by Sandy Curtis
She had tried to avoid looking at him through lunch. Clad only in his shorts, he was disturbingly virile. He had an athlete’s body, with an athlete’s easy grace, and she admired the natural beauty of it. But the chemistry between them transcended that basic appreciation, went deeper than a surface attraction. She had tried to fight it and failed, and had lost her heart to this complex man. Although Braden, too, fought that attraction, his views on love and marriage predominated, but a tiny tendril of hope began to grow in her heart.
Deliberately she cleared her mind, relaxed her body. Eventually she drifted into sleep.
By the time both Jenna and Caitlin woke, there was only a little time left to inspect the many art and craft shops and pottery studios of the little village of Montville. A microcosm of architectural styles, it was a pleasant blend of Tudor, Irish and English cottages of log and stone, Swiss and Bavarian chalets, colonial and old Queenslander designs, as well as modern structures like the spherical “Dome Gallery”.
In one of the craft shops Jenna held a wooden kaleidoscope to her eye. As she moved it over different views such as the sky or the trees, the complex pattern viewed took on those colours, changing with each movement. When she looked at the shop lights the pattern transformed into a shimmering explosion of fireworks.
She felt a tingling in her skin as Braden stepped close to her. He still carried the clean fresh smell of the dam water and she suppressed a shiver of desire as she remembered the taste of it on his lips.
"Do you like it?"
She sensed a deeper meaning in his words but answered lightly.
"It's lovely!"
"Then it's yours. A gift. A souvenir. So you'll never forget today." He moved closer, his lips parted, his grey eyes grew brighter, the blue flecks shimmering, hypnotising her with their intensity.
The shop began to fade as her whole being was riveted by the need she read in his gaze. Her body swayed towards his, her mouth opening slightly in anticipation of savouring once more the irresistible delights only his lips, his tongue, could provide.
"Can I have a souv ... a souv... a present too, Uncle Braden?" Caitlin's query shattered the mood, and Jenna blushed as she realised how easily she could fall under Braden's spell. He only had to look at her with that light of desire in his eyes and she lost all sense of propriety.
Braden laid a gentle hand on Caitlin's cheek. "You pick out what you like while I buy this for Jenna, okay?"
Jenna's heart constricted as the shop assistant wrapped the kaleidoscope. It would be a wonderful conversation piece when she moved into her own apartment. But somehow the dream she had had of moving into her own apartment once she was established in her new job had lost its appeal. All the little mementos she had chosen overseas now seemed to be just that - reminders of a time that was over.
What had she gained? Training and experience that would be invaluable in the years ahead; but she had lost her heart to Braden, and anywhere she went after this would not feel like home because the old saying was true - home is where the heart is. Dare she hope that, in her few remaining weeks with him, Braden could come to recognise that too?
That night Braden took more video footage of Caitlin. The next morning he captured her laughing and chatting with Jenna in the pool. After lunch he told Jenna he was taking the video to Alicia.
It was a long afternoon without him. The evening before they had sat out in the courtyard drinking their coffee and talking. Their euphoria over the return of Caitlin’s speech had settled into a quiet contentment. Jenna’s happiness was increased by Braden’s friendly manner. It was as though he was starting afresh in his attitude towards her.
She knew she was probably being a naive optimist, because although her mind told her there was probably no future for her with a man whose convictions on love and marriage differed so widely from her own, her heart hoped that there was a chance he might change his mind. It wasn’t much of a hope, Braden was a determined man, and the pain his mother had inflicted on him had left scars Jenna was not sure could be erased.
But every time she saw him with Caitlin that tiny spark of hope would ignite in her heart. He had a great capacity for love, if only he wasn’t so afraid to offer that love to a woman who would love him as much in return. And with every hour she spent in his company she knew she was that woman. Knew that her love for him was growing with each smile he gave her, each thought he shared, each kindness he showed her.
Because he was a thoughtful and considerate man. She wondered how he had become that way if his mother and father had been so disinterested in him. She surmised it was because he had spent so much time looking after Alicia in their formative years, or because of the intensive care he had had to give Caitlin. She wasn’t aware that in the holidays he had spent with his grandmother he had soaked up all the unselfish love and caring that was showered on him and subconsciously emulated what he realised was missing in his home life.
Braden was unusually quiet when he returned. If Caitlin noticed she showed no sign. Since the night Braden had told Jenna about his mother, he had not gone in with her to put Caitlin to bed, preferring to give the girl a kiss goodnight in the lounge-room.
Tonight, however, he came in with Jenna. He stood silently as Caitlin recited her prayers asking God to look after her mother, her father up in heaven, and Uncle Braden and Jinx. Jenna had wondered why Caitlin called her “Jinx” but then she remembered that that was the name Braden had first called her when he'd asked Caitlin if she liked her. Although he had corrected himself, that first name must have stuck in Caitlin’s memory.
Jenna glanced up at him as he stood a little back from the bed, watching the child. His strong white teeth bit worriedly into his bottom lip, a slight frown furrowed his brow. He must have sensed Jenna looking at him. He gave her a crooked grin. Her heart lurched in her chest. With that unruly lock of hair falling down on his forehead and a small dimple suddenly appearing at the side of his mouth he looked endearingly boyish.
Jenna wanted to open up her arms and gather him to her breast and soothe away his worry. But he wasn’t a boy. He was a man, with a man’s reluctance to share his pain and take comfort. He was also a man who had the power to hurt her very much. And this was what she was afraid of.
They sat out in the courtyard again, and Jenna stayed as silent as he, painfully aware that her thoughts were running wild with the tension of waiting for him to speak. Had something happened to Alicia? Or perhaps Mrs Jenkins was free to come back earlier than her stated five weeks and now that Caitlin was so improved he wanted to tell Jenna he no longer needed her.
It was such a clear night she felt as though she could reach up into the inky blackness of the sky and touch the stars. It was so still, and she was so tense, that when Braden spoke she jumped a little.
“Alicia wants to see Caitlin.”
She could tell by his deep brooding tone that he wasn’t pleased with the idea.
“And you don’t agree with that,” she ventured.
He put down his coffee mug and massaged the back of his neck as he stretched out on the chair.
“I don’t know if Caitlin’s ready for it. If I take her there and Alicia starts crying Caitlin might stop speaking again and never come out of it.”
“I don’t think that will happen, Braden.”
“Why not?”
“Because now Caitlin knows why her mother reacted the way she did. She understands that her mother was sick and it wasn’t her fault. Today she’s been talking about her father, with sadness at times, but also with acceptance. Do you think Alicia would ask to see Caitlin if she felt there was any risk that she might react badly when she sees her?”
He was thoughtful for a while, sipping his coffee.
“No, Alicia loves Caitlin too much to risk hurting her again. You’ve worked miracles with Caitlin, Jenna. I don’t know how you did it, but I’m very grateful. And so is Alicia. She’d like you to come when I take Caitlin to see her, if that’s what we decide.”
&nbs
p; Grateful. Jenna froze at the word. It was gratitude and not love that had broken her heart before.
“Jenna?”
She looked across at him.
“Are you all right? You looked ... strange.” There was concern in his voice.
“Why don’t you ask Caitlin?” she suggested, ignoring his question. “She won’t want to go if she’s afraid of how her mother will react.”
“Yes, I guess the decision is best left up to her.” He smiled then, a relieved, companionable smile.
The private hospital where Alicia was staying was situated in acres of beautiful bushland on the outskirts of Brisbane. Single-story buildings connected by covered walkways sprawled across well-manicured lawns and immaculate gardens alive with vibrant colour. As Braden’s BMW cruised up the driveway Jenna cast an inquiring glance at Caitlin.
There had been no reticence on Caitlin’s part when Braden had asked her if she would like to see her mother. But now they were approaching the hospital Jenna could see a tiny frown of worry on the child’s forehead.
They parked; then, with Braden and Jenna holding Caitlin’s hands, they walked through the peaceful gardens and shady gum trees to one of the outer buildings. Braden had phoned and told Alicia to expect them, so when a tall, thin woman with short brown hair rose from a bench under a massive Moreton Bay Fig tree and took a half-step towards them Jenna knew this must be Alicia.
With a set smile that tried to hide the nervousness evident in her pale blue eyes and fingers twining together in front of her, Alicia looked down at Caitlin.
“Oh darling Possum,” she said at last, “you look wonderful.”
Caitlin’s hands pulled free.
“Mummy! Mummy!” she cried and threw herself at Alicia.
There were tears of happiness in Alicia’s eyes as she hugged her daughter, and Jenna felt her own betraying moistness. Alicia carried her daughter back to the bench and sat down.
“Goodness, darling, look at you. You’ve grown so much.” The pride, the love, transformed Alicia’s thin face.
“I’m learning water ballet, Mummy. Jinx is teaching me.”
“I’m sure you’ll be very good at it, dear.” Alicia looked past her daughter and gestured for Jenna to join her on the bench. Braden leaned idly against the tree, his smile showing his pleasure at how well Caitlin had reacted.
Caitlin’s childish excitement predominated for the next fifteen minutes. She chattered about her lessons in the pool, about The Lion King, about Underwater World, and Jenna and Braden slipping into the dam. Finally the flow of words eased and she asked her mother for a drink.
“There’s a kiosk in the main building, perhaps Uncle Braden would like to get you a drink?”
Jenna attempted to stand and volunteer to take Caitlin, but Alicia stopped her with a gesture.
Braden picked up on her cue. He took Caitlin’s hand.
“Come on, young lady. We might find some chocolate as well as a drink.”
Jenna watched Alicia’s eyes devouring her daughter as she walked away with Braden. When she turned to Jenna, two tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. She searched in the pocket of her simple but elegantly cut lemon shift for a handkerchief and wiped her eyes.
“Oh, Jenna, thank you,” she cried. “You’ve given me back my daughter. Words aren’t enough to describe what that means to me.”
“Caitlin’s done most of the work, Alicia. A lot of the damage was psychological. Once she accepted her father’s death and understood why you were sick she was able to concentrate on getting better.”
Alicia smiled, and Jenna was surprised at how unlike her brother she was. She had a quiet, gentle air that bordered on timid, her soft eyes looked almost apologetic. Jenna could understand why Braden had been concerned about how she would react to Caitlin.
As though reading Jenna’s assessment of her, Alicia took a deep breath and continued in a firm voice.
“The video showed the effort you’ve put in with Caitlin. You’ve been very patient, very determined. They’re qualities I’m trying to build up in myself. In a way my break-down has been a good thing. Not for Caitlin,” she hastened to add, “but for me. It’s finally allowed me to confront all the fears I’ve buried for most of my life. You see, Braden has always tried to protect me. He did it for all the right reasons, but unfortunately it had the wrong effect. Because he was always there to cushion the hard blows of life for me I never learned how to grow strong enough to cope on my own.”
Instinctively Jenna reached across and covered the other woman’s hand with her own. Alicia curled her fingers over Jenna’s and her eyes acknowledged Jenna’s empathy.
“When I married ...” her voice caught, “David was a wonderful man, but he took over Braden’s protective role. When he ... died ... I felt so incredibly alone. I know Braden was there for me, and so was my father, but this time it was different. I was responsible for Caitlin, and I was alone. She’s my child and I didn’t know how to help her. I felt so useless. It was a big, black pit, and I could see no way out.”
“Since I’ve been here,” her free hand gestured back towards the buildings, “I’ve been forced to assess where my life was going. I didn’t like what I saw. I saw a woman who has always been afraid to make her own decisions, who’s always let someone else do that for her. So I’m learning to take control of my life. It won’t be easy, I know that, but now I have my daughter back I have the best incentive in the world to become the kind of mother she needs.”
The women looked at each other, and with a rush of rapport they smiled in total understanding.
But something Alicia had said puzzled Jenna.
“Alicia,” she began tentatively, “I don’t mean to pry, but you said your father was there for you. From what Braden said I thought ...” she stopped, unsure if she should continue, afraid that she was treading on emotionally dangerous ground.
Alicia sighed. “Dad and Braden have never understood one another. Braden thinks that Dad never loved him. He has our mother’s colouring and her strong personality, and he thought Dad couldn’t stand him because he reminded him of her. And when Dad put him in boarding school it confirmed in Braden’s mind what he believed. He came home every weekend but he avoided Dad whenever possible.”
“Did you get sent to boarding school?”
“No. Dad only sent Braden because he was so headstrong and he couldn’t cope with him. Dad finds it hard to express his feelings and he couldn’t see Braden needed reassurance that he loved him. All these years they’ve missed out on the relationship they could have had.”
“You didn’t try to tell them?”
“Oh, yes, but there was so much anger in Braden, he wouldn’t listen. And Dad’s stubborn too.”
So it wasn’t the way Braden had told her, only the way he saw it. Jenna contemplated the fact that when it came to changing his mind on emotional issues, Braden was an immovable force. Which meant her fledgling hope that he might change his attitude towards love and marriage was most likely futile.
In spite of the ache deep in her heart Jenna couldn’t help being caught up in Braden’s euphoric mood as they drove back to Maroochydore. He asked her about her travels, and regaled her with anecdotes about the humorous difficulties he’d encountered in his work in other countries.
He was amusing, interesting, and, surprisingly, interested in her. His amusement would show in a deep chuckle, a smile with the rakish charm of a movie buccaneer, and she was so captivated that if he had told her the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were real she would have believed him.
It was so easy to give herself up to the moment, to enjoy his company, the friendship he seemed to be offering. She knew it was an illusion, knew that the reality was he was overjoyed by Caitlin’s successful meeting with her mother, but she greedily accepted this fleeting happiness. In just two weeks she would have to leave, go back to the life she had planned before meeting Braden, before her whole world had changed.
She tried to ignore
the pain that crept into her heart at the thought of leaving. Her new job, which had once seemed to offer the fulfilment she wanted, now seemed to be an empty substitute for the love she would have to leave behind.
“I’ll get it!” Caitlin called out in response to the insistent buzzing of the intercom.
“It’s ‘Ronica,” she pouted as she came back to the kitchen. The happy atmosphere dimmed. Jenna pushed harder on the rolling pin and grimaced as the pastry thinned too much and broke. She looked up at Braden, but already he was mentally removed from her. He sliced the rest of the apple into the bowl, wiped his hands and walked to the door.
Resentment spiked through Jenna. She and Caitlin had been cooking when Braden had strolled into the kitchen, put in his order for apple pie and promptly took apples out of the fridge and began peeling them. It felt so right, somehow, the three of them working together like a family. And now Veronica had arrived to burst the joyful bubble that had surrounded the three of them since yesterday.
Jenna sighed as Veronica simpered over Caitlin, telling her how wonderful it was to hear her sweet voice again. Caitlin listened with more forbearance than politeness, then sauntered out into the courtyard.
Veronica raised an elegant eyebrow at Jenna and Jenna realized how untidy she must look in comparison to Veronica’s impeccably attired figure. Veronica looked as though she had stepped straight off a page in Vogue magazine - executive women section. Caramel suit with rich yellow blouse, yellow leather shoes and matching handbag, delicate string of pearls at the smooth, lightly tanned throat. She carried a leather business folder in one hand.
A curl fell across Jenna’s eyes and she pushed it away impatiently. A fine cloud of flour followed her hand and sprinkled her nose. Oh, what the heck! There was flour on her shirt and she hadn’t put make-up on after she’d finished Caitlin’s exercises in the pool this morning. So she looked like the cook. She felt like the cook! In comparison to Veronica anyone would feel like the cook.