The Best Kind of Trouble

by Jones, Courtney B.

  "Then why did he break up with me?" A choked sob caught in my throat and fresh tears formed in my eyes.

  Katie pulled back and smoothed back my wild hair as she looked at me sadly. "I don't know exactly Ash. Maybe he's scared too. Maybe he just needs some time. Maybe he just can't be what you deserve right now."

  I sniffled and blew out a long breath. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

  "I know," she said softly. "Sex and love complicate things."

  I nodded in agreement. Although part of me couldn't regret it. Being with Nathan, being closer to him than anyone else I'd ever known, made me feel warm and gooey. A memory of his strong corded muscles, his stubble scratching lightly against my skin, his blue-gray eyes that looked at me like I was water and he was dying of thirst were clear as water in my mind.

  Fresh desire bloomed in my gut, quickly followed by a sick twist of my stomach.

  "Come on, Ash," Katie urged, pulling me up from the bed. She pulled out a long sleeved pink shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. "Get dressed, I'll fix your hair. We can go to Zack's. There's a live band tonight."

  ~000~

  Two hours later I was sitting at a table in Zack’s. My blonde hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and tied just below my left ear. I’d already managed to down three beers since Katie and I had walked through the door.

  It did nothing to drown out my thoughts about Nathan. Katie was right when she said sex complicates things.

  Although, if I was being totally honest, it wasn’t just the sex. It was everything else too. Everything the sex represented. It was like a physical culmination of everything I’d been feeling. All of the desire, the confusion, and the thrilling fear, that spark that Nathan lit inside me, the intoxicating swirl of emotions, the explosion of feelings. Its occurrence was inevitable.

  And yet, I was hurting like someone ripped my heart out. I slammed back the rest of my fourth beer. I felt a little numb and detached. But nowhere close to drunk enough to drown out everything. And I wasn’t sure I even felt up to getting there.

  Like a scene from a movie, I looked up at that moment, the door to the bar opened, and in walked Nathan. His eyes immediately found me, as if he’d been looking for me. My insides fluttered. He paused only briefly before stalking across the bar to me.

  He sat down in the chair next me. Our eyes stayed locked on each other and I took a deep shuddering breath. His blue-gray eyes looked more blue, soft and little unsure.

  He swallowed hard. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” I whispered back.

  “I miss you,” he said, and I winced. It hurt to hear him say that. I didn’t respond. What was he trying to do? Kill me? He sighed loudly and broke eye contact. Nathan ran a hand through his hair. “I hate this. I miss you so much.”

  He reached for my hands and wrapped his fingers around mine. I looked down. My eyes were filled to the brim with tears I didn’t want him to see.

  “Ash, I’m so sorry.”

  I swallowed hard and managed to say, “For what?”

  I looked back up. I couldn’t even help myself. His hair was a little messier than normal, his eyes pained and glossy, and there was rough stubble on his face.

  Before he could answer my question, I spoke again, my words came out in a rush. “Like you said, it was a mistake.”

  “You regret it?” he asked.

  I bit my lip. Saying yes would be a lie. But I didn’t want him to see me hurt. I didn’t want him to know that vulnerable part of me. I was angry with him. For hurting me. For chasing me and making me fall for him and then ripping it all away.

  I still didn’t really understand if that was because of my resistance or if I wasn’t good enough or if a serious relationship really just was too much and interfered with his plans. And why couldn’t I be a part of those plans?

  Again, maybe what he felt for me wasn’t enough. He always said if it was the right girl, he’d just know. Maybe I wasn’t the right girl.

  Instead of answering, I simply nodded my head. His eyes flashed with pain.

  Furrowing his brow, Nathan’s eyes searched mine. Scared he wouldn’t believe me, I rushed on. “Can’t we at least be friends? I want to be friends.”

  His gaze was assessing and his forehead scrunched up more. He didn’t believe me. What was worse, I swear I saw pity in his eyes. I felt pathetic. A new steely determination to fix this mess, to make him believe me, to be friends and get over him rose up inside me.

  “Nathan,” I said, forcing a smile and pulling my hands from his grasp. He frowned and looked down at my retreating fingers. “I got carried away. You were right, we can’t be serious. I just got so caught up…but I really don’t want to lose you.”

  I swallowed hard, forcing the bile from my throat. I blinked back my tears and widened my smile. When he didn’t answer me, my face fell. “Have I?”

  “Have you what?” he asked, his voice was strained.

  “Lost you?”

  Instantly, Nathan’s hands were on my face.

  I wanted to cry at the familiar gesture. His hands were warm, both rough and tender. He leaned in close and I forced myself to stay stoic, unaffected.

  “Never, Face,” he whispered. “If you want to be friends, then were friends.”

  He pulled back and smiled. What the hell was that supposed to mean? He broke up with me!

  “Don’t frown, doll face,” he said, smirking. “You’re so much more beautiful when you smile.”

  I took a deep breath. “Nathan, what are you doing?”

  Nathan looked at me for a long moment before replying, then the smirk dropped and he blew out a breath, all his posturing suddenly disappeared. “You’re right, Ash. Friends. I want to be your friend.”

  We stared at each other for another minute before he broke eye contact.

  “Want another beer?” he asked, rising from his seat. He flashed me a forced smile.

  I watched him walk away, struck by a sudden realization.

  I might be in love with Nathan.

  All the emotions and feelings he stirred up inside me made everything I’d ever felt for someone else seem dull and gray. Lifeless. Like it had all been in black and white and now—suddenly, inexplicably—I was in Technicolor. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Everything was now awash with color, clear and vibrant like hi-definition.

  Sharp. Vivid. Intense.

  My heart stuttered. Had I just screwed everything up? I tried to think back over the past few weeks, remembering everything Nathan had said.

  He’d been the one to say we needed to slow down.

  He’d also been the one to break up with me, to tell me he couldn’t be serious.

  Or casual. I reminded myself.

  I didn’t know if he was just scared or he really just had to focus on football right now. Maybe he just didn’t feel as strongly about me as I did him. Or like Katie said he was scared and needed to push me away. Maybe it was better that we broke up now if all of those things were true. Right?

  Another realization struck me then.

  I had to get over him.

  Chapter 9

  The next weekend, I was determined to let loose and get over Nathan. If I wasn’t worth it to him, then he shouldn’t be worth my mopping and crying. Or the five pounds I gained from eating too much chocolate.

  I pulled on a pair of tight white shorts and a sleeveless deep purple shirt. I left my hair down in long waves, smothered my lips in lip gloss and stepped into my nude heels.

  When I walked out into the living room where Katie and three other girls, Autumn, Gina, and Tara sat.

  They all let out a round of catcalls when I walked in. I grinned.

  I twirled and finished with a dramatic flourish, my hands lading on my hips. “So girls, where are we going tonight?” I asked. “And if y’all say Zack’s or Beech Street I’m gonna scream.”

  Autumn glanced once at Katie and then looked at me mischievously. “Austin. My brother and his friends are going to meet us at this bar on
Sixth Street. I have the perfect guy to get over Nathan Williams.”

  ~000~

  The perfect guy ended up being Daniel Church. He was devilishly handsome with short dark hair and warm brown eyes.

  “Those are some beautiful eyes, Ashley,” Daniel said after Autumn had introduced all the girls. I flushed bright red under his intense gaze and fought the urge to giggle. Or roll my eyes. I wasn’t sure.

  After a few shots of tequila, I decided it didn’t matter. I dragged Daniel out onto the dance floor. His hands were heavy on my hips as I moved to the sultry beat.

  I started to sweat from the heat of his hands roving over my body and the press of grinding bodies on the dance floor. I closed my eyes, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I imagined it was Nathan hands, his fingers slipping beneath the fabric of my shirt, his lips caressing my ear.

  His words, rough and growly, making me flush hot with passion.

  I felt a little numb and dizzy. I spun around, slightly disappointed to see Daniel’s dark hair. His eyes were half lidded, dark with lust.

  Without really thinking, with anger and heartbreak, lust and tequila fueling me, I leaned up on my toes and whispered in his ear, “Can you drive? You wanna get out of here?”

  There was no hesitation. He grabbed my hand and started dragging me through the crowded bar. I got Katie’s eye. Going home, I mouthed.

  You okay? she mouthed back. I nodded and then winked at her for good measure. She gave me a worried smile.

  ~000~

  Daniel pushed me up against my door to my apartment, attacking my mouth. My brain went fuzzy, my brain all hazy. I kept imagining Nathan’s mouth, his hands, his voice. It spiked my anger and fueled my attempt to get over him. In some fucked up way, I thought this was getting back at him.

  I broke away from Daniel, and spun around to unlock the door. We stumbled inside and I felt the world tilt. You are not going to be sick, I chanted to myself.

  I threw my purse on the table and slipped out of my heels. Daniel came up behind me, his arms wound around my stomach. I tensed up.

  This wasn’t Nathan. I wasn’t in love or anywhere close to it with Daniel. I knew this was wrong. I took a deep breath, trying to clear my fuzzy head from the tequila induced fog.

  “Daniel,” I said, my voice shaky and quiet. I turned in his arms, almost afraid to see his face. “I’m not trying to lead you on, but—”

  He gave me a half-hearted smile, like he was trying not to be irritated. Or at least, trying not to show it.

  “Ashley, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said. I smiled gratefully and he leaned forward, giving me a softer, gentler kiss.

  I felt slightly more sober and in control. Maybe I could just get to know him a little.

  “Want to watch a movie in my room?” This probably wasn’t the best idea, but he didn’t seem like the type of guy to push things too far.

  “Sure,” he said.

  I set up the movie and changed into my pajamas. Daniel took of his jeans, revealing white boxer shorts and pulled his shirt over his head.

  He wasn’t as tall or built as Nathan, but he was still very attractive, lean and fit, with tan skin and a smattering of dark hair. And he was nice. Or at least he seemed nice.

  But I kind of felt like he was trying too hard to be nice. Like he was trying to trick me into getting into my pants.

  Is that what Nathan did?

  I thought about Nathan and his blue eyes and his cocky smirk. He’d never hidden the fact that he wanted me. But then why did he run? Why did when he finally got me did he break up with me?

  I woke up the next morning to shouting coming from my living room. I flung back the covers and rushed into the room. My eyes widened and my mouth popped open in shock.

  Standing in just a towel was Daniel. Katie and Drew were standing in between him and a very pissed off, red-faced Nathan. I swallowed hard when Nathan’s gaze snapped to mine. He glared at me.

  “What the fuck is this Ashley?”

  Anger and rage erupted inside me.

  I could have corrected his obvious assumption. Maybe I should have. But the way he was standing there painted in righteous indignation, like a fucking caveman, like he owned me, like I had done something wrong and betrayed him made my blood boil.

  I put my hands on my hips and glared back. “What does it look like, baby?”

  Nathan’s eyes narrowed and he took two steps towards me before Drew put a hand on his chest.

  “Did you fuck him?”

  I cringed internally at his venomous tone, but outwardly I just scowled. “That’s none of your fucking business, asshole.”

  “Ashley—”

  Daniel cut in and turned his warm brown eyes on me. “Is this your boyfriend?”

  “No.”

  “Yes,” Nathan said at the same time.

  I glared at him. Daniel put his hands up and retreated back into the bathroom. In record time he was dressed.

  The rest of us just stood there in stony silence. When he reemerged, he kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, “I had fun. Call me, Beautiful.”

  Nathan balled his hands into two tight fists and the muscle in his jaw strained against the skin of his cheek. I noticed Drew’s grip on Nathan’s arm grow tighter.

  I huffed and then turned around and went inside my room, slamming the door in Nathan’s face.

  “Come on Ashley, let me in. We need to talk,” he pleaded.

  I slumped against the door. “No. We have nothing to talk about. You broke up with me remember?”

  Silence. Then, “Maybe…”

  “No, Nathan. No maybes. I’m done with maybes. If I want to go out with someone or bring them back to my apartment and have sex, I can. You. Don’t. Own. Me.”

  “Did you sleep with him, Ash?”

  I didn’t answer. A moment later I heard him sigh.

  “Ash—”

  “No, Nathan. I didn’t sleep with him.”

  A few moments later I heard footsteps and then the front door opening and closing.

  As angry and confused as I had been, I suddenly felt a whole lot worse.

  ~000~

  Sunday night I found myself at a frat party with Autumn. I’d begged her to go out with me. I couldn’t stand to be at home both because being around Katie and Drew’s perfect fucking relationship and my own confusing thoughts about Nathan were pure torture.

  I was angry at him. But I was also angry at myself. Things were so messed up between us and I knew it wasn’t just his fault. I should have known better.

  “Two more,” Autumn said, smiling as she plopped two more tequila shots down on the table, along with two more beers.

  “Fantastic,” I said, quickly slamming mine back. Before I could swallow, my eyes locked on a very disturbing sight on the other side of the enormous house.

  Nathan. With a blond girl straddling him. Their faces were melded together and his hands were wrapped around her ass, gently rocking her against him. I swallowed the alcohol, relishing the burn down my throat.

  “Son of a bitch,” I seethed. Autumn whipped her long brown hair around, immediately seeing what I’d just saw.

  She snorted. Then, she grabbed my arm to make me look at her. “Hey, look who just showed up,” she said and pointed in the direction of the door.

  Daniel. And he looked good dressed in ripped up jeans and a t-shirt with his frat’s name on the front. His eyes immediately locked on me, and slow smile spread across his face.

  When I looked back at Nathan, he was up, his hand clasped with the buxom blonde and leading her to the stairs. I fought the urge to cry and scream. Instead I turned my attention back on Daniel, who sat on the couch next to me, sliding an arm around my waist.

  “Hey, Beautiful,” he said.

  He leaned down to kiss me on the cheek, but I turned my head and caught his lips with mine. He was surprised at first, but I brought my hand up to his face and opened my mouth, licking the seam in his lips.

&
nbsp; What seemed like hours later, but was probably only ten minutes, we resurfaced. Daniel slid his hand up my leg, his fingers slipped just under the hem of my short skirt. I shivered.

  “Want to go upstairs to my room?” he asked. I swallowed hard. After a greeting like that I knew he was expecting something. My stomach flip flopped unpleasantly. Nathan was the only man I’d been with, and I was still in love with him.