Serves you right for taking the piss," I tell him.
I move round the kitchen units towards my man who is cooking up a storm and it smells gorgeous, making my stomach rumble in anticipation.
"Blimey someone's hungry," James says as he turns to give me a kiss and put his hand on my protruding belly. The baby kicks again. James smiles a huge smile, "That's my boy. A right little footballer he's going to be."
I slap his hand, “It might be a girl yet and then she can be a world class ballet dancer. Or of course there is always the possibility that he might be a world class ballet dancer." I tease.
"Not bloody likely! No son of mine is doing ballet dancing," James states indignantly.
Tom roars with laughter but quickly stops as Harry pipes up with, "I wouldn't mind trying ballet dancing." We all stop and look at him worriedly. Blimey, who knew? Harry glances around the room taking in our stunned expressions and then promptly bursts out laughing. “Fooled you. I don't want to do ballet dancing, that's for girls and gays." We all roar with laughter, not to mention relief and Tom pulls Harry over on his lap and tickles him senseless.
"What's all this noise about?" Melanie complains as she comes through the front door, "I could hear you from the corridor." She too waddles into the kitchen and dumps her heavy brown paper bag onto the highly polished black granite work surface. "Umm something smells delicious; you can come and stay more often, James." James turns and gives her a quick salute and gets back to his cooking.
"Tom, we really have to get on with this move you know. I can't cope with the full streets, shops and stairs. The elevator stopped again two floors down," she says wearily. There is a definite sheen of sweat on her brow and nose. I didn't think she was capable; she always looks perfect, even at seven months’ pregnant. Tall and slim with long brunette hair which is always perfectly straight and shiny, Melanie is a beautiful woman, there’s no getting away from it. She has an aristocratic air about her, with wide brown eyes that have flecks of gold in them if you look closely, a long straight nose and razor edged cheek bones which sharpen her features but only enhance her beauty; and she has a typically English rose, peaches and cream complexion. She always has an edge about her; slightly scary if you don't know her. I can imagine her being formidable in the court room. However, once you get to know her she is actually fun to be around, warm and kind and I like her a lot. She has a smaller bump than me, not that that would be difficult, a perfect football shape. Clearly she has
n't put on an ounce of weight anywhere other than the tummy, bitch.
Tom jumps up and gives her a cuddle from behind cupping his hands over her little bump. “The papers came through today. We should be moving in exactly two weeks my love, and you will be sitting on the porch swing with buster here before you know it.” Melanie leans her head back into his shoulder and I feel my heart contract. Bless her, she clearly adores him. She's waited a long time for him to come to his senses. He did and they haven't looked back since.
Melanie and I have actually become quite close, which is very weird. Tom came alone on his first visit to see Harry around October time. It was tense to say the least to begin with, but eventually we all relaxed. He stayed at the hotel for a week and by the time he left I felt able to invite him back for a second visit between Christmas and New Year. I insisted that he bring Melanie; I wanted everything up front, clean slate and all that. We have never told my parents or his about any of it. What was the point in upsetting any of them? Over time it would have looked odd if Melanie never came; I had to meet her at some point and wanted to do that on home turf, where I felt safe and secure.
They came and stayed with us. Although it was a little stilted for the first couple of days, things developed after Melanie and I spent an evening alone drinking a large amount of wine and having a heart to heart. We put our world to rights that evening and laid things on the table. Things have been good between us all since then. We agreed to come out to New York for a holiday and managed to fit it in while I was still allowed to fly. We fly back in two days.
Melanie explained about her relationship with Tom that evening; how she had always known about Lissa and his feelings for her. She hadn't minded for many years; the relationship suited them both. Apparently Sex and the City is a pretty accurate picture of relationships in New York: fairly hard to come by and harder to hold onto. She admitted that her career came first, as did Tom's. They were a perfect couple. He was a model partner, looking good on her arm, knowing how to behave in company and they moved in the same circles and had the same goals. Back then she never wanted marriage and kids. That has only started to creep in over the last couple of years. When Tom arranged the trip back for the wedding she got scared. For the first time she felt threatened by Lissa and Harry. She came up with the sterilisation story because she wanted to get a reaction from him. She believed meeting Harry would change him and she dangled a carrot. Tom rises to a challenge; he enjoys fighting for what he wants. She decided that if the meeting with Harry went as she thought, he would come back perhaps wanting another child. A child he could watch grow up. If that be the case and he realised he wanted that child with her, nothing would stop him from making her change her mind. Best of all, he would believe it was his idea and enjoy the victory all the more for it. "You see, Tom always wants what he can't have," she had told me with a shrug. "It's not rocket science." Clever girl. I have to admire her for it, she obviously knows him well enough, and luckily for her, things have turned out for the best.