I take the jacket and wrap it around me, I don’t want to argue as I am cold.
"What are you doing here?"
I start walking back in the direction of my room. He matches pace with me.
"Are you going to ask that every day? Because it's going to get a little boring."
I grimace, hoping that doesn’t mean what I think it means.
"No, I am not going to ask you every day. Because you won't be here annoying me every day."
He rolls his eyes. We both seem to do that a lot in each others company.
"Jeez Louise. Most girls would just be happy."
"Yeah, well. I'm not most girls "
He shakes his head and does a low throaty chuckle.
"You are right there. Never met a girl quite like you."
His expression is soft and warm; it gives me a glimpse of the sweet side to him. I love this side.
"Listen, it was me that pointed you towards the job, so I have to look after you. You are not going to be walking the streets alone. "
I laugh.
"So, you are going to meet me every night, twice a night, just to walk me to my job? What's in it for you? Because if you think this is going to make me fall into bed with you then you..."
He cuts me off by taking my arm and pulling me against him. I gasp as his lips crush into mine, kissing me softly but firmly. It makes me feel dizzy. I melt into his kiss, and as much as I don't want to, I feel myself relax as I kiss him back. He pulls away and cups my face, staring deep into my eyes.
"It's not about that anymore. You have no choice in the matter. And neither do I. I physically can't stay away from you. The only reason I didn't chase you over the summer is because I knew I would be seeing you here. This path Louise, it has already been chosen for us. It's scaring me."
I stare at him, dumbfounded. His voice doesn’t sound like his normal cocky tone, he sounds sincere, and yes, he does sound a little spooked. The intensity of his eyes is overwhelming. I can't look at him anymore. I don't need this. Not after everything that has happened with my parents.
I start walking again, this time in silence. He walks by my side.
"So… Did you have a good night?"
His voice is jokey and light. He is trying to force some normality back into the conversation.
I shrug my shoulders.
"It was OK. It's not exactly Broadway, but it is money in my pocket. I met your step-brother."
His body tenses as I say these words. I glance at him, noting that his face is full of fury. In fact, I have never seen him look so angry.
"Stay away from him Louise."
Why did they seem to hate each other so much?
"That's funny, he gave me the exact same warning about you."
"I mean it" He is almost shouting now. "I should have remembered that my awful Father promised him a job when he was twenty-one. Shit shit shit. Just stay the fuck away from him."
The venom in his tone startles me.
"Woah, Drew. Calm down. We barely spoke."
"Good. Keep it that way. Don't have anything to do with him."
I shrug my shoulders again, not knowing why he was so angry.
"I'm not going to go out of my way to speak to him, but I'm not going to just blank him either. "
We stop outside my building. Drews face is still like thunder . He gives me a quick peck on the cheek.
"See you tomorrow Miss Hart."
Then he hurries off down the street, even the way he walks conveying how angry he feels. As I walk in to my cold empty dorm room, I wonder why the hell the two step brothers hated each other that much.
Chapter Eight - Louise
Over the next two weeks I slowly settle into a pattern. I am running on empty but I am getting by. I will wake up at five am, do any homework I need to do, go to college, try as hard as I can in my classes and fail. I finally feel like I have my singing voice back. It’s not what it was, but it’s a start. Then I will go home, eat a pitiful dinner, either because I can't face much, or because I can't afford much, then I will walk to work with Drew, do the job, walk back home with Drew and finally crash out on my bed around midnight.
In between all this, I somehow find time to shower and do normal everyday things, but it is always on autopilot. I miss my friends desperately. It had all seemed cosy at high school, then I just shut everybody out. I had nobody but myself to blame. I still wasn't over my parents leaving me like that, who would be? How does anybody get over that? But I was learning to live again.
I walk into the food hall at NYSSA and head straight over to my usual table where I sit by myself every day. Even though Drew walks me to work and back every night, he doesn't really socialize with me at college except for the odd comment about getting with me in lessons. It was how I liked it. He was too irritating to spend much time with anyway so it suited me just fine. He has been unusually quiet since the night he said he was cared.
I take a bite into my pitta bread filled with salad, watching as he laughs and jokes with the cool gang. He could fit in anywhere; his charm was second to none and he made friends with everyone. He even had every single teacher wrapped around his finger. He was definitely a big fish at NYSSA.
"Have you still not got with him yet? You go to the same college dwarf, it's about time you got him out of your system."
My mouth falls open at the familiar voice. Tears spring to my eyes as her tray thuds down on the table next to mine. I turn to her, pulling her in for a massive hug, letting the tears fall freely now.
"Samantha. I----I…..can't believe you are h-h-here. What … How are y-you, Why have you…"
She laughs gently as she squeezes me, ruffling my hair fondly.
"I got bored at my cheerleading school. It turns out somebody here dropped out last week. All it took was a flutter of my eyelashes and a massively exaggerated application form, and they let me join."
I giggle as I pull away from her, not wanting to let her go, unable to believe she is really here.
"I'm so happy you are here. I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I froze you all out. It's just been…. It's…"
She squeezes my hand, looking kindly at me with her big chocolate eyes. Sympathy and love radiates from her.
"Ssshhhh. It's OK Louise. You have been through hell and back. You do not need to apologise. You understand me?"
I nod slowly, wiping at my tears with my free hand.
"Anyway….what have I walked in to? It's like some soppy movie, you staring at him, him staring at you. You two need to get it out of your system."
I sneak a glance at Drew. Samantha is right, he is staring at me. A look of confusion crosses his face, he must be wondering why I am crying like a baby in the middle of the food hall. Or he must be surprised that after weeks of being a loner, I finally have a friend.
"He's just a …. Urm. I was going to say friend, but that's too nice really. He's just someone who constantly bugs me every single day."
She rolls her eyes.
"Louise Hart, look at him. He is totally into you. And I don't mean into you for a bit of a hook up, I mean really into you. "
I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it anymore.
"It's nothing."
Samantha raises her eyebrow as she takes a huge bite of her burger. I giggle as grease drips down her chin. God, I had missed my friends.
"So why has he been walking you to that tacky as hell job every night? And walking you back? You can't tell me that's nothing."
I nearly choke on the tomato I am eating.
"How do you know about that? And it's not a tacky job. It's a cleaning job. I might work at a strip joint, but I'm not a dancer. Give me some credit Sammy. "
She roars with laughter.
"What did you just call me? Sammy? Seriously? And calm down shorty. I know you are a cleaner. Trust me, if I knew you were in that seedy club dancing, you would not be going back"
I laugh with her.
"Sammy. It suits you. Get used to it. And
anyway, how do you know?"
She wipes her face on a napkin and takes a long sip of her drink.
"Because I have been living in the dorm room right next to yours for the last week, I have seen you coming and going. You have never been in long enough to notice me. Seriously girl, you need a rest."
The grin on my face is bigger than any grin I have done for months. She is living next door to me? Oh wow. This was the best day at NYSSA by miles.
"I have a night off tonight."
She smiles at me affectionately.
"Good. We can have some time together then. It's time to get your sparkle back small-fry. I have to shoot off, I said I would phone Becks to tell her how you are, everyone has been worried about you. They miss you so much. And then I'm going to skip class for the afternoon. So… I'll see you tonight."
She rises out of her seat and goes to put her empty tray on the rack.
"You can't skip class on your first day here Sammy" I call after her.
She grins at me.
"It's only cheer class, I just spent the last few weeks doing that."
"Then why did you take it again?"
She shrugs her shoulders and walks off, her pony tail swinging as everyone clears a path for her. She was already the queen bee at this college, and she had only been here a few hours.
The next lesson was a breeze. I had a permanent smile on my face after my talk with Samantha. I just couldn't believe she was here, with me. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realised that I needed someone.
When I get back to my room, I take a long shower. It is my first night off in ages, and I was going to enjoy it. I let my hair air dry, letting it fall into natural waves. My hair had been shoved into a scruffy pony tail for the last few weeks, so it was nice to see it looking more like the style I used to have. I put on my one nice dress I had managed to keep, A little black number with gypsy sleeves. Lacy Lolas paid the staff weekly, and I had already put enough away to pay off a few bills and maybe get myself a new outfit. I smile at the thought as a loud knock sounds at my door.
I can't actually see Samantha, as she is hidden behind a pizza box and two bottles of wine. I don't care that I’m not legally old enough to drink, I needed a glass of something strong.
"Thought you could do with some fattening up, you are skin and bone Lou. Have you even bothered to eat since your parents.... " She stops as I flinch at the mention of my parents. When she continues, her voice is much softer. "Well, since it all happened. Because it looks like you haven't eaten for weeks."
I shrug my shoulders. I was actually feeling pretty hungry tonight, maybe it was the return of Samantha. I open a bottle of wine and drink straight from the bottle. She stares at me.
"Sorry. I have no glasses. Can I have a slice then?"
She nods and smiles, opening the other bottle for herself, taking a long gulp.
"You can have the whole pizza if it means you eat something."
I roll my eyes.
"I saw the way you ate that burger earlier Sammy, if I dared take your share, you would cut me or something."
She giggles, choking on her wine. The next hour is spent laughing, talking and drinking. I am caught up on The Never Notes crew. Things were much the same really, Zoe and Frankie are still going strong. Alfie has enrolled at film school. But probably the most surprising thing of all, is the fact that Becky has been discovered as a genius, and is now at a special school for the extremely intelligent, helping important people crack codes and stuff.
"I'm so proud of her" Sammy coos as her eyes go all misty. She is a woman deeply in love, and I couldn't have been more thrilled for her.
"I'm just so sad I had to miss out on everyones good news. I can't believe I pushed you all away."
"Like I said, don't worry about it. It's not as if you wanted to push us away. Grief is a funny thing. You shouldn't have had to deal with it alone, we should have insisted on being there for you more."
Her kindness brings tears to my eyes again, but I manage to keep them at bay.
We both jump at the sound of the door, causing us to hiccup and collapse in a fit of giggles. I kick the empty wine bottle accidentally as I stagger to the door. As I open it and see Drew standing there, I laugh even harder.
"I do believe you are drunk Miss Hart."
I clutch my sides as I fall down to the floor, tears streaming down my face from laughter. Samantha is giggling on the bed.
"Wha…What makes you ssssay that?" I stutter out through the laughter.
He walks in to my room uninvited, shutting the door firmly behind him.
"Oh I don't know. It's either the fact you are crying with laughter at a knock on the door, or the fact that there are empty wine bottles littering your room. They are both pretty good clues to be honest."
He shoots Samantha a filthy look. I stand up shakily and sit on the bed next to her. I stare up at Drew. He looks gorgeous in a white shirt and black trousers. He looks like he is dressed up to go somewhere.
"I see you are a good influence on her, you have only been here a day and she is wasted. Aren't you from her old singing club? You should be looking out for her."
She laughs out loud and stares at him with a mixture of amusement and fury.
"And what exactly have you been doing except trying to have sex with her? How is that going to help? This is the first time she has laughed in the three months since her parents died."
My hand flies to my mouth in shock. Drew looks at me. His eyes are full of confusion and pity.
"What? Louise, is that true? Fuck. We have seen each other every day for the last few weeks and you didn't think to tell me your parents have fucking died? "
"You didn't tell him?"
Samantha is staring at me now, clearly puzzled at this news.
I look at the floor, sadness fills my heart as I remember the awful night. All of my friends there to witness the horrible truth that my only family had been killed. The walls are closing in on me. I can't breathe. I want to throw up. I really can't breathe. Somebody has put a thousand bricks in my chest and they are crushing my heart. I need air. If I don't get out of here, I am going to die.
I run. I run from the room, down the stairs , and out into the night. I don't stop running until I am a few blocks away, where I find a brick wall and sit down on it, trying to steady my breathing , trying to convince myself that I won't die, not just yet, it's just a stupid panic attack. They can't hurt me. But then why are they so fucking painful?
I hear heavy footsteps getting closer, somebody running.
"There you are. Stop doing that Louise. You are always running."
I don't look up as Drew sits next to me on the wall. He smells of mint and vanilla again, just like he did on the night of FSC. I don't back away as he puts his arm around my shoulders, and pulls me close to him. We sit together like this for ages, he holds me while I cry silently into his shoulder. Eventually he hands me a tissue from his pocket so I can wipe my tears away. I feel him place a soft kiss on the top of my head.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you baby. You should have told me."
"Why? How would it have helped anything?"
He sighs deeply. He squeezes me even tighter, I don't want him to let go. It's warm and safe in his arms.
"I don't know. I just… You …. You shouldn't have been going through this alone."
I wipe the rest of my tears away, standing up. I don’t like how comfortable I feel in his arms. He stands up with me, tenderly tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"Why did you come over tonight anyway Drew? It's my night off."
He smiles at me softly, his eyes swimming with affection. It makes me feel all fuzzy and shy.
"I know it's your night off. I came to take you on a date."
My jaw falls open.
"Excuse me?"
He chuckles.
"A date…. You know…. Have a meal, a drink, get to know each other, go home and fuck like rabbits….that
sort of thing."
I push him playfully.
"Not everything has to end up with sex you know."
He holds my hand, letting out a big breath. It looks like he is nervous.
"I know. And honestly, I just wanted to take you on a date. Walk you home afterwards like a proper gentleman. Of course I would be hoping that you enjoyed the date so much you would want to shag my brains out…. But that would just be the icing on the cake. I …. I want to spend time with you."
I raise an eyebrow. He seems like he is being serious. My heart is thudding madly. I am sure he knows it.
"I have already eaten. And I am pretty sure I don't need anything else to drink. So that only leaves fucking and we are not going to do that. I guess you won't get your date."
He smiles gently and places a soft kiss on my lips.
"You forgot the thing I was most looking forward to about the date. Getting to know you. We can still do that."
His huge eyes cast me under that spell they do so well. I can't help but smile back at him.
"OK."
He steps back to get a better look at me.
"Really? "
He sounds doubtful. Like I will back out at any moment.
"Really. My place or yours?"
He interlocks our fingers. We stroll along hand in hand.
"Let's go to mine. Your friend has probably passed out drunk on your bed by now. Text her soon to let her know you are OK though. Oh. And Louise?"
"Yes?"
His eyes sparkle as he grins at me wickedly.
"Don't go trying to get me into bed will you? Because I don't want to have to reject you. It won't be nice for either of us."
I giggle, he is so funny sometimes. Or maybe I was just still drunk.
"No worries sexy, there will be none of that."
He stops dead on the sidewalk, surprise written all over his features.
"You just called me sexy."
My cheeks turn pink as I realise I did call him that. I was definitely drunk, I never called anyone sexy, I never had the confidence.
He starts walking again, beaming from ear to ear.
"This is going to be fun"
He says it quietly, more to himself than anything.
My smile matches his.
"Yeah it is" I agree, as we stroll back to his. For the first time in months, I was full of excitement for what lay ahead.
Take A Bite Of My Heart Tonight Page 8