by Sandy Curtis
Jenna realised all but the last criteria applied to Veronica. Was Braden saying he had picked Veronica for his wife? If he thought Veronica would have his children Jenna was sure he was mistaken. She had seen Veronica’s loathing for Caitlin but realised how quickly she disguised this around Braden.
“You make it sound like a merger,” she whispered.
“A merger.” He ran the word around on his tongue as though savouring the taste of it. “Yes. A merger. A contract that satisfies the needs of the people involved. A marriage merger.”
“No, Braden. A marriage is supposed to be the joining of two people who love and care for each other. That’s what the vows say - ‘to love and cherish as long as we both shall live’. A merger of the hearts, not just the minds and bodies. What you’ve described is a business contract.” Her voice gathered strength as her repugnance to his concept of marriage grew. “You’ll probably insist your bride sign a pre-nuptial agreement to make sure you keep your precious money if you break up.”
The quick flash in his eyes confirmed Jenna’s suspicions. She felt a wave of disgust and disappointment that he could view marriage in such a cold and calculating manner. She thought of her own parents’ marriage, of their warm intimate relationship and the trust that was so vital. What Braden was proposing was a mockery of all that she believed marriage stood for.
“I feel sorry for you, Braden,” she said and walked quickly away before he could reply. She had just reached the doorway when his hand on her arm spun her around.
“Why do you feel sorry for me?” he demanded. His hands gripped her arms. “At least I’m honest enough to admit what I’m looking for in a marriage. What about you, Jenna? You’re not even honest enough to acknowledge that you’re attracted to me. You hide behind all that professional relationship nonsense because you’re not woman enough to admit that you want me as much as I want you.”
Steel-grey eyes now turned brilliant blue with raging desire. Before she could reply, before she could shake herself free from the power of his onslaught, his lips took hers with a hunger that was echoed in the strength of his arms as they pulled her greedily against his lean body.
Her first stunned reaction was to fight him, to push against his chest with determined hands. But he held her fast, and the raging passion in his kiss made the blood sing in her veins. Her resistance crumbled, her body melted into his, her hands sliding up to capture his head.
As though sensing her surrender, his mouth gentled, the pressure of his lips eased, the rhythm changing to a slow, hot passion that took all coherent thought away. She felt his arousal hard and demanding between them and something deep inside her rejoiced that she had done this to him.
His hands had slipped her blouse from her skirt and crept underneath to savour her smooth, silky skin. As his fingers slid over the soft satin of her bra the sensation of liquid heat between her thighs jolted her back into awareness.
What was she doing? How could she let him make love to her like this? He had just finished telling her that love had no place in his future. His view of marriage was so diametrically opposed to hers there was no chance she could ever consider any future with him. Physical attraction was there all right, but it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted love, needed love, would settle for nothing less.
Fingers that had caressed his clean, soft hair now pulled his head away from hers. Eyes still glittering blue with passion gazed into hers.
“No,” she breathed.
“No?” he repeated, stunned.
She wriggled free of his grasp. Her breath, like his, came in great panting gasps. She was dizzy from the need to surrender totally to him and bit her tongue to stop herself from asking him to take her in his arms again.
“I don’t want what you want, Braden,” she choked out. “I want all the things you despise - marriage for love, children for love. You might be able to have sex without love, but I can’t.”
She ran in to her bedroom and closed the door. And the tears that streamed down her face were not only for herself but for the man who was so afraid to love he would never know that already her heart had opened and allowed him to slip in.
“Chalk up two sleepless nights in a row,” Jenna commented bitterly to herself as the dark circled eyes of her reflected face gazed back at her. She threw off her robe and nightgown and stepped under the shower. The steaming water revitalized her physically but her spirits were as damp as her freshly washed hair when she stepped out.
She blow-dried her hair and brushed the auburn curls until they formed a vibrant halo around her face. She deliberately dressed in her oldest shorts and baggiest shirt, unwilling to draw Braden’s attention in any way. She dreaded seeing him this morning. After she had run to her room she had heard the front door slam. It had been after midnight when she finally heard Braden come back.
As she walked into the kitchen Caitlin handed her a note. It was from Braden.
Jenna it began - no Dear Jenna she noted - I apologize for my behaviour of last night. Be assured it won’t happen again. I won’t be back from Brisbane until late tonight so don’t keep dinner for me. Braden.
Well, that was certainly to the point. A mixture of relief and disappointment sped through her. Relief that she didn’t have to face him but disappointment that she wouldn’t see him. Oh, how contrary could she get! She crushed the note and threw it at the bin in frustration. How could she love a man who made her feel so bad, so confused? And the longer she stayed the worse it would get. She saw Caitlin watching her, the dark eyebrows lowering, her bottom lip quivering.
Instantly Jenna was contrite. She knew how easily children picked up on adults’ vibes. Perhaps Braden’s demeanour this morning was less than sunny. She knew how aroused he was last night and it would hardly have improved his temper if he had stayed that way all night. But perhaps he hadn’t. Perhaps when he’d left it was to go back to Veronica and take what she so obviously was offering. Jenna tried to stifle the cruel pain that thought invoked. She bent down to Caitlin, and smiled.
“Is there anything special you would like to do today, Possum?”
Caitlin’s face cleared and she nodded. Swiftly she limped across to the lounge room and came back with a newspaper. A large advertisement showed the animal characters from The Lion King. Jenna knew theatres often played the old movies during school hours for the children who had been too young to see the original screening.
“Would you like to see the movie?” Jenna asked, and Caitlin nodded enthusiastically. Jenna glanced again at the paper. “There’s an afternoon session. That will give us some time in the pool this morning.” No matter what happened with Braden, she was determined to get Caitlin as strong as possible.
Caitlin’s fingers dug into Jenna’s arm. Simba, the cub in The Lion King, was gazing down at his father’s dead body and crying. Jenna could have kicked herself. She should have found out what the story entailed before bringing Caitlin. She had forgotten that even animated films could be as brutal as real life.
Caitlin was staring up at the screen, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks as she empathized with Simba.
“Do you want to leave?” Jenna whispered. Caitlin shook her head, but her fingers remained tight on Jenna’s arm.
The movie progressed through the next stages of Simba’s life until it reached the point where it was revealed to Simba that his father, Mufasa, was looking down at him from heaven and was still guiding him, still loving him and encouraging him to grow into the brave lion king he knew his son to be. Jenna saw the radiant hope on Simba’s face mirrored on Caitlin’s.
They stepped out of the cinema and stood blinking in the daylight in the half dazed way most people feel when wrenched from the make-believe world back into the real one. Jenna glanced at her watch. It would soon be dark.
“Would you like to eat here?”
Caitlin nodded slowly, still drained from her emotional involvement with the movie. Jenna took her hand and they walked to one of the outdoor cafes.
Now that Caitlin was no longer dragging her leg she had lost a lot of her dread of public places. Her fashionable light denim coveralls hid the scarring on her leg and Jenna had bought her a pair of sports sneakers before they went to see the movie.
Jenna let Caitlin choose their meal from the menu lists she read out. Hamburgers and french fries. A cappuccino for her and a milkshake for Caitlin.
Caitlin munched contentedly on her food, a peaceful, dreamy look on her face. Jenna hoped she was right in her guess as to the reason for this.
“Caitlin.”
The girl looked up expectantly.
Jenna took a deep breath. “Your Daddy’s up in Heaven, Possum, just like Simba’s daddy.”
Caitlin nodded.
“And you know he’s looking down on you all the time and he still loves you, don’t you?”
This time the nod was slower, but her expression was more accepting, if a little sad.
“When your Daddy died, Possum,” Jenna continued, “your Mummy was terribly upset, just like you were. And when your Mummy saw that you had been hurt she felt even more upset because she didn’t know what to do to help you, and so she got sick. It wasn’t your fault. Sometimes these things happen and there’s nothing we can do to prevent them.”
Caitlin’s eyebrows furrowed together. Jenna guessed that even if Alicia’s illness had been explained to Caitlin before, the girl had probably not been capable of understanding because of the shock of her father’s death and her own horrific injuries. Now she had reached a stage where she could assimilate the information and see the reason for her mother’s strange behaviour.
She watched Caitlin digest her words, the expressive little face indicating that she was coming to terms with the fact that she wasn’t to blame for her mother’s condition. “You know, Possum, I bet if your Mummy could see how well you can walk now it would make her feel a whole lot better. And just wait till she sees you doing water ballet. She’ll be so proud of you.”
A spark of hope brightened the grey eyes.
Jenna mentally crossed her fingers. She was gambling that any progress in Caitlin’s physical condition would encourage a corresponding improvement in Alicia’s mental condition. A germ of an idea took root. She would need Braden’s help. No matter how furious he felt towards her she was sure that when it came to Caitlin she would have his full co-operation.
It was dark when the taxi pulled up in front of the gate at the apartment building. Caitlin had been thoughtful on the way home, but as they rode up in the elevator to the penthouse she tightened her hold on Jenna’s hand and smiled up at her. Jenna’s heart did a quick flip. It was the first smile she had seen on Caitlin’s face, and it reminded her so much of Braden it was almost a physical blow.
They stepped out of the elevator and Jenna inserted the key into the penthouse front door lock. As she started to turn the key the door was flung open and Braden stood there, worry and relief warring across his face.
“Where the hell have you been?” he growled.
“We went to see The Lion King then stayed to eat dinner.”
“The Lion King?” he echoed.
“Yes,” Jenna said, ushering Caitlin past him and into the loungeroom. She didn’t want Braden ruining the happy mood Caitlin was in. But she needn’t have worried. Caitlin turned and limped quickly back to Braden. She lifted her arms up to him and smiled.
A kind of dazed wonder spread across Braden’s face as he bent and scooped her up in his arms. Jenna felt a lump in her throat as Caitlin hugged her uncle tightly and the faint sheen in his eyes betrayed his emotion. For several seconds he held her close, then she wriggled down and he placed her back on the floor. Jenna took her hand and walked her to her room.
When she walked into the kitchen after tucking Caitlin in bed, she found Braden putting coffee mugs and a plate of biscuits on a tray.
“Would you like to join me outside?” he asked. Jenna hesitated. It was a warm evening, and the cool breeze outside would be welcome, but a full moon bathed the courtyard in a silver glow and the outdoor lighting was subdued enough to lend a romantic air to an already romantic setting. She looked directly at Braden. There was a reserved cast to his features now, as though he had neatly catalogued all his emotions and slotted them into the right compartments and closed the doors.
He smiled gently and she recognized a peace offering when she saw one. Besides, she needed to talk to him about her idea concerning Caitlin. And for Caitlin’s sake she had to live in the same apartment with him, she couldn’t run from being alone with him because she was afraid of what he might do ... or how she might respond.
They were silent for many minutes, sipping their coffee and gazing at the moonlight reflected on the wide expanse of water. Because it was not a high building the penthouse didn’t feel far above the dark flowing river and the mysterious vegetation on the far shore.
“I have an idea that may help Alicia,” Jenna began. Braden raised a quizzical eyebrow. His lips parted slightly and Jenna was acutely conscious of how delicious those lips could taste. The sensual curving line of them more than nullified the leaner lines of his face.
“If Alicia could see that Caitlin was improving she might recover faster. Even in a week Caitlin’s stopped dragging her leg and there’s more strength in the muscles. Though I suspect a lot of the improvement is psychological as well as physical.”
His head shook a definite negative. “I can’t risk taking Caitlin to see her mother again. If Alicia reacted badly it would undo all the progress you’ve made.”
“I wasn’t thinking of taking Caitlin to Alicia. At least, not physically. Do you have a video camera?”
Understanding showed in the grey eyes. “I have one in Brisbane. But we’d have to tell Caitlin we were taking shots of you for your brother. Otherwise she would freeze up. She’s met Jeff once or twice so she won’t be surprised.” He raised his mug to her. “It’s certainly worth a try.”
In the glow of his approval Jenna felt daring enough to continue. “Thank you for your apology about last night.”
Gravity returned to his features.
“I apologized for upsetting you. I’m not sorry I kissed you. Even at the risk of enduring another restless night I would do it again. But until you inform me that it would be welcomed I’ll do my best to keep our relationship strictly professional.”
It should have been what Jenna wanted to hear, but she felt strangely piqued. Then the devil sat on her shoulder.
“You are a conundrum, Braden. You say you don’t believe in love, and yet it’s obvious that you love Caitlin dearly.”
“I did not say I don’t believe in love. I said that I wouldn’t marry for a reason as ridiculous as love. I’ve seen very little success in marriages based on that criterion. Loving Caitlin is different. She’s a child. And she’s my responsibility.”
“What about Alicia’s marriage? Did she love her husband?”
“Alicia was lucky. She probably found the only man who would love her as unconditionally as I do.”
It occurred to Jenna that perhaps Alicia was more lucky in having fallen in love with someone her brother approved of. She was sure that anyone who made Alicia unhappy would get short shift from Braden. He more than fulfilled the protective older brother role.
“Why did you say your father didn’t love you?”
A frown creased Braden’s forehead. His hands tightened around his coffee mug, the knuckles whitening perceptibly. “My mother abandoned us physically. My father abandoned us emotionally. When we most needed him, he wasn’t there. All he cared about after our mother left was his work.”
“Perhaps that was the only way he could cope with her leaving,” she suggested. “A lot of men retreat emotionally from situations they can’t handle. Did you ever ask him if he loved you?”
“Why would I have to ask for something that was so obviously not there?” He was having difficulty containing his irritation and Jenna bit her lip. He had offered her an olive branch and n
ow here she was shaking the tree.
“Because when people find it difficult to express what they feel you have to give them the opportunity to do so in a non-threatening manner. You were probably so upset with your mother leaving that you may have rejected any efforts your father made to comfort you.”
In the pale light she could see a dark flush creep up his cheeks. Whatever she said had struck a discordant memory. She opened her mouth to ask what it was and just in time remembered her mother once murmuring about ‘where angels fear to tread’ and realised she was probably dragging up painful memories.
But she had to make Braden see that love came in all forms and of itself was a wonderful thing.
“Braden, just because your mother wasn’t capable of loving selflessly, doesn’t mean all women are like that.”
He pulled his long, lean body from the chair. “I’ve yet to see otherwise.” he muttered.
As he strode swiftly into the penthouse Jenna sat back and gazed up at the full moon. A perfect, heavenly night. No clouds, bright stars gleaming like diamonds on black velvet. Subtle smells of salt and fragrances from tropical flowers. And she’d ruined it all by picking at Braden’s psyche in an effort to change his thinking. Why couldn’t she learn to leave well enough alone? Nothing she said would undo the damage his mother had caused twenty-two years ago. Only Braden could change his attitude to love. And only if he wanted to. But there didn’t appear to be any reason for this to happen.
A few days later Jenna stood by the railing waiting for Caitlin to come out to the pool to start their second exercise session. She watched a small sabot sail awkwardly up the channel on the far side of the river and wondered idly why the two children sailing her weren’t in school. The breeze was brisk and they didn’t appear to be competent sailors. The boat yawed over, then suddenly it rolled and only the hull was visible. Two heads popped to the surface close to the low front of the hull.