by Sandy Curtis
“No ... not you ...” she choked.
“It’s Braden, isn’t it,” Alicia said. “He can be awfully bossy, Jenna, I hope he didn’t get under your skin ...” an intuitive look of understanding flashed in her eyes. “Oh, he has, hasn’t he, but not like that. You’re in love with him, aren’t you. I thought there was something between the two of you that first day I met you. And does he love you?”
Jenna shook her head miserably. “No. He doesn’t believe in love and his plans for marriage don’t include me.” She gripped Alicia’s hand. “Please don’t tell him I love him. The situation’s bad enough now. Let me leave with some shred of self-respect.”
“No! You can’t go! I won’t let you!”
Jenna and Alicia turned to see Caitlin drop her drawings on the floor. She must have walked back quietly as they talked and overheard Jenna saying she would leave. Her little face was contorted with hurt, her bottom lip quivered.
“Tell her, Mummy, tell Jinx she has to stay.”
Jenna reached out to the child. “Come here, Possum.”
Reluctantly the child trudged over to her and allowed Jenna to lift her onto her lap.
“Possum ...” she cleared her throat “you don’t need me any more.” She held up a finger as Caitlin started to protest. “You know how to do your exercises so your leg will get strong enough for school next year. And now your mother needs you. Just like you need her. And there’s other children in Sydney who have been hurt just like you were and they need me to show them how to get better. You wouldn’t want those children not to get better, would you?”
“No.” It was a whisper. Then the small arms were twining around Jenna’s neck. “Promise you’ll come back and see me.”
Jenna held the child close and closed her eyes. She couldn’t promise something that would probably never happen.
“Hell!”
Braden slammed the file down on his desk. It had been ten days since Jenna had left and nothing he did could stop him thinking about her. He couldn’t concentrate at work. He’d been so short-tempered his normally patient secretary had asked him if he was coming down with something. So he’d told her he would be working from home and heard the sighs of relief from his staff as he walked out. Damn! He hadn’t felt this screwed up since his mother had walked out on them.
He had tossed Jenna’s lavender-fragranced soap in the bottom drawer of the vanity unit but its perfume seemed to seep into the room, tantalizing him with memories. His bed echoed with the sounds of their lovemaking, their cries of passion, her voice saying his name, over and over.
Every time he walked into the kitchen he expected to see her there, flour dusting her cheek where she’d brushed back a stray curl. And the disappointment was like a block of concrete in his guts.
Why had she left so abruptly? Had he hurt her that badly? She’d insinuated he had. But she had wanted him to make love to her, he wasn’t mistaken about that - her response to him had been wild, passionate. For a while he had thought ... had hoped...
“Is it safe to enter?” Alicia teased as she poked her head around the office door.
That was another thing! Alicia had become so bloody independent. She’d even gone and bought a new car on her own. Sure she’d asked his advice on what makes and models he thought were good but she hadn’t even asked him to go to the car yards with her - just turned up one day with the new car. Didn’t anybody need him any more?
He was proud of her, he admitted grudgingly, she was certainly showing a lot more strength of character than he’d thought her capable of. But she didn’t appear to need him any more. She was even talking about going back to live in her own home. And Caitlin hardly came near him since her mother had returned. He was starting to feel unwanted and un-needed.
“Do you realise you’ve been in a foul temper since I’ve returned, brother dear?” Alicia asked. “Or is it since Jenna left?” she added, one eyebrow raised speculatively.
“What can I help you with, Ali?” he growled. He watched the amused glint in his sister’s eyes. She had changed so much, it was like watching a different woman. Every day her confidence grew. Every day the bond she shared with Caitlin grew stronger. Every day the bond he had shared with his niece seemed more remote than ever.
“I’d like you to mind Caitlin for me today. I have to go to Brisbane to finalize some of David’s affairs. Besides, it might give you the opportunity to find out why you’ve suddenly become Public Enemy Number One on Caitlin’s list.”
“What do you mean?”
“Honestly, Braden, for an intelligent man you can be infuriatingly thick at times. Caitlin can barely bid you the time of day, or hadn’t you noticed?”
“I thought she was just so glad to have you back that she didn’t need me any more,” he shrugged.
Alicia sighed. She had hoped that Braden would have talked to her about his feelings for Jenna. She had dropped subtle hints, given him ample opportunity to discuss it, but he remained obstinate and closed. It was obvious that he wasn’t happy about her leaving. But it was equally obvious that he wasn’t going to do anything about it, either.
“Please try to talk to Caitlin.” She gave him a hug, relieved when he finally relaxed and returned it.
“All right. I’ll try.”
How was he supposed to find out what was bothering Caitlin when she wouldn’t talk to him? It was frustrating, damned frustrating. For an hour he had tried, alternating between jocular inquiry and almost, but not quite, pleading. But Caitlin had determinedly refused to discuss whatever was bothering her.
He recognized his own stubbornness in the resolute grey eyes, the firm set of her jaw. It gave him an uncomfortable feeling. Had he been like that with Jenna? He had been so determined to keep her at a safe emotional distance ...
He turned off the television set, intent on removing any distraction from Caitlin’s attention. She promptly picked up a picture book and studied the pages. He turned away in exasperation, hands raking at his hair.
“Doesn’t anybody want to talk to me?” he muttered. “Jenna goes off without a word, you...”
“It’s your fault!”
The near-hysterical anger in Caitlin’s voice spun him around. She had flung the book down on the lounge and was staring at him with accusing eyes.
“What’s my fault?”
“Why couldn’t you love her? She loves you.”
“Who loves me?”
“Jinx does. I heard her telling Mummy. But she said you didn’t love her. So she went away.” Tears started to run down her cheeks. “Why don’t you love her, Uncle Braden? I love her and I want her back.”
He stood like a man in shock. Then he walked slowly back to his niece and sat down.
“Caitlin, honey, I want you to tell me everything Jenna said.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jeff Martin placed an arm around his sister’s shoulders.
“Please say yes, Jinx. I know it’s a last minute thing, but if the other guy hadn’t pulled out at the last minute I wouldn’t have to go to this function. I have to take a partner and it’s too late to go ringing up the few women I know in Sydney. Well,” he amended, grinning at Jenna in an effort to convince her, “the few who would go out with me, that is.”
Jenna smiled, disarmed as usual by her brother’s charm. “I might as well agree. You’ll only keep on pestering me until I do anyway. What time do we have to be there?”
“Eight o’clock.” He glanced at his watch. “Gives you an hour to make yourself gorgeous. Thanks, Sis, I knew I could count on you.”
“Yeah. Good old reliable Jenna,” she muttered bitterly as she walked to her bedroom. She shook her head at her mirrored reflection. Snap out of it, Jenna. You can’t spend the rest of your life like some lovesick teenager mooning over someone who doesn’t even care if you exist. Forget Braden. You’ll be working again soon, you’ll need your wits about you then.
It didn’t work. Every day since she’d returned to Sydney she’d given hersel
f the same pep talk, but every day the depression seemed to grow. The ache in her heart deepened. Tears dampened her pillow each night.
She snapped her head back. Perhaps going out tonight might help. She squared her shoulders and walked to her wardrobe.
Fairyland on the water. It was how Jenna had always thought of Sydney Harbour at night. As Jeff drove over the Harbour Bridge she looked across at Circular Quay, myriad lights from high-rise buildings reflecting colour on the inky water. The white sails of the Opera House, boats twinkling lights like fireflies on the harbour’s smooth waters - they had always felt like home to her, but now she was wondering if anything would ever feel like home again.
Jeff pulled into the parking area of the Hotel Intercontinental. He escorted Jenna into the spacious foyer.
“Wait here, I’ll just be a minute,” he said and walked to the reception desk. Bowls of fresh flowers filled the area with their delicate perfume. Jenna had little time to admire the polished timber, the luxurious, tasteful furnishings, before Jeff was leading her to the elevators, explaining that he had to see his colleague first to get his paperwork.
He ushered her into an elegant suite toned in pale lemon and chocolate. She walked over to the window and gazed out over the Royal Botanic Gardens and the ring road leading to Government House.
She turned around. Jeff was gone, but the figure who stood watching her was just as dear, just as loved.
Braden.
She trembled with shock. He looked tired, haggard, in need of sleep. And wonderful. So wonderful. Like someone dying of thirst she drank in the sight of him. Then sanity returned and she stiffened, tense and on guard. Why was he here? Was he the colleague whose paperwork Jeff had to pick up? He looked tired but he certainly didn’t look ill. Her mind buzzed with questions, and finally the one that filled her with the most dread burst out.
“Caitlin! Has something happened to Caitlin?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Caitlin’s fine.”
She sighed with relief. All week she had been anxious, her concern for Caitlin almost over-riding her heart-ache at leaving Braden.
He looked awkward, not the confident, forceful man she had left nearly two weeks ago, and he was obviously ill at ease. Had Veronica called off the marriage? What was he doing here? Just standing, staring at her. Her tongue slipped nervously over suddenly dry lips.
“I’m sorry about the dinner party,” she finally blurted out, anxious to break the silence. “I knew you were going to announce your ... merger.” She couldn’t bring herself to say marriage.
“The merger’s off.”
She should have looked contrite, said she was sorry, but the little spark of joy in her heart wouldn’t condone the hypocrisy. Instead she settled for “Veronica must be ... upset.”
He flung a dismissive hand. “Not for long. She has other companies.”
“Companies?” she echoed, puzzled. "But I thought ...”
He gave her a peculiar look. “What did you think, Jenna?”
It wasn’t making sense. Veronica had said ... No, Veronica had insinuated that the merger was of a different kind.
“You had mentioned once ... a marriage merger...”
“You thought I was going to marry Veronica?” His laugh echoed around the room. “I might be a bit of a fool, Jenna, but I’m not masochistic. Veronica is a tarantula. She’d eat me up and spit me out when she’d finished with me. I’m not in her league.”
“She said the same thing once about me.”
A speculative glint came into his eyes. “Did Veronica say we were going to be married?”
“No, not in so many words. She said you were going to announce your merger at the dinner party and she didn’t mention anything about companies. Quite the opposite. She said how ‘suitable’ you two are together. She implied ...” Jenna’s rising colour left him in no doubt as to what Veronica had implied.
“Would you believe me if I told you that I have never slept with Veronica?”
Jenna had never seen him look more earnest. His grey eyes were bright with pleading, his hands reaching out to her, then lowering hesitantly. She believed him. Not only because she wanted to believe him, but because he was an honourable man, a caring man.
“Yes, I believe you.”
A deep breath escaped him, as though he had been holding it in for far too long. Jenna knew the feeling. From the moment she’d found him in the room with her all her feelings had gone on hold. She was frozen inside, desperately trying not to feel the pain that the very sight of him was bringing, desperately trying to protect herself from the greater anguish when he left.
“And did what Veronica say have anything to do with the way you acted towards me when I came home the evening after we’d made love?”
She shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to admit the hope that had blossomed in her heart only to be killed by Veronica’s poison. Instead she went on the attack.
“I saw your face after we’d ... made love, Braden. You were horrified. It might have been what your hormones had been wanting but when it actually happened you realised what a big mistake you’d made.”
“The only horror I felt about that night, Jenna, was the fact that I had been so carried away with wanting you that I didn’t use any protection. I know you love children, but I didn’t know if you wanted to have my child.”
She turned away from him then, not daring to let him see the spark of joy his words had caused. Not daring to let him see the hope that even now his child could be growing inside her.
“And what about you Jenna. Were you horrified that at last you had let go your iron-clad principles and made love with me?”
He had walked up silently behind her, his breath touching her hair, his hands lowering tentatively onto her shoulders. Her body betrayed her. The shiver of desire, the tiny moan of immense longing that escaped her lips gave their own reply.
Then he was turning her into his arms, folding her against him, kissing her eyes, her cheeks, her lips in quick soft kisses before claiming them with a passion that echoed in her own body. She was lost, gloriously lost, drowning in him, giving herself up to the ecstasy only he could give. Just another night, she bargained with herself, just one more night in his arms. I know he won’t stay but I’ll have one more memory.
She felt the sharp pang of loss as he drew back from her.
“No, not yet.” His voice was husky. “We still have more to discuss and if we start what I’m thinking it will be morning before we say another word.”
She blushed at the deep passion in his words. Her mind was telling her to bid him a quick farewell and leave with her pride intact. If she spent the night with him it would be twice as hard to say goodbye, double the anguish she was now feeling at the thought that this was probably the last time she would ever see him.
But like the kangaroo caught in the hunter’s spotlight she stood mesmerized by the fierce glow of passion in his eyes that gentled now to a soothing tenderness. Still holding her gaze, he took her hands.
“You’ve run away from me once, Jenna. Promise me you’ll listen to me now. I’m not good at admitting I’ve been all kinds of a fool, but it seems I’m a first class idiot in some departments - at least Caitlin seems to think so.”
“Caitlin does?”
“Yes. She said you love me. Is it true, Jenna?”
She tried to pull away from him, but he gripped her hands tightly. She became aware of the tension in him, his body tight like a steel spring, his gaze suddenly fierce with anxiety.
“Please, Jenna. Tell me the truth.”
She was tempted to lie, gather all her courage to laugh in his face and walk out, but something stopped her. The faintest sheen of moisture had gathered in his eyes, and an unsuccessfully repressed fear lurked in their grey shadows. She remembered his self-deprecating statement that she didn’t love him either. He knew his mother hadn’t loved him, was sure his father hadn’t, how could she compound his conviction that he was unlovable?
&nb
sp; In spite of the agony in her heart, the fear that she would be making a fool of herself, exposing herself to his ridicule, she took a deep breath and answered.
“Caitlin’s right. I do love you. I realise you don’t love me, so please don’t feel embarrassed or under any obligation to spare my feelings.” She swallowed the painful lump in her throat, aware her own tears were close. “If you will please let my hands go I’ll leave now and save you any further embarrassment.”
“I should have realised when you made love with me ... you’d said you couldn’t have sex with someone you didn’t love.” His voice was raw with emotion.
Dear God, what had she done now? Was he feeling guilty that he had forced her into having sex with him when he couldn’t reciprocate her love?
“Please, Braden, don’t concern yourself. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to. I’m a big girl, I can look after myself.”
Finally he dropped her hands, but rather than standing aside to let her leave he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly, pressing his face into her hair.
“If Caitlin hadn’t told me,” he finally whispered close to her ear, “I would have gone on believing that you loathed me.”
“Why would you think that?” she asked, bewildered.
He drew back a little from her then, but still kept her encircled in his arms.
“The way you reacted to me the night of Veronica’s dinner party. You bit my head off. You couldn’t bear me touching you. Even so, I hoped I could change your mind about me. But then you left - not even a note, nothing. I thought you hated me.”
“No, I’ve never hated you. I thought you were going to marry Veronica and that you resented making love to me. And then I made you miss the dinner party and you were so angry with me ...” She knew she hadn’t mistaken the fury on his face that evening.
He looked surprised. “I wasn’t angry with you. I was angry because I felt so helpless. You could have died before I reached a doctor and there was not a thing I could do to prevent it. Afterwards I was angry with Veronica. Wretched woman could have killed you. When I think how close you came to dying ...” A deep shudder shook his large frame and he pulled her tighter against him. “I couldn’t bear to lose you, Jenna.”